What Love Remains
by RamblerRomace
Summary: John and Evangeline were more than just lovers, but now that's over. What love remains is being washed away as secrets, lies, and deceptions threaten to push them further apart.
1. All Cried Out

Evangeline lay back in her hospital bed and stared up at the ceiling. Her mother had stepped out to call her family and give them an update. It was the first moment of peace she'd had in a while. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Her daddy didn't raise her to be a crybaby. She had to be strong. There wasn't anyone there to lean on.

Even if it was only by a miracle, she was still alive. That was more than enough to be thankful for, but she couldn't bring herself to be grateful. Natalie had been snatched, again, by the Killing Club killer and John would be torturing himself until he found her.

She would laugh at the irony of the situation, but it wasn't funny. Natalie had baited the killer twice in an attempt to get John's attention. It worked, but Evangeline was sure that she didn't intend the end result. Her life was likely in grave danger.

"You reap what you sew," she thought to herself. She shook her head. She was angry with Natalie, but no one deserved what they had been through.

A soft knock on the door brought her back from her thoughts. She stared nervously at the door knowing that from here on out things would be different. She pulled her ventilator down and away from her mouth. Before she could speak John pushed the door to her room open and stepped in.

Her heart rate monitor betrayed her. She wasn't as calm as she'd wanted him to believe. She drew in a few slow, steady breaths and her heart rate began to stabilize. Hopefully that was enough to keep the nurses away. She didn't want anyone interrupting them.

"You up for a visit?" He kept his hand on the door making sure it shut softly. He kept his eyes trained on her and nodded back when she nodded at him. He pulled up a stool and sat down on it near her bedside.

He'd been down in the chapel not long ago thanking god that she was alive. She was just an innocent in this whole mess. He knew it was because of her involvement with him that she'd even been put in harm's way. She was safe for now and he would be thankful.

He still had another task, though. Natalie had been taken and the abductor had left without a trace. He had to bring her home, or he'd never be able to forgive himself. He'd charged into that gym without backup, because of that his attention had been divided.

He couldn't get the vision of Evangeline's anguish out of his mind. She was forced to look on while he chose to save Natalie first. She was slumped over and without intervention she surely would have slipped into the flames. So, he'd done what he was required to do, and he knew what that meant. Any hope of repairing his relationship with Evangeline was gone.

He pushed away the thoughts that distracted him from the task at hand. He had to act fast and gather all the information he could. He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket. "Tell me everything you remember. Start to finish. Even if it seems silly or insignificant." He could read the pained expression on Evangeline's face. He hated having to do this to her but apologizing now wouldn't be any good. Time and time again he'd put her feelings on the back burner while he'd tended to Natalie and her troubles. This time would have to be no different.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" Evangeline couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was ready to bear her soul to this man, and he was treating her like just another victim. He could have at least asked her if she was alright.

"You know how this goes," he started. "Time is of the essence. Killer's gone. The information you've got is all we have." He dropped his head with a sigh. He couldn't bear to look in her in the eyes. She was hurting, but she wasn't the only one. He'd wanted to reach out to her; take her in his arms and promise to never let anyone harm her again. He'd made that promise before, yet here they were. In reality, it wasn't about the broken promise. She'd broken up with him. He wouldn't throw himself at her feet and beg for forgiveness.

Evangeline swallowed her anger. John had finally shown his true colors. She'd loved this man despite his flaws, and this is how he returned her affection. Sure, they were broken up now, but it had been more than a fling; at least she thought it was. The breakup was hard on both of them, but it was an amicable split. She couldn't understand why he would be treating her this way.

"I get that, John. I know how the job goes, but I'm not just some stranger." She pulled herself together still hoping to salvage this discussion. "I know that you're beating yourself up because of what happened to me and Natalie. I know it's killing you that you had to make that choice, but let me just make it easy on you, John. I'm not upset. I'm glad. You saved my life." She started to reach out to him but thought better of it.

"You never should have been involved." It had been several years since Caitlyn's death, and he still hadn't forgiven himself. Yet another person's life had been in danger because of her connection to him. "I'm sorry that I ever even had to make that choice. I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong." He spoke about his own hesitation to save her the instant he saw her tied to that pole. "I had to make a quick assessment of the situation, and I did. Natalie was almost in the fire. That's why I went to her."

"This isn't about Natalie, John. This is about you forgiving yourself. I'm glad to be alive. I'm thankful." She lied. Natalie always seemed to be at the heart of every issue between them.

John wiped his hand down his face already tired of having this discussion. He didn't want to have to deal with another person counting on him being let down. He still had to save Natalie and that was all that mattered. "Now's not really the time to be talking about forgiveness. I've got a job to do."

Evangeline let her head fall back against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling. She could see now that confessing everything to him now would only complicate things further. He was intentionally pushing her away. Hell, he'd probably hate her, but he'd never say as much; for now, she would hold her tongue.

Her mind wasn't as sharp as John's in terms of recalling details. She'd noted on several occasions while they were dating that he would scan the room. He was always aware of his surroundings. She thought back to the night of the woman of the year ceremony. Nothing in particular had stood out as odd, but she recited everything she could from memory.

"I never saw my attacker's face or even heard his voice. I'm sorry." She watched John fold his notepad and tuck it into his jacket pocket. She'd given him all the help that she could. Everything else would be up to him.

"Not a whole lot to go on," he spoke to himself. Time was of the essence now, and even with Evangeline's account they didn't really have much to go on. The killer was taunting him, and for that John swore to make him pay. "Thank you." John's hardened demeanor started to soften. He felt like and ass for what he'd put Evangeline through. Reaching out to her was not even an option right now. That last thing he needed was to get his heart trampled on.

"Cookie, is everything alright." John looked over his shoulder at Evangeline's mother, Lisa. She'd snuck in behind him without him noticing. "Shouldn't you still be wearing your ventilator?" She stepped around John and took Evangeline's hand into her own.

"I'm fine," Evangeline started. "John was just taking my statement." The turmoil in her mother's dark brown eyes was like a reflection of her soul. She knew her mother had been through hell when she'd been kidnapped. She didn't want to add disappointment to whatever else she was feeling. "I think we're done." She looked over at John to dismiss him.

He simply nodded once before standing. "I've got a guard stationed outside. If you need anything, call."

"Thank you, lieutenant," Lisa interrupted before he could say anything else. She was happy that her daughter was home safe. However, she would not forgive John choosing to save Natalie over her baby; even if that was the only thing that kept Evangeline out of harm's way.

John stepped out of the room quickly. He didn't want to push his luck with Lisa. She'd already made it clear that she blamed him for Evangeline's disappearance.

"Hey, bro." Michael walked up behind John and patted him on the shoulder. "How you holdin' up?" Michael could only imagine what he'd been going through. Michael had his own scare when someone tried to gas Marcie and her family. Luckily, he had John to rely on.

"I'm not the one you should be worrying about, Mikey. Killer's still out there. He's got Natalie, and we ain't got much to go on." John didn't want to do this right now. He already knew what Michael had to say and he didn't want to hear it. He would not rest until Natalie was found and the killer was brought to justice.

"You've got to take care of yourself. You're no good to anyone like this." He pushed knowing that John wasn't going to take his advice.

He looked over at John and wondered when this hell would finally be over for him. Michael hadn't been old enough to really appreciate their father's death, but it had been the defining moment in John's life. Then there was the sudden death of his fiancée who'd been murdered by a serial killer. Then he'd involved Natalie in a scheme to take down an FBI target. That ended with her husband's death and added another weight to John's shoulders.

It had been much to Michael's delight when John started dating Evangeline. She was not what he would consider to be John's type. She was strong, independent and intelligent. She kept John on his toes and pushed him to be a better man. Michael could tell that with enough time she could heal him. She was the key to ending his suffering; at least that's how he saw it.

"That's the job, Mike. It's not a nine to five. I shouldn't have to explain that to you." John was exhausted and getting lectured by his baby brother was the last thing he wanted. "I gotta go. The chance of getting Natalie back gets smaller ever second we waste." John turned to leave before his brother could protest. There was no use in arguing; both of them knew John would work himself to the bone on this case.

"I'm here if you need me." Michael called after John. He prayed that this would not have a tragic end. He turned and looked into the small window of Evangeline's room. She was crying in her mother's arms. He made a note to stop in and check on her later.

* * *

Evangeline sat in her room alone, again. She was glad to be alone again. She'd finally convinced Lisa to go home and rest, but she was sure she'd be right back first thing in the morning. Her visit had been nothing short of tedious. They'd argued extensively over the blame that Lisa attributed to John. Lisa only relented when she saw the toll it was taking on her daughter. She never thought John was good enough for her daughter, and she made those thoughts perfectly clear. After she'd said her peace, she promised not to bring it up again.

Evangeline let out a long sigh. She didn't know how she was supposed to deal with her life at this moment. She'd always been the pride of the Williamson family, and her sister Layla had been the black sheep. She imagined how their roles would change.

"Counselor, I know that look on your face." A young Asian woman stood at the foot of Evangeline's bed with a chart tucked under her arm. "You're in obsessive mode."

"Lily, hey." Evangeline tried to hide the frown on her face. That had been twice today that someone had snuck up on her. Given her dealings with the killer, it had actually been quite unnerving.

"Sorry, I knocked." She saw the shock on Evangeline's face and was sorry.

"No, no. Don't apologize. I must have been lost in thought." She gathered her thoughts. "Dr. Kim, I'm guessing this isn't a social visit?" Evangeline had met Lily early on during her stay in Llanview. They'd connected quickly bonding over their parents' ridiculously high expectations. They had both ended up in Llanview as a break from the norm.

"It can't be both?" She laughed trying to make light of the situation. She knew her friend, so she knew Evangeline was anything but the calm she was exuding. "I can't imagine what you've been through, and I almost don't want to know the details. From what I've read, that guy is a real freak. I'm just glad you survived it."

"Yeah," Evangeline chose the simple answer. She didn't want to get into anymore messy details. There was no point in worrying yet another person over what she'd been through. She would handle it alone like she did all the other obstacles in her life.

"Typical." She tapped Evangeline lightly on the leg with the file that she was holding. "It's okay. I won't press. I know you'll talk when you're ready."

"Thanks." Evangeline was glad that Lily always knew when not to push. Evangeline wasn't one to hide her emotions, but she wasn't a basket case either. When she did express herself, it was always in a calm and rational manner. "So?" She pushed Lily to get to the heart of the matter. "Is everything okay?"

Lily smiled and nodded. "The blood and urine samples were all normal. Mother and baby are just fine. They'll likely release you in the morning. After that we can set up your first appointment. I'll go ahead and write you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins before you leave.

Evangeline quickly wiped the tear that threatened to spill down her cheek. "Thank god." She put her hand to her abdomen and felt a wave of relief wash over her. On a whim, she'd take a home pregnancy test after she had nausea that she just couldn't shake. To her chagrin, it came back positive.

"I was scared. I had no idea what he was drugging us with. I just prayed that it didn't affect the baby." Evangeline spoke frankly. Lily was the only she felt comfortable confiding in right now. She didn't dare tell her mother, and after her interaction with John she wasn't quite ready to tell him either.

"You got lucky, but that's nothing to scoff at." Lily flipped through her chart noting tests that she would need to run later; none of them were out of the ordinary. "Do keep in mind that stress can be catastrophic during pregnancy. You will definitely need to avoid any unnecessary stress." She chose her words carefully.

She hadn't gotten the full story, but she knew Evangeline had recently broken up with John. John and Evangeline had only hung out with her and her boyfriend Troy on a couple of occasions, so she really didn't know John that well. She had seen how their relationship had changed Evangeline for better and for worse. She'd mostly kept her thoughts to herself though. Mingling in the affairs of others was something she wouldn't dare do; unless she was asked.

"Lily," Evangeline started.

"Not Lily right now, Dr. Kim," Lily interrupted. "I'm dead serious, Evangeline. I know the life you're used to living. I know that stress is a part of the job. It's not just your life you'll be endangering." She took in a big breath before she said the rest. "If you're looking for an out, there are things that can be done."

"There are not things that can be done." Evangeline tried not to be offended. Lily was her friend, but she was a physician first. She wouldn't sugarcoat anything. "I'm not looking for a way out. I'm just scared out of my mind. I have no idea what I'm doing. I always thought I'd have kids someday, eventually. I didn't expect it to be like this." She finally started to break down a little. A few tears formed in the corners of her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away.

Lily sat on the bed beside her and breathed a sigh of relief. They were both advocates for women's rights, but they did not see eye to eye on the matter of abortion. Evangeline was an adamant believer of women needing the right to choose. She'd presented a reasonable and logical defense of her views, but Lily had taken her oath as a doctor; she believed all life was sacred. She gave abortion as an option to her patients, but she'd always push for adoption in the case of a mother not wanting a child. In the end, they had to agree to disagree on the matter.

"I'm not saying this is going to be easy. I know it will be challenging. That's why I know you'll be fine. When have you failed to rise to the occasion?" Lily encouraged her. Evangeline was one of the few people she knew who was just as determined as she was.

"It's not just about me, though." Evangeline couldn't control her crying when she thought of John. He had more than disappointed her; he'd truly broken her heart. "I'm such an idiot. I gave my heart to that man, and he couldn't even pretend to care that I'd nearly been killed." She spoke through hiccuped sobs.

Evangeline had confided in her that John couldn't or wouldn't say that he loved her. Lily had seen the two together and their feelings for each other seemed genuine. He never had problem showing his affection towards her. It was hard to believe that he didn't still have feelings for Evangeline; especially after such a short amount of time had passed since their break up.

"He said that he didn't care?" Lily pushed her get it all out now.

"He didn't say anything." She wiped her tears and was finally able to control crying. "He came and took my statement. Then he was off to find Natalie."

Lily grimaced. She'd heard that name mentioned more than just a few times. The conversations had never been positive.

"He didn't ask how was doing, if I was ok, or anything like that. 'Just the facts ma'am'. I was going to tell him, you know? Just get it all out in the open." Evangeline laughed bitterly.

"Then forget him, Evangeline." Lily took Evangeline's hand in her own. "You're a strong woman, and that's what your child needs. You can't make John into a better man. You can't make him want to be father. You can't make him love you. You can't change a man. He is who he is." She'd had this talk with several women, both young and old. Some thought a child would strengthen the relationship while others knew it was the beginning of the end.

"Becoming a father might change him. He may become a better man for the sake of his child. He may become resentful and feel like this was forced on him. He may not change at all. This is not something you can predict. Married couples who have planned pregnancies have the same kind of difficulties. You can't make someone do the right thing. A father will love and provide for his child or he won't; it's as simple as that." She squeezed Evangeline's hand.

"Children deserve to have all the love and support in the world. That doesn't have to be in the form of a traditional family. All you can do is love your child. If John's not going to be that father that you child needs, John doesn't need to be a part of your child's life."

"And I'm not supposed to stress over that?" Evangeline knew John all too well. He'd do the right thing. He'd want to get married and pretend to be a family. None of it would be real though. They'd both eventually start to resent each other and that would also end terribly for them and their child.

"What good does it do to stress over it? What problems does it solve? Being a parent is stressful enough. You will never experience another first pregnancy. This should be a time of joy and excitement. You have your family and friends for strength. All you need is love, Evangeline. Love is key."

Evangeline frowned. Love was definitely the one thing that John didn't offer. She knew it was pointless to worry, but what kind of life would her child have living with a father who couldn't express himself.

* * *

Michael had was on the tail end of a double shift and he was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than a hot shower and to climb in bed. He walked slowly toward the doctor's lounge trying to remember if he needed to stop anywhere before heading home. He was too tired to try and remember. He grabbed his things from his locker and headed toward Evangeline's room; visiting her was the one thing he knew he had to do before heading out.

They'd moved her from triage to a private room where she would be more comfortable. He walked to the computer terminal at the nurses' station to pull up her chart. He smiled reading that she'd be released tomorrow. Michael shook his head for doubting that she was anything but a fighter.

Just before he closed out her file something caught his eye. He read the prescription notes several times before it actually sunk in. Evangeline was pregnant. He logged out of the terminal and rushed down the hall. It was still early, before visiting hours. He was hoping Evangeline's mother hadn't stayed the night. He remembered John telling him Evangeline's mother didn't like him. Michael could guess why if she too knew that John hadn't told Evangeline he loved her. He knocked impatiently on her door then waited for her to respond. He flung her door open and stared at her wide eyed and expectantly.

Evangeline saw the look on his face and her heart sunk into the pit of her stomach. Something had happened. "Is it John?"

"What?" Michael stepped away from the door and allowed it to swing shut.

"Is everything okay? Is it Natalie?" She held her breath waiting for the news.

"E, what are you talking about?" Michael walked over to her and stared at her confused. "John's fine, as far as I know. There hasn't been any news about Natalie either."

"Then what's wrong? You're scaring me." She laughed softly hoping he was just being weird.

"Nothing, I mean. I just wanted to talk. I figure with everything going on you'd need a shoulder?" Evangeline still had a clueless look on her face. Unlike his brother, he was often very direct. "I'm talking about the baby."

Evangeline's eyes grew wide. She'd forgotten how Michael talked about this place being a rumor mill. She could imagine the gossip that was going around. Suddenly she was sick to her stomach.

"I was checking up on you. I saw you had a prescription for prenatal vitamins," Michael quickly inserted. He saw her questioning stare. "I'm taking it no one is supposed to know?"

"Michael, I do not want to talk about this with you." She felt guilty that Michael knew and John didn't. She planned on telling John before anyone else. "I would appreciate it if you didn't let news of this spread to anyone else." She could already imagine him telling Marcie and Marcie telling the world. They were a pair that didn't know the meaning of the word secret.

"I just wanted to see if you needed anything." He lied. He wanted to ask her why she hadn't told John, and when she would tell him. Surely news of his impending fatherhood would reel him in before he let this Natalie situation get out of hand.

"I'm fine. I just need to rest." She'd always liked Michael. She felt bad for brushing him off, but she didn't have the energy.

Michael ignored her request. This new information had renewed his energy and washed away his fatigue. "I'm guessing you haven't told John yet?" It really was just a guess, but he could tell by the expression on her face that she hadn't. "My brother is a very complicated man. I know I don't have to tell you that. No matter what, he will take care of you and the baby."

She flinched at his statement. The last thing she wanted to be as some obligation. "Michael, please."

"No, wait, E. Look, I've seen John like this before. It nearly drove him crazy when he was hunting for Caitlyn's killer. He was a man on a mission with nothing to lose. He put himself on the line with no regard for his own personal safety. There was nothing anyone could say or do to bring him back. You know, it was like he didn't have anything to live for. But this, this baby changes everything." Michael spoke almost excitedly. He and John hadn't been close for a long time when Caitlyn died. He saw his brother in pain and there was nothing he could do to reach him. This time he didn't want to just stand by and wait.

Evangeline looked at him apologetically. She'd had some time to think about it , and she knew what she needed to do. "This baby won't change anything, Michael. I'm not going to tell John."

"Not going to tell a man about his own child." He couldn't stop himself for shouting. "Not even if it could save his life. I wouldn't have expected you to be this cold.".

Evangeline laughed at the irony. "Then, I guess I'm more like your brother then I'd like."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He put his hands on his hips and started to pace the room. She could see that Michael too shared some similarities with John.

Evangeline didn't think it would hurt to tell Michael the truth. He was reasonable and understood that his brother's emotional baggage often complicated things. "I saw John yesterday, Michael. I wanted to tell him then. I wanted for us to be happy, but scared, together. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to tell him to hurry and find Natalie so that we could get on with our lives. I wanted us to be together again." Now she could talk about it without crying or even tearing up. There wasn't much that could keep her spirits down.

"So, what happened? How did he screw it up?" Michael sighed. Sometimes he just wanted to strangle his brother.

"He doesn't care Michael, not about me." It still hurt to say it out loud, but Evangeline knew that coming to terms with that truth was necessary.

"You're kidding, right? I know he has trouble with certain words, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care. It's like part of his charm. If you knew his past, you would understand." Michael thought for a moment about telling John's secret. He knew why John couldn't say I love you, and he might feel the same way if he had been in John's shoes.

"I can't guess at what John is feeling and I shouldn't have to. I can't imagine that there's something in his past that would stop him from showing compassion. I've seen him treat total strangers with more compassion." Evangeline was tired of Michael making excuses for his brother's immature behavior.

"You know it's hard for him because you're not a stranger. You're his ex who called him on his bullshit and walked out on him. He knows he let you down. Can you imagine how hard that is for him?" Michael sounded more like a mother than a brother.

"I don't have to imagine how hard it's been for me. I was in love with your brother, and when I asked for the same in return he gave me a weak excuse. Do you know how hard it was for me to watch him save Natalie first? I could see that she was in trouble. Do you know how horrible I felt? Wishing, hoping, praying that this would be the one time that John would make Natalie deal with the consequences of her actions. She was unconscious Michael. She was much worse off than I was." This was still a raw subject. She could no longer hold back her tears.

"I want to say that I was thinking about my child, but I can't even say that for sure. It was just some selfish desire be chosen first. I've always said I've had no regrets, but I'm not proud of what I felt."

"I'm sure anyone in your position would have felt the same way." Michael tried to comfort her. He forgot that Evangeline only played that tough girl. In the end she was just as human as everyone else.

"That's not even the worst part. John was with me when they said Natalie had been taken again. It took him a second to figure out it had been a game from the start. Then to see the look on his face when he realized what he'd done. I swear he looked at me like he'd wished I was the one that had been taken. It was like he made a terrible mistake. I think he was too tired to pretend like he cared when he came to see me. It hurt, but at least I know where we stand." Evangeline hated herself for crying again. She wasn't looking for sympathy.

Michael walked over and pulled her into much needed hug. He held her and wondered how in the world his brother could be such a complete and total ass. "I'm sorry, ok. I thought I understood."

"I'm not a complete bitch. I plan to tell him about the baby. I just want to wait until he brings Natalie home and catches the killer. I feel like him knowing now could distract him; it would make him lose focus. If' he's anything less than one hundred percent focused and something happens to Natalie, he'll beat himself up over it. I don't see any harm in waiting for a bit."

"I'm sorry for being such an ass." Michael spoke honestly. "I should have known better than to doubt you."

"You stick up for family. John might not appreciate you, but he's lucky to have you. Our baby will lucky to have such a loving uncle." Evangeline pulled out of his embrace. She was tired of crying.

Michael smiled at her kind words. In another life, he could easily see himself falling for Evangeline. "The kid will be more lucky to have you. I think you're going to make a great mom." He gave her a kiss on the forehead before deciding that he'd stressed her out enough. "You going to be okay alone?"

Evangeline looked over at the clock and nodded. "My mom will be here before long. I'll be alright until then." Michael gave her one final hug before he left. Evangeline had to admit that she felt a little better after talking to Michael, but he wasn't enough of a distraction.

She went back to what she'd been doing for most of the night and what she'd been doing before Michael's visit. She stared at the door waiting expectantly. She kept hoping that John would walk through that door at any moment. He'd apologize for the way he acted before. He'd tell her how sick with worry he'd been when he found out she was taken. For now, all she could do was sit and wait, but she wouldn't wait forever.


	2. The Woman Who Survived

Evangeline walked through Angel's square on a warm Sunday afternoon. It had been four weeks, and she still hadn't gotten her life back to normal. She felt the presence of the officer that was assigned to guard her. She tried not to think about the kidnapping or what Natalie was going through, but the whole situation was a constant reminder. The killer had left notes at both her home and office. He was using her to torment John.

Her interactions with John had still been strained. He'd changed his icy demeanor, but it was back to the same routine. He'd kissed her once on a bench not far from where she was standing. He'd said again how sorry he was that she'd even been put in that situation, and his words seemed genuine. They weren't the words she'd wanted to hear. He claimed he was sorry about their breakup as well. When pushed further to open up about his feelings, he'd responded with a kiss. It was like he expected her to fall back into bed with him; forget all the pain between them.

Evangeline found strength that she didn't knew she had. She'd pushed him away. She made it clear that she needed more than the physical pleasure he was willing to offer. She could tell that he was stunned, but she still stood her ground. She wanted to take him back, but she would not settle. She deserved more, and so did their child.

Just as the killer's trail went cold an unexpected visitor came to town. When her sister, Layla, arrived in town, she left a cryptic note under her door. Evangeline assumed it was from the killer and the whole LPD got involved. She felt foolish having wasted everyone's time, but everything had turned out alright.

That same night the killer actually did leave a note under the door of her apartment. Evangeline was terrified. John could tell and insisted that she stay with him. She quickly shot that idea down. She remembered staying with him before, and she didn't want to fall back into a similar routine. She did stay the night on the sofa in John's office but decided she wouldn't be forced from her home.

She'd pushed Layla to go back home until things had been resolved, but her stubborn sister refused to leave. She was a little excited about having her sister stay with her. However, her little sister was terribly nosy. If she wasn't careful, Evangeline knew Layla would find out about her pregnancy and tell their mother. Luckily, Layla had almost immediately taken a liking to Antonio Vega. She tried to explain that he was a lost cause; another man trapped in the Buchanan women's web. Her sister would not listen. Evangeline was just glad that the distraction would keep Layla out of her business.

Not even a week had passed, and the killer was back at it. This time he'd left a note under Evangeline's office door. She'd been there working alone after separating herself from her police escort. John had been livid as Evangeline asserted her independence. She did feel a little guilty. She didn't want to do anything to bait the killer. She definitely wasn't looking to put herself or the baby in harm's way.

Since then, she'd been safe. The killer, or rather killers, hadn't tried to contact her. After a while of thinking, she'd put together that there was more than one. She brought this to Bo's attention instead of John's. She could see that he was a little hurt, but as long as the information got to him she didn't care.

Recently she and John had butted heads, again, over him wanting her to undergo hypnosis. He was convinced that she had some key information locked away in her subconscious. Evangeline realized that he may be right, but she was not willing to take the risk. She was willing to offer any assistance that she could to bring Natalie home, but she wouldn't put herself at risk to do it. She'd spoken with the Phil Jamison and he'd explained the process to her. In the end, she had to decline. She was afraid of what she might blurt out about the pregnancy.

John was frustrated. In his mind, he knew they would get a solid lead from this. He had been more than exhausted. He'd only been sleeping a few hours every couple of days, and his meals had been just about as regular. Bo had made him take only a minimal amount of time off. Natalie was his niece after all. He appreciated John's enthusiasm.

Evangeline hadn't ever wanted to see him in pain. She fought the urge to mother him. Getting involved would only suck her in. Right now, John was living his life and she was living hers. She could only hope that he wouldn't self destruct.

Evangeline walked deeper into the park and past the notorious bench. She smiled as a friend approached, "Nora, hey." Evangeline pulled her into a hug.

"Evangeline, oh my god, I'm so glad to see you." Nora hugged her back tightly. She and Evangeline had become fast friends. They worked on opposite sides of the courtroom, but each respected the other's talents.

"I'm glad to see you too. How are you?" Evangeline pulled away from her and motioned for her to sit with her on the nearby bench. She hadn't seen Nora around much, because Nora had been dealing with her own nightmare.

Nora had fallen in love with her boss, Daniel Colson. He said and did all the right things. He'd been the perfect man, but he lived with a terrible secret. Daniel had only married Nora to hide his sexuality. In reality, he was attracted to men, but he knew it would be a nail in his political coffin in that ever became public knowledge. Nora had been humiliated when Daniel was arrested while being sworn in as lieutenant governor. Daniel had murdered Paul Cramer and her rival's daughter, Jen Rappaport.

She'd withdrawn into isolation, and even Evangeline hadn't been able to do anything to help. They'd drifted apart in that short period of time. Evangeline was glad for a chance to reconnect.

"Me? I'm fine. How are you?" Nora had been on pins and needles when she found out Evangeline was taken. Her personal life had kept her from reaching out to her immediately. She heard that her mother had been in town and that her sister was currently staying with her, so she was glad that she still had a solid support system.

"I'm okay." Evangeline chose honesty. Nora would definitely see through a lie. "It's been a hell of a month." She felt a little sad that she couldn't tell her about the baby, but she'd already made up her mind. John would be the first person that she told.

"I can't imagine. Plus, the killers are still out there, and they've got Natalie." Nora had been painfully aware of the whole situation. Even though she was a relatively new addition to the Buchanan family, Matthew had taken a liking to Natalie. Matthew had been having difficulty with her disappearance on top of everything else. Nora had devoted all of her efforts to making sure he was alright.

"I just pray that she's okay." Evangeline didn't want to think about Natalie. She didn't want to worry, but until she was found the topic would undoubtedly keep coming up.

"Me too, but let's not dwell on that. I want to talk about you. I want to know how you're doing. How's it been with you and," Nora stopped herself from saying the rest. She knew that Evangeline had been dragged into this mess because of John.

Evangeline just shook her head. "There's nothing to report there."

Nora frowned. "You were almost killed." Nora figured that would have been John's cue to open up to Evangeline. One of those epiphany moments where you don't appreciate what you've lost until it's gone.

"Yeah, but John is still John. He's not willing to open up. I've been getting mixed signals." She thought back to the kiss and frowned.

"Mixed signals? Was John ever sending clear ones? I thought that was part of the problem." Nora pushed Evangeline to open up like she had before.

Evangeline didn't know how to explain it. Well, she could but she didn't really want to; not even with Nora. "One minute I'm just another piece to the puzzle, a tool to find Natalie. The next minute he's drunk and he's kissing me." She saw that she'd piqued Nora's interest. "He showed up at my apartment and said that he was ready to open up. He didn't, of course. He kissed me, and I knew that he was just looking for an escape."

"Bo said he's really been pushing his limits. He's not really taking care of himself right now." Nora had genuinely been surprised at Evangeline's strength. Time and time again, she'd seen Bo through difficult times in his life. She wanted to say it was for Matthew's benefit, but she didn't like to lie to herself.

"He's acting like he's solely responsible for what happens to Natalie. Natalie intentionally baited the killer. She did it to play on John's weakness. Her foolishness nearly got us both killed," Evangeline spoke the taboo words.

"But you're alive." Nora grabbed Evangeline's hand and squeezed.

"And I feel so damn guilty." Evangeline started to tear up. "I remember the anesthesia wearing off. I kept trying to move, but I couldn't. I remember the killer starting the fire, and I almost lost it. I saw Natalie at the other end of the room, and I knew I had to be strong for her. I kept my head up and made sure that he smoke I inhaled was kept at a minimum. Then he started the fire around Natalie and she lost it. She panicked and struggled. That's why she almost went into the fire."

"Sweetie, that's not your fault. Why would you feel guilty?"

"Because it should have been me. I should have been just as panicked as she was. I should have been worse off than her." Evangeline dropped her head into her free hand.

"You kept your cool in a stressful situation," Nora interjected. "You are a survivor, Evangeline. You should be proud. I'm glad that you kept your cool. Can you imagine what would have happened if you didn't?"

Evangeline had thought about it. She'd thought about it a dozen times. One of them would have surely died, and she felt a strong sense of dread that it would have been her. Some how she felt like she'd cheated death.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, please." Nora pulled her into another hug and held her. Nora hadn't meant to upset her. She felt guilty for not being more of a friend earlier on. They'd sat on the bench together for a good thirty minutes before Evangeline was able to pull herself together.

"I'm sorry. I'm a complete mess." She wiped away angry tears. She regretted not being able to control her emotions.

"You're a strong woman with great survival instincts. I think you're really well balanced too, Evangeline. Your smart enough to solve your own problems, and you know when you need to ask for help. You're independent. You're educated and," Nora could go on and on, but Evangeline interrupted.

"And you sound like my mother." She laughed softly trying to lighten the mood. Nora was actually old enough to be her mother. Evangeline was close in age to Nora's daughter Rachel.

"I'm serious, Evangeline. John brought you home, but whose strength was it that kept you going?" Nora placed her hand under Evangeline's chin and made her look directly at her.

Evangeline didn't feel like tooting her own horn. She was just as scared as any other person would have been, but she knew enough to keep her wits about her. She'd refused to sit idly by and wait for John to save her. She even came up with a pretty good escape plan. Just about the only thing she hadn't accounted for was a second killer to foil their attempt.

"My daddy always told me that the damsel in distress thing was a white woman's luxury, so I've never thought of being anything other than strong." Evangeline had heard countless stories from her parents and their friends about how they struggled as black youths. They taught her it would be an insult to sit around waiting for the world to give you thought was owed to you when so many people had suffered for equal rights.

Nora nodded because she understood the sentiment. She'd lived through the era of segregation and she remembered hearing stories from her black friends. It never really hit home until she'd married Hank Gannon and they had a biracial child. She was raised upper middle class and there weren't a lot of faces that looked like hers. It pained her greatly to tell her daughter that she would have to be stronger and more tolerant than her peers simply because her skin was darker.

"Times have changed a lot," Nora wouldn't dispute what she was saying. "I think a lot of women need to know that they have their own strength to rely instead of being told that a handsome prince will come along and solve all their problems. I also think a lot of women need to know that they're not alone. So many women are taught about being strong and independent, but they're not taught to ask for help or recognize when they need it. "

Evangeline smiled to hide her discomfort. She listened to Nora's wise words, but she wouldn't abide by them. Sure, it'd be great to have the strength of her friends and family during the pregnancy. She'd made up her mind though, and she wasn't about to change it.

* * *

John sat at his desk with his head in his hands. He still didn't have anything more than a hunch. He'd been keeping his eye on Hayes Barber, Marcie's agent, but that guy was slick. He hadn't been able to connect him to the murders or the kidnappings, but he knew he was the guy. He had to be.

Their funding was an issue, as always. He'd wanted round the clock surveillance on Barber, but it wasn't in the budget. He tried diverting manpower, but Bo put a stop to that. Barber's lawyer complained that he was being harassed, and with no evidence they had to back away.

He stared at the files on his desk looking for any clue that he may have missed before. His eyes burned and begged for a break. He hadn't slept in a few of days and he'd been living on two-day old coffee. His body was really starting to get worn down.

"What," he barked at the sound of a knock on his door. He looked up as his brother entered the room. "What can I do for you, Mike?"

Michael looked him over and shook his head. "You look like shit." He slipped his hands into his pants pockets and walked toward John's desk.

John rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood for Michael right now. He wasn't in the mood for anything. His body was begging for sleep that it desperately needed.

"Come one." Mike tilted his head toward the door. "Don't give me any crap, John. I tell that you haven't been eating. I can smell that you haven't been home in at least a couple of days. You need a break." He couldn't help but to tease him even though knew it would only piss him off more.

"Alright." John surprised himself when he agreed. He looked down at his watched and did a quick calculation. "We leave now and maybe I can rest a little bit. Just got to be back at six."

Michael didn't argue. He was just glad that John agreed. He looked around John's office while John gathered a few things. Among other things he saw a picture pinned to a large cork board. It was what John called his murder board. All the victims of the Killing Club killer were featured. Michael focused on Hayes and frowned. It was more than just jealousy that made him dislike the guy. He wanted to ask about the case, but he knew John just needed some time away from the case.

After a few minutes, they left together after John locked up his office. They rode in silence for the trip back to the Angel's Square Motel. John didn't even complain when Michael walked him to his room.

"What's all this?" John tossed his jacket in a chair and stared at the to go containers on his coffee table.

"Should be some chicken with rice and broccoli. I also restocked your fridge, sort of. Milk, eggs, bread. Pretty much the basics." Michael plopped down the chair on top of John's jacket and watched John dig in to the food. He knew John probably hadn't seen a healthy meal since this whole kidnapping ordeal had started.

"Thanks." John quickly finished his food and fell back against the sofa cushions. His body was grateful for the rest and the food.

"Mom wouldn't be too happy if she knew I wasn't at least trying." He smiled at John sadly. He hated watching his brother this way.

"Yeah," John unzipped his boots and pulled them off. He looked around his apartment and saw that it had been cleaned. He made a note to buy his brother a beer when this was all over with. "You didn't have to do all this, Mikey." He saw the basket of neatly folded laundry in a chair.

"I just brought the food. Marcie did the cleaning." Michael made sure to give credit where it was due. It had been nice for him to spend time with Marcie while she was away from Hayes.

John nodded and made a note to send Marcie a thank you card. Even through his weariness his detective mind could sense that something was off. He stared intently at the laundry basket. Several dark clothing items were stacked neatly on top of each other. In that sea of darkness, a single pink item stood out from the rest. It was one of Evangeline's night gowns that she'd left at his place. His gratefulness quickly soured at the thought of Mike and Marcie snooping while he wasn't around.

Michael saw that he was focused on something and eventually he too saw the item that was out of place. Marcie had suggested that they get rid of it when they found it mixed in with his laundry. Knowing John would be pissed, Michael convinced her to just pretend like they hadn't seen it.

"So, have you talked to her at all?" Michael decided to break the ice. It was already late, and he didn't want to dance around this sensitive topic.

John's eyes flashed dark and he looked down at the floor. He'd seen her a few times since she'd been released from the hospital. He'd seen her a few times in relation to the case, the other times he'd seen her were personal matters. In his own way, he'd tried to reach out to her. Evangeline was back to her usual self; she'd sent him on his way quickly when he couldn't open up to her.

"Yeah, seems like she's doing alright." John's relationship with Evangeline, or lack thereof, was still a sensitive subject. Talking about her was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

"I'm sure that's what she wants everyone to believe. I mean you should know better right?" Mike felt guilty knowing that he was keeping such a terrible secret from his brother. He couldn't tell him without violating Evangeline's trust, but if he could just get John to get close to her she might open up to him.

John looked at him confused. "Evangeline is maybe one of the toughest people I know. She can handle herself. She's not one to let something keep her down. I don't think she's just pretending, Mikey."

Mike shook his head ready to call him on his bullshit. "I remember pulling that guy off her in the train station. I can still remember that terrified look on her face."

John let out a heavy sigh. He too remembered that event. That was the first time that her being with him had caused her trouble. Only that time he hadn't regretted their connection.

"You told me that she was afraid to be at her own place. She ended up staying with you until you caught that creep. That was some random guy with a chip on his shoulder. Anything could have set him off that day. She just happened to be in the wrong place, but these Killing Club Killers targeted her. They drugged her, kidnapped her, tried to kill her, and even after they fact they continued to harass her at her home and her job. That's not the type of thing you just shake off." Mike tried to reason with him. He was angry that he'd even had to spell it out.

"What do you want me to do, Mike. Play shrink with her?" John snapped already having reached his breaking point. He stood and started to pace. He couldn't focus too hard on Michael or he might just forget that he was family and hit him. "She's been through hell; I know that. She says she's fine and from what I can see she's doing alright. Natalie is out there going through who knows what. That's what I've been focusing all my energy on."

Mike sat back in his chair and chuckled softly. "Okay, I get it." He waited until John looked over at him. "Evangeline's not putting out anymore, so she can pretty much just fuck off." Mike knew that he'd crossed the line, but he was really getting sick of John's crap.

John narrowed his eyes on Mike and, for a second, he imagined himself beating the life out of his only brother. "Leave now, or I will not, let me repeat, not be responsible for what happens next."

"Yeah, I can see I've done a lot of good here." Mike stood and stomped over to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob as if to leave. "I don't understand why you're treating her like less than a stranger. She dumped you. It hurts. I get that, but I remember how good you two were together." He turned and looked back at John. He saw angry tears that threatened to spill down John's face. "You screwed that up John. Get your shit together, John, before you screw up another relationship. There's more to life always being the hero." Mike swung the door opened and slammed it behind him.

John stood for a moment and just stared at the door. He could feel more than just anger and he didn't like that. Normally, he had alcohol to turn to, but he knew the amount of alcohol he needed would make him ineffective at work. He shed his clothes and climbed into bed. He'd shower in the morning, maybe.

He couldn't fall asleep fast enough. Michael's words were haunting him. It wasn't that he didn't care about Evangeline. He tried to reach out to her, and she continued to reject him. He had to avoid her even if it was unkind. She was doing what was best for her, so he would do what was best for him.

He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He let his mind drift to the details of the case playing them back in his mind over and over. In the end, his mind drifted to Evangeline. He could hear her singing as she often did. Her voice soothed him and put his mind at ease. He finally gave in and fell asleep with the hopes that tomorrow would be a better day.

* * *

"Yeah?" Evangeline called out to Layla. She looked up and watched as Layla pushed her bedroom door open. "Hey, what's up?"

Layla just shrugged and walked into Evangeline's room. "Nothing. I was just checking up on you. Mom has been nagging ME to keep an eye on you." Layla found it ironic as Evangeline had always been the one looking out for her.

Evangeline smiled at her sister's bluntness. "You can tell mom I'm doing well. I'm just now getting caught up at work.

Layla sat with her on the chaise lounge chair that was in the corner. "I told her that you're fine, but she wants to make sure her legacy is fine."

Evangeline nudged her with her foot playfully. It wasn't the first time she'd joked about Evangeline being the pride of the Williamson family. Evangeline was successful, yes, but now she was about to be an unwed mother. He mother would not be proud.

"So, what, you've given up your dream on being a Hollywood starlet?" Evangeline hadn't always been so supportive of Layla's career choices. That was part of the reason that Layla moved to California. She had constantly lived in Evangeline's shadow always knowing that she'd never outshine her sister if she didn't take a risk.

"I'm keeping my options open." Layla used the words that her mother had always used on her. "Acting is my passion, but I'm good at other things too. For once, I'm acting like my big sister." Evangeline looked at her quizzically. "I'm here in Llanview to take a break. I mean, that's what you're here for right? A break from the life you're meant to live."

"Layla," Evangeline started, "that's not why I'm here." Evangeline had heard that from multiple people. Her mother had worried that she was cracking under the pressure of her career. After a messy breakup with her longtime boyfriend, Dennis Lockhart, Evangeline picked up shop and moved to Llanview.

"Llanview is a small town, but it's there's never a dull moment here." Evangeline had won several high-profile cases during her stay here. She had still maintained her reputation as a force to be reckoned with. She'd turned down partnerships at several reputable law firms, instead choosing the freedom of being her own boss.

"Yeah, this place tends to draw a lot of eccentric people." Layla had gotten the full story of Evangeline's kidnapping first hand. She, like her mother, was not as kind as Evangeline. She'd gotten on to Evangeline several time for sympathizing for Natalie. As far as she was concerned, Natalie had gotten exactly what she deserved.

Evangeline chose not to comment on that. She didn't want to get into another discussion about the Killing Club Killers. She wanted this whole mess to be over with.

Layla picked up on Evangeline's silence and knew it was time to change the subject. She picked up one of the papers that was strewn on the floor and looked it over. "You're kidding right?" Layla held up the brochure for Evangeline to see. "You planning on settling down here?"

Evangeline knew it was better to let Layla find out about it now. There were only so many secrets that she could keep. "I plan on buying a house here, yes? I've already been here for longer than I'd expected, and I don't think I want to leave anytime soon. The market is really good, and my financial analyst said that it's a great market for buyers. If I play my cards right, I'll get a nice return on my investment."

"If this is about rent, I can totally pay you. I'm not trying to be a leech." Layla felt a little bad for mooching off her sister. Evangeline had sent her money more than a few times when she'd been in a bind. "God, I'm so selfish. I didn't even think about how tight things would be since you missed some work."

"No, no. This isn't about money at all. Save your money, so you can get a place. You are welcome to continue staying with me for as long as you need to, or you can get your own place. This isn't a subtle hint. I'd been thinking about buying for a while." Her last statement had been a lie that Layla didn't catch.

"So, you and John were that serious?" Layla was suddenly channeling her mother. "I thought he couldn't say he loved you."

Evangeline rolled her eyes. "I was thinking about buying because I think it's the right choice for me at this point in my life." Evangeline would not get into a discussion about John; at least not with Layla. Layla hated John on principle. She'd met him once when she first came to town, and he'd not made a good impression then either.

"Alright, alright." Layla decided to give in sensing that there wasn't anything interesting there to press her about. "In spite of everything that's happened, you still really have your life together. I'm jealous."

"Don't be. I'm not perfect; no one is." Evangeline slid past Layla and stood up. She walked to her bed and sat down on it. She stared down at the floor. She felt bad having to keep this secret from the people she loved.

"I know that, silly. I'm just saying that you're probably as close as someone can get." Layla noticed that she looked a little down. She figured it had something to do with her sister ending another failed relationship. Layla knew from experience that love was tricky. That wasn't something you could hold against someone.

"I've made mistakes. I will make more. I'm only human." Evangeline fell back against the mattress and stared up at the ceiling. She thought of being a mother and it terrified her. She knew there would be lots of obstacles along the way. She only hoped that she would stay grounded and always remember to do what was best for her child. She thought of John and wondered if he could do the same.

"Smart, beautiful, loving and humble. Any man would be lucky to have you." Layla went over and lay down beside Evangeline. She watched as Evangeline turned away from her trying to hide her tears. "That asshole doesn't deserve your tears."

Evangeline cried silently thinking on how screwed up things were. Even know part of her wanted to be with him. For a time, she was willing to look past John's baggage, but now he didn't want anything to do with her; unless it was sex. She would not give him her body if he would not give her his heart. Now she'd have a permanent reminder of their failed relationship. She would not hold the sins of the father against her child. She would love her child and in time the hurt would fade.


	3. Love: Lost and Found

Evangeline stood nervously outside Bo's office. The dream that had been haunting her for the last few weeks had finally made sense. The dream had been her mind's way of gently reminding her of what happened on the night of her kidnapping. Surely, this would be the break that they were looking for. She hoped that it wasn't too late for Natalie.

"Sorry, Ms. Williamson, the commissioner won't be back for quite a while. I think he's in a meeting with the mayor and the DA. Is there something I can help you with?" Officer McDuff, or Duffy as he was called, looked at her quizzically. As far as he knew everything was fine. He'd just finished up his shift and was looking forward to heading home. He'd been the one John had trusted to watch over Evangeline at night. It was a big deal, and everyone knew it.

Evangeline could tell he was worried. "I remembered something, something about my kidnapping. I just wanted to make sure the information got to the right person." She really meant to say that she had critical information about the case, but she didn't want to speak to John about it.

She'd done wall to avoid him since they disagreed about her being hypnotized. She was still getting used to this new side of John that she wasn't used to seeing. It made her wonder if this is what he'd been like when he'd lost his fiancée, Caitlyn.

"The lieu is not in either." Duffy looked at her kindly. He knew his boss liked to keep to himself, especially about his personal life, but when it came to things with Ms. Williamson things were complicated. He'd been shadowing her one night when John showed up drunk. He thought to intervene, but he didn't want to make it awkward. Things couldn't have gone well. He could tell by the look on John's face when he left.

"I'm no former FBI profiler, but me and the gang still get it done." He didn't mean for it to sound like a diss. John had been like a one man army since he joined the force. Some appreciated his enthusiasm, but others, like Duffy, didn't like his self-reliance. Duffy thought that it hurt the department more than it helped to have John around.

Evangeline smiled. Duffy was a seasoned officer. There was no reason to not put her faith in him. She hesitated for a moment thinking of the betrayal. John was the lead detective on this case. She should be giving him the information directly. She shook her head knowing there would be hell to pay if any harm came to Natalie. For now, she wouldn't worry about that.

"I've been having these weird dreams about being half conscious and being in a car. The details were never clear when I woke up, so I never thought too much of it. Last night, I had the same dream, again, but when I woke up I could remember everything vividly." She pulled out the map that she had stashed in her purse. She spread it out on the desk that she was standing near.

"I remember seeing this circled on the map. Maybe this is where the killers took us, or maybe it's where they're hiding Natalie. I know it's not much to go on, but it's something." Evangeline looked over at Duffy and took in a deep breath. There was no turning back now.

"This is the best lead we've got right now." He looked her over for a moment and smiled. She really was a hell of a woman. "Maybe you want to stick around until Lieutenant McBain gets here?"

Evangeline shook her head immediately. She looked at her watch as if she were in a hurry. There was always work to be done, but she was keeping her case load relatively light. She didn't want to wait until she was further along in the pregnancy to reduce her work stress. "I should get to work. If there's anything else I can do though, just let me know." Evangeline patted him on the shoulder and hurried out of the precinct.

* * *

John rushed up the stairs of the LPD. Today had been the one day he'd let himself relax, and now he would have to play catch up. He'd gotten a call from one of his detectives that they had a new lead. He didn't wait to hear the details. Three minutes later he was dressed and out the door. It would have made it there in record time, but a traffic accident had delayed him.

"What are we working with?" John shouted as he walked into the bullpen. To his surprise, everyone was moving about with a purpose.

"We've already got a warrant for a cabin up on Llantano Mountain. The strike team is ready to go on your orders. We've got eyes on Nick Messina and Hayes Barber." McDuff called back to John in between conversations with a couple different officers. "The commissioner is on his way in. He's already been briefed."

John wiped his hand down his face. He was slightly impressed and slightly annoyed. He never should have been left in the dark. "Where did we get this tip from? Who verified this information?" John figured it had to be bad information. He didn't want to play into the killers' hands or to tip the killers off.

"Ms. Williamson, she said she remembered something from when she was drugged and first taken. She had a map and indicated on it information that the killer had circled. We called you first, of course, to let you know that there was a break in the case, but we didn't have time to wait around for orders. We followed established protocol, and we've been waiting for you or the commissioner to arrive to make our next move." McDuff looked over at John almost as if he were annoyed. They weren't children. They knew exactly what was at stake here.

"Evangeline?" John didn't take offense to Duffy's tone. He was more upset that Evangeline had remembered something and he wasn't the first person to know. He swallowed hard trying to regain his composure. They weren't an item anymore, so he knew she wouldn't lean on him.

"Yeah." Duffy waited for John to respond. A few minutes of silence passed. "I think now is our moment to shine. We need to act fast lieutenant."

John nodded. He pushed his thoughts of Evangeline to the back of his mind. 'She's over you, John. There's no future with her.' He chanted that mantra in his head. "I want someone to get in touch with Marcie Walsh. If there's some cryptic clue there, she'll be able to decipher it."

"That it." Duffy nodded at an officer who already knew what to do without having to be told directly.

"Yeah, we leave now." John turned on his heels with his team behind him. He had a good feeling about this. He hoped this would be the end of it.

John chose to drive to the site in his personal vehicle. He'd needed a little more time to clear his thoughts. The two times that he called Evangeline, her phone went straight to voicemail. It wasn't likely that she was in court this early. That either meant that she had turned her phone off to avoid him, or she'd turned it off and had forgotten to turn it back on. Neither option comforted him. He'd thought about calling her office directly, but he didn't want to deal with her rejecting him again.

An update from his police radio had pulled him from his thoughts. The strike team had arrived and were already in position. The CSU team was bringing up the rear. They wouldn't be needed until later. John pulled his car up beside the other squad cars. He hopped out and surveyed their position.

"Doesn't look like anyone is home." Duffy had the men positioned to surround the place. No one would go in or even approach the structure until a plan was in place. He would never say as much, but he believed that it was John's impulsive need to rush in that had made the situation worse. It was his opinion that both Evangeline and Natalie could have been saved when the killer had them tied up at the Love Center.

"Keep the strike team in position. I'm going in." John pulled off is suit jacket and moved to his trunk where he kept his bullet proof vest.

"Alone?" Duffy spat out angrily. "Let's not have a repeat of the Love Center. We don't know if there's some trap up there or now. We've got the numbers. We need to use that to our advantage." Duffy was probably out of line, but he would not be silent. He was ready to put this case to bed.

"Excuse me." John looked over at the man that he'd worked with for the past few years. Duffy was by no means incompetent, but he didn't have John's experience. John knew serial killers. He knew what to do, or so he thought he did.

"What if we move in alpha team to scout the area? Beta team can stay in position and will be in position to move in if needed. You take a team of six and move in on the location." Duffy had this whole plan thought out. He just didn't think they'd have to use it. John was supposed to be their leader.

John thought it over for a moment and nodded. He wanted to rush in, but Duffy's plan was best. "Cerutti, Halston, Davis, Jones, Balthazar and Riggs you're with me. Duffy, I'm counting on you for the rest." The two men nodded in agreement.

John moved in with his team. The large house was mostly empty, but someone had been staying here. They had just secured the perimeter when they Duffy radioed in. "We've got Nick Messina in custody. He was headed up this way, so they went ahead and picked him up. Still got an eye on Hayes. He hasn't been making any unusual movements."

"Good. Make sure they keep him on ice for now. No calls, no visitors, no interrogation. Let him sweat." John would personally drag the information out of him. He had been a part of the Love Crew, yet he'd turned on the group. To think that he played a role in their deaths was shocking.

"This is alpha at the northwest corner of the property. We've got eyes on Natalie Buchanan. We need a rescue team." The voice broke through and interrupted John.

"On my way." John's throat was dry as he ran toward their location. His mind was numb, and his thoughts were jumbled. He prayed that she was still alive. "Natalie." He shouted as he arrived on the scene. He could see her slumped over at the bottom of a deep hole. He wondered how long she'd been there.

"She hasn't responded to any verbal cues, but we did see her moving around down there. We're just waiting for the fire department to get an EMT and a ladder down there." Officer Johnson looked over at John and saw the torment on his face.

John felt helpless knowing that he couldn't immediately go down and save her. He waited for the longest five minutes for the rescue crew to make their way through the rough terrain. After that, it was another few minutes before they were able to extract Natalie. She was barely conscious, but the EMTs assured him that she would likely be fine.

John had left Duffy in charge. He was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. Even if they hadn't officially closed the case, Natalie and Evangeline were both home safe. He called Bo to give him an update, and so that he could let Natalie's family know that she was on her way to the hospital.

Mike was there when he arrived at the hospital. He'd been there to triage Natalie. Hours passed quickly before there was an update on Natalie's condition. Vicki, Roxy, Rex and Jessica had all been waiting on pins and needles.

"She's going to be okay." Mike looked at the crowd that had gathered to welcome Natalie home. "She's a little dehydrated and suffering from exposure. She's awake and she's lucid. A few days of rest and she'll be as good new." Mike could see the relieved look on his brother's face at the back of the crowd. "She is up for visitors, but not for too long." He skipped the part about only two people being allowed in at once.

The family made their way in to see her leaving John and Michael behind. Michael watched John for a moment before speaking again. "You did it, bro. She's home."

John shook his head. "Wasn't me this time. The guys made it happen from a tip that Evangeline gave them. I just led the charge." John stared up at the ceiling and held back tears.

Michael smiled thinking of Evangeline. "Well, either way. It's over."

"Not yet, Mikey. Still have to nail the killers. We've got someone in custody. I don't think he's one to talk." John looked over at Michael confused by his smile.

"You uh, you talk to Evangeline. Does she even know?" Despite the horror of the day, there was a silver lining. John would finally know that he had something to be excited for. The news of his impending fatherhood would certainly brighten his mood.

John shook his head. He'd tried calling her, but her phone was still going to voicemail. He was sure now that she was ignoring him intentionally.

"Maybe you should go by and see her. Natalie's got her family here, so she's good." He knew they were broken up, but he still had hopes that the baby would bring John and Evangeline back together.

"Dr. McBain, you're needed in OR 1." A nurse came by to collect Michael.

"I'm on my way." Mike waited as the nurse excused herself. "Look, go see her, man. She's been feeling guilty about not being taken. Let her know that she can stop worrying about Natalie. Thank her for breaking the case." Mike didn't know how to read John's silence, and he didn't have time to try. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Later Michael." John watched him walk off. He'd thought about going to Evangeline now, but what good would it do. He decided to keep his distance for now.

* * *

"Come in," Evangeline looked up from her case file at the officer that stepped into her office. She smiled at Officer McDuff. "Everything okay?"

"Just wanted to let you know. We found Natalie Buchanan. That tip was exactly what we needed. We've got Nick Messina and Hayes Barber in custody. Barber's not talking, but Messina gave him up."

Evangeline sat back in her chair and absorbed the information. It was finally over. She was finally safe. "Is Natalie okay?"

"I hear she's going to make a full recovery. It's all thanks to you." When Duffy heard that John was waiting at the hospital to see Natalie, he took it on himself to talk to Evangeline. She had been through the ringer, but it had truly been her strength that had saved the day. "I know you don't need the detail anymore, but if you need a ride to the hospital. I can accompany you."

"No, no. I've still got some work to finish up here before I head out to see her. I really appreciate you stopping by and giving me an update." Evangeline was glad that Natalie was okay, but know she was worried about her own life.

She'd promised herself that she would tell John about the baby after Natalie was found. Now she had to make good on that promise whether she was ready or not. She decided to take some time to gather her thoughts. Afterward, she'd see Natalie. Then she would talk to John.

"You going to be okay then?" Duffy couldn't read the look on her face, but she did look a little concerned. He'd just dismissed her detail, but if she needed it he'd stay with her for a while.

"I'm okay." Evangeline said honestly. "Thank you again, Duffy."

"Have a good afternoon Ms. Williamson." He left just as quickly as he came leaving Evangeline to her thoughts.

Evangeline dropped her head into her hands. She'd prepared several different speeches for talking to John, but now none of them seemed appropriate. She gathered her things slowly wondering how he would react. "You will never be able to guess, Evangeline, so just be direct. Get it over with already." Evangeline gave herself a pep talk on her way to the elevator.

She had a quiet drive over to the hospital. It had been exactly what she needed to calm herself down. She walked with confidence in her stride as she made her way through the hospital. She had a feeling that everything would be okay.

She walked up to the nurses' station to find out which room Natalie was in. She thought for a second about seeing Michael first, but decided against it. She made her way toward Natalie's room and felt herself smiling. She hadn't been able to do that in a long time.

The confident smile that she wore quickly faded as she arrived at Natalie's room. The curtains were not drawn, so she could look into her room through the window. Her mood soured as she watched John holding Natalie in his arms. She could imagine Natalie throwing herself at him like she'd done before, but this was still a slap in the face. This was a romantic embrace. Memories of her interaction with John after she had been rescued came rushing back.

She turned on her heels to leave before either one of them saw her. Tears again threatened to flow. She urged herself not to cry instead wishing to feel anger. All that talk about Natalie being just a friend had been a lie all along.

Her anger blinded her. She wandered through the hospital with no destination in mind. She stopped and turned sharply after feeling a hand on her should.

"Whoa, where's the fire?" Michael looked down at Evangeline confused. He saw the tears that were pooled in the corners of her eyes. He called out to her several times, but she hadn't heard him at all.

"Michael, you scared me half to death." She pulled away from him and ran her hands through her hair. She started to take in her surroundings and realized she'd just been wandering aimlessly.

"Well, I called your name. I guess you didn't hear me." Michael frowned at her flustered appearance. "Is everything okay? Are you okay? The baby?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Michael understood. "You saw Natalie, didn't you?"

Evangeline watched him for a moment. She could read the disgusted look on his face. She'd drawn her own conclusion when she saw John and Natalie together, but if Michael had some insight on the situation she wanted to hear it. "I'm too tired for games, Michael."

Michael let out a heavy sigh. Never in his life had he wanted to strangle his brother more. He watched as John doted over Natalie, and it confused him. Questioning John got him nowhere, but he didn't give up. "I told him that he should talk to you first, so that you wouldn't be blindsided by it."

Evangeline shook her head in disappointment. She hadn't jumped the gun with her assumption. John and Natalie were and item. "You know that he would never be able to do that. That would mean he'd have to talk about what he was feeling, and we know he's not good at that. No, no, he's just not good at talking about his feelings with me. Natalie, well, he did tell her that he loved her, didn't he?" She didn't even try to hide the venom in her voice.

"Look, E, I'm really sorry. I know you deserve better than this." Michael reached out for her, but she stepped away from him. "My brother can be a real idiot sometimes."

"Don't apologize for him, Michael. Do not." Evangeline, letting the anger get the better of her, swayed momentarily. She quickly regained her composure and tried to calm herself down. Getting worked up over John wasn't worth it.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good." He remembered saying those exact words to her before after his brother had disappointed her. He would have laughed if it was funny. "Will you just let me check your vitals?"

Evangeline put her hand to her abdomen and remembered the life growing inside of her. She wouldn't let her anger put her child's life in danger. She nodded wishing that she could just see Lily instead. She walked side by side with Michael and allowed him to place his hand around her shoulder.

He walked her to his office where they would have some privacy. As far as he knew, the pregnancy was still supposed to be a secret. He checked her vitals and was glad to find everything to be normal. "Everything looks okay to me. It wouldn't hurt to see your obstetrician. She can do a more thorough examination."

Evangeline nodded somberly. Because of his snooping, Michael had become Evangeline's confidant. She felt bad putting him in the middle of things because he was John's brother, but she needed him. "This changes things."

Michael sat in the chair beside her. "Changes what?" He checked his watch noting that he needed to be starting his rounds soon.

"I can't tell him now, Michael." Evangeline's anger had subsided, and she'd gathered her thoughts. She'd come to the next logical conclusion to handling the situation. "I'll have to wait another couple of months."

"Months? Why wait, E?" Michael looked at her and wondered if there was anything he could say to change her mind. Among other things, Evangeline was headstrong. "You said yourself that John deserved to know. The sooner the better."

"Yes, Michael, he deserves to know, but not like this." Evangeline stood and paced inside of Michael's tiny office.

"God, please, do not make this about Natalie." Michael hated saying it, but he felt the need to call Evangeline out like he did John. "Don't let her interfere with John getting to know his child."

"You know me better than that Michael." Evangeline narrowed her eyes on him. "This isn't just about Natalie. I'm not out to punish him for being with her." Evangeline folded her arms across her chest. Even in this short amount of time, she'd analyzed the situation and came up with a plan.

"But that's what it sounds like." Michael put his hand to his head and sighed.

"If anything, I'm doing him a favor."

"How do you figure?" He looked at her incredulously. He couldn't wait to hear her explanation this time.

Evangeline sat on the corner of his desk. "Our relationship didn't stop Natalie from having feelings for John or even acting on them. I pushed him to be honest, but you know John. He couldn't do that without dealing with his feelings. He kept going with our relationship, because it was the easiest thing for him to do.

Michael couldn't contain his laughter. "You're serious." He leaned back in his chair and stared at his diplomas that were hung on the walls. "I'm sure it's easy for you to think that, because that's better than the truth. John did care about you."

"Did. Past tense." Evangeline interrupted. "Now our relationship is over, and there's not some complicated triangle to deal with."

"Evangeline, please," he started to plead with her before she interrupted again.

"Natalie baited a killer to get his attention. She risked her life to suck him into her web, and it worked. Now, I'm supposed to just butt in and ruin all her hard work."

"You're rooting for them?" Michael was truly confused. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"You know your brother. If he finds out about the baby now, he's going to want to have some shotgun wedding to save face. That's the kind of man he is. All that aside, I know he has feelings for Natalie. There's no way I could look the other way and pretend to love him." Evangeline studied Michael's face. She didn't need him to tell her that's what John would want to do.

"He believes in family." Michael chose to defend his brother. "We didn't have that growing up. I can imagine that he wouldn't want his kid to feel like we did."

Evangeline shook her head in disagreement. "Getting married because of a surprise pregnancy is the easy way out. It won't change how he feels about me, or what he's feeling for Natalie. He'd be willing to create a fake family because it's easier than the alternative. I don't know if he's in love with Natalie, and at this point I really don't care." She stood and sat down in the chair beside Michael.

"Then why keep this baby a secret." Michael still couldn't put the pieces together.

"So they can have a chance at being happy. If I wait and give them a chance, I'm doing my child a favor. Having a loving, nontraditional family would be better than a fake traditional family. I know that first hand." Evangeline wasn't happy at the thought of Natalie being in her child's life, but it was reality that she needed to consider. "If he and Natalie are meant to be together, they need to be given a chance. I don't want to end up with John by default because we didn't use protection."

"You're forgetting that Natalie is Natalie." Michael didn't really dislike Natalie, but he saw her as an obstacle in his brother's life. "I don't think she's above being jealous of a baby. You've planned this all out logically, but you know how she's going to react."

"If I tell John about the baby now and he leaves her, she's going to be angry. I know she'll feel cheated. She's going to think I did it to steal John from her. If I wait to tell John about the baby, she'll be angry. She'll feel cheated. She's going to think that I'm trying to interfere with her and John's happiness. She's going to be pissed either way."

"Let's say you tell John about the baby now. What if you tell John you don't want to marry him and he stays with Natalie?" Michael found a hole in her plan.

"Then he'll be torn between us. He'll try to be there for me and the baby, but Natalie will find a way to divide is attention. She'll want to make sure that she's his number one priority. I wouldn't think twice about letting John know that our child would always need to come first." All this talk of Natalie was making her sick to her stomach.

"And that's just not going to happen if you wait to tell him about the baby. Won't Natalie still get jealous?"

"Probably, but that's not something I can control. That woman is like a hurricane. You can't fight it, but you can plan and prepare for its arrival. My only goal is to let them be. In the end, John will have to deal with her and the baby. He'll have to have his priorities in order. He'll have to be honest with himself and with Natalie."

"We are talking about my brother?"

"I won't hold his hand on this. He can be with Natalie and be in our child's life if that's what he chooses." Evangeline had gotten it all out and it made perfect sense to her. She wouldn't let her child be John's excuse to avoid his feelings. She would give John and Natalie as shot at love without interfering.

Mike stretched out his arm and placed it on her shoulder. "I can't say that I agree with your plan, but it's not my decision to make. I know you're right about Natalie too. She will be jealous and angry no matter what happens. I know you won't say it, but I can hope for it. Natalie and John gave it a shot before and it didn't work. Here's hoping for a repeat."

Evangeline smirked and then chuckled. Their breakup would be ideal for her, but she didn't see it as likely. She'd hope for the best and prepare for the worst.


	4. Why Can't We Be Friends?

"Come on Halston, you're kidding me, right?" Cerutti pulled on his jacket and prepared to head outside. His shift was over and he was ready to start his weekend.

"I'd be so lucky if I could be the lieutenant. First, he pulls a super-hot lawyer who is way out of his league, and know he's dating the commissioner's niece." Halston was always one to kid with John, but after these past few months he'd had to hold it all in. Things were starting to get back to normal, so he could finally let loose again.

"Call me crazy, but I like to come in to work to get away from the ball and chain. He's stuck with her like twenty-four seven. At this point, I just feel bad for the man."

Since her return, Natalie had been back working at the LPD. She was continually shadowing John. She'd even gone as far as to try joining him in the field. No one could have called it when Natalie declared she wanted to become a forensic technician.

"Hey, if some hot babe wanted to follow me around like a sick puppy, I'd be all for it." Halston was in the middle of a dry spell. He'd thought about ask John for dating tips as a joke, but knew his lieutenant wouldn't take it well.

"She's one sick puppy alright." Cerutti shook his head and shuddered at the thought of Natalie.

"Whoa, whoa, what's that supposed to mean? You don't think she's hot." Halston punched him in the arm playfully. He figured he was just whipped because his wife wouldn't let him make those kinds of comments anymore. "Cathy's not here, man. Speak your mind."

Cerutti looked over his shoulder making sure they were the only two in the locker room. "She's attractive. I'll give her that, but she's got nothing on you know who."

Halston rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Apples and oranges man. You have to appreciate each separate woman for what she can bring to the table. There are not too many women here in Llanview who can compete with Ms. Williamson."

"What exactly is there to appreciate about her? Seriously? Half the time I can't tell where John ends and she begins. Her family is super rich. She could be anything. She could do anything. Instead, she's here trying to make sure she can keep her hooks in a man. The whole situation is just crazy, and you know what they say about crazy?"

"Yeah, don't stick your stick in crazy, but I'm sure it's way too late for that." The pair shared a chuckle. "You're right, okay. I still wouldn't mind sticking it to either one of them though, especially Ms. Williamson. She's single now and it's been long enough since she broke up with the lieutenant. Maybe I should ask her out."

"She wouldn't even waste her breath on you." Duffy had heard enough of the two. "I'd hoped to be leaving the city in the hands of Llanview's finest. It's a damn shame that all we have are jokers like you."

Halston and Cerutti both knew better than to object. They'd had more than one class in sensitivity training. Talk like this was not for the office.

"Those two women that you were both talking about like pieces of meat have both been through hell this year. Let's also not forget that they're women who are constantly in and out of this station. One of them works here, so I'm sure you know that talk like this is considered as harassment. Let's try to keep it professional."

Both men just nodded and quickly moved to excuse themselves. There was no point in arguing. In few more days, McDuff would be retired and that would be the end of his interfering with their casual banter. On the way out, they saw John leaned against some locker staring at them intently. They prayed that he hadn't heard them.

"Duffy, I've always counted on you to be the most mature. Don't know what I'll do without you." John had indeed heard their whole conversation. He'd thought about interrupting, but he didn't know what to say. Had it not been for Duffy their bad behavior would have gone unchecked.

"What I said wasn't for your benefit." Duffy placed his coat in his locker and started to prepare for another long shift. He didn't bother acknowledging John any further.

John had let it slide for these last few weeks, but he was tired of Duffy's attitude. "You got a problem Duffy?"

"Not for long." At the conclusion of the Killing Club Killer case, Duffy decided to retire. He knew John would just continue to be a one man show, and he didn't want to stand on the sidelines anymore. He'd accepted a position to work with at risk youths. He thought he could at least do some good work there.

"What's that supposed to mean?" John was confused by Duffy's indifference. "I do something to offend you."

"Your being here offends me, Lieutenant. I get that you're some former FBI big shot, but I can't see that you coming here has done a whole lot of good. You work alone and play by your own rules. Sure, you've put away some killers, but you've drawn some to you too. I'm scared that your cavalier regard for danger is going to start catching on. I don't want to watch this police force turn into a bunch of commandos."

John stared at him wide eyed. He didn't even know how to respond. He was highly decorated because he always got the job done. He valued the lives of his comrades. He chose to work alone, so that he could minimize casualties. He was willing to stand in place of another if it meant keeping them out of harm's way.

"I see that look on your face, and I know you don't get. I know that you're not a bad guy, but what you're doing here is wrong. You need to figure out what the problem is, and then you need to solve it. This is your mess, and it's time that you cleaned it up already. Don't you think?" Duffy slammed his locker shut and stormed out of the locker room. He was glad to have finally gotten all of that off his chest.

No sooner than Duffy was gone Natalie appeared. "Hey, John, is everything okay?"

John gave her a blank stare and nodded. He didn't even know how to process what Duffy had just said to him. "Yeah, let's go."

"Okay." Natalie flipped her hair over her shoulder and waited for him to follow behind her.

John walked in daze behind her. He found that more and more often he was tuning out what she was saying. He thought about what Cerutti had said. He really didn't have any time to himself. Natalie had moved in with him almost immediately. That had been his fault for not being able to express himself. At this point he was resigned to his fate. He knew that he would never be comfortable with expressing himself. Being with Natalie was his penance for that.

"Hello, John?" Natalie waved her hand in front of his face and frowned at him. "Have you been spaced out this whole time?"

"Sorry about that." She'd talked without his input or acknowledgement for the whole ride home. "What were you saying?"

"I was talking about Jess." She started again with her story.

John nodded as if he was listening. He went to the fridge to grab a beer so that he could start relaxing. Every night there was some new family drama that he had to hear about. He was tired of listening to her. He watched her pace back and forth behind the sofa. For a moment, he thought about having sex with her just to get her to be quiet. It had been a long day and Cerutti's, Halston's and Duffy's words were still getting to him.

He sighed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Tonight was going to be a long night. He only hoped that the next day would give him some sort of reprieve.

* * *

John walked into the Angel's Square Diner and he actually had a smile on his face. Natalie had some family emergency to take care of, and that meant John would be able to spend most of his day alone. He was glad for the much needed solitude.

He was lost in thought deciding on how he would spend his day when he nearly bumped into Evangeline. His smile became even brighter. "Hey." He hated the awkward tone in his voice.

Evangeline looked up shocked. She hadn't seen John in quite a while. She'd taken on a couple of new attorneys at her firm, so she could start reducing her case load. That also meant that she didn't really have any need to go down to the precinct. The few times that she had been there she made sure to avoid places that she was likely to see John.

"John, excuse me." She moved to step around him, but he moved in her path. She was not in the mood for this. She'd seen him once since he and Natalie had become an item. She listened to him stutter through some lame apology about how he'd only recently realized his feelings for Natalie. She dismissed him quickly opting to avoid a painful argument about his life choices.

"What's the rush? You got time to grab a cup of coffee?" John was excited to see her and didn't notice her discomfort. He was sick of seeing her lackeys in place of her smiling face. He figured she hated him, but he still wanted to give it a shot. Her friendship was all he wanted at this point.

"No," she answered too quickly. She wasn't trying to be completely standoffish, but she didn't know what he was expecting. "I've got a meeting and I'm running late." She chose a more polite approach. Of course they would have to be friendly after the baby was born, but that was still months away. She wanted to hold on to her anger a little while longer.

"Working on Saturday? Thought you were taking it easy these days." John thought quickly of how he could keep her there longer. He knew he didn't have any right to ask for her friendship, but that wouldn't stop him.

Evangeline just nodded. She had a meeting with her realtor, and if everything went well she'd be getting the keys to her new home in the next couple of weeks.

"If you're busy now, maybe we can get a drink later on." He stared down into her soft brown eyes and felt his heart breaking. Had it really been that easy for her to write him off?

"I'm not ready for that, John. To be honest, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready." She exaggerated slightly, but she really wanted to drive the point home to John. "At the end of the day you're still with Natalie. That's your choice. This is mine." Evangeline stepped around him and left him to his thoughts.

John stood for a moment to gather himself. He'd wanted to chase after her, but there would be no point. He still wasn't able to verbalize what he was actually feeling. He walked somberly through the diner to find a seat. He scanned the booths trying to find one that didn't remind him of her. He sighed knowing this town was far too small. No matter where he went, he would always be reminded of her. He chose to take a seat at the counter. For once, he was hoping to engage in some light conversation with a random stranger; anything to keep him from thinking about Evangeline.

He looked over the menu and thought of ordering something other than the usual. He was pulled from his thoughts by a tap on the shoulder. He spun around on his stool and was met with familiar brown eyes and a cold stare.

"What did you say to my sister?" Layla saw the tail end of Evangeline's interaction with John. Her first instinct was to go after her sister, but she thought better of that. She had something to settle with John and now was as good a time as any.

She folded her arms across her chest and stared him up and down. She could see why her sister was physically attracted to him, but other than that it was beyond her. Evangeline could have her pick of handsome, successful well-adjusted men, but of course she'd want the one that gave her a challenge. She'd already lectured her sister on trying to change people, and she thought she'd finally gotten through.

"Look," John started. He'd already been shut down by Evangeline, and he wasn't in the mood to hear it from Layla.

"No, you look," Layla interrupted. She didn't want to go back and forth with him. "My sister has been through hell these last few months. I shouldn't have to remind you of that fact. If It wasn't for you, she wouldn't have ever been in any danger."

John shook his head. Layla sounded just like her mother, Lisa. "You don't understand."

"I think it's you that doesn't understand. I may be new to Llanview, but I've heard all about you. You made my sister look like a fool by chasing after some other woman while you were together. Oh, and here's the cherry, you're dating that other woman now!"

John had reached his limit. There was definitely some truth to what Layla was saying, but she was way out of line. "My relationship with Evangeline."

"Or lack thereof," Layla interjected.

"Has nothing to do with you." John snapped then regretted it. He'd drawn some stares from the other restaurant patrons.

"It has everything to do with me when I'm the one there comforting her." Layla lied. Evangeline did get down every now and then, but for the most part she'd managed to keep her spirits up. "I won't say it again. Stay away from my sister."

John didn't have a chance to respond before Layla stormed off. She nearly collided with Michael on her way out. John spun around on his stool and thought of the quickest way to get rid of Michael.

"What was that all about?" Michael sat on the stool closest to John and looked over his shoulder at the woman who seemed so familiar.

"Nothing, Mikey. Don't worry about it." John dropped his head and wondered why he'd even bothered Evangeline.

Michael looked at him frowning when suddenly it came to him. "Layla! That was Evangeline's sister. What did you do to piss her off?"

"Nothing. She was just warning me to stay away from Evangeline." John chose the truth hoping that would be enough to get Michael to change the subject.

Michael laughed and shook his head. "Why would she even have to tell you that?"

"The hell is that supposed to mean," John snapped. "Evangeline and I are friends." John's last statement caused Michael to laugh out loud. John gave him a bewildered stare and wondered what was so funny.

"Since when?" Michael calmed down enough to speak. "I remember it wasn't that long ago that I was begging you to go see her. She'd just been through a terrible trauma, but you were too focused on finding Natalie to give a damn. You weren't there when she needed you. Now, you say you're friends, and you're looking to rekindle that friendship? Now, she's dealt with the craziness that Hayes Barber put her though. She did that from no help from you might I add. Now, you're with Natalie. Give Evangeline a chance to digest all that. Just give her some space right now. If she wants to forgive you, she'll reach out to you."

Michael loved his brother dearly. John wasn't book smart like he was, but he had street smarts and good instincts; especially when it came to reading people. Right now, Michael was wondering how his brother could be so oblivious.

"I'm getting really tired of everyone telling me to stay away from Evangeline." John was starting to get a headache. He'd already gotten an earful from Nora unexpectedly a few days ago. Even Bo had politely suggested that John give Evangeline some time alone.

"It's not that we all want to tell you what to do. It's no secret how stubborn you are. At the end of the day, everyone has the same thing in mind. We all want what's best for Evangeline." Mike put his hand on John's shoulder as if that would soften the blow. "You can't be selfish enough to think she's ready to be friends with you. Ready to watch you and Natalie have the happiness that she was denied. You chose Natalie, bro. Deal with it."

John slapped Michael's hand off his shoulder. He left in almost as much as a huff as Layla. Forget breakfast, he needed a drink. Rather, he needed several drinks. He wondered where he could find a bar that would serve him this early. He decided that wanted to spend the rest of the day in an alcohol induced haze.

* * *

Natalie walked confidently through the Buchanan office building. Vicki had gotten the situation with Jessica under control, so Natalie decided to take her leave. She headed home to see John, but found he wasn't home. She called his cell and got no answer, so she decided to check out some of his usual hang outs. It was when she stopped in the diner that she got the scoop about what had transpired between John and Evangeline, John and Layla, and John and Michael.

She was annoyed that Evangeline still had such a hold on John. Every now and then, she would catch John staring off blankly. Whenever she questioned him, she got a simple response that it was nothing. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was still thinking about Evangeline. She didn't dare mention Evangeline's name. She wouldn't make Evangeline an issue.

Jessica, in all her wisdom, had told her that John probably felt a little guilty for ending up with Natalie. She assured Natalie that those feeling would quickly fade, so there was no need to worry about it. Natalie had done everything short of moving heaven and earth to get John to be with her, so she wasn't about to let his guilt spoil their happiness.

After he stop at the diner, Natalie knew that she needed to speak to Evangeline directly. She needed Evangeline to forgive John and give him her blessing to be with Natalie. She was convinced that she could get Evangeline to turn the other cheek.

Natalie arrived at the receptionist's desk and smiled politely at the young man sitting behind the desk. She'd once been a client of Evangeline, so she knew her way around. That had been some time ago. There were now lots of new faces that she didn't recognize.

"Hi, I'm Natalie Buchanan. I'm here to see Ms. Williamson." She hoped the man at the desk would put two and two together and know that she was well connected in this time.

The man with short brown hair looked up at her briefly then down at his computer screen. "I'm sorry. I don't have your name in the appointment book. If you want, you can leave a message for Ms. Williamson, or I can schedule an appointment for another day." He scrolled through several times trying to find a time when Evangeline would be free.

Natalie leaned over the desk and smiled brightly. "No, she wasn't expecting me. I was just hoping for a moment of her time."

The man looked up at her and shook his head. Things had been crazy around here. Evangeline had taken on a partner and had several new associates. Though her case load had lightened, Evangeline was still just as busy as ever. "No can do."

"I'm sorry. What is your name?" Natalie tried not to sound annoyed.

"I'm Wes." Wes backed out of Evangeline's date calendar. He could tell that Natalie wasn't looking to make an appointment for another day. "Like I was saying, Ms. Williamson is extremely busy. What may seem like a simple interruption to you would actually be a huge distraction for Ms. Williamson."

"If she's so busy, then a visit from a friend would be a welcome distraction from the craziness." Natalie used the term friend lightly. She and Evangeline had only been close when they were forced together by the killers.

"If you're really a friend, you should know that it would be best to catch Ms. Williamson when she's not at work." Wes wasn't trying to be rude, but he had this place working like a well-oiled machine. As long as everyone stayed on schedule, then he didn't have to work so much overtime. He liked the money, but he liked his personal time more.

"Excuse me!" Natalie looked him up and down with a look of disgust on her face. "I suggest you let Ms. Williamson know that Ms. Buchanan is waiting to see her. Buchanan, like the name on the building."

Wes just shook his head. He contemplated calling building security, but he didn't want Evangeline or anyone else getting off track.

"Wes, change of plans. I'll be working from home today." Evangeline stepped out of her office with her briefcase hanging from her shoulder. "Sorry to have you here on a Saturday."

"No problem Evangeline." He'd completely dismissed Natalie almost forgetting that she was there.

"Evangeline, hey," Natalie quickly interjected. Evangeline hadn't noticed her when she stepped out of her office.

"Sorry, Natalie, I'm not taking on any new clients." Evangeline grabbed a pen and pad off Wes' desk and scribbled down a note. She folded the paper and held it out to Natalie. "This is the name of another top law firm. Whatever it is I'm sure they'll get you taken care of."

"I don't need a lawyer," Natalie didn't mean to sound rude, but sometimes she couldn't help herself. "I'm sorry. I was hoping that we could talk."

"If it's not a legal issue, then I can't help you." Evangeline had already had a run in with John, and it wasn't pleasant. The buyer had accepted her offer, and her future home had passed inspection. In less than a month, she'd be in her new home. She thought she would be able to do some work, but she kept getting distracted thinking of all the things she needed to get done before her move. Evangeline was giddy with excitement. She wouldn't let anyone rain on her parade today, so she would not give Natalie the time of day.

"Look, it's important. We haven't spoken since we were down in that basement. You're the only person who knows what it was like." She softened hoping to reach her. "I really need to talk to you." Natalie knew Evangeline was a bit of a pushover. She was always polite and she always took the highroad. Why would today be any different?

Evangeline held back a smile and looked over at Natalie. She and Natalie both knew there was nothing to say. They were both alive. They had both recovered physically. She knew this had something to do with John. Evangeline had already decided to give them a shot a happiness. She wouldn't do anything to pull them apart, but she would be damned if she would be glue that helped them stick together.

"Wes, why don't you go ahead and let everyone know they can take off for today. Today is a beautiful day and we should all be out enjoying it." Evangeline was still trying to cut back on her case load, but she still found herself in workaholic mode. She still had some more adjusting to do, but once again long hours and weekends would be a thing of the past.

Wes simply nodded. He wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouse. He'd rather play catch up on Monday than to stay and work on a weekend. "Have a great weekend Ms. Williamson, and congratulations again."

Natalie's smiled turned into a frown. She knew Evangeline dismissed her assistant so they could talk, but his cheery smile irritated her. She waited until Wes was down the hall before she spoke. "So, congratulations are in order?" Natalie pried knowing it wasn't any of her business.

Evangeline nodded simply offering no further details.

Natalie waited a moment hoping for more. She gave up figuring it was probably some fancy lawyer something. Evangeline's was featured in the local paper almost every week. They were always singing her praises over one thing or another. Natalie knew part of that was because her Uncle Todd was such a big admirer.

"Look, thanks. I just really wanted to speak to you." Natalie prepared to launch into the speech that she'd prepared.

Evangeline put her hand up to stop her. "That wasn't done for you." Evangeline studied Natalie's face for a moment. She was offended that Natalie believed her to be so predictable. "If you'll excuse me." She walked toward the elevator and could hear Natalie calling after her. She could try to keep ignoring her, but she decided being direct was best. She stopped at the elevator and tapped the call button.

"I know, you don't want to talk about this, but it's important." Natalie abandoned her speech and was now just winging it. She hadn't come all this way for no reason.

"There is nothing to say, Natalie. Whatever crisis, whatever emergency, whatever you have going on is not my concern. I'm not your attorney. I'm not your friend." The elevator arrived at the perfect time. Evangeline stepped in and left Natalie behind.

* * *

John walked into his apartment after a long day. Today was Saturday, a scheduled off day, but he still ended up at work. After his unpleasant experiences at the diner, he let himself get dragged in to work. He knew he should take some time away from work to unwind, but the thought being left alone with his thoughts was less than desirable. Sometimes police work could be mindless or mind numbing but he never seemed to mind. Luckily, Natalie had kept herself occupied for most of the afternoon, so he was able to make significant progress on the work he was behind on.

John closed the door softly behind himself and waited to see how long it would take for Natalie to notice him. She was pacing, so she was either angry or worried. The thought of dealing with another one of her crises was sickening. At the end of the day, his guilt always humbled him.

Without his interference, Natalie would probably be happily married. He was the reason her husband was gone. For some reason, Natalie had grown to love him despite his role in her husband's disappearance. He wanted to make up for what he'd cost her and being with her now was the only way he knew how.

He knew it was crazy, but at this point he didn't have anything to lose. For a time, he was able to distance himself from Natalie and her drama. He found happiness. That happiness had been short lived. Natalie had played her role in the demise of his relationship with Evangeline, but ultimately it had been his own fault for that relationships end.

"John," Natalie brought him from his thoughts. He'd spaced out completely in such a short amount of time. "Hey, I didn't see you there." She walked over to him and kissed him deeply. "Thought you were supposed to be off today?"

John frowned slightly. He didn't like her keeping tabs on him. "I went in to catch up on some paper work. I've been letting too much paperwork pile up." He watched her walk away while nodding her head. "Everything okay with Jess?" John really didn't care, there'd be hell to pay if he didn't at least pretend.

"Yeah, she's fine. Mom has the situation under control." Natalie folded her arms across her chest and continued to pace.

"So, what's wrong? You're going to make a hole in the floor with all that pacing," John joked hoping to lighten the mood.

"I'm just aggravated. That's all," she snapped. "I'm just sick of those stuck up Williamson sisters."

"What happened? I didn't even know that you knew Layla." In regard to Evangeline, he could imagine she was exaggerating. Evangeline was pretty much all class. Evangeline always did the right thing. In spite of everything that happened, Evangeline was probably the reason that Natalie was found safely.

"I went to talk to Evangeline today, and she completely blew me off." John watched her for a moment and was genuinely confused. Then suddenly it hit him. He was giving Natalie the same look that Michael and Layla had given him earlier today. Maybe he and Natalie were a good match. Somehow in both of their minds they expected Evangeline to take the high road and set aside her own feelings to cater to their needs. The realization was sobering and nauseating.

"Then her psycho sister shows up here!"

"Layla was here?" Something about that rubbed John the wrong way.

"Yes, she was here. She was looking for you, or so she said. I don't even know how she knew where you lived. According to her, I'm responsible for her sister's problems. As if!" Natalie chose to leave out the more colorful words that Layla had used. She'd thought to challenger her, but she was quick to realize that Layla was not at all like Evangeline. Natalie did all she could to avoid ending up on the wrong side of a well placed slap.

John sighed and frowned. This whole turn of events was his fault. If he hadn't bothered Evangeline, he would have upset Layla. Then Layla wouldn't have had a reason to try tracking him down. "I bumped in to Evangeline earlier today. She blew me off too. I wasn't trying to piss her off, but I maybe I did. Layla was there."

"So that means she has to act like a bitch. Evangeline dumped you. If she's going to go whining to her sister about being heartbroken, she could at least get the facts straight."

"I don't think that's what's going on." John felt even worse. Evangeline had just been going about her business when he stopped her. "Evangeline's a big girl. She's not one to go dumping her baggage on someone else. I think Layla was just trying to stick up for her. Though it wasn't needed."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean! Her sister came here and attacked me, and you're defending her. You're defending both of them." She was livid that John wasn't as outraged as she was.

John could feel his head starting to throb. There was no right way to handle this situation. He wasn't going to blame Evangeline, and that was clearly what Natalie wanted. "Do you really want to fight about this?" He stood and walked over to her. "Let's just go to Rodi's. Get some drinks. Shoot some pool." He pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.

"You're right. I shouldn't even be letting this get to me." Natalie smiled knowing that John's attention was fully focused on her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten upset with you."

"S'okay. Come on. Let's go." John took Natalie by the arm and led her out of his apartment. He'd always enjoyed the occasional adult beverage, but at this point it was starting to become tedious. He found himself drinking as an escape. He made a note to find another way to blow off steam.

"Hey Natty, Johnny Mack. What's shakin'?" Roxy greeted them from the sofa. She was wearing shades in doors which was a telltale sign that she'd been drinking.

"Just heading out." Natalie called out to her.

"Oh, Johnny," Roxy struggled to get up from her reclined position. "Some chick was here looking for you earlier. Tall and skinny with curly hair. She was asking what room you were in. I saw her creeping around up near your room earlier. Looked like she was up to something."

Natalie rolled her eyes at the mention of Layla. "She came and said her peace. I don't think she'll be back again." Natalie acted as if she'd put Layla in her place.

John let the information sink in. Something was off only he didn't know what. He felt a sick sense of dread wash over him.

* * *

Evangeline lay on her bed curled up next to her body pillow. She was absolutely exhausted. She'd probably over done it a bit. Lily had been there helping her pack for her big move. Lily had been a great help, but she'd talked nearly the whole time.

Lily and her boyfriend Troy called it quits. It was not an amicable split. Troy, unlike John, was very in touch with his feelings and always spoke his mind. According to Lily Troy was a sexist ass, and she wouldn't tolerate him any longer. Normally listening to someone else's problems was a way to forget about her own, but the subject matter hit too close to home. Evangeline had been unusually silent. Instead she just listened as Lily vented her frustrations.

She put her hand to her abdomen and smiled at the thought of meeting her unborn child. She wanted to join in the ex-bashing, but she again took the high road. No matter what she thought of John, she would always be thankful for the life they created.

She sighed and squeezed her pillow. The time was drawing near for her to tell John. She was almost five months pregnant, though you wouldn't be able to tell from looking at her. She'd maintained her slim figure and only now had the beginning of a baby bump. She worried that she wasn't as big as she thought she should be. Having Lily around had been a great help. She assured her that it was perfectly normal and gave her a clean bill of health. All she cared about was the health of her child, but she was glad that she didn't have to go out of her way to hide the pregnancy.

"Don't tell me you're going to bed already?" Layla popped her head into the room and stared at her sister.

"Fine, I won't tell you." Evangeline smiled before letting her heavy eye lids fall shut.

"My god, you're so boring. What exactly do you do for fun?"

Evangeline looked at her through half opened eyes. "I'm in the middle of packing up my life to move to my first house. Forgive me if I'm not up for bar hoping or late nights at Ultraviolet."

"I'm not talking about just tonight. All you do is work. You should take a break. Go out with friends. Have fun. Date." Layla walked over to the bed and sat down. "The quickest way to get over a break up is to get back in there. Otherwise, how will you know what you've been missing out on."

"The quickest way to get into a bad relationship is to jump into something head first. This isn't my first time, Lay. I'm not ready yet." Evangeline was tired of the constant back and forth with Layla. She knew Layla had the best intentions, but she didn't need or want advice on her personal life.

"It's hard to watch you sitting around and beating yourself up over some failed relationship. John McBain is not worth it."

"Stop, Layla." Defending John was not something she took pleasure in, but she couldn't get on the John hate train. She and John gave it a shot and it didn't work. He was a difficult man, but he was decent.

"No, Vange. You need to hear this. John doesn't deserve you, and he never did. You gave him your heart and look how he repaid you. He's not just with some other woman. He's with the other woman."

Evangeline sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. "It's not that simple. Yes, he's with Natalie. Yes, it hurts to know that they're together. I ended it with John, because he couldn't give me what I needed. I don't have the right to tell him who he can and can't date."

"I don't know," Layla reclined against the mountain of pillows and shook her head. "It's just suspicious to me. Of all the women, why pick her? Why is he trying so hard to gain your approval?"

"Please not this again." Layla had been convinced that John was guarding some dark secret that somehow involved Evangeline and Natalie.

"It makes sense to me, Vange, so I did a little digging. I'm not exactly sure about what I found, but I'm sure it's somehow related to whatever he's hiding." Layla held up the manila envelope that she'd been concealing. Layla borrowed the key to John's apartment from the box of stuff that Evangeline had been intending to return to him. She'd almost gotten caught by Natalie, but her acting skills had been put to good use. She'd gotten dirt on John and given Natalie a piece of her mind. "Seems strange to me that he'd be hiding a DNA report in his closet."

Evangeline's eyes grew wide. She couldn't even try to hide her surprise. "Layla, don't tell me that you broke into John's apartment. What the hell were you thinking!"

"I was thinking of you. I was hoping that whatever this would break his hold over you. I want you to get on with your life." She wasn't about to start apologizing even if she had just committed a crime.

Evangeline tried not to think the worst, but she could already feel her heart breaking. She needed to get rid of Layla before she completely broke down in tears. "Please, don't do me anymore favors. I'm an officer of the court. I have to report this."

"Oh, please Vange." Layla mocked her. "Sometimes I think you take yourself too seriously."

"Sometimes you're not serious enough. I have to take this back to John now. I have to go to his apartment and convince him not to press charges against you. John hasn't broken any laws. It's routine for police detectives to take work home with them. He could be storing them in his underwear drawer for all I care." Evangeline gave her a stern look hoping that was enough to scare her.

Layla started to regret her decision. She thought she was giving her sister power over John, but now she'd just made things worse. "For what it's worth, I was just looking out for you."

"I appreciate it, Layla. Just maybe next time think before you go commit a crime." Evangeline slapped her playfully with her pillow. "I love you, Layla. Thanks for thinking about me, but don't risk your freedom or your safety on my account."

"I'm not making any promises here. You've saved my butt on more than one occasion. I'm nowhere close to paying you back for all you've done from me." Layla pulled her into a hug. "I'm going to hit the hay. Have a good night, Vange." Layla kissed her on the cheek before departing.

Evangeline shook her head. She never understood how her sister could be so carefree and reckless. She was distracted by thoughts of Layla for only a few moments before the envelope on her bed caught her eye. She stared at it and knew what it meant. Opening it now would be like opening Pandora's box. Things would change, and not for the better.

She grabbed the envelope and carefully opened it. "Dammit, John. Dammit." It was exactly what she'd expected. She threw it onto the floor knowing that this was not a secret that she could keep.


	5. Confessions

The last week or so had been hellish for Evangeline. Since Layla had given her the DNA results that she'd stolen from John, she'd been in emotional limbo. She'd taken a couple of days just to calm down and make sure she wasn't acting impulsively out of anger. Once she'd calmed down, she formulated a plan. Her goal was to minimize casualties, and most importantly to get Cristian out of jail.

Evangeline now stood nervously outside John's apartment searching for her courage. She'd always believed John to be an honest and honorable man, but she was now forced to believe otherwise. She had no idea who the man standing behind the door was. Even worse, he was the father of her child. She would now be permanently linked to him, and for the next eighteen or so years they would be forced to deal with each while remaining cordial.

Evangeline sucked in a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was no point in lamenting over this. She wanted to get this over with and start dealing with the fallout. Evangeline's breath caught in her throat as the door swung open. She was now standing face to face with the man that she'd spent the last several months trying to avoid.

"Come on in." John swung the door open wide giving her plenty of room to step around him. He closed the door gently behind her before shoving his hands down in his pockets. "You'll have to excuse the mess. I've been tearing this place apart looking for a file. Turns out I should have just asked you." He stared her straight in the eyes. He knew there wasn't any use in beating around the bush.

Evangeline pulled the folder out of her briefcase and dropped it on the table. She'd had a whole speech planned out but being here with the man she once loved had her feeling a little flustered.

"I can't imagine that you put Layla up to this, but I'm not exactly sure what would motivate her to break in here and steal that file in particular." John chose his words carefully. He could tell Evangeline was pissed and rightfully so. He wouldn't add insult to injury by accusing her of orchestrating the theft.

"Must have been fate intervening." Evangeline shrugged. "Layla had been going on for weeks that you'd been acting so strangely because of some secret you were hiding. I thought she was trying to help me get over the breakup. She thought it'd be easier for me to move on if I hated you."

John could feel the weight of his heavy heart in his chest. He didn't bother to ask if she hated him. She probably did, and he didn't blame her. Instead he just nodded. Fate must have been intervening indeed. Cristian's identity was not a secret that could be kept indefinitely. This was Llanview after all.

"I should have told you the truth. I wanted to, but I made a promise to Cris," John tried to explain, but Evangeline interrupted.

"I don't need an explanation, John, and I don't need an apology." Evangeline said one thing but meant another. Evangeline wouldn't believe he was being sincere since he hadn't volunteered the information. She didn't want an obligatory apology or explanation.

"I'm not offering an apology." John looked away not wanting to see the hurt that was painted on her face. Again, she was an innocent bystander wounded by his actions. He felt like an ass for putting her through all this mess.

Evangeline looked away at the same time as John. She didn't want him to see her cry. She quickly wiped away a tear that formed in the corner of her eye and reminded herself to stay strong.

"Somehow, I'm not surprised." Her voice cracked ever so slightly. "How can not feel any remorse at all?" She didn't want to be the one to make him think about his immoral behavior.

"I'm doing what Cris asked of me. He didn't want his loved ones suffering at the thought of him spending the rest of his life behind bars. Keeping his identity a secret was his choice." John argued, but they both knew he was wrong. He'd used his position to have the test done discretely. At the very least, he should have told Bo, his senior officer, or the ADA handling the case.

"So, let me guess." You're going to represent him now. He murdered someone, Evangeline, and attempted to murder at least two others. One of them was his own brother." John already knew where this conversation was going. "He's not some innocent man who's been falsely accused."

"It's not about guilt or innocence. That should go without saying. You're letting your personal involvement cloud your judgment." Evangeline looked over at him and waited for a response.

"Let's not make this about Natalie." John was weary of always talking about Natalie. They were a couple now and spent way too much time together. She needed him constantly.

"You brought her up, not me." Evangeline was glad, for once, that she wasn't the one bringing her up.

"But that's what this all boils down to." John looked over at her angrily. She didn't want to be with him, and now she didn't want him to be with anyone else either.

"What it boils down to is justice. When you used public resources to conduct a DNA test and then concealed the results, you violated Cristian's rights. He was denied due process because of your interference." Evangeline returned his angry stared and dared him to challenge her.

"So, that's how you're going to play this? You're really going to reopen that old would. Just remember that there are no guarantees. He admitted to his crimes and signed a confession."

"I don't plan on playing at all. Cristian deserves a fair trial and not a circus. I don't want our past involvement to become an issue for him. I'm sure that a competent attorney will be able to get Cris an appeal and hopefully a new trail." Evangeline looked over at the door half expecting Natalie to burst in at any moment. "I'm not saying it's going to quick or easy, but this new revelation changes things. There are three elements to a crime: means, motive and opportunity. Cris gave a confession, so there's means and opportunity. Motive is nowhere to be found."

John sighed and rested his hands on his hips. "Motive doesn't have to be explained when we've got a confession. Cris was on that boat for how long and went through god knows what. I wouldn't even try to guess what was going on in his mind."

"That's my point exactly. Cris was a shell of himself when he came home. He didn't have time to cope with what he'd been through. He was too busy trying to reclaim his life. Then everything come to light, and it makes sense if John Doe, mysterious imposter, commits these crimes. Now, it's going to come out that Cristian Vega was responsible for those heinous acts. I'm not the only one that's going to have a hard time believing he was in his right mind when he committed those crimes. Couple that with the fact that he needed a DNA test to confirm his own identity. Doesn't sound like reasonable doubt, no, but if certainly grounds for an affirmative defense." Evangeline didn't bother holding back the proposed case strategy.

"Thanks for that trial preview." John need Evangeline to leave now. He needed a drink, or several.

"I'm here so you can do the right thing." He looked at her genuinely confused. "This secret doesn't just effect you. Your deception will have negative consequences for Bo and Nora too."

John swallowed hard and finally saw the big picture. Those two would come under fire even if John chose to fall on his sword. Evangeline was giving him the chance to warn them, so they could try and get out in front of this. If she was really out for blood, she would have had a DNA test done secretly and then went straight to the media.

"End of the day, I did what I thought was right." John wouldn't say more than that. He couldn't change what had happened now, so why dwell on it.

"This past year or so has been devastating for Carlotta. She was forced to reveal that one of the children she'd raised wasn't hers. Instead of thanks, she took the brunt of Antonio's anger. She had to fight with RJ for the chance to spend a few hours a week with her granddaughter. I asked her how she found the strength to keep going. She just said that she was glad to have Cristian back. She would only pray for their strength and good health. She could deal with anything else as long as she knew they were all alive and well. You've let that poor woman believe that her child was dead." Evangeline walked toward the door then paused. "End of the day, the Vegas are mourning Cris, he's rotting in jail, and you're sleeping with his wife."

John watched her leave. He walked around to the sofa and collapsed. Part of her wanted to go after her, but there was nothing to say. He lied to her and betrayed her trust. It was never his intent to use the test results to his advantage, but he'd gotten what he wanted. A criminal was behind bars.

* * *

John sat at the plain table in the visiting room and looked at his watch. He'd put it off for just a few days, and in that short time Cris's lawyer had filed a petition for a DNA test. The results would be in tomorrow or the next day. He needed to speak to Bo and Nora before the results came back. He hoped to speak with Cristian first, but he was cutting it close if he was going to try and make it back in time today.

He looked over at the door just as the guard arrived with Cristian. His hands and feet were shackled to restrict his movements. John waited as the guard attached the shackles to the top of the table. He wondered why they took the extra precautions, but he didn't ask. It was usually better to be safe than sorry.

"Let me know when you're done." The guard stepped away from the table and stood in a corner. He remained in visual and auditory range. John thought that to be strange as well, but he still didn't say anything.

"What the hell are you doing here, McBain? If you're looking for absolution, you're in the wrong place." Cris stared at the man he hated. He was jealous of John's freedom, but if all played out like his attorney said he'd be a free man soon.

John held back his sarcastic reply. He wasn't looking to make a bad situation worse. This constant need for damage control was starting to grate on his nerves. "We need to talk."

"About what? You tricked me into thinking I belonged here. You were willing to let me spend my life in prison just so you could sleep with my wife." Cris started to raise his voice but checked himself. He knew how cruel the guards could be if you got out of line. "I don't even know how you can look yourself in the mirror."

"Don't be dramatic. I told you the truth about your identity. It was your choice to keep that a secret." He wouldn't address his relationship with Natalie. It wasn't Cris's incarceration that brought them together. Natalie had feelings for him long ago.

"I kept that secret because I thought I had to. You don't know what was like being a prisoner inside your own mind. I did things, horrible things that I'll never forgive myself for. What I did to Tico…what I tried to do to Antonio. I thought I deserved to be here, because I was scared that I'd hurt someone else I loved." Cris made to move, but forgot his hands were restrained.

"I've had time to reflect and heal. I'm not that man who did those horrible things. Someone or something must have been controlling me. I haven't regained all my memories yet, but I know with enough time I can put the pieces together. Whoever did this to me deserves to pay. They're the real person responsible for everything that's happened." Cris didn't seem manic or agitated. He spoke calmly and rationally.

John could now see the error in his previous decision. The case that would now be presented was a cop who hid evidence that helped send a man to prison. Now that same cop was involved with the other man's wife. The facts would matter little, but they were damning as well. Cris wasn't riddle with a guilty conscience. He'd come to terms with the atrocities that he'd committed.

Time had not been on John's side. Cris's restricted freedoms, John's relationship with Natalie, and Cris's time to reflect on his actions had changed his mind about the affirmative defense. Knowing Cris, he could have revealed his identity and Cris still would have insisted on pleading guilty. His lawyer would have taken the necessary steps to have his mental condition evaluated, but Cris would reject the affirmative defense. His confession would stand and this whole mess would have been avoided. Bo would take his badge if this conviction was overturned, but there wasn't anything John could do.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" Cris enjoyed seeing John squirm.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be the one to tell Natalie. She deserves that much." John could predict what would happen. Cris would get out of jail, but he wouldn't end up with Natalie. She would hate both men for a time, and then she'd be back to her old self-destructive ways. She would end up with whichever man came to her rescue.

"She's going to hear about the results, and she'll know your full of it. No need to try and save face now." Cris tried not to get too excited. His lawyer hadn't guaranteed his freedom, but he told him there was a good chance he could be a free man soon. He couldn't wait to be reunited with his wife. "I suggest you enjoy the time you have with her. When she learns the truth, she'll leave you. Losing her is just going to be the start of your troubles. Next, I'll go after your badge. I won't stop until you've lost all that you took from me."

That sounded out more like the Cristian Vega that John was familiar with. His anger and need for revenge would hopefully be his downfall.

* * *

John walked into the station wondering how much longer he could call this place home. He'd stayed in Llanview after a case at Michael and Eve's insistence, but Eve had since moved on and Michael was very much living his own life. Part of him wanted to connect with his family, but he was still the same old John. He held back his emotions and pushed people away. He knew soon even his family would reach their limit with him.

He stared at Bo's closed office door and knew what needed to be done. He'd have to own up to what he did and face the consequences. He nodded at a few passing officers before knocking timidly on Bo's door. He pushed the door open to see Bo and Nora huddled together looking at something. They both looked up with big smiles on their faces.

"John, hey." Nora spoke in her normally excited tone. "I was just showing Bo Matthew's soccer photos. He looks so cute." She held up the picture and smiled wide.

John just nodded. He waited while Bo and Nora divided the photos making notes as to which family members would receive which pictures. For some reason, it made John a little sad. Part of him longed for the time when his parents did the same, and part of him longed to be the proud parent. It was strange for him to feel this way, but this thing with Cristian had his emotions bubbling up to the surface.

"Sorry about that." Bo smiled and tucked the pictures away in a desk drawer. "What's going on?"

Nora took a seat on the sofa in Bo's office and looked at John expectantly. She'd been nice to him mostly, but he knew she was just being polite. She hadn't really been a fan of his since he'd broken up with Evangeline.

"It's about John Doe." John took a deep breath and wondered how they would both react.

Nora sighed and leaned back against the hard cushions. "He's claiming that he is Cris Vega. I think his lawyer is up to something shady."

"He got a fair trial, and now that he's spent some time away he's looking for an out. I think he's just looking for attention. I only hate to see what heartache it's going to cause Cris Vega's family. They've suffered enough." Bo chimed in. He'd lost a child and knew Carlotta's pain all too well. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her to lose her son again when John Doe was revealed as an imposter.

John pulled the folded manila envelope out of his jacket pocket and dropped it onto Bo's desk. "He is Cristian Vega."

Nora stood up quickly and walked over to Bo's desk. He opened the document and they read it together. "Where did you get this?" Nora put her hand on her hip and stared at him angrily.

John wiped his hand down his face. "Before he got arrested, I took some of his DNA and had the crime lab run the test. By the time the test came back, he'd been arrested and had already made a confession. When I told him, he almost didn't believe me, but eventually he came to terms with it. He didn't want his family to know, so I told him I'd keep it a secret."

Bo leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh. He looked at the man that he held in such high regard and shook his head. He could ask why he did it, but they all knew the truth. No matter how he tried to spin it, John kept Cris's secret to protect Natalie.

"That's why his lawyer is doing this. He's going to file for an appeal, which any judge with even one brain cell will grant him. My god, we're going to have to retry this man." Nora put her hand to her head and steadied herself. She couldn't bring herself to look over at John. She thought of Evangeline finding out and that nauseated her.

"Cris confessed." John said with finality.

"John Doe confessed!" Bo snapped. "John Doe was given a life sentence."

"I don't see where that makes a difference." John spoke honestly. "We're talking about the same man."

"The difference is that Cris Vega needed, let me repeat needed, a DNA test to tell him who he was. This is after he was kidnapped and kept away from his family for years. We're not talking about some stranger who came to town wearing the face of beloved man. We're talking about Cris Vega, the artist, the son, the brother, the uncle, the husband. He wasn't some murdering psycho before he was taken." Nora was so angry that she could throw something. She expected for Bo to jump in and say more.

"Forget an appeal. We're looking at a mistrial. Possibly double jeopardy. Cris could walk on a technicality." Nora could feel hear head starting to pound. She was only the acting DA, but she would bear the full brunt of the public's outrage.

"I really don't understand what the problem is. We have his signed confession." John was no stranger to the legal system, but his guilt was blinding him.

"We have a signed confession from John Doe," Bo inserted, "and that would be fine except," He held the manila envelope up between his thumb and pointer fingers. "You, John, as an officer of the law intentionally withheld evidence from the prosecution and the defense. You did it to the detriment of John Doe's defense. You knowingly let a man commit perjury in open court. Cris can legitimately claim that he still believed himself to be just a John Doe when he entered his guilty plea."

"That was a good confession, Bo." John looked him in the eyes not willing to admit that he was wrong.

"Good according to whom? It's going to come out that critical information was withheld from the Cris and his attorney. Your handling of the DNA test results is going to taint everything." Bo could imagine the media frenzy. He didn't want to throw John to the wolves, but if things got nasty he might not have a choice.

"I screwed up, but it really was Cristian's call." John watched Bo and tried to figure out what he was going to say next. "I saw Cris today, and he's upset."

"If I were him, and you were sleeping with my wife, I'd be upset too." Nora added quickly. John just nodded. He didn't want to keep talking about his relationship with Natalie.

There was a knock on the door that interrupted the awkward silence. John recognized the man right away. Ira Schneider was the man who was representing Cris. He also worked for Evangeline's firm.

"I apologize for the interruption." Ira had already spoken to Cris since John had visited. The late-night phone call was not at all what he expected.

He surveyed the room and noted the tension between the group. He smirked knowing that John was forced to reveal his deception. He was going to enjoy himself with this case, but first he needed to take make sure Cristian was safe.

"What can I do for you Mr. Schneider?" Bo too preferred the friendly face of Evangeline. Her young protégés all had something to prove, and they all made things infinitely more difficult for Bo and his department.

"I'm guessing the cat's out of the bag here." He pulled the door shut as he started to speak. "Since we all know who John Doe really is, we need to make sure that he is protected."

"Protected?" John looked over at him quizzically.

"I spoke with Cristian today after your visit lieutenant. There's been a lot of unrest amongst the prisoners as of late, and the timing just seems too convenient. Cris didn't say it exactly, but I think that his life may be in danger. I need to get him into protective custody, but without a DNA test to prove his identity I'm powerless." Ira ran his hands through his short curly hair.

John remembered the visit and wondered if that was the reason for the extra precautions. "Things seemed a little off when I was there, Bo."

"Maybe if you speak to the warden on Cristian's behalf," Ira began, "he can move him into a safer environment."

"What's this really all about Mr. Schneider?" Nora knew that his hands weren't exactly tied. There were motions he could file if he really believed Cris's life to be in danger.

Ira didn't want to show his hand so soon, but if he didn't do something soon, he may not have a hand to play at all. "Cris has started to remember, and there are people who are willing to harm him to keep him silent. Just us saying that he needs to be isolated isn't enough. I've had an emergency motion hearing denied, so it'll be Monday at the earliest before I can help him. I really don't think he will last through the weekend."

Bo clenched his fist and his jaw. John had made a fine mess of things. If Cris died in prison, they would likely all be out of jobs. "I'll put a call in to the warden." Bo was using his influence to pull strings, but it wasn't for some selfish gain. He wanted to protect Cristian for his family's sake.

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." Ira turned to leave. "No matter what happens, no hard feelings okay." Ira smiled slightly before leaving.

"Slimy little weasel. I don't know why Evangeline ever hired him." Nora spoke out loud accidentally. "I've got to get ahead of this. I've got to get Matthew settled in first. Please keep me in the loop." Nora gave John another disapproving glance before she left. Things were moving fast. Unfortunately, she wouldn't have time to warn Evangeline like she'd wanted to.

"Look, Bo, I really am sorry. I didn't mean to cause all this mess." John spoke honestly as he watched Bo dialing his phone. "For what it's worth, I thought I was doing the right thing."

Bo frowned and hung up the phone. "Your apology will have to wait. I just tried calling up to the prison, but the line up there is down. I need to get up there." Bo stood and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair.

John knew that it would be dangerous. He couldn't let Bo stick his neck out for him when he'd created this mess. "You'll probably be more effective here. I'll head back out there. I won't let anything happen to Cris."

Bo nodded his approval. "I'm holding you to your word."

* * *

Michael rushed into Rodi's looking for some sort of distraction. He'd gotten a call from the station, and it hadn't been good news. Something had gone wrong and there was a riot at the prison. Of course, his hapless brother was right in the thick of it. The officer informed him that they didn't know whether or not John was injured, but they were playing it safe. They advised him to keep himself apprised of the situation in case things took a turn for the worse.

Michael had been a mess ever since then. He and Marcie were off again so he didn't have her to turn to. As his mother was miles away on a cruise ship, he didn't really have anyone to lean on. He and John had grown closer since John moved to Llanview, and he'd really liked the relationship they were building. He couldn't stomach the thought of losing him.

"What can I get you?" Mack slung the rag over his shoulder and looked over at Michael.

"Whatever's on tap is fine." Michael knew that drinking was the last thing he needed to be doing, but he desperately needed a distraction. He grabbed his frothy mug, dropped a few bills on the bar, and looked for an empty table.

He smiled at the sight of Evangeline, but his joy soon faded. He saw her looking through case file and felt a heavy weight on his shoulders. Here she was just going on about her business like any other day. She probably had no idea that John was in any sort of danger. He hated having to be the one to tell her, but she needed to know.

"E, what's up?" He smiled as she looked up at him. He had to admit that he did have bit of a crush on her, but she was his brother's ex and that meant she was off limits. He'd told himself that even before he found out about her pregnancy.

"Work as usual." Evangeline looked at the beer in Michael's hand and noted the time. "I know you're worried, Michael, but your brother is trained for situations like this and so are the guards.'

Michael's mouth hung open at bit at her words. He plopped down in the chair beside her almost tripping and spilling his beer at the same time. "So, you already know?"

"Yeah, I got word a couple of hours ago." She didn't want to go into the details. Ira had come to her immediately. He was worried about Cris, but he was also worried that Cris might die and ruin his chance at a high-profile trial.

Michael shook his head in disbelief. "And you're just here working like nothing is even wrong?"

"There is nothing that you or I can do in the situation. Worrying and panicking will not change what is going on. You just have to believe that the Statesville guards and John are capable of suppressing a riot." Evangeline folded the file in front of her and slipped it into her briefcase.

There was a small part of her that was terrified that John might die and never get to know his child. It was strange and almost a little unnerving, but other than that she hadn't been worried about John at all. She could imagine that he intentionally put himself in harm's way. It would be better to die a hero trying to protect Cris than to be vilified when the truth came out.

"What the fuck, Evangeline. How can you be so…so heartless?" Michael was letting his emotions get the best of him. "John's in there with some of the biggest scum of Llantano County. There's no telling how many of them have a personal grudge against John. Even still, John was willing to put himself on the line because he took an oath. That counts for something, Evangeline."

For the first time in a long time, Evangeline was speechless. It was obvious that Michael looked up to his hero brother. Nothing short of the truth would get Michael to back off, but she held her ground. She wouldn't be the one to disclose John's secret about Cristian.

"I guess this makes it easy for you if John dies. You've kept this huge secret from him, and all under that guise that you were doing it to protect your child. I see the truth now, E. You were and have always just been looking out for yourself. That baby deserves a father. John deserves to know the truth. If you had told the truth, then John wouldn't be in this mess. He wouldn't be risking his life needlessly." Tears welled up in the corners of Michael's eyes. He couldn't stop himself from saying what was really on his mind. Mike had been too young to miss his father, so he'd always looked to John to fill that role. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him.

"I know you're worried, but you're way out of line." Evangeline gathered her things to leave. It hurt that she had one less person she could lean on. She was a fool to rely on Michael in the first place. He was John's brother after all.

"And you're a selfish and cold-hearted. It's no wonder that you and John didn't make it." Now he was just being vindictive. Anger was easier to deal with than fear.

Evangeline stood and turned to leave. Her frown deepened at the sight of Natalie. She rushed over to Evangeline and Michael. Evangeline a wave of panic was over her. She didn't want Michael blurting out anything about the baby to Natalie of all people, but he was in rare form. She didn't know how to stop this train wreck.

"Michael, Evangeline have you heard anything else?" Natalie's face was stained with tears and her eyes were red and puffy.

"No." Michael spoke in an angry whisper.

Natalie looked over to Evangeline for an answer. "What about you, Evangeline?"

"She can't be bothered to care, Natalie." Michael picked up his glass and took a big gulp. He looked up at Evangeline almost as if he was daring her to contradict him.

"John was only there because of that scumbag lawyer who works for you. That jerk is trying to get John Doe's case reopened. John put that man away to keep me safe, and now your employee is trying to set that animal free. You have to know something." Natalie looked over at her pleadingly.

Evangeline dropped her head and thought about the easiest way out of this situation. She could feel the anger rising off of Michael. "I am not John Doe's lawyer. I'm just a private citizen, so I'm not privy to the details of the case." She told only a half truth. "Mr. Schneider believed that his client's life was in danger. I believe that John was sent there to assess that danger and ensure the safety of John Doe."

"Why should my brother have to risk his life to save a murderer?" Michael slammed his hand down on the table. Natalie went to his side and could no longer hold back her tears.

Evangeline took that as her cue to leave. She would let these two commiserate and lament over John's current predicament.


	6. The Slip

John relaxed into the soft cushions of Bo's sofa. The past fifty-nine hours had been hell, but the stress was worth it. Carlo Hesser had been the mastermind behind a sinister plot that involved taking over the Santi family. John had been surprised to find out that Carlo had planned on kidnapping Cris all along. It had just been a lucky coincidence for Carlo that John was using Natalie as bait and that Cris had tagged along.

Cris had been right about his life being in danger. As he slowly stared to recover his lost memories, he started putting the puzzle together. Carlo knew he would be a liability, so he decided to have him eliminated. It had been lucky for John that Layla interfered when she did. Her meddling had saved Cris's life. That and John's crude surgical skills.

John did all he did to protect Cris from harm, but the prisoners had some inside help. Cris ended up with a life-threatening gunshot wound. John had to utilize his almost nonexistent medical skills, and stitched Cris up to the best of his abilities. It was enough to stop the bleeding and get Cris to a safe location.

Looking back at the events, it was a miracle that Cris or John had even survived. Even behind bars Carlo remained a force to be reckoned with. His downfall had been his big mouth. The LPD was now in possession of Carlo's taped confession. He exonerated Cris with his admission that he had Cris brainwashed to do his bidding.

Bo walked into his office and sat down at his desk. John could tell that he was angry, but relieved. All in all, things turned out better than expected. The DA's office was working to have Cris released from prison to at least be home in time for Christmas. "I'm not happy with your methods, but you did some good work."

John only nodded in response. He knew there would be fallout for his choices both personally and professionally. Cris hadn't held a grudge after all. He couldn't turn a blind eye to the way John put himself in danger to save him. The official story would be that John Doe's identity had not been in question until right before the prison riot. Only those close to the Vegas would know the actual story.

Then there was Natalie. She had been there with open arms and a tear streaked face when John had emerged from prison. Her gratitude was short lived once she learned the truth. She slapped both John and Cristian before storming off. John could imagine that she was with her family now, and no doubt trying to figure out what she needed to do next. The two most important men in her life had worked together to deceive her. She loved John, and believed he was her soulmate. She loved Cris too, but she'd spent more time grieving him than actually loving him.

"How's Natalie holding up?" Bo had been too busy catching up on paperwork and doing damage control to check in. He was like a surrogate father to Natalie since Clint wasn't available.

"She's angry, you know, but other than that I can't say. We're not exactly on speaking terms right now. She needs time. I can give her that." John was more honest than he intended.

Bo tapped his hand against his desk and sucked in a deep breath. This wasn't exactly the conversation he wanted to be having. John was his best detective, but his involvement with Natalie had never been a good thing. He hadn't the heart to tell either of them. If they wanted to be together, he would support them, but he couldn't let things remain has they had.

"I know you care about her, John, but enough is enough." Bo stared over at him.

"Don't even go there Bo. Yes, I broke some rules, but tell me you haven't done the same trying to protect people that you care about. I did what I thought was right, and people got hurt. Cris wanted to die when I told him about the DNA results. He threatened to take his own life, and for once I could sympathize with the guy. I wouldn't want the people that I loved to have to watch me rotting away in prison. He didn't want Natalie wasting her life pining over him." John stood and started to pace.

"I can't deny that I have." Bo sighed. His family was high profile and that would always make them targets for trouble. He wouldn't compromise his position, but he would do all that he could to protect the ones he loved. "Thing is that I know at the end of the day I have to answer to my superiors for my actions."

"I can't change the past, and if I could I'm not sure I would. I made a choice, and I'm willing to live with that." John stood with his hands on his hips in front of Bo's desk.

"Then don't take this personally." Bo had spoken with Nora about John's actions. They couldn't punish him openly without his indiscretions being made public, so the Bo had come up with a plan that would hopefully satisfy the mayor and Nora and not be pleasant for John. "I'm mandating that you speak to the IA psychologist. He will need to clear you for field duty."

John glared at Bo, but he wasn't able to hold his tongue. "I don't need a shrink."

"You've been through hell, and I'm not just talking about what just happened in the prison." Bo held up his hand to stop John from interrupting him. "In this most recent incident, you again let your personal feelings guide you, and you made the wrong decision."

"Talking some quack ain't going to make me a better cop. I did what I had to. I protected your niece from a dangerous man. I protected Cris from himself." John was tired of arguing. He already knew there was no way out of this, but he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"This case was bigger than Natalie and Cris and right now you're not seeing that. You've displayed on more than one occasion questionable judgment. This department cannot afford a scandal. I need to know that when you're in the field that you're acting in the best interest of this department and the citizens it's sworn to protect. When you wear that badge, you're putting your personal feelings aside to get the job done. We don't choose the victims. We don't choose the perps. We don't put our fingers on the scale of justice. I think you've lost perspective, and I'm hoping that talking to a professional is all you need to get back on track."

"And what if it's not what you expect?" John had been to a psychologist on only three occasions; once after his father died, once as part of his evaluation for the FBI, and once after his fiancée Caitlyn was murdered. His FBI evaluation had been routine, and he had no trouble passing it. The other two times were hellish. He was raw with emotion and too angry to get any real benefit. One visit was all he needed to pull himself together enough to keep up appearances.

"Then you turn in your gun. I won't have you on the streets acting like a loose cannon." Bo would hate to lose John, but he was starting to become a liability. If he had to, he'd find a way to get things done without him.

* * *

John tossed his jacket onto the sofa and sighed. He looked around his apartment and noted how empty it was. There was a note on the table with John's name on it. He picked it up and walked to his fridge to grab a beer.

_John,_

_I'm still in shock. What the hell were you thinking! You lied and let me believe my husband was dead. Because of you, I was unfaithful to my husband. I don't even know where to go from here. I can't trust you. I can't trust Cris. I can't trust anyone. I don't want you anywhere near me. Don't call or try to come and see me. You can pack my stuff and leave it at the desk with Roxy. We're done!_

_Nat_

John balled up the letter and tossed it into the trash. He could understand Natalie's anger. If she wanted space, she could have it.

Just as he was about to settle in there was a knock at the door. John thought about ignoring it, but the knocking was loud and insistent. He swung the door open and frowned to see his brother on the other side.

"Hey, I thought I would check in with you." Mike looked exhausted. He was called for duty toward the end of the standoff, so he knew John was okay. "Mom's gonna want an update."

John nodded and motioned for him to come in. "You want one?" John held the beer out towards him. Mike shook his head, so John popped the top and took a sip.

Mike sat on the sofa cushion closest to John. It was comforting to be near him. He would never say it, but he constantly worried about John. They had both gone into careers that involved saving people. Only, Mike didn't have to worry about being shot in his line of work.

"You're drinking alone, and you look like shit. What's going on? Where's Natalie?" Mike had to practically pull himself away from Natalie. She promised to call him with an update, but her phone was going directly to voicemail. He decided to check on John himself.

John swallowed hard. He looked over at his brother and sighed. He could lie, but Natalie and Michael weren't on bad terms. She would tell him if John didn't. He might as well tell his side of it. "Gone. She's not coming back."

"Come on, bro. What could you have done in such a short period of time?" Mike nudged him in the shoulder playfully. He knew it had something to do with that John Doe. Natalie was so confused that John would go out of his way to help that guy out. "She still pissed that you went in to save that guy pretending to be Cris?"

"You've always been a sharp one." John took a big sip and finished off the rest of his drink. He thought about getting another one then decided against it. "Problem is that guy wasn't pretending."

Mike looked at him quizzically. "Wait, wait, wait. Guy says he's Cris Vega, kills Tico, tries to kill Antonio. Then after all that he says that he's not Cris and confesses to his crimes. Now he's saying he's Cris again and it sounds like you believe him." Mike shook his head at his brother's stupidity. "If I were Nat, I'd be pissed too. She lost Cris, and this guy pretending to be him is only opening up that same old wound."

"Right before his confession, I obtained his DNA and compared it to Cristian's. He is Cris Vega. There's no doubt about it." John leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "He made me swear to keep his secret. He didn't want his loved ones to know."

Mike's eyes widened. "John, what the? Why would you keep a secret like that? How could you know the truth and be with Natalie?"

John stared at him silently. He wasn't going to get that deep into it with him. "Natalie found out the truth. She doesn't want anything to do with me or with Cris."

Mike wiped his hand down his face. "That's really messed up, John. Really. Messed. Up." Mike knew his brother was probably feeling like crap, but there wasn't anything Mike could say to make him feel better.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for several long minutes. Mike wanted to ask John what he would do about Natalie, but he knew he wouldn't get a straight answer. "This just isn't your year." Mike thought about his failed relationship with Evangeline, and then it dawned on him. He sat slowly and replayed his last interaction her. "She knew, didn't she?" Mike felt a sense of dread building in the pit of his stomach.

John sat up and put his hand to Mike's forehead. "You sick or just hard of hearing?"

Mike slapped his hand away. "Evangeline, she knew."

"No." John spoke quickly. He wouldn't let her name be dirtied with his. "I lied to her too. I knew it wasn't a secret that she could keep."

"Fuck." Mike dropped his head into his hands. He'd been absolutely terrible to her, and again she hadn't deserved it. "I saw her not long after I got word of what happened. She knew what was going on, and she didn't seem the slightest bit concerned. I got mad at her, and I was downright mean to her."

"We're not together, Mike." Hearing him say that made John more than just a little sad. She really had washed her hands of him.

"You don't even know what you've done, John." Mike spoke carefully. "I hurt her trying to defend you."

"You said it yourself not long ago. Evangeline and I aren't together. We're not even friends." John said it casually, but it still hurt. She suffered again so that he could protect Natalie.

"I'm glad you're okay, John." Mike thought about hugging him, but he wanted to slap him more. Instead he decided to leave. "I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you were really okay."

"I'm good." John was confused why Evangeline had been such a sore subject. He wouldn't push him to open up, because he wasn't willing to do the same. He watched Mike leave and was glad to be alone again. He thought about his future appointment with the internal affairs shrink. That would be enough to keep him distracted for the next several days.

* * *

"Merry after Christmas boss, and happy why are you working on New Year's Eve, boss." Ira had stopped in to drop off some files when he saw the light on in Evangeline's office. He had anticipated being very busy over the holiday season, so he'd taken a lot of things home with him to work on.

"Merry after Christmas to you too, Ira, and happy what are you doing here?" Evangeline smiled at her young protégé. She couldn't imagine that he would stay on with her firm long term. He was just as ambitious as she had been in her younger days.

"Dropping off these Vega case files. Not like I'll need them." He was ecstatic when Evangeline chose him to represent Cris. Clearly, she saw something in him, and he didn't want to disappoint. "Still can't believe my bad luck." He sat down on the corner of Evangeline's desk.

"Your client is free, and you didn't have to spend countless hours working on filing motions or trial prep. Sounds like pretty good luck to me." Evangeline stared up at him. "I'm very pleased with the work you put in."

"I did next to nothing. I was expecting this trial to be high profile." Ira had never doubted that he would get Cris's conviction overturned. He'd already had his opening and closing statements written plus several press releases.

"It's not always about the glory. As long as justice is done." Evangeline made a note to find another case that would excite him.

"I know he's being hailed as a hero, but I'm still a little salty over this Detective McBain. He lied and it costs the taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars. I know he saved my client's life, but he's really getting off scot-free." He knew John was his bosses ex, so he wouldn't say much more than that.

"I'm just glad that Cris Vega's original confession was not held against him. If his lawyer at the time had known his identity, Cris would likely still be in prison. Crazy, brainwashing scheme or not. I think that Cris would have insisted on being imprisoned for what he almost did to his brother." Evangeline found the silver lining.

"True." Ira started to touch the things on Evangeline's desk until he realized he was probably irritating her. "I know it's probably a sore subject, but why didn't you just represent Vega yourself. If McBain were my ex, I'd love to kick him around a little bit."

Evangeline gave a half-smile. She was still raw with emotion. She told John that it was so that Cris would have a better shot at a fair trial, but that was a lie. If she was the one representing Cris, she'd go for blood. That meant going after the LPD as a whole as well as the DA's office. She wouldn't be able to go easy on Bo or Nora even though they were not directly involved in the conspiracy. She would bring them all to their knees and then top it off with a civil suit.

Once she calmed down, she remembered that John was the father of her child. She didn't want to be the one that took away his livelihood. Being a cop was all he ever wanted, and if she took that from him she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

"I didn't want to make it personal. I did what was best for Cris. In the past, I've done things just to prove that I could keep my personal and professional lives separate, but it sort of blew up in my face. Now I look back and realize how naive that was. Life lesson learned, so I'm glad for the experience." She remembered representing Natalie and Antonio. Both cases had put an enormous strain on her relationship with John. She shouldn't have represented either one of them.

Ira nodded that he understood. He could see a sad look on Evangeline's face. He hated that he even mentioned her ex. "Sorry, didn't mean to get personal." He smiled at her and cursed his own bad luck. He had a crush on Evangeline, but of course he could never act on his feelings. She was his boss, and he could tell that she didn't see them as equals. "Alright, I'm going to get out of here. Time to put this year to rest and start focusing on the next."

Evangeline smiled as Ira excused himself. His words resonated within her. Tonight, would be the first night in her new house, and the start to her new beginning. There was no more time to waste. No more stalling. Tomorrow she would tell John the truth.

* * *

John stood in the hallway outside Evangeline's apartment and wondered how he ended up there. These last few days he'd been thinking about her constantly. He'd been so used to being alone on holidays, but Evangeline had changed that. Even though they weren't together and he'd moved on, he still missed her. Of all the things that happened this past year, he was most upset that he'd lost her friendship.

John didn't want to spend too much time thinking about it, so he didn't. He knocked on her door before he lost his nerve. Not sure of how she would greet him, he kept his head bowed down and looked at his feet.

Evangeline flung the door open without even asking who it was. When she saw John, she instantly remembered him nagging her about asking who it was first. She started to smile at the memory, but quickly frowned. He'd put her through the ringer this year, and she wasn't about to make it easy on him.

"John, what are you doing here?" Evangeline was quite under dressed considering her normal appearance. She was wearing some old sweatpants from college that had an elastic waist and a t-shirt with a coffee stain that was hidden by a zip up jacket.

"You're supposed to ask who it is first." John couldn't help but to remind her. She wasn't in any danger from the Killing Club Killers anymore, but he still remembered the scared look in her eyes. He couldn't stomach the thought of her being hurt.

She didn't smile, nod or acknowledge that remark at all. She just waited for him to state his peace. They stood in silence for a few moments before she started to repeat herself.

"I wanted to see you. Just to check in." John hated how lame that sounded, but he really didn't have a good reason for being there.

Evangeline stared at him for a moment. What were the chances that he would show up tonight, and at this very moment? All her items were moved earlier in the day, and she only dropped in to triple check that the movers hadn't left anything extra behind. She was donating most of her old furniture and some other things that had been left behind in boxes.

"Come on in." Evangeline left the door open for him as she walked toward the sofa. She had been prepared to come clean tomorrow, but tonight just seemed right. When Ira had interrupted her earlier, she was going over some paperwork that her lawyer had sent to her. That she had it with her now was even more of a sign.

John felt the cold emptiness of her apartment and was confused. He looked around nervously. "You leaving town?" He hadn't heard anything from the rumor mill, so this came to him as a complete surprise, almost. Evangeline was a big fish swimming in a tiny pond. It was only a matter of time before she moved on to bigger things.

Evangeline had forgotten about the boxes that quickly. "I'm moving."

John smiled knowing that she wasn't leaving; not yet. He felt nostalgic being here. They had a lot of great times here and at his place as well. Now she was leaving this home, and she'd make new memories somewhere else probably with someone else. He tried not to be bitter, but she had every right to move on.

"I been thinking about you a lot lately with this whole Cristian thing. Before, I said I wasn't going to make any apologies to you." John watched as she moved through the apartment. "I know that I was wrong, but I didn't seem to have any other choice. I wanted to help Cris. I wanted to protect Natalie. I wanted to be with you. The choice that I ended up making was what was best for them, and not about what was best for you. For that I truly am sorry."

Evangeline frowned and rolled her eyes. It was a good thing her back was to him. She could read him like a book. He was trying to pull her in as he always did before. Never really saying what he felt but saying just enough to make you feel like he was trying. In the end, they'd make love and table the issue, but that was then and she was hip to his tricks.

"Your apology is almost a year late. You had a choice then, and you chose to lie. That you're apologizing now because the truth has been revealed means little to nothing." Evangeline put her hands in her pockets and turn to look at him. He looked haggard. She could tell that he probably hadn't been sleeping properly, or that he'd been on a mostly liquid diet.

"I know, but I still owed it to you." John stuffed his hands down in his pants pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. Very few people made him as nervous as she did. "If I had been honest, maybe we could have worked together to get Cris the help he needed. My moral compass maybe isn't as good as yours." John tried to joke to lighten the mood. This was the most he'd talked to her in months. He at least wanted the conversation to be a little jovial.

"Keeping a parent from their child, lying to suit your own interest, only apologizing when the truth can no longer be obscured." Evangeline pulled her hands out of her pockets and started to unzip her jacket. "Seems like we're just alike." Evangeline unzipped her jacket and opened it fully. She turned to the side to give John an unmistakable view of her abdomen. Her shirt was form fitting and hugged her bulging abdomen. She still hadn't gotten as big as she expected, but she did have to make an effort now to hide her growing bulge.


	7. You Lied Too!

John saw the fullness of her stomach and his knees went numb. A million questions popped into his head. She was obviously pregnant, but he couldn't tell how far along. Surely, she hadn't kept this from him, but if he wasn't the father he couldn't imagine who was. He hadn't heard any talk of Evangeline being involved with anyone else. Evangeline was a private. For all he knew, she could have gotten back together with her ex, Dennis.

When he really thought about it there was only one question that he needed her to answer. "When are you due?"

"March." She watched the color drain from his face. He reached backwards for the chair that from memory should have been behind him. He took two awkward steps backwards before he felt his back against a wall. The wall steadied him as he tried to regain his composure. He felt sick enough to throw up.

The date of conception was plainly obvious to him. They'd been careless in the beginning of their relationship, but when things started to progress, and the sex was more frequent, Evangeline had been fitted for a diaphragm. She'd worn it religiously too. The last time they were together was just a couple of days before their breakup. Things had gotten hot and heavy very quickly, which wasn't abnormal for them. John had been desperate to have her, and didn't want to wait even the short amount of time that it took for her to put her diaphragm in. He assured her that it would be okay if it was just that one time. Then he'd made love to her tenderly. It was fitting that they'd created a life. He'd never felt closer to her than he had in those moments. He wasn't able to say the words, so he wanted to show her how much she meant to him.

"Six months?" His words came out painfully slow. It hurt John to say it out loud. He finally regained his composure and closed the distance between them. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and feel the life they'd created that was growing inside of her. Evangeline's arms were folded across her chest. Touching her was definitely out of the question.

Evangeline sat on the sofa carefully. She placed her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. "You're going to want to sit for this." She avoided staring into his sad blue eyes. She'd hurt him, and she didn't feel good about it.

John shook his head. "How long have you been keeping this from me?" He tried to keep his tone even. He didn't want to get into a shouting match with her.

"Since the night of the Woman of the Year ceremony." Evangeline watched him double over as if in pain. John sat down hard as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "I know you have questions, but it's best if you just let me talk for a while. If you still have questions, I'll answer them then."

John looked at her stunned. She was in lawyer mode now of all times. She had hidden this secret from him for months. John nodded his head in agreement. He had to remind himself that now wasn't the time to be arguing.

"I'm sure it doesn't matter now, but it was not my original intent to hide this pregnancy from you." Evangeline was being sincere. She looked over at him apologetically. She could tell he didn't believe her. He was polite enough to keep his mouth shut.

"I was out of sorts after our breakup. It took a toll on me emotionally and physically. It was only after feeling unusually ill and fatigued that I took a pregnancy test on a whim. I was sure I'd gotten a false positive. For the most part we'd been extremely cautious." Evangeline too remembered the last time they were together. They hadn't used any sort of protection.

"I really didn't want to think too much of it. I set up an appointment with Lily for early in the next week, and that was it. Mom came down to congratulate me, so I was busy focusing all my attention on her." Evangeline focused on a tape mark that was on the wall. No amount of preparation would have calmed her nerves.

"You already know why things didn't turn out as expected. I was scared out of my mind, and so was Natalie. I knew what the killers were capable of, so I gathered myself as best as I could and started planning. Once the initial trauma wore off, I knew that no matter what I had to do everything in my power to protect our child. I guess on some basic level my mind wouldn't let me deny what my body knew to be true." Evangeline started to tear up at the memory. She could still recall the thick smoke that choked her and the heat of the flames at feet. The nightmares were less frequent, but Evangeline knew would not soon forget her near death experience.

"When you came bursting in, I almost cried. I can't describe how relieved I was. Though it was completely irrational, I felt as though you already knew what was at stake, and that's how you'd found us so fast." Evangeline paused a moment to gather herself. She could feel the tears welling up inside of her.

"Then you went into cop mode. You quickly assessed the situation and you went to save Natalie first. I could see that she was in trouble, but it still hurt to watch you go to her. You saved me, and for that I vowed to be grateful."

John still lamented over the choice he was forced to make. Now knowing that Evangeline was pregnant at the time, John finally knew that he'd made the right choice. Natalie had been through hell at the hands of the killers. When they found her, she was in pretty bad shape. John didn't want to imagine what would have happened if Evangeline had been tossed down that hole.

"We got separated in the shuffle once you realized Natalie had been taken again. I knew you'd come to take my statement, and that's when I had originally intended to tell you. When I was being held hostage, I couldn't help but think about my life. Being in danger gave me perspective. I decided to give us another chance. I wanted to forget about all the stuff that had come between us. I wanted us to be a family, and not just for the sake of our child." Evangeline leaned back into the sofa cushions and stared up at the ceiling.

"Then when we were finally alone together it was clear how focused you were on finding Natalie. It seemed selfish almost divide your attention. You had so much on your plate, and I didn't want to add to it."

"You should never have thought of our child as a burden to me. I would have protected you both, and still brought Natalie home." John face was stained with tears. He'd been distant with Evangeline because that what he thought she needed. To hear now that she was waiting for him with open arms was almost too much to bear.

His words had no effect on her. Evangeline continued without even acknowledging him. "Then you found Natalie, and I was so glad it was over. I was tired of being alone; tired of keeping this secret."

John could feel himself getting sick again.

"It was like a kick in the teeth to find out about you two. I was angry, jealous. Part of me didn't want to tell you out of spite, but even slighted Evangeline takes the high road. We weren't together anymore, so, even if you swore up and down that you didn't have feelings for Natalie in the past, I had no right to be jealous. Then I thought about it more, and realized I needed to keep my mouth shut. I could just see you insisting on us getting married for the sake of our child. I didn't want news of your impending fatherhood to be the end of your relationship with Natalie."

"Next time don't do me any favors." John was angry that she could read him so well.

"You can try to deny it all you want, but there was something left unsettled between you two. The favor wasn't just for you. I didn't want you to resent me from getting in the way of your happiness." Evangeline felt relieved that she'd gotten most of it out. It was almost over now. "Turns out you found a way to mess that up all on your own."

John frowned at her last statement. "Yeah, I screwed up, but so did you. I made a bad call, but so did you. I lied, but so did you. I hurt someone, but so did you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but so did you."

"John, I never lied to you." Evangeline tilted her head to the side and stared at him. I didn't let a man rot in prison. I didn't endanger anyone's life. I didn't sleep with anyone's spouse."

"And that's what this boils down to. You want to hold that against me, go ahead. It doesn't change what you did. You could have told me at any time." John didn't want to fight with her. They should be celebrating. "You know I'll do the right thing."

Evangeline sighed and shook her head. Of course, he would say that and expect that she would take his word. He wasn't the man that she thought he was. "I knew you'd say that, John, but I'm not sure that your definition and my definition are the same thing."

"I don't know what you mean. I want to take care of our child. What else is there? You need it in writing?" John didn't even broach the subject of them being together. He couldn't guess what she was getting.

Evangeline pulled a folded piece of paper out of her purse and held it out to him. His angry blue eyes met hers.

"No. I'm not going to do this with you, Evangeline." He knew now what she was getting at. She was suing him for custody and their child wasn't even born yet. So much for them working this out amicably.

"You don't have a choice, John. Get a lawyer, because you're going to need one." She walked over to him and dropped the paperwork in his lap. "Right now, as far as the law is concerned, you're not the father of this child. It would be nothing for me to be on a plane halfway across the world before you could even say DNA test."

"Is that a threat?" John grabbed the paper on his lap; crumpling it in the process. Anger that he hadn't felt in a long time burned inside of him.

"It's a promise." Evangeline stormed out of her own apartment and let the door slam behind her. She'd had automatic locks installed after she'd been kidnapped. At least she didn't have to worry about John locking up behind himself.

John sat on her sofa for a good thirty minutes hoping to calm down. It took a considerable amount of effort to stop his anger from boiling over. He kept thinking about Evangeline's betrayal. She had a list of convenient excuses, but at any moment she could have just told him the truth. In the end, she was just as selfish as he was, or so he thought. He had to get out her place before he did something he would later regret.

He drove home in a daze still processing everything that had happened. He only stopped in to see her as an attempt to get her off of his mind. Something about the way Mike kept talking about her had him curious. If he hadn't known his brother, he would have sworn that there was something between them. Then it hit him. There had been something between them, but not anything romantic. He almost wished that they had been romantically involved. Evangeline was a beautiful woman, and he wouldn't exactly blame his brother for being with her.

John raced up the stairs to the Angel's Square Motel and found himself at his brother's door. He pounded on the door furiously even after hearing Mike speaking from beyond the closed door.

Mike swung the door open and stared at his brother whose eyes were wild like a crazed animal. "John, what the," A crushing blow to the jaw cut him off.

"Michael, oh my god." Marcie rushed over to him as he stumbled backwards. "John, are you crazy?" Marcie had seen the brothers fight before, but it had never come to blows.

"Maybe, or maybe I'm just stupid for believing in family." John stood over his brother who normally towered over him. He and Mike had grown close these past few years. It had been a slap in the face to John to figure out that he knew about Evangeline's pregnancy, but hadn't said anything to him.

Mike held his jaw and smiled at Marcie. This isn't what he had in mind when he'd planned their evening. "I'm okay, Marcie. I think you should give us a minute to talk."

"I am not leaving you with him." Marcie had seen her brothers fight countless times, so a little blood didn't make her squeamish. Instead she stayed as a mediator and made sure things didn't get too out of hand. She would do the same thing for Michael and John. "Spit it out, John. You obviously came here to say something."

"I'm here about what wasn't said." John didn't realize it, but he still had the paperwork from Evangeline crumpled up in his hand.

Mike looked at John and knew the truth. Evangeline had finally told him. Mike shook his head and stood. "It wasn't my place to tell you, John. I'm bound by my oath."

Marcie listened carefully and tried to figure their coded talk.

"Bull. Don't give me that excuse, Mikey." John stepped forward but was intercepted by Marcie. She wouldn't let him in arm's reach of Michael.

"I did everything in my power, without breaking the rules, to help you figure it out. Why do you think I kept nagging you about her? I practically begged you to see her, but you were too preoccupied with your own crap to care."

Marcie looked over her shoulder at Michael. John had few women in his life, and Marcie knew all of them. He had to have been talking about Evangeline.

"Time and time again, I tried John, but I couldn't betray her trust. She was dead set on keeping her secret until she was ready to tell you. I wanted to be there for her, but you know Evangeline; she's pretty much all class. She wouldn't let me get close because she knew it would come across as a betrayal to you." Mike's body was pressed against Marcie's back. He was as close to John as she would allow.

"How noble of you, Mike." John became aware of the paper in his hand and felt his anger starting to take control again.

Marcie's eyes grew wide as she finally figured what they were talking about. "John, is Evangeline pregnant with your child?"

John smirked, but he wasn't amused. "Yeah, she's six months along and I just found out tonight. Apparently, my baby brother here has been keeping this secret for her since I'm such a terrible guy. Our baby is not even born yet, and yet she's suing me for custody. All class, right Mikey." John held on to the paper even tighter.

Mike sighed and rubbed his temples. "Just think of all the crap you've pulled, John. Can you really even blame her?"

To John that was an even bigger slap in the face than Mike's original deception. Even after knowing her plans, he still sided with Evangeline.

"You will never be able to convince me that Evangeline isn't acting with the best interest of your child in mind. You know she held off on telling you because she wanted to give you and Natalie a shot at being together. She didn't want your sense of duty to ruin your chance at happiness. Hell, she was trying to think of ways of co-parenting with you and Natalie in mind." Mike took a step away from Marcie and started to pace.

Marcie could only stand in stunned silence. She knew that Natalie had used the worst tactics to get her claws in John. She'd gotten a firsthand account from Rex. Natalie had acted shamelessly. Evangeline's capacity to forgive and forget far surpassed Marcie's own.

"I don't think a messy custody battle is in our child's best interest." To John there was no redemption in Evangeline's actions. She could say whatever she wanted, but she lied. "I'm not going to be able to change her mind. She was determined to say the least. If she's looking for a fight, I'm going to give her one." Evangeline and John had talked before about just this type of thing when she represented Kelly Buchanan. John never thought he'd find himself caught up in drama like that.

Mike stopped pacing and looked sadly at his older brother. "Don't count on me, John. I'm with Evangeline on this." Mike still felt guilty over how poorly he'd treated Evangeline before.

"Michael!" Marcie turned to look at him surprised. She didn't have all the details, but it didn't matter. John was family, so that meant they needed to look out for each other.

John felt the sting of Michael's words. What chance did he have if his own brother wouldn't vouch for him? "Then from here on out, you look out for you and I'll look out for me."

"Fine by me." Mike turned his back not wanting to watch John leave. He really couldn't see how they would recover from this.

"John, wait," Marcie called out to him, but John was already pulling the door shut behind him. He didn't need Mike. He didn't need anyone. He was more than capable of being a good father. He'd show Evangeline. He'd show them all.


	8. Family

After Evangeline's run in with John, she headed straight home and went right to sleep. She spent most of New Year's Day alone unpacking, settling in to her new home, and trying to think about her life. She managed to get most of her things unpacked, but some of the smaller boxes would have to wait until later.

Today was a new day and she was expecting Layla and her mother at any moment. John had only been the first hurdle to clear. She now had to deal with what would surely be her mother's and sister's disappointment. The situation wasn't ideal, but she was still excited. She was in her final trimester now and looking forward to meeting her little one.

Evangeline thought for a moment about how she could have done things differently. Maybe it would have been better to talk to her mom and Layla separately. It was too late now. The doorbell brought her from her thoughts. She gathered all the strength she could muster and walked confidently to the front door.

"Hey guys come on in." She held the door open for them, but they both just stared at her. She was wearing another form fitting shirt with a pair of her new maternity blue jeans.

"Cookie, oh my god." Lisa put her hands to her mouth, but that didn't stop the tears.

"Wow, and I thought I was good at keeping secrets from mom." Layla looked at her with raised eyebrows before walking inside. Lisa walked in behind Layla and allowed Evangeline to pull the door closed behind her. "And here I was just expecting a tour of the place."

"Mom, are you okay? Do you need to sit?" Evangeline had expected her mother to be emotional, but not like this. She'd prepared for anger, not tears.

"How long have you been keeping this from me and why? Is this why you didn't come home for Christmas? Were you embarrassed?" Lisa put her hands tentatively on Evangeline's stomach.

"I'm guessing it's because she was keeping it a secret from John." Layla felt a little bad for being so insensitive, but it was nice to see her perfect older sister being the screw up for once. "To think that you were just as devious as him."

Evangeline didn't bother butting in. Layla was acting like a bitch, but Evangeline understood. She would need to speak with her sister privately after all.

"That will be quite enough Layla," Lisa gave her a stern look. "Now your sister has been through a lot this year. What she needs right now is family."

"Are you kidding me? You freaked out on me, and all I did was move. Evangeline is knocked up and she's still the golden one." Layla put her hands on her hips and stared at her mother incredulously.

Evangeline took Layla's hands in her own. "Layla, I love you, but know that you are testing my patience. This is my life and I'm not asking for your approval or acceptance. Mom and I are going to go talk. You should take a few minutes to come to your senses and join us when you're ready. If you're not going to be supportive, you need to leave." Layla pulled her hands out of Evangeline's and walked off in a huff.

"That child has always tested my patience." Lisa frowned at her adult daughter who hadn't quite grown up yet. "I'll make sure she apologizes."

Evangeline pulled Lisa away to the living room before she started to harp on Layla's bad behavior. Lisa hadn't pitted them against each other, but she'd created an environment that kept Layla in Evangeline's shadow. It was no surprise that she was so bitter.

Lisa took in the casual look of Evangeline's décor. "This doesn't exactly look like your style, Cookie."

"Yeah, I've heard that high fashion and kids don't exactly mix." Evangeline knew it would be several years before her child was old enough to treat her furniture like a jungle gym, but she decided to go ahead and make the transition to kid friendly furniture.

"Come, let's talk." Lisa sat down on the sofa. "I have to admit that I'm more than a little shocked, Evangeline. To know that you've been keeping this secret and for so long. Were you really that afraid of talking to me?"

"I kept the secret because of John. I only broke the news to him a couple of days ago, New Year's Eve actually. We're not exactly on the best of terms right now and we haven't been for the last few months. Still, I wanted him to be the first person that I told." Evangeline sat down beside her and put her hands on her ever-expanding abdomen.

"Evangeline Williamson, I am surprised at you. How could you have kept that man from his child? I'm not fan of John's, but he had a right to know." Lisa knew it was time to impart her wisdom onto her oldest daughter.

"I haven't kept John from his child." Evangeline was technical as usual. "I'm still pregnant. The only things he's missed are appointments with my doctor. I can give him copies of the sonograms."

"Evangeline, you know what I mean. You've already had several months to prepare for the arrival of your child, and it seems as though you have a few more to go. That man needs all the time he can get to start adjusting to the idea of becoming a father. That isn't something you just spring on someone." Lisa spoke lovingly and tried to be the voice of reason. She was not a fan of John's, but she wouldn't let her daughter's poor decision go unchecked.

"Since when do you feel the need to stick up for John? You couldn't tear him down fast enough when I brought him home for the funeral." Evangeline changed the topic seamlessly. She couldn't disagree with what her mother said, and she wasn't ready to admit that she was wrong.

"That was then, Cookie, and this is now. John isn't just some guy you brought home for your family's approval. He's the father of your child. Like it or not he is always going to be a part of your life now. The past needs to stay the past, and all needs to be forgiven. For the sake of your baby, you have to make peace with him." She wouldn't say it, but Lisa had already prepared this speech. Only it was intended for Layla. Layla had a worse track record with men that Evangeline did. She wore her heart on her sleeve and she'd had it stomped on more than once.

"I can't even believe this is you. I can't just forgive him, mom. You don't even know what he put me through." Evangeline knew Layla had been feeding her information, so her last statement hadn't been correct. "He made me trust him, and then he lied to me. Right to my face. Like it was nothing."

"That doesn't have anything to do with him being a father to this child, and you know it. Is it really so surprising that he lied to you? When you brought him home, you told me how much he cared about you, and even though he couldn't say those simple words you fell in love with him."

"The heart wants what it wants." Evangeline interrupted.

"And love is blind. I heard about John's involvement with that man in prison and the man's wife. Nothing that Layla has told me about John has surprised me." Lisa swatted at Evangeline's arm to stop her from rolling her eyes.

"Layla is giving you biased secondhand information. I love her mom, but you can't count on her to give a fair account of what's going on." Evangeline was annoyed that Lisa just couldn't be on her side. She'd been without her mother's guidance, and right now she just wanted to be babied.

"I can't count on a fair account from you either. Tell me, how many times did you have to look the other way to keep loving John? How many times did you find yourself defending his actions?"

Evangeline dropped her head into her hands. "Why are you focusing on this?"

"Because it isn't what you expected. I know you were thinking that I would be upset and disappointed. I am, but that's beside the point. You wanted me to argue, yell, and fuss about the adult choice that you made. You wanted me to be outraged at John for being the one who put you in such a precarious state. You wanted to hear me bash John for the things he's done since you've been apart." Lisa put her hand under Evangeline's chin and made Evangeline look at her.

"I didn't dislike John as a person. I disliked the way you covered for him. I really did not think he was good enough for you. When you told me you broke up with John, I couldn't have been happier."

"I remember. You were very vocal." Lisa had been abrasive because she didn't want Evangeline making the same mistake with her next partner. "You didn't see what I saw in him. John was a good man."

"You say that like something has changed. I've heard the story." Lisa again focused on Cristian. She'd been disgusted and appalled by Layla's revelation, but that was her kneejerk reaction. "I don't know John like you do, but I do know that he seemed decent. Do you really think he let that man go to jail so that he could be with his wife?"

Evangeline just shrugged her shoulders. Lisa grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Don't let your emotions get the best of you. You are a well-educated and highly successful attorney who is more than capable of expressing herself. Tell me the facts."

"The facts? John has been borderline obsessed with protecting Natalie from herself. He felt guilty for getting her involved a mess that ended with her husband's disappearance. That guilt clouded his judgment and interfered with his moral compass. He compromised his integrity."

"And what about you, Cookie? What role did you play in all of this?"

Evangeline looked over at her confused. She thought for a moment then let out a deep sigh. "I went right along with him. I also compromised my integrity. I never should have been involved with proving Cristian's identity, but I did it because I wanted to be close to John. We were fighting all the time, and always being on opposite sides was starting to take its toll on our relationship." Evangeline hated how pathetic that sounded. "John really did think that Cris was an impostor." Evangeline stood and started to pace.

"Come, sit." Lisa patted the cushion beside her and waited while Evangeline sat down and got comfortable. "I love you, Cookie. I want what's best for you," she put her hand tenderly on Evangeline's abdomen, "and my grandchild. I don't want you to make the same mistake that I made"

"Please mom, can we not," Evangeline didn't want to rehash the unpleasantness of her parents' separation.

"We need to, Evangeline. I was wrong for what I did. Your father made a mistake that I couldn't forgive. It destroyed our marriage. I was angry with him, and I punished him by making it difficult for him to see you and your sister. My anger should not have interfered with his rights as a father." Lisa quickly wiped away a tear that started to form in the corner of her eye. "I don't have to tell you how that affected my relationship with your sister. There is no amount of apologizing that will ever make up for the time that she missed with your father."

Layla appeared suddenly in the doorway. She glanced over at her mom then over at Evangeline. She walked over to the sofa sat on the opposite side of the sofa leaving Evangeline in the middle. "I'm sorry about earlier." Layla leaned against Evangeline with her head on Evangeline's shoulder. "Look, I'm not siding with mom just so that we can gang up on you. I agree because I'm the one who lost out on all that time with dad, so think of me as your kid in the future. You will have your reasons for keeping John away, but all your kid will know is that she has a dad and he's barely around. Then someday she'll realize that you were the one who kept her from her father. You'll try to justify your actions, but she won't understand. She'll grow to resent you. She might even hate you. Then all she'll have is a strained relationship with her mother and a weak bond with her father."

Evangeline didn't bother to interject. She was now painfully aware of how poor her choice was. "I'm just supposed to forget all the pain he's caused me."

"For the sake of your child, yes." Lisa wrapped her arms around Evangeline and Layla.

"What if I'm not strong enough to forgive him?" Evangeline felt bad for wanting to hold on to her anger, but she was tired of always doing the right thing.

"Then you can count on me for strength. You've gotten too used to bottling things up and dealing with things on your own. You have me. You have family. You have friends. Don't let your pride stand in the way of getting help that you need. I love you, Evangeline." Layla smiled. Evangeline had once bailed Layla out of trouble and had given her a near identical speech. She was glad that she could finally return the favor.

Lisa didn't bother to wipe her tears away this time. "In spite of what I did, you two turned out to be wonderful young women. I couldn't be more proud of you two."

"Yeah, a single mother and a failure at life. We are a great pair." Layla joked.

"A selfless, self-made woman who happens to be single and pregnant and a fiercely loyal, kind hearted aspiring actress who is well on her way to finding her own success. I wouldn't have it any other way." Lisa knew that people in the family would talk, and it wouldn't be kind. She wouldn't have any of it, though. These were her girls and she loved them more than her own life.

"I'm just lucky to have you guys. Thank you." Evangeline smiled and felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. For the first time in a long time, she felt as if things were going to be okay.

* * *

John leaned back into the sofa cushions with his beer in hand. These last few days had sucked, and there didn't seem to be an end in sight. Time had not been on his side. He'd read enough of the paperwork that Evangeline had given him to know that court was just a few days away. If that wasn't stressful enough, he also had to go to his mandatory appointment with the IA shrink. He had been fully prepared to go in there and tell the shrink where he could stick his therapy, but Evangeline's revelation had changed things. He knew well enough that it would hurt is cause if he was deemed unstable and that caused him to be unemployed.

John pulled out his phone and set it down on the table in front of him. He needed to call his mom. It had been a couple of days since he'd fought with Michael, and his mother hadn't called. For the second time in his life, Michael was able to keep his mouth shut. John knew better than to press his luck. He thought that he might need her as a character witness, so he wanted her to hear his side of the story first.

He looked down at his hands and shook his head. His knuckles were bruised and sore. After his altercation with Michael, he'd gone to the gym and worked the heavy bag until his hands went numb. He imagined this would look great in court. "Nothing you can do about it now."

John picked up his phone and quickly dialed his mother's number. He half hoped to get her voicemail, but she answered right away.

"John! What a wonderful surprise to hear from you." Eve spoke over the noise in the background. She was getting ready to go on stage for her next performance. She spent most of her days traveling as an entertainer for a cruise line. It kept her busy, so she didn't have time to think about how lonely she was. She'd wanted to stay in Llanview to be close to her sons, but she knew them both too well. They led busy lives and would have little time to spend with her. "How are things in Llanview? How is Natalie?"

John felt sick to his stomach. "We're still not on speaking terms." The last time he'd spoken to Eve she'd pressed him to reach out to Natalie. She knew John had one tough breakup already. She didn't want Natalie to slip away if she was someone that John cared about.

"Well, have you tried talking to her?" Eve sighed inwardly. She felt guilty for John's disposition. She was an emotional wreck after her husband's murder. Instead of dealing with his feelings, John tended to everyone else's needs. John grew up quick trying to fill his father's shoes. Eve knew better than to let him take on so much, but she couldn't help herself. At a young age he'd closed himself off emotionally and he'd never really opened back up.

"Right now, I've got more important things to worry about." John thought of the best way to break the news.

"Keeping your job is important too, John. I understand that." Eve had heard from Michael about the IA shrink evaluation. "Love is also important, John. Some might say that love is the most important thing, or do you care to disagree."

"In this case, I'm agreeing and disagreeing with you. I have to have my priorities in order." The word love hung in the air and left and uncomfortable silence. "I've got someone to protect."

Eve shook her head. He son was ever the hero. "If not Natalie, then who?"

"I don't know yet. I haven't met him or her yet." John danced masterfully around the subject.

"Then who could be," Eve's words trailed off at the end as she thought of what he left unsaid.

"You never met her, but do you remember Evangeline Williamson?" Just saying her name was enough to upset him.

"Yes, your brother talks about her very highly. I believe he thought she was the one for you. He still talks about her on occasion. I think he has a crush on her." Eve spoke candidly. She assumed John already knew as much.

"She's pregnant." John interjected quickly. "Six months along. I just found out a couple of days ago." He didn't want Eve to think too highly of her.

Eve sat in stunned silence. In a million years, she wouldn't have guessed this. "I'm assuming this wasn't planned on your part." Mike had mentioned to her a couple of times that John's friendship with Natalie was interfering with his relationship with Evangeline. She thought Evangeline wouldn't be the first woman to get pregnant to save a relationship. Though, it would seem that it backfired if John ended up with Natalie.

John swallowed hard. He didn't plan on impregnating her, but he knew the risks and enjoyed taking them. "We were both careless. What's done is done. She's due in three months."

"And if it could be undone?" Eve pushed her son for an honest answer.

"No." John snapped. Things were messed up now, but he didn't regret anything.

"Well, okay then." Eve wasn't sure if she should be celebrating or not. John was always hard to read.

"Look, I know it's short notice, but like I said I just found out a couple of days ago. Anyway, we've got a hearing on Wednesday. I know you're busy, but if you could fly out, you know, just to be there. I can pay for your ticket."

"John," Eve sighed and resisted the urge to lecture him. She could imagine that he had enough on his plate right now, "we're not anywhere near a port. I doubt that I would make it in time. I'm sure Michael would be happy to stand up for you in my place." She would have mentioned Bo, but she could imagine that their relationship was strained due to recent events.

John clenched his fist but didn't let his disappointment show. "No, yeah, I understand. Look, I know you're busy, so I'll let you go. I just wanted you to hear it from me."

Eve knew she would get the full scoop from Michael later. "Well, I didn't say it before, but congratulations. You'll have to find out her due date so I can be there when the baby is born. To think that I'm going to be a grandmother."

"I'll, uh, I'll let you know." John hung up without any sweet goodbyes. Without his mother, he didn't have anyone to count on. He worked hard to keep people at arm's length, and now he was paying for it.


	9. Misunderstood

It was just before ten as John walked into the station. He hadn't planned on getting here so early, but things had changed. He'd found an attorney to represent him, but their meeting was cancelled at the last minute. He left his paperwork with his lawyer's paralegal so that she could look them over. He would still be able to meet with his attorney before his meeting with the department shrink, so that was a plus.

His head was bowed as he walked through the bullpen, but he could feel the eyes on him. That was all the confirmation he needed. The cat was out of the bag now. No one dared approach him though.

"John, can I see you in my office?" Bo approached him from the side and caught him off guard.

John simply nodded and followed after Bo. He could only hope that Bo had changed his mind about the appointment with the IA shrink, but that was just wishful thinking. He would not get his hopes up.

Bo sat down with a heavy sigh and stared up at his lead detective. He'd heard from Nora about the baby and felt a familiar pain. A paternity scandal had kept him out of Matthew's life for years. He and Matthew were extremely close now, but he would always feel bitter about the time he'd lost.

"What's up?" John stared at him impatiently. He could read Bo like a book. He was pitying him.

"Why don't you take a seat?" Bo didn't exactly have a speech planned, but he didn't want to dance around the subject.

John started to argue but thought better of it. He sat down across from Bo and waited expectantly. He was not in the mood for a lecture.

"I hear congratulations are in order," Bo paused at the sound of John's hoarse chuckle.

"Thanks."

"John, to be honest I don't' know what to say. You've had it rough these last few months, and now things aren't going to get any easier for you." Bo leaned back in his chair and searched for the right words. "Evangeline did what she though was right. Try not to be too hard on her." Bo had always liked Evangeline. She reminded him of Nora. Unfortunately, she and his niece both had feelings for John. Though he wanted to be impartial, he was always in Natalie's corner. She needed someone like John to protect her.

"You know everyone is always talking about Evangeline like she can do no wrong. She didn't lie, but she hid this from me for months. Now our kid is not even born and she's suing me for custody. I'm the one who wants to be fair about this." John's voice was low and dark. He still had not been able to let go of his anger.

Bo's eyes were wide with shock at that last revelation. Apparently, Nora had left out some key details. "Well, you just have to do what you have to do." Bo knew there was no point in trying to dissuade John. If Nora was trying to keep Matthew from him, he'd fight too. "Just remember that she is going to be the mother of your child. You two are going to have to find some way to get along for the sake of the kid. If she's not going to be the reasonable one, you have to be."

"Well, thanks for the pep talk." John stood and started to walk toward the door.

"Hey John," Bo called after him, "I know things have been strained as of late, but maybe you should make it a point to see Natalie. Probably be best if she heard it from you." This was the real reason he wanted to talk to John. His thoughts were always family first.

John left without a reply. He didn't have time to make sure Natalie was not blindsided by the news. He had other priorities now.

John turned the corner toward his office. The blinds had been left open, and he could see someone inside. "This just ain't my day." He watched for a moment as Natalie paced back and forth in his office. "Guess she already knows then." He was glad. He wasn't exactly in the mood for comforting others.

He swung the door open wide and she was immediately alerted of his presence. He let it swing shut hard making the blinds swing violently back and forth. "Natalie, what can I do for you?" He pulled off his suit jacket and tossed it on his desk. He barely looked at her before pouring himself a cup of coffee.

Natalie looked at his back confused with her hands on her hips. It had been right at week since she'd seen him last. She was still angry about his conspiracy with Cris that kept her in the dark. Why was he giving her the cold shoulder? "So, turns out you're really great at keeping secrets John. How long did you plan on lying to me about this? Did you think I wouldn't figure it out?"

John turned with a smirk but said nothing. He walked over his desk and set his cup down. Natalie had no idea what she was in for. Today was not they day to be pushing John's buttons.

"I mean, I can get why Evangeline would want to hide this, but why you? Let me guess, you were doing it for my own good." Natalie was shouting now. It was irritating her that John was not more forthcoming with information. She'd heard from Rex who'd heard it from Roxy. "Why the hell am I always the last one to find things out?"

"Maybe you can ask Michael?" John sat behind his desk and started to arrange the files in some kind of order.

"Why the hell would I ask Michael?" She slammed her purse down on his desk. She didn't believe for one second that Michael was the father. She knew Michael had a crush on Evangeline, but he wouldn't betray his brother.

"Because Michael found out months ago about Evangeline. Me, on the other hand, well I just found out oh, let's see, about four days ago." John snapped at her. "I lied about Cris, and you know that. If you want to hate me, you go right ahead, but don't you dare come here and break my balls about something that you know nothing about!"

Natalie clasped her hands over her mouth in shock. Evangeline was a lot more devious that she'd ever imagined. "John, I'm so sorry." She sat down in the chair and moved her purse out of the way. "I just assumed you knew. Evangeline was just so critical about your lying about Cristian. I didn't think that she would have kept such a terrible secret of her own."

"Yeah, it was a real shocker to me too." John watched her intently then frowned. Maybe it was just his anger or maybe he'd just never noticed before because he was always turning a blind eye to her antics, but he saw something that he hadn't noticed before.

"So now you know what it's like to be lied to like that." Natalie smiled that they had a new connection that she was sure Evangeline hadn't intended.

John shook his head in disgust. This was just a game for her. She was only here to complicate the situation. She didn't exactly want to be with him right now, but she didn't want him to end up with Evangeline either. John wondered if she really thought so little of him that he could be so easily manipulated.

"This ain't exactly something I want to bond over. What I did was wrong. What Evangeline did was wrong. Nothing can change what's already happened though. I'm pissed at her, and you're supposed to be pissed at me, remember?" John ran his hands through his hair and sighed. This mess was of his own creation. Now it was time to put an end to it.

"John, I don't want to fight with you. I'm angry about Cris. I know you were trying to protect me. Everything's just so confusing now. I love Cris and I love you too. I just never thought I would have to choose between you two." Natalie continued to lay the groundwork of her plan. She wasn't expecting an immediate reconciliation, but she knew Evangeline was stubborn. She would push John away and right back into Natalie's bed.

"Then let me choose for you," John leaned in close and made sure she was looking him in the eyes. "Go be with Cris."

Natalie frowned that he wasn't even going to try and put up a fight. She knew he wasn't one to express his feelings, but this was too much for her. "So, I guess I didn't mean anything to you at all. Didn't you hear me, John? I love you."

"I heard you loud and clear, and now you need to hear me. I don't have time for this." John made sure to hold his tongue about the custody hearing. The last thing he needed was Natalie interfering.

"Of course, you don't want to talk about it! Isn't that a typical John McBain thing to say?" Natalie huffed with her hands on her hips. "Now isn't the time to be hiding from your feelings."

John simply shook his head in disgust. Sure, he could go off on her like he really wanted, but she'd just go and complain to Bo. John swallowed his anger and thought of the quickest way to get rid of her. "Natalie, are you here in your official capacity as a clerk?"

"No," she started before John interrupted.

"Then you can leave, or I will have someone escort you out. This isn't some talk show. Find someone else to vent to." John felt good to finally be done with her. Too many times he'd bent over backwards to be her rock, but he was done now.

"Fine, maybe I'll just talk to the IA shrink too. If he can fix you, then I'm sure he's a miracle worker." Natalie stormed out and slammed the door behind her. She'd said all she needed to say to get her point across. John was playing tough now, but she knew he'd be hot on her heels to make sure she kept her lips sealed about the IA shrink.

John leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply. Figures that Bo would have told her. As much as he wanted to run after her and do damage control, he couldn't make himself move. She was always going to play these childish games, and he didn't want any part of it. He would do what he needed to get clearance from the IA shrink. He could ignore the gossip. He would do whatever it took to stay out of Natalie's web.

Lucky for John, he had enough paperwork to keep himself busy. He'd forgotten all about Natalie and her shenanigans. The distraction had also calmed him down a little. He was still pissed at Evangeline, but he wasn't nearly as angry as he had been. He knew he'd only be in a better mood after he spoke to his lawyer.

* * *

He walked into the office and nodded at the secretary. She smiled back at him politely. He'd been a little curt with her early, so he decided against the normal pleasantries. He was just about to take a seat when he was greeted by an old graying man with short curly hair.

"McBain, right," he reached out and shook John's hand firmly, "Richard Goldberg. Nice to meet you. Come on back." He ushered John into his office. He motioned for John to take a seat while he settled in behind his desk.

John noted the classy décor and hoped this man was well worth the money he was paying him. On such short notice, he hadn't had time to do proper research, but this man would have to do. John stared at the man who was surely close to retirement age or perhaps beyond. The man reminded John of his high school principal, Mr. Carter. He even wore his glasses at the bridge of his nose in the same way. Suddenly, John felt uncomfortable. He started out as a trouble maker in high school, so none of his dealings with Mr. Carter had been pleasant.

"Okay, looks like we're ready to get started. Maggie brought me up to speed on the paperwork." He stopped for a moment and looked up at John and smiled. "What is it that you want Mr. McBain? How can we help you?"

John's jaw clenched with anger. He was paying this guy $200 an hour and he still had to spell it out for him. That smile on his face was only fuel for John's anger. It took a considerable amount of restraint to completely go off on him. "I want my child. Full time. Full custody. Sole custody."

Mr. Goldberg blew out a long steady breath before leaning back in his chair. "Full custody and sole custody are the same thing. In either case, you would be the primary caregiver of the child and would maintain physical custody of the child."

"Fine, I got it," John snapped. He didn't want a legal lesson. He wanted a win. John watched as the man stared at him for a bit. "Look, if I've got the wrong guy, just let me know. I'm crunched for time." That wasn't exactly true. John's meeting with the IA psychologist was still a couple of hours away.

Mr. Goldberg shook his head and took out a legal pad. He was used to dealing with people's misplaced anger. Family law was not for the faint of heart, but he'd been in business for 35 years, so he'd just about seen it all. "Now, is the mother of the child a danger to herself or others? Has she been drinking, smoking or using illegal drugs during the pregnancy? Does she live in an environment that would be considered unfit for a child? Does she casually associate with dangerous criminals?"

"No, none of that." John was answering as truthfully as he knew how. He really hadn't seen much of Evangeline in these last several months, but he couldn't imagine that she would intentionally do anything to hurt their child. "She's a defense attorney, Evangeline Williamson. I'm sure you've heard of her." John knew Evangeline was a workaholic, but she'd been taking a much lighter caseload as of late and it was now obvious why.

"I have heard of Ms. Williamson." He'd read the whole file, so he already knew who and what he was up against. He didn't know Evangeline personally, but he knew her to be a person of great moral character. She did lots of pro bono work and volunteered as often as her busy schedule would allow. Mr. Goldberg was actually quite glad that she was not representing herself in the matter.

"Then you know what we're up against." John knew they'd be fighting an uphill battle, but he didn't care. He couldn't just sit back and let Evangeline take their child from him.

"Mr. McBain, John," he pulled off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I am your attorney and I will continue to represent you and your interests as long as you continue paying me and are satisfied with my services. With that in mind, I feel it's in your best interest if I don't beat around the bush."

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but this is my kid we're talking about. For god's sake, I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl yet. The kid isn't even born yet, and here I am. This is what she wanted." John pounded his hand down on the desk. "This isn't what I wanted. I didn't ask for this, but this is the hand that I've been dealt. As far as I see it, I have to play to win because I have too much at stake to lose." John felt his emotions getting the better of him. He was exhausted and it was starting to show.

"I don't read the local papers. They're just gossip magazines. Llanview is a small town, so word still gets around. There are some very, very rich and powerful people in this town. You were or maybe are still involved with someone from one of those families." He looked John right in the eye before he drove his point home. "Lucky for the family that not all of their drama reaches the paper."

"I'm not here to talk about my relationship, past or present, with Natalie Vega. This is about my child." John stared back at the man defiantly.

"You're right. It's not about that, yet." He leaned back in his chair and looked across his desk at the photos of his grandchildren. He too was a father, but he'd married the love of his life and they were still married to this day. He raised successful children that were all still on first marriages, and he hoped it stayed that way. "If you push Ms. Williamson for sole custody of the child, then I'm sure it will come to that. All of your sordid history will be hashed out in open court in front of a judge, and at the end of the day best you can hope for is joint custody. No judge is going to take a newborn from his mother and hand him over to a father without a damn good reason."

"So, what am I even doing here? I'm not supposed to fight to see my child. I'm just supposed to let Evangeline do what she wants and go along with that." John's frustration was starting to come to a head.

"Let me just make it clear since you seem to be confused."

"Enlighten me," John interrupted.

"This is not a custody hearing. Ms. Williamson cannot sue you for custody of a child that in the eyes of the law does not exist yet. Ms. Williamson is requesting binding arbitration in anticipation of her child's birth. Ms. Williamson has named you as the father, but until a DNA test is conducted Ms. Williamson is automatically going to have sole physical and legal custody of the child. After paternity is established, you may then ask the court to give you sole physical and legal custody of the child, but I've already said that's unlikely."

"Then if she's not suing me, what the hell is this all about?" John wished that he hadn't let his anger get the best of him. If he'd read the paperwork, he might not have needed to waste his time here. "Does she want me to sign my rights away?"

Mr. Goldberg almost felt bad for John. He could see that he was stressed and had jumped to completely the wrong conclusion. He knew for a fact that John hadn't read through the paperwork. "I've been doing this for longer than Ms. Williamson has been alive. I've come across all types as you can imagine. I can tell you that Ms. Williamson is a rare breed. Most people come here and they're upset. For whatever reason, working things out amicably with the other party is out of the question, so I step in as a mediator or mouthpiece to get things resolved."

John rolled his eyes. Yet another someone who was in the Evangeline Williamson fan club. "I thought you were supposed to be on my side or is that not what I'm paying you for."

Mr. Goldberg ignored John as he moved on to the point. "I'm not sure if you picked me because of my reputation or if you pulled my name out of the phonebook, but I'm the one who gets results. I'm the one you call when you want to stick it to your ex, so I don't see a lot of people who are working together over simple matter. There are much cheaper attorneys for that. With all that in mind, Ms. Williamson has submitted a custody proposal. Now a lot of this is written in legal jargon, but that's because Ms. Williamson knows the rules of this game. I can tell you that, by far, this is one of the most fair and balanced applications for a child custody arrangement that I've ever seen; especially since the child is not even born yet."

John leaned in closer, because he was sure he heard him wrong. "What?"

"Ms. Williamson is not trying to take your child from you or keep you apart. She very much wants you to be a part of the child's life. A traditional visitation schedule that you've probably heard of is a custody split four days a week with one parent and three with the other, or only weekend visitation with some holidays thrown in."

John could only nod as the information started to sink in. He could feel his stomach starting to turn and it was almost more than he could take.

"With a newborn that's not such a great idea to move him or her from one household to another constantly. It can be done, but it's not advisable. Ms. Williamson is instead proposing that she maintain physical custody, and that you will have multiple scheduled visitations daily for the first few months, and then an arrangement that will be similar but continue to change as the child grows. This isn't a long-term arrangement. She's asking for a year of this and then for you to both sit down again and modify the arrangement for the child's best interest."

* * *

"Evangeline, I still can't believe all of this." Nora walked a few steps behind Evangeline and tried to take in her surroundings. Oddly enough, she'd heard through the grapevine that Evangeline was expecting, and that John McBain was the father. Nora called Bo immediately to get the scoop, but she was shocked to hear that he was just getting the news from her. Both John and Evangeline had been careful about guarding their private lives, but Nora was saddened that her friend hadn't even kept her in the loop.

"Would you be surprised if I said I couldn't believe it either?" Evangeline laughed and tried to lighten the mood. She knew she'd hurt Nora deeply, but this wasn't about their friendship.

"I know I should have been there more for you, but everything with Daniel being so crazy. If I had known, I would have been here for you. It's killing me that you felt you had to keep this from me." Nora pulled at her hand to stop her from walking. Her daughter, Rachel, was around Evangeline's age and she was just dying at the thought of Rachel keeping something like this from her.

Evangeline just shook her head to interrupt her. "I'm okay, Nora. Really, I am. I wasn't intending for this to be some great big secret, but things didn't go as planned. John is already pissed enough as it is. I just didn't want him to be the last one to know."

Nora had to bite her tongue. She didn't agree with what Evangeline did because of what happened between her and Sam. She, too, had good intentions, but her son lost years with his father that he would never get back.

"If you're thinking about lecturing me, don't waste your breath. My mother already put me in check. Believe me. I've heard it all." Evangeline could read Nora and wanted to avoid another lecture. She pulled away from Nora and walked through the hallway into the kitchen. She wished that she had some sugary snacks to distract Nora with.

Nora followed close behind. She would not be deterred. "I don't think you have, Evangeline. You have to stop doing this or you're going to drive yourself crazy." Nora had pushed Evangeline to look past John's flaws, because she knew he was an honest man. She was shocked to find out that he'd let Cris Vega go to prison. John didn't kill anyone, but he played a dangerous game that almost cost Cris Vega his life. "You should not be bending over backwards to do that man any favors. John lied. He used Cris. He used the department. He used his badge to further his own personal agenda."

Evangeline frowned at her choice of words. This wasn't just about John. Nora was clearly still hurting over Daniel. "Nora, you don't understand."

"I understand perfectly. First, you hid the pregnancy to keep John focused. Then, you hid the pregnancy to keep John and Natalie together. At every step, you are putting his needs over yours; his feelings over yours. I think it's time for you to start being selfish. You did all that for him and look at what it's done. You had to hide something that you should be proud of, something you should be celebrating. You been dealing with all of this on your own, because you felt you would be betraying John if you told someone before him. You shouldn't have had to go through this alone."

"This was a situation that I created on my own. John didn't make me lie or hide the truth. I chose to do that on my own." Evangeline didn't like the idea of defending John, but she'd taken her mother's advice to heart. She needed to let it all go for the sake of her child. She would have to forgive him for his shortcomings.

Evangeline sat down on a kitchen stool and sighed. She hadn't even talked with most of her family and friends yet. She was already tired of other people's advice. She just smiled though. She knew keeping a secret this big for so long would have severe consequences.

"Would you please just stop?!" Nora didn't mean to snap, but she was angry. "You don't have to do the right thing all the time. You don't have to say the right thing all the time. You need to start letting your hair down and damn the consequences." Nora sat down on a stool beside her.

Evangeline smiled patiently and gathered her thoughts. Nora's anger was about Daniel, not John. For two women who prided themselves on being excellent judges of character, Nora and Evangeline had both entered into relationships that ended in terrible heartache. Maybe it wasn't love, but Evangeline knew John's feelings for her had been genuine. That he let himself get caught up in another one of Natalie's dramas was par for the course.

Evangeline reached over and held Nora's hands in her own. "Nora, I love John. Now that I'm carrying his child, I don't think that will ever change. I'm not perfect and neither is he. I was wrong for hiding this pregnancy from John. We created this life together, and we will have to learn to get along well enough to make sure our child is healthy, happy, and well-adjusted. I can't hold on to my anger or disappointment over what he's done. John has made some poor decisions and he's going to have to live with the consequences."

"Evangeline Williamson, you are one class act." Nora gave her an encouraging smile. "John is a fool for not realizing that."

Evangeline mustered a smile at the compliment. Her intentions hadn't been all good. The generous custody arrangement that she'd forced upon John was a rope. If he used it wisely, he'd be able to pull himself out of the whole he'd dug when he started to bury his emotions. If he used it poorly, it was just enough to hang himself with. For the sake of her child, Evangeline hoped for the best.


	10. The Compromise

John paced outside the IA psychologist's office. His hands were in his pockets and he stared down at the floor as he walked. There was no secretary or office administrator there to make small talk with. John was left alone with his thoughts, and that was the last place that he wanted to be.

"Lieutenant McBain, sorry to have kept you waiting." The tall blonde man had been watching John for a few moments unnoticed. He pulled John from his thoughts as he had other appointments to keep.

Dr. Crosby had already performed a cursory evaluation of John at Bo's request based on information in John's personnel file. The evaluation was harsh, but it was intended to evoke a response from John. He was a psychiatrist by trade and only did contract work with the LPD. Dr. Crosby often employed nontraditional methods when dealing with police officers since most of they were combative and sent to him against their wishes. Still, the officers provided vital services to the community and it was Dr. Crosby's job to make sure each man and woman who was sent to him were fit for duty.

Dr. Crosby had anticipated an irritated John McBain to start off the session. Instead, John was quiet and looked visibly upset. Dr. Crosby had a long conversation with Bo more than a week ago and had been given a detailed report on John's personal and professional lives.

John paused and looked at him for a moment. He couldn't speak, so he nodded and followed the man into his office. The man continued speaking as John surveyed the office. The words fell on John's deaf ears.

"John," he called his name again. "I'm Dr. David Crosby. You can call me Dave if you like. I'm just going to pull this door shut for some privacy. It's not locked, so you can leave if you want to. Take a seat wherever you like."

John chose the chair that looked most comfortable and leaned back with a heavy sigh. He swallowed hard and tried to regain his composure, but his mind was working against him. Under normal circumstances, he would have just left and gone to blow off steam. There was too much at stake now and he couldn't afford to be without a job.

"I know it wasn't your choice to come here." Dr. Crosby started, "Though, it seems like maybe you need to talk to someone. Guess you're in the right place." Dr. Crosby tried to lighten the mood, but John remained silent. He sat down in a chair that put some distance between himself and John.

John put his hands to his face to try and hide the tears that streamed down his face. All the pain and anguish that he'd felt for the last 30 years was pouring out of him and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"John, I'm here to help. Why don't you tell me what's going on?" Dr. Crosby had started to use modern technology to his advantage. Instead of jotting notes down throughout a session, he recorded every session using audio only and made notes later. He found that relaxed patients and encouraged them to be more forthright with their admissions.

John laughed bitterly. "My ex is pregnant."

Dr. Crosby found it odd that Bo had left out that important piece of information. He quickly remembered that Natalie was his niece. He surmised that Bo had left out that bit of information to protect his niece's honor. "Congratulations, John. Fatherhood is one of the most rewarding and stressful experiences that a man can go through. Are you excited?"

"Excited?" John wiped the tears from his face. He was finally starting to calm himself down. "I'm crying and I tell you my ex is pregnant. What's that tell you?"

"Doesn't tell me much. There's not typical or expected reaction for hearing that kind of news. Especially if a baby isn't something that you and your partner had planned for. How you feel and why you feel that way are far more important than any tears that have been shed." Dr. Crosby continued to observe John's distressed body language. He had to be careful not to give John any easy outs. The hardest part was getting a patient to open up without influencing the patient with what the doctor may feel in the patient's shoes.

"To be honest, I'm scared as hell." The words were out before John could even stop himself. He couldn't hide the shock on his face that he'd been so direct.

Dr. Crosby just nodded. He waited for John to expand on that thought. Nearly ten minutes passed while he waited. He noted that he tears that John had fought to hold back were spilling down John's cheeks again. "What scares you the most about that?"

John heard him but he chose not to respond. John knew that whatever happened next would change him forever. He could give some bullshit answer just to get this over with or he could bear his soul and start to deal with his emotions. This was now a battle between the man that he was and the man that he needed to be. Of course, John knew there was a big difference between needing and wanting. John wanted to be the man of Evangeline's dreams, but he needed to protect himself. In the end, as usual, his needs overruled his wants and that was the reason that Evangeline left.

"My ex, Evangeline," John wouldn't just reduce her to some bitter sentiment, "she's an amazing woman. Hands down one of the smartest people I know. She's beautiful, talented, dedicated, hardworking, forgiving, honest, fair. I look at her and I know that she'll excel at motherhood. She excels in everything that she does. Because of her, I know that my child will always be loved and cared for. Because of her, my kid is going to have a great life."

Dr. Crosby hid his surprise well. So, it wasn't the commissioner's niece who was pregnant. Dr. Crosby knew John dated Evangeline, but Bo had glossed over that. He was starting to wonder if Bo had been objective when choosing to discipline John. As for Evangeline, Dr. Crosby didn't know her well. They were both respected professionals and their paths had crossed on a few occasions. He'd only ever heard people singing Evangeline's praises. From previous encounters, he'd thought that she was as genuine as she seemed.

"That doesn't sound unusual John. There's a healthy amount of fear that expected from new parents and soon to be parents. I know there's doubt and uncertainty that come with that as well."

"It's more than just that. I want my kid to be great because of me too, you know, and not despite of me. You know, we broke up…she left me because I couldn't say it to her. Three simple words that people who've dated half as long as we had throw around casually." John swiped the hair away from his eyes and wiped his tears.

Dr. Crosby already heard from Bo about his "inability" to love. "Don't you think there's a difference between the love that a parent feels for a child and the love that a person feels toward a significant other."

John was surprised that he'd caught on so quickly when John had been his usual evasive self. "Doc, you've been in this business for a while I'm guessing. You know as well as I do what some parents are capable of. That love from parent to child is not always automatic. Sometimes it never happens, and I don't have to tell you what that results in."

Dr. Crosby nodded. He'd handled more than his fare share of abused child cases. "Do you think that's something you're afraid of?"

That kind of rage wasn't something that John was capable of. "Physical abuse? No. Never." John was having a hard time reconciling the fact that he'd never told Evangeline he loved her, and now there was going to be permanent proof of how much he'd enjoyed her despite that. This carelessness would make her look desperate even though it was John's insistence that overcame her protests. "She's tough so she probably wouldn't admit it. Evangeline went through hell because of me. It was more than just some high school heart break. Because of me, she kept the baby a secret for months. She was trying to give me time to get my shit together, you know, because the baby would need me. I think she only told me because she wasn't really going to be able to hide it anymore."

"There's always heartache with a breakup. Once a relationship is over, you can't be responsible for the other person's pain. It's up to each individual to heal and move on."

"You don't understand," John started.

"I understand," Dr Crosby interrupted, "You've told me all about what's she's worth to your child. What do you think you're worth to the child?"

John shrugged. "I feel like I'd be as useful as a much older brother, like I was for my kid brother Michael. Financially, sure, I can support the kid. Other than that, I'm too screwed up to be any kind of role model. I push away people that care about me. I ignore those that want to get close to me." John was irritated by the neutral expression that Dr. Crosby had worn the whole time. This was more than he'd opened up to anyone and it shouldn't have been that way. "I want to be more than that. I think of what I've done, how I've hurt people. I lied and a man was kept from his family. I was with his wife. Whether he wanted me to or not, I should have known better. I should have done better. I should be better. My kid deserves better."

"Well now you know, John. What kind of father do you want to be? What do you need to do to become that man? What's your plan to finally start dealing with your life?" Dr. Crosby knew that their time was running short. As much as John hand opened up to him, he didn't expect that John would follow up with any further sessions. He couldn't cure him overnight, but maybe he could steer John in the right direction.

"I know I need help. I just don't know what to do about it. I can't do it on my own." John's voice cracked slightly. He'd spoken similar words to Michael when Evangeline left, and he wanted her back. He chose not to act then, and he'd lost her. He wouldn't make the same mistake again.

"Then what's the endgame? You become this new John and then what? You get back with one of your exes and…" The doctor pushed John further

"This isn't about them!" John snapped unintentionally. "This isn't just about my kid either. I'm tired of being this miserable guy too. Can it not be about me? I want more from life, and if this isn't the turning point in my life it's never going to happen."

"I think it should only be about healing yourself. The ability to love others comes from the ability to love oneself. Your child is going to have to be a priority, but you can't neglect yourself. If you want to have a more meaningful life outside the station, you're going to have to put in some work. You need counseling to learn how to deal with trauma, stress, and your emotions. You won't be cured in a day or a week. The results will be completely based on your efforts."

Dr. Crosby broke from tradition and thumbed through John's file. "Sending you here as a disciplinary action was out of line, but let's just call it fate. You're at a point where you have a chance to really make a change. If you want my help, I'm here for you. If not, I can give you some tips on working this out on your own."

John didn't even have to think about it. "When can we start?"

* * *

"Vange, I brought dinner. Come get it." Layla shouted to Evangeline who was not in eye sight. She started to pull out the dinner containers and started to yell for Evangeline again. She saw Evangeline out of the corner of her eye and smiled. "Hurry up slow poke, I'm starving."

Evangeline had to roll her eyes at Layla's shouting. She finally understood why it annoyed her parents so much when she and Layla had done it as children. She smiled knowing that it must have just been a parent's curse. "You don't have shout, you know?" Evangeline had been napping which was now a daily occurrence. If it weren't for Layla, she probably would have slept for a couple more hours.

"Whatever, sleepyhead. I got you a salad from the diner. The chicken is on the side, and I got three different types of dressing because I know you're picky." Layla watched as she turned her nose up. "Or, I got you this chicken and rice soup."

"I'm not really that hungry, but you go ahead." Evangeline had lived at the diner, but as of late her tastes had changed. These days she could barely walk through Angel's Square without being nauseated by the smell of the diner. She saw Layla frowning and rolled her eyes again. "I'll eat the salad later if you want to toss it in the fridge."

"If you don't like diner food, you should let me know pretty soon. Mrs. Vega is planning on sending meals to you throughout your pregnancy as a thank you for helping Cristian. She's a mother, so I know she'll understand if you say that it's a pregnancy thing." Layla had actually been exaggerating. She ate dinner with Jamie and Antonio, so she packed up all the food for Evangeline to put away later.

"That's so sweet. I'll have to call her to thank her. By the way, have you seen Cristian?" Evangeline put all the food away knowing that she wouldn't eat it. There were a couple of high school kids who were helping her with yard work, so she'd give it to one of them for a snack.

"Um, yeah. He's a little torn up about Natalie, but other than that he's holding up. Antonio hired him at the club. I think he'll be fine if he can stay busy." Layla walked with Evangeline unsure of where she was heading. "Are we doing laundry?"

"No, I just wanted you to see that I've got the mother in law suite ready." Evangeline carefully made her way to the stairs that led down to the basement. She had Layla in mind when she purchased the house, but Layla had surprised her and moved in with Antonio. "I didn't do a lot of designing in case you wanted to do that yourself."

"Thanks, Vange." Layla's tight smiled wasn't able to hide her displeasure. "I'm good, though."

"Layla, please give this up already. Antonio has Jamie back. Maybe it wasn't by the most ethical means, but you've helped him enough." Evangeline was frustrated that Layla was being so stubborn. Against Evangeline's advice, Layla pretended to be Antonio's girlfriend to present a balanced household to the judge in Antonio's custody hearing.

"I'm not a little girl, Vange. I'm helping my friend."

"Antonio is still in love with Jessica. You helped him, and that's great. Don't get caught up in his drama." Evangeline didn't want to watch as her sister chased after a man who wasn't free to return her affection. Especially not a Buchanan woman. Antonio had asked Evangeline to represent him, and Evangeline turned him down. It wasn't just because she was pregnant. She watched first hand as Antonio pushed away his family and friends. He was trying to cope with the reveal of his real parentage, but he gave Jamie away to RJ. He'd done it with malice to punish the woman who selflessly raised him as her own for his own protection. RJ was her ex, but he was, in Evangeline's opinion, the better parent for Jamie.

"I'm not going to argue with you. I know where you're coming from, and I know you love me. I know Antonio is in love with Jessica. I came here to look out for you, but I can't keep living in your shadow. I've got to do my own thing. I'm just helping him out until he has whatever is going on with Jessica figured out. He's cute, but he's told me that he's not interested. I can take a hint." Layla grabbed Evangeline by the shoulders to stop her from walking down the stairs. She was in love with Evangeline's new house and was more than envious. The mother in law suite was basically a one-bedroom apartment. The only amenity it shared was the washer and dry and even still there was a door that separated the apartment from that part of the basement.

"Besides, you have so much going on right now, and I don't want to be a bother to you." That was the truth of the matter. Lisa had told her that she needed to give Evangeline space to adjust to her new life. Layla hadn't planned on being away from her sister, but her mother had been very insistent.

"Did mom say something to you? I don't mind, Layla. I've actually gotten used to you being around." Evangeline turned to her and took Layla's hands into her own. She would never admit it, but she was going to be lonely in the house. The baby would bring its own excitement, but that would be a different kind of companionship.

"Look, mom told me what I already know. You need to focus on being a mom right now. You've got new partners and associates. You have a new house. You have a baby on the way. Taking care of me takes a back seat to all of that." Layla pulled her into an encouraging embrace. "I'm not saying I'll never come here to crash with you. I'm just saying that, for now, you focus on adjusting. Don't worry about me."

Evangeline shrugged instead. She couldn't force Layla to move in with her, but she felt as though she would end up with her eventually. "Fine. Fine. Maybe you can still help me put together some designs. All my focus is on getting the maintenance and upkeep taken care of."

"Or we can talk about what's going on between you and John?" Layla had heard from her mother about Evangeline's proposed custody arrangements. Where Lisa had been proud, Layla was skeptical. Evangeline was nice, but maybe not as nice as people realized. She too had been subjected to a "very fair" agreement of Evangeline's and it hadn't worked like she intended.

"What do you mean what's going on? You got the scoop when mom was here." Evangeline sat on the sofa which faced a large bay window. There wasn't much of a view since the sun had set and the curtains were drawn.

"I'm talking about that generous custody proposal mom was telling me all about." Layla sat in the armchair closest to the sofa.

"Yes, because I should try to encourage John to get to know our child with a strict custody arrangement that doesn't allow him much time with our child?" Evangeline stared at her inquisitively. Nora too had been skeptical. She suggested that Evangeline supervise John's visitation since he was likely to agree to whatever she wanted.

"I'm talking about giving John enough rope to hang himself with. 'Yes Layla, you can borrow any of my clothes whenever you want as long as you return them to me washed and in the same condition you took them in.'" That had been what Evangeline agreed to when she came home from her first year at college. She tutored for spending money and spent most of it on clothes. Layla wanted a break from the bargain clothes that Lisa was apt to dressing her in and couldn't stay out of Evangeline's closet.

Evangeline smiled at the memory. "That was a fair agreement." Evangeline had only given in because it was the easiest way to keep the peace. Layla, who was prone to being irresponsible, borrowed one of Evangeline's pricier garments and another girl stole it from her. Due to Layla's irresponsibility, Evangeline had what she considered just cause to keep Layla away from her wardrobe. In the end Lisa agreed with her, and it caused a rift between the sisters.

"No, Vange, you set me up. You never wanted me borrowing your clothes, and if you had just come out and said so I would have respected that." Layla was still annoyed at the memory. Evangeline's reasoning had been flawless, but they were sisters and should have been able to resolve the issue more reasonably. "Not everyone is acting with an agenda and that's what you're doing with John. You know how he is already. I think you should talk to him and tell him what you expect from him."

"That's what the custody arrangement is doing, Layla. It's not my job to teach John how to be a father. If he wants a great relationship with our child, he's going to have to work at it." Evangeline was annoyed. She hadn't expected Layla to catch on, and she hadn't expected her to call her out on it either.

"Wrong. My niece deserves two loving and dedicated parents. I guess I understand the importance of marriage where one parent makes up for the other's shortcomings. You're not together, but you owe it to your daughter to push John. She will understand when she's older if John's not a good dad. She'll know that you tried, and she'll love you for it. Otherwise, you're giving John one shot to get it right. You can't be that unforgiving." Layla hated to make it out like Evangeline was the bad guy. She knew her sister, though. If John wasn't the man she expected, Evangeline would take the child and leave Llanview altogether. She would use that distance to further keep John away.

"Layla, please, do not lecture me on this." Evangeline leaned back and rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to lecture because you're wrong. John might need more than a year to get the hang of things. He might need a couple of years, but if he's trying that counts for something."

"I don't have the luxury of screwing up, so neither does John. He's going to have to adjust quickly, or you're right. I'll restrict his visitation. I'm not going to put my life or my child's life on hold while John tries to figure it out. I'm not doing this to punish him, but I have to think of my child first. Here's what every single father wants: to show up whenever it's convenient for his schedule, to pay for expenses he agrees are necessary for the baby, to keep living a single man's life. Meanwhile, the woman is stuck raising a new baby and her ex? That's not going to happen, Layla." The reasonable part of Evangeline that saw validity to Layla's arguments was being suppressed by an angry Evangeline. She wouldn't let John be a part-time parent.

"Okay, well we'll just see how this goes. You hold John to your ridiculously high standards of perfection and excellence. We'll just ignore that this is parenthood, one of the most daunting tasks someone can take on. We'll just ignore that you've had all this extra time to prepare. We'll just ignore that John is emotionally damage and you knew that before you got pregnant."

"We'll just ignore you." Evangeline wasn't able to rise as quickly as she wanted, but she stormed off leaving Layla to her judgments. She made her decision, and no one was going to be able to talk her down.


	11. Binding Arbitration

Evangeline had spent more than her fair share of time in the courthouse. Even with all her experience, she still got butterflies in her stomach. She was constantly giving herself pep talks to make it through big cases, and for the most part she'd been widely successful. She expected for things to go exactly as she planned today. Somehow, that made her feel uneasy. There was always the fear of the unknown, but when things went too easily she had to double, triple, and quadruple check herself to make sure she'd made no errors. She'd even hired an attorney to represent her interests and alleviate some stress. That had been successful until today.

If she had to guess a cause, she would guess that it was because of John's choice of counsel. She knew Mr. Goldberg's reputation. He was fair and honest, but he was a cutthroat attorney, not unlike Evangeline. If John was going to go along with her agreement as she drafted it, he didn't have to shell out big bucks on Mr. Goldberg.

"Don't let Goldberg get you nervous," a middle-aged man spoke from beside Evangeline. "This is just arbitration, remember? We are being more than just reasonable. Even Mr. Goldberg is going to have a hard time finding something to complain about."

"I know. You're right." Evangeline smiled at her colleague. Clark, who everyone called superman, had tried to recruit Evangeline to his firm early on, but she maintained her independence. They were friendly, so he was more than willing to represent Evangeline when she'd asked. "Maybe I'm just having second thoughts."

"Then stop worrying and trust me." Clark checked his watch again. They were scheduled to start soon, and the arbitrator still hadn't shown up. "Look, you are giving the father of your child a very reasonable visitation schedule. He has a whole year to adjust and make time for that visitation. You are doing the right thing." Clark had been the one that convinced Evangeline to have the arrangement reviewed after a year. He pushed her, with facts and statistics, to hold John to exacting standards. He didn't know John at all. This was done to protect his reputation in a competitive field.

"Okay." Evangeline agreed because she didn't want to argue anymore. Layla's comments had given her lots to think about. Maybe she was being unfair to John. Maybe she was just trying to protect herself. Maybe there was a better way to handle this. In the end, Evangeline was left with more questions than answers. For now, she would proceed with the original proposed agreement. She couldn't predict the future and she wouldn't stress over that now.

In the midst of her worrying, Evangeline noticed John. He was seated while his lawyer was speaking to him. He looked sadder and more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him before. Even though she didn't want it to, her heart ached for him. She was ready to stop loving him, but her heart still wouldn't let go.

Evangeline's thoughts wandered and she thought of happier memories. It hadn't happened too terribly often, but, on a few occasions, John had showed up to surprise her at the courthouse. He'd come in sit in the gallery so that she would have a friendly face to stare at during tough cases, or he'd be there with a hug, a kiss, and words of encouragement after a night of worrying. He probably didn't realize how important those little things had been to her.

The arrival of the arbitrator brought Evangeline from her thoughts. Though unintentional, she'd been staring over at John. Her face was hot with blush when she realized he'd been staring at her too. She was met with slight disappointment when he looked away sadly instead of returning her nervous smile with one of his own.

The arbitrator entered the room first followed by John and his lawyer and Evangeline and hers. The room was a small conference room and a much less intimidating space than a normal courtroom. The table and chairs had already been set. Though this wasn't a formal hearing a court reporter was still there to record the minutes of their meeting.

The arbitrator was a retired judge that both John and Evangeline knew. He was almost eighty years old, but his mind was far younger than his body that had started to give out on him. His thick glasses and hearing aide were the physical limitations that caused him to finally retire.

"Good morning everyone. I'm Mark Hernandez. I think we all know each other here. I just want to say a few things before we get started. I'm sure we're all familiar with the arbitration process. This hearing is to set a visitation agreement in anticipation of the birth of the child of Miss Evangeline Williamson and declared father Mister John McBain. The terms agreed on will be legal and binding to all parties. Neither party will be allowed to modify the arrangement to his or her benefit except when it's in the best interest of the child. Those exceptions have been detailed in the proposed arrangement by Ms. Williamson and her attorney Clark Matthews. Mr. Goldberg, can you please confirm that you and your client have reviewed all pertinent documents?" The man looked down the bridge of his nose and over his glasses.

John looked to his attorney unsure if he was allowed to speak or not. His attorney patted his arm gently to reassure John. "We have, your honor."

"Very well. For clarity, we will go over the document in detail and any proposed changes will be made at the end." Judge Hernandez was nothing if not thorough. He was also getting paid by the hour, so he wasn't pressed for time.

After two hours of reading, exposition, and clarification, they made it through the entirety of the proposed custody arrangement. John felt like the outsider knowing that everyone else present had routinely sat through meetings like this. John was mentally exhausted and wanted a short break. They still hadn't covered his lawyer's proposed changes, and at this point John wondered if it was even worth it. The first time he'd gone over this arrangement with his lawyer, he stated that he didn't have any complaints. His lawyer was the one who told him, on principal, he couldn't simply agree to her terms with no counter. In the end, they agreed on some things that John wanted, and his attorney thought were realistically achievable.

Evangeline was not emotionally strained, but she was starting to reach her physical limit. She was in desperate need of a bathroom break and maybe a snack. Having a baby resting on her bladder had been the only real annoyance that had experienced during her pregnancy. Her strict diet of no junk food had been self-imposed so she wouldn't allow herself to be annoyed by that.

"Okay, that's a good stopping place for a moment. Let's take a fifteen-minute recess and then we'll wrap things up." The former judge was still great at reading people and he could tell that everyone would benefit from a few minutes away. Just before everyone stood to leave, the door swung open.

"I have something to say about all of this." Natalie burst in suddenly. She didn't know exactly what was going on, but she'd overheard part of a conversation between Layla and Michael. She gathered that Evangeline was going to keep John from his child. She took it upon herself to stick up for him to hopefully get back in his good graces. He still wasn't talking to her, but this would surely get the ball rolling.

Where John looked concerned, Evangeline looked annoyed. Evangeline couldn't fathom why he'd again bring Natalie into their personal business.

"John is," Natalie started excitedly but was quickly cutoff.

"Out now!" Judge Hernandez slammed his fist down on the table. "This is a private proceeding!" Judge Hernandez was well acquainted with the Buchanan family, so he already knew who Natalie was.

"No, this is wrong. You can't take John's kid from him. Evangeline, what the hell is wrong with you?" Natalie pointed an accusatory finger in Evangeline's direction. She stared angrily in her direction. She really didn't care about Evangeline's child, but she loved John. She had to stick up for him and his interest.

Evangeline let out an audible sigh. If John was going to tell her about the hearing, he could have at least given her all the facts. She hated that even this was becoming a circus.

"Young lady, I can guarantee that whatever you are trying to accomplish here will not be achieved." The judge gave no thought to her outburst. Had this been his courtroom, he would have held her in contempt.

The silence of the room and the disgusted stares were enough to drive Natalie away. She wasn't really there to help. She was only there to be seen. That mission had been accomplished despite the judge's declaration. "I was just trying to help my friend." She gave John one final pleading look before she rushed off.

Afterward, all parties excused themselves without further comment. Evangeline rushed off to a bathroom, so her attorney stayed behind. From a distance he watched John's interaction with his attorney.

"If you'll excuse me." John made to leave, but his attorney was pulling at the sleeve of his coat.

"You're not going after her." Mr. Goldberg looked him in the eyes when John looked back at him. John's face flashed with anger for a moment. "That is a bad move." He tilted his head slightly to let John know that Evangeline's lawyer was watching them. "We're not done here."

John felt like he needed to go after her. He wanted to know why she knew to show up today. "I'll be back in ten minutes."

"If you leave, I leave, and I won't come back." Mr. Goldberg set his briefcase down on the floor beside him. "This isn't a game. We don't have time for this. Right now, she's a distraction. If you can tell me right now how going after her helps your cause, I'm all for it. Otherwise, catch up with her later."

John lamented for a moment. He pulled his arm out of Mr. Goldberg's embrace and sat down on a nearby bench. He didn't have a good reason to go after her. It was instinct that was compelling him now. He looked over and saw Evangeline's lawyer smirking and something told him he'd already made a big mistake.

When the meeting was back in session, the attorneys took turns presenting their proposed concessions and things had gone very well. John had gotten all of his requests and Evangeline had gotten hers as well. The arbitrator was ready to end the session when Evangeline's lawyer interjected.

"Your honor, in light of some recent developments, I would like to submit a final addendum to our proposed arrangement." Clark was taking a risk as he hadn't discussed his proposal with Evangeline. He'd seen John's reaction to Natalie and decided to do his client a favor. He knew it was necessary, but Evangeline was far to polite to ask. He would make sure that Evangeline got her money's worth out of him.

"Clark?" Evangeline looked over at him inquisitively. She searched all the faces at the table to see if anyone else had a clue.

"We're requesting that Natalie Buchanan Vega have no contact with the child. This includes supervised interactions. Mr. McBain is free to carry on a relationship if he so desires, but the child should not be subjected to a potentially harmful situation." Clark looked over at Evangeline and winked.

"Your honor," Evangeline and Mr. Goldberg spoke at the same time. Evangeline paused to hear Mr. Goldberg's objection. "This is ridiculous."

"Her outburst and interruption were ridiculous."

"That was against my client's wishes."

"Nonetheless, it was done for his benefit. I consider Ms. Vega to be unstable and her instability could pose a risk to the child. She is no stranger to breaking the law. Ms. Williamson has exonerated her of charges, but the implications are still there. Let's not forget how Ms. Vega was reported to have baited a serial killer." Clark had come prepared even though Evangeline had left out some of the juicier details of the case.

"Fine." John didn't want to go back and forth about this.

"If I may," Mr. Goldberg stood and quickly pulled John away from prying ears. "Don't do this."

"This isn't about her and I don't want to make it about her either." John might have been at odds with Natalie, but he didn't exactly want to hear her name dragged through the mud. Nothing Clark said was untrue, but it was still hard to hear.

"This isn't a precedent you want to set. Trust me. You agreeing to this can only hurt you in the future. If you want to be with Ms. Vega in the future, this will be used as evidence of her potential instability. Simply being involved with her could negatively impact your ability to see your child down the line." Mr. Goldberg didn't care for Natalie one way or the other, but he was John's attorney. He couldn't in good conscious allow John to agree to this.

"I gotta take that risk right now." John was looking past Mr. Goldberg. He saw the anger and surprise on Evangeline's face. This proposal hadn't been her idea. Only problem was that she didn't object either.

Mr. Goldberg look at him nervously. John was not thinking clearly, and Mr. Matthews was taking advantage of that. If Evangeline was going to let her lawyer play dirty, Mr. Goldberg would also play dirty for John. They both returned to their seats and he returned Mr. Matthew's triumphant smile with a sly one of his own.

"We are willing to accept that condition as long as our own is met." Mr. Goldberg looked to the arbitrator to continue. "We ask that during the parties' six week leave from work that they live together to give Mr. McBain full access to his child and an even 50/50 visitation schedule." Now it was John's turn to be surprised. Evangeline wasn't going to go for this, and neither was her lawyer. The last thing she wanted was to play house with him, and at this point John wasn't sure he could handle it either.

"Very funny, now what do you really want?" Mr. Clark had actually laughed out loud. He looked over at Evangeline and knew her answer without asking.

"I'm serious. I'm not talking about any kind of reconciliation. Both parties can agree on a neutral location, say The Palace, to reside. Then each parent and their families will have equal access to the child. While Ms. Williamson's arrangement is fair, it is naturally biased. The child is to live with her, and her family will have unlimited access to the child. This is unfair to the child's father, Mr. McBain and his family who have just as much right to the child as Ms. Williamson." Mr. Goldberg was content that he'd wiped that smug look off Mr. Matthew's face.

"I have an extra room," Evangeline offered. "John, Mr. McBain, can reside there for the six weeks after the child's birth. His family can visit freely. After the six weeks, Mr. McBain moves out and we follow the proposed order." Evangeline didn't like where Mr. Goldberg was going. She couldn't guess what his true objective was, so she stopped before the negotiations were out of her control. Luckily, she had the mother in law suite that Layla wouldn't be using. John and his family could come and go, and she would only have the expected minimal interaction with him.

"Then we've got a deal." Mr. Goldberg turned to John and patted him roughly on the shoulder. He hadn't intended the result, but it got John more than what he was planning.

* * *

"Hey sis, how'd it go?" Layla smiled brightly at Evangeline as she walked into the den. Evangeline had given her a key in anticipation of her moving in. Layla had used that opportunity to keep tabs on her sister.

"Please don't ask." Evangeline could feel her head starting to pound. She wanted wine or a hamburger. Both things were off the menu at the moment. "Is that soup still in the fridge?"

"Yes, it is. I'll go warm it up for you." Layla was up and walking out the door before Evangeline had even settled in.

Evangeline took those few moments to gather herself. She yelled at Clark when all was said and done. It was his mention of Natalie that had gotten her in this situation. She made a mental note to call and apologize him. He was trying to help her, and, in the end, Evangeline had the final word. If she wanted, she could have put a stop to it.

"Here you go." Layla set the bowl down directly on the table since there were no coasters. She waited to see if Evangeline would object. Evangeline's silence clued her in more on her mood. "Oh gosh, I almost forgot to tell you. Natalie was creeping around the diner. She overheard me and John's brother, Michael, talking. She is a total stalker."

"Figures. That explains it." Evangeline picked up the bowl and enjoyed the warmth on her hands. "She came bursting in to tell me I shouldn't be keeping John's baby from him."

"That's my bad. I was cluing Michael in after he said John told him you were going to keep the baby from him. Natalie only heard the beginning part of the conversation before I sent her on her way. I'm totally sorry. I should have set her straight." Layla noticed the sad look in her sister's eyes. She hadn't been in a physical fight since she was a little girl but would make an exception to put Natalie in her place.

"Don't apologize," Evangeline spoke in between bites. Today she'd regained her appetite. "She would have showed up whether you had told her the truth or not. She's just looking to get John's attention."

"Why do I feel like there's more to it than that?" Layla sat down beside Evangeline and kicked her feet up onto the table. Evangeline shook her head and she put them down on the floor. "What aren't you telling me?"

Evangeline blew out a breath and set her bowl down. She could try to hide it, but Layla would find out soon enough. Evangeline was tired of keeping secrets, so she wouldn't treat this as one. "Well, my lawyers saw that John was ready to bolt after her. He put a clause in the custody arrangement that Natalie is to have no contact with the baby."

"Good! I don't know why you weren't asking for that in the first place," Confused by the look on her sister's face, Layla pressed for more details, "but you don't feel that way. Why?"

"Because now it's a challenge. Natalie is going to be Natalie. She'll pout and get angry. She will do whatever is necessary to get John's attention." Evangeline leaned back against the sofa and hugged a throw pillow. "She's going to make John choose."

Layla thought for a moment before she spoke again. "You're scared that John's going to make the wrong choice."

"Yes," Evangeline didn't wipe away her tears. "If protecting Natalie becomes his priority again, what choice do I have? I won't let John push our child aside when he's too busy dealing with someone else's problems."

"Vange, you are making this harder than it needs to be. You need to talk to John. Why can't you just tell him what you want, what you need from him." The irony wasn't lost on Layla. She'd spent plenty of time defending and excusing Antonio's actions when he abandoned Jamie to save Jessica. Antonio had been counseled by friends and family and he still chose to leave. She had to ask why she was looking past Antonio's mistakes when she wouldn't look past John's.

Evangeline only cried harder. She'd given him several chances to prioritize her and their relationship, and John still chose to chase after Natalie. She knew it was insanity to try the same thing over and over and expect a different result. For better or worse, John would have to make a choice on his own.

* * *

John arrived home after his long day. Things turned out better than he could have hoped for. Now he was left to face the consequences of what happened when he'd lost control of his emotions. Willingly, he'd agreed to more therapy. More than anything, John wanted to call Dr. Crosby back and tell him to forget about the whole thing. These past few days had been an exception to the norm, and John made a bad decision based on emotion. He imagined that Dr. Crosby wouldn't let him off easy. John knew he'd have to speak to Dr. Crosby sooner than later. He'd done the minimum that Bo had asked for and he wouldn't volunteer for more.

Before John had gotten comfortable, there was a knock on the door. He wasn't in the mood for company. His visitor was persistent and forced him to answer the door. John was surprised to see Michael's face when he swung open his door. He noted the bruising and swelling on Michael's face and felt bad about it. He nodded once to invite Michael in and then walked away from the door.

"Hey bro," Michael watched John as he retrieved two beers from his mini fridge. He took the one John held out to him. He sat down with John on his small orange sofa, neither one of them saying a word. They sat in uncomfortable silence for probably ten minutes. They were more alike than either would ever admit. Apologies were needed from both brothers, but neither wanted to be the first one to speak.

"I was wrong about Evangeline. Sorry about your face," John spoke first. He wasn't ready to do it, but he should have been thanking Michael. When John was too busy worrying about everyone else, Michael was there for Evangeline. He had been the one keeping her safe.

"Natalie overhead me talking to Evangeline's sister. I wanted to call to give you a heads up, but I got distracted when I got paged back to the ER. I figured she would show up and screw things up." Michael set his empty bottle down on the table.

"She showed up and pissed off Evangeline's lawyer. We agreed that Natalie wouldn't be allowed near the baby." John's jaw was clenched as he spoke. He didn't like being told what to do especially about his personal life.

Michael's eyes grew wide with surprise. "You going to be okay with that?" Michael was concerned that John would still fall victim to one of Natalie's schemes. She didn't need to see the baby. She just needed to keep John away from the baby. She'd probably do everything in her power to chase Evangeline out of Llanview.

"In exchange for that, I'll be living with Evangeline for the first six weeks after the baby comes home." John carefully chose not to answer Michael's question. "She's got an extra room in her new place."

"Nice."

"Yeah, my lawyer wouldn't let me agree to all of her terms without submitting some of my own. If we can't agree on a first name, I get to pick the middle name. Last name will be McBain and not any complicated double last name. I get to be in the delivery room." John was an excited kind of nervous about getting to see his child whenever he wanted for the first six weeks. He chose to focus on the positive and ignore everything else.

"John, I'm really glad. I mean, I know stuff's been unfair, but maybe it's going to be okay." Michael patted him on the back roughly.

"You were right about Evangeline. Despite everything, she's pretty much all class."


	12. Stationhouse Drama

John paced outside Dr. Crosby's office. After a good night's rest and some time to compress, John now had what he would consider clarity. He didn't need therapy. He let himself get worked up over something that was nothing. From here on out, he would be fine. That's what he kept telling himself.

"Lt. McBain, what a surprise." The doctor had no early morning appointments, so he was surprised that John was here waiting for him. "I wasn't expecting to see you until next week." He unlocked his office and allowed John to follow him inside.

John shoved his hands down in his pockets as he walked into Dr. Crosby's office. "Look, I don't think this is for me." He watched as the doctor turned around and looked at him inquisitively. It was times like these that John hated that he was so good at reading people. "I'll admit I got worked up because my ex, but things are good. We're good now."

Dr. Crosby nodded but he didn't say anything. He figured John wouldn't follow through. He wanted to help, but John had to be willing to take the first step.

John didn't like his silence or the look on his face. "I know you think you're helping, but this ain't me; sitting around blaming my mom for all my problems."

"I didn't bring up your mother, John, but it's interesting that you did." Dr. Crosby was trying to get a rise out of John now. He'd already put some things in motion that would surely draw John back to his office. Sometimes his methods were questionable, but he was a man that got results.

"Don't do that." John felt guilty for the implication. His mother deserved better than the hand she was dealt. John wouldn't blame her for having a hard time coping.

"Do what, John? My job? I'm here to help. This is like physical therapy. Yes, it's going to be hard, but if you don't do it you're going to be emotionally limping for the rest of your life."

"I don't need your kind of help. One bad day doesn't mean anything." John put his hands on his hips defiantly. Part of him decided that he didn't need help, but the other part of him was staying to see if Crosby could convince him otherwise.

"One bad day changed your family's life. I just got one question for you, John. You all but told me that Evangeline doesn't need you to raise this kid, but what about the other way around? If something happens to her, would you be able to raise your kid on your own? Or would you just pass that responsibility to someone else? Your mom or hers? Would you be happy if your kid turned out like you did?" That was more than an oversimplification of what happened to John's father. Dr. Crosby knew that he'd just pushed John too far.

"Go to hell, doc," John stormed out of his office and slammed the door behind him.

* * *

Evangeline walked tall as she made her way through the halls of the LPD. She'd not been here since her secret was revealed, and she wasn't looking forward to all of the judgmental stares. On a normal day, she could handle it, but she had been running on pure emotion for the last week and half. If it hadn't been at Bo's request, she would have avoided this place altogether.

She smiled at a couple of officers who offered her congratulations. She was already behind schedule, so she kept her conversations short. Just before she reached Bo's office door she heard a familiar voice from behind.

"The commissioner is in a meeting," Natalie didn't hide the annoyance in her voice or the disgust on her face. "You'll have to call him to schedule an appointment." Natalie was still bitter, among other things, at how Evangeline had been so quick to dismiss her the last time she saw her.

"Bo called me as if it's any of your concern," Evangeline didn't have to justify herself to Natalie, but she was willing to give as good as she was getting today. Natalie was playing a dangerous game and she didn't even realize it.

"Well the mayor is in there and Uncle Bo said not to let anyone disturb them." Natalie exaggerated. The mayor was there, but Bo hadn't asked her to hold his calls or anything.

"Fine, whatever." Evangeline checked her watch as she walked past Natalie toward the empty bench in the bullpen.

"Look, I don't need your attitude. If you're having a bad day, it's probably karma for what you did to John." Natalie had a chance to de-escalate the situation, but instead she poured gasoline onto the fire. "First you hide John's baby from you and then you try to steal it from him. How low can you get?"

Evangeline set down her briefcase and clenched her fist. "As usual, you have no idea what you are talking about. My relationship with John, past, present, and future, has nothing to do with you."

"You keep telling yourself that, but we both know the truth," Natalie stepped aggressively toward Evangeline, "John loves me. John saved me first."

"You know what Natalie? I don't care what you think. I. Don't. Care. About. You." Evangeline ground out her words.

"But John cares and that's just eating you up." Natalie smiled victoriously. No matter the circumstances, John said he loved her and that was a hell of a lot more than Evangeline could say.

"Yes, John cares so much that he doesn't want you anywhere near our child. He loves you so much that he put it in writing." Evangeline enjoyed the anguished look on Natalie's face. "Natalie Lawrence, Vega, Buchanan or whatever you're calling yourself these days is not to have any contact with the McBain child under any circumstances. Violation of this clause will result in an immediate suspension of visitation until a formal hearing in family court." Evangeline's use of finger quotes only annoyed Natalie further.

"You forced him." Tears were welling up in the corners of Natalie's eyes.

That Natalie would even think so little of her wasn't too surprising. When it suited her needs Evangeline was a villain, but, when push came to shove, Evangeline had saved her from unfair prosecution and probably death at the hands of the killers. "No, Natalie, I didn't. It wasn't even my idea." Evangeline used a technical truth to deal the most damage to Natalie.

"You lying bitch," Natalie moved to slap Evangeline, but Evangeline intercepted her. "I hate you. I hate you."

For a moment, Natalie forgot herself and was shouting. The few officers that were standing around to listen in on the drama were forced to take action when Natalie attempted to continue her assault on Evangeline.

Evangeline was surprised at Natalie's overreaction. She'd tried to slap her before, but Evangeline had thwarted her efforts. This time Natalie was trying to inflict some real damage on Evangeline, and in her current state she was very vulnerable. She felt relief as an officer stood in between them and another officer grabbed Natalie to pull her away.

"What the hell is going on here?" The mayor and Bo heard the commotion and ended their meeting abruptly. "Natalie, are you okay?" Bo sighed at the sight of Natalie being restrained.

The officer released her quickly. This was a bad situation either way. Bo would be mad if they cuffed her like they should have. John would chew their asses for letting it happen in the first place.

Natalie didn't respond at all. She ran off instead to hide her shame.

"Aren't you going to arrest her?" The mayor looked at the officers as if they were idiots. "Since when does an assault, in the police station no less, get overlooked."

"Mayor Lowell, it's okay. I won't be filing a complaint." Evangeline spoke quickly. She wouldn't let it show, but she was shaken. She felt responsible for stooping to Natalie's level and causing all the drama.

"Ms. Williamson, I can assure you that this is not okay, and this is not over." The mayor looked warily over at Bo before he excused himself.

"You okay?" Bo walked over to Evangeline as the small crowd dissipated. "You need some water? Let's go to my office." Bo blew out a slow breath. He gingerly put his hand on the small of Evangeline's back as she walked to his office. He got her a cup of water and handed it to her. "I'm sorry about that."

Evangeline just smiled politely. She liked Bo. He was decent and honest, but he was Natalie's uncle. For that reason, she'd always kept her distance from him. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

"Not according to the mayor." Bo bit his tongue. He'd said too much. The mayor had received a complaint from Dr. Crosby about Bo's choice of discipline for John. He claimed it made his work with the officers less efficient if they were only sent there for punishment and not when they had legitimate issues. More hit the fan when the mayor found out the truth about Cris Vega. The mayor quickly reduced everything to a common denominator. Natalie, or more importantly the Buchanan family, were receiving preferential treatment from the LPD. The mayor was under the opinion that Natalie should have been fired for her recklessness during the KCK investigation, but her status as a victim had protected her. After today's incident, Natalie would not be allowed to continue working at the LPD.

"Why would he think that," Evangeline questioned Bo as she sipped her water. Her heart was still racing, and she was feeling a little light headed. She thankful that she'd be seeing her doctor later today.

"The mayor? He's got an agenda. Everyone does now that Pa is gone." Bo figured it was just a desperate power play. He refused to see the truth about his family. "Just trying to make a statement."

Evangeline chose not to respond. The dirty side of politics was definitely not her scene. Bo was more honest than most of his family, but that wasn't saying much. If he didn't distance himself from them and their drama, he'd be out of a job.

"I don't want to worry about that right now." Bo observed Evangeline to make sure she was really okay. He had to smile at how much she reminded him of Nora. "I gotta say that you are absolutely beautiful. Just glowing."

Evangeline smiled. "I feel like a big fat blimp." She put her hand to her abdomen instinctively. Time seemed to be flying by now and pretty soon she'd be welcoming her child.

"No, no. You look radiant." Bo smiled back at her. His words were genuine. "Pregnancy suits you.'

"Well, I won't complain. I've been lucky so far and I'm just hoping to make it though these next few months." Evangeline was starting to feel calm again. If Bo was trying to distract her, he was doing a great job.

"Hey, look, about Natalie. She's just," Bo stopped midsentence at the look on Evangeline's face. "No, you know what, never mind." Bo was about to start making excuses for Natalie but remembered who he was talking to. Natalie had a tough year, but it was largely by her own creation. Not to be outdone, Evangeline had also had a rough year. She was just an innocent in all this drama.

"So, you had some questions about your father's estate?" Evangeline changed the topic for Bo. She liked Bo and wanted to maintain their relationship, but she would be damned if she would sit here and listen to him excusing Natalie's bad behavior.

* * *

John sat behind his desk completely lost in thought. He'd tried, with little success, to distract himself after seeing Dr. Crosby. Several hours later the doctor's words were still haunting him. It hadn't help that everyone around the station had been whispering and giving him weird looks. He'd stayed in his office for the most part to catch up on paperwork and avoid the office drama.

"Come in," John didn't look up from his paperwork to greet his visitor. He'd requested some files and Natalie hadn't been around to get them, so he assumed it was whoever was filling in for her.

"Hey John, got a minute?" Bo walked into John's office and closed the door behind him. John was hard at work as usual. His methods weren't traditional, but Bo loved his work ethic. "Got a visit from the mayor today." Bo wasn't really asking for John's time as much as he was letting John know he needed to listen for a bit.

"Great, what's that guy after now?" John closed the file and set it off to the side. He tried to give Bo his undivided attention when he was speaking to him.

Bo sat down in the chair in front of John's desk. He was a straight shooter and so was John. They usually didn't spend a lot of time beating around the bush with each other. "He got a complaint from Crosby. Crosby said your punishment was inappropriate and indicative of a larger problem within the police force." Bo knew that the mayor had added that last part on his own.

"Whoa, that wasn't done at my request. I talked to the guy like you said, and nothing like that came up at all." John wouldn't let Crosby off the hook for this one.

"I figured, but I still had to tell you. The mayor is probably looking to prop himself up for when he runs for governor. Pa is gone and he's got an axe to grind. This is personal, so he's going to take whatever ammunition he can find and try to use it against me and my family." Bo wasn't being paranoid about this. He'd been around the block on more than one occasion. He'd have to be careful in the future, but that would be a whole lot easier if his family had moral standards that mirrored his own.

"It's still on me. I'm sorry for what happened with Cris. You know I'd take it back if I could." John had always admired Bo. He was tough, but he was also fair. John didn't want his misconduct to get Bo in trouble. He'd have to do better on the job.

"Just be mindful of that when you go about your business. The mayor is going to have this station under a microscope. He's going to try and take it out on whoever he thinks is loyal to me. Crosby's complaint was legit, but it's set some things in motion." Bo laced his fingers together and looked seriously over at John.

"You won't have any trouble out of me. Everything by the book." John rarely broke rules, but he would bend them when it was in the interest of justice.

"The mayor's also up in arms over Natalie. He's systematically going after my family and she's on the top of the list right now." Bo tried to gauge John's reaction to the news.

"That guy's a real piece of work." John felt bad for Natalie. She'd had her share of bad luck, but this just wasn't fair. Natalie had finally settled into her job and she was good at it. John figured it was good enough to keep her out of trouble.

"Yeah well, he's going way back on this one. Her involvement with Paul Cramer and Rex. Her involvement with the Killing Club Killer. Victim or not, the mayor is really pressing the issue about her trying to bait the killer." Bo had tried to keep those details tucked away, but the case was so high profile that he hadn't been able to. "He considers her access to sensitive information to be a liability for the station."

John rolled his eyes. He didn't know what he was supposed to say. Natalie had been reckless and used her job to inappropriately access police information. She risked her life as well as Rex's when she tried to bat the killer. Then she put Evangeline at risk when she pulled him away from work with a stupid stunt. "So, what happens now?"

"As of today, Natalie is suspended without pay until a formal hearing is held." Bo could fire her out right, but he wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Bo was giving her more chances that he'd give any normal employee. That was the mayor's point that he was missing.

"Doesn't exactly seem fair." With no new incidents, John couldn't understand why the mayor would try to retroactively punish Natalie. It had been months since her last interference with a police matter.

"There was no choice this time. Earlier today, she got into it with Evangeline. Things got physical." Bo saw a familiar look on John's face. It was the same look he was wearing the night of the Woman of the Year ceremony when he found out Evangeline was kidnapped.

"Got physical? Her and Evangeline?" John was already up and putting on his coat. That Evangeline would be fighting was shocking enough, but for her to have a been doing it while pregnant was beyond belief.

"Natalie got physical. Couple of guys had to restrain her." Bo could see it clearly now. Whatever he thought John may have felt for Natalie was nothing in the face of what he thought about Evangeline being in danger. It wasn't just the pregnancy. He'd subtly tried to push John and Natalie together, but that had been a mistake.

"And you didn't think that was worth mentioning before now? I gotta get out of here. I gotta check on Evangeline." John didn't wait to be excused. Bo had intentionally tried to soften John toward Natalie with all the business about the mayor. Instead, it had only made things worse. Whatever compassion John felt for Natalie was gone.


	13. A Routine Checkup

"I'm sorry Ms. Williamson. He insisted on seeing you." Evangeline's young secretary, Wesley, apologized as John barged into her office. "He said it was urgent and he wouldn't take 'no' for an answer." Wes glared over at John.

Evangeline looked up from her screen and frowned. She'd been expecting John after her run in with Natalie. That had been hours ago, and she'd expected him before now. "It's okay Wes. I'm about to head out anyway. Thank you."

John watched him as he left before focusing again on Evangeline. He was relieved that she didn't look any worse for wear. He walked over to her desk to examine her more closely. "Why didn't you ca- Are you okay?" John thought better than to ask the obvious question. Evangeline hadn't really been one to rely on others outside of work.

"John, I'm fine really." Evangeline started to pack her things. She needed to get to the hospital to keep her doctor's appointment.

John stared at her expectantly. Surely, she didn't think that such a simple answer would suffice in this situation. "Bo said it got physical. Natalie had to be restrained."

"I can handle Natalie, John. She was upset and lost her temper. Some officers got to her before things got out of hand. There is nothing for you to worry about." Evangeline checked her watch. She expected John to notice that she was on her way out and excuse himself.

"Where are you headed?" John checked his watch too. He'd have to go in later today, but for now he wouldn't let Evangeline out of his sight. "I'll give you a ride."

"Not necessary. I've got a doctor's appointment and it's in walking distance. You can stand down, lieutenant." Evangeline still felt uncomfortable in John's presence. With everything that happened, they were never able to resolve any lingering feelings. She did not want to vulnerable in front of him again.

"How long are we going to do this?" John motioned between them before resting his hands on his hips. "How long are we going to pretend like there was never anything between us? Like we were never even friends?" That was something that John had been waiting to say. Months had passed but he still thought about Evangeline constantly. Now, with the baby, those feelings were more intense.

It had been over a month since she'd told John that she wasn't ready for friendship or anything else. Their relationship had only been strained further since then. "John," Evangeline started before her mother's nagging voice echoed in her mind, "you can come with me. It's just a regular checkup for the baby." This was Evangeline's attempt a trying to ease the tension. Eventually, she would have to move past the pain for everyone's sake.

John was relieved that she'd given him this much. He could see that it was hard for her to be around him. He hated that he'd let their relationship deteriorate to this point. Unlike others, John had few regrets with Evangeline. She would give him a child and for that he would always be thankful. "My car is out front."

John and Evangeline walked out together much to Wesley's dismay. Evangeline smiled to reassure him and then they were gone. The elevator ride down and the short ride to the hospital were filled with uncomfortable silence. Neither John nor Evangeline knew what to say to each other any more.

John was again forced to sit in silence as the nurse made Evangeline update her medical charts so that John could be in the examination room with her. She explained that he would have access to her OB/GYN records from conception until the baby's birth and no further. John nodded wondering why she had to go through all this song and dance in the first place.

When she was called back into the exam room, John watched as the nurse took her vitals and commented on her blood pressure. It sounded like maybe it was an issue she was working on. Evangeline brushed her off, so he didn't think too much about it.

Then Evangeline was instructed to change into her paper gowns for the examination. As if he weren't even there, Evangeline started to undress in front of John. Where he normally would have enjoyed the show, instead he felt sadness. It hadn't been done to entice or arouse him. It was just a reminder of how much they'd grown apart.

After changing, Evangeline lay awkwardly on the exam table. Within a few short minutes, she'd dozed off leaving John to fend for himself. He'd left his phone in the car intentionally and was bored. The only reading materials were posters of women's anatomy and pregnancy progress charts.

John watched Evangeline while she slept and figured she was a little cold. It had been her number one complaint while they were together. Carefully, he'd draped his overcoat over her and started to pace the room. Something must have been going on because an hour and a half passed, and the doctor still hadn't been in.

A sudden, blood-curdling scream from Evangeline shattered the silence. It took John one step to get to her. "Hey, hey, are you okay? Evangeline?" John touched her face, which was covered in sweat. Her whole body was. She'd soaked through her paper gowns and the part of the protective paper lining covering the exam table. "Evangeline?" John had seen that terrified look on her face before. Once, when she was spending the night with him after her attack at the train station and she'd awoken with a nightmare. Again, when the killer had her tied to the stake at the gym. "It was just a dream. You're okay now."

"Excuse me. Please let me through." Two nurses had entered suddenly and unnoticed. "We need to check her blood pressure."

Reluctantly, John stepped away and watched as they worked on her. They checked her blood pressure once and then again. That couldn't have been good. The senior of the two nurses told the other one to get the doctor immediately.

"Is she okay?" Now it was John's turn to sweat. He was powerless to help Evangeline.

"It's okay. I'm okay." Evangeline looked more embarrassed than anything. She still hadn't caught her breath just yet. "I'm okay." This time she repeated it for the nurse, as if that would convince her.

"Just lay back and relax. Let me get you some dry gowns to put on." The nurse went to the cabinet to get new gowns for Evangeline. She didn't leave the room while she changed this time. She simply turned away while Evangeline changed. Then she ripped off the paper exam lining and rolled out fresh liner.

John could only watch not sure what he should be doing at this moment. More than ever, he wished he had Michael's medical expertise. Then he would understand what the big deal about her blood pressure was and what he could do to help.

When the doctor stepped in, there was a collective sigh of relief. "Ms. Williamson, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I got called in on an unexpected delivery." The doctor walked over to Evangeline and he manually checked her blood pressure and not with the machine that the nurses had been using.

"It's okay, Dr. Kent. I think I just dozed off and had a nightmare. I'm okay." Evangeline's nightmares were far less often than they had been, but they had a negative impact on her blood pressure. That and the pregnancy were cause for concern. Lily had referred her care to a colleague to make sure Evangeline received the best and most unbiased care.

"You are not okay. I can't let you leave here if your pressure doesn't come down. I know I've kept you waiting, but I'm going to give it another thirty minutes to see if your pressure comes down on its own. If it doesn't, I'm admitting you." The doctor looked over at Evangeline sternly. He wanted to put Evangeline on a low dose medicine to help with her blood pressure, but Evangeline had refused. Evangeline monitored it at home, and it wasn't consistently high enough that she wanted to risk any adverse effects to the baby.

"Doctor," Evangeline started.

"Save the arguments for the courtroom, Ms. Williamson. I've got another patient to see. I'll be back in thirty minutes." The doctor didn't leave any room for argument. Lily had referred Evangeline to him was because he was committed to patient care. He could be brutally honest, which meant he didn't have the best bedside manor.

John followed after the doctor to question him further outside of Evangeline's presence. "Excuse me." John cornered him in a secluded area. "I had some questions about Evangeline Williamson. I'm her," John fumbled not knowing what to call himself.

"Mr. McBain, I presume. The child's father. How can I help you?" The doctor stared at him impatiently. He was way behind schedule and even these few minutes would further contribute to his patient's wait times.

"Yes. I'm just curious about her blood pressure. Is it really that big of an issue?" John would keep it brief. He wanted to get back to Evangeline. If anything else happened, he at least wanted to be there.

"It's a life-threatening issue. Evangeline has a lot working against her. She has a family history of heart disease, she works in a highly stressful position that probably contributes to her high blood pressure, and this pregnancy is also contributing to that as well. The pregnancy seems to have been the trigger and most likely her blood pressure will return to normal afterward."

"She's due in a couple of months." John stressed how short of a time period they were talking about.

"To be blunt, she could die in those two months. Her and the baby. High blood pressure can be a silent killer as your organs are over worked. Your kidneys can fail. It can bring on other forms of heart disease. It can lead to stokes or death. Evangeline is doing well in controlling her diet and maintaining a rigorous workout routine. She controls her sodium intake and drinks plenty of water. She's just got to reduce her stress and rest more. Anything you can do to facilitate that will benefit your child and Ms. Williamson."

"Thank you, doctor." John had heard enough. He knew what he needed to do. He wouldn't allow anyone, including himself, to hurt Evangeline any further.

Luckily, Evangeline's blood pressure came down considerably in those thirty minutes. She agreed to continue her daily monitoring and to further reduce her workload. The rest of her checkup was successful as well.

"I'm going to assume that you're headed home now." John stepped off the elevator behind Evangeline. He would throw a fit if she tried to head back to work after the scare she'd just given him.

"No, I'm going to go over a few contracts at home, but that's it." Evangeline looked up at the setting sun. "Dammit." She pulled out her phone and check the time. She had a couple of missed calls from Layla and a text message.

"What's up?" John paused at her outburst.

"My car is in the shop. Layla was supposed to pick me up, but since things ran late she had to head in to work." Evangeline sighed at her bad luck.

"I'll take you home." John gave her a look that stopped her from objecting. "You need to stop anywhere along the way?"

"No." Evangeline followed behind him now. On the spot, she couldn't think of a way to reassure him that he was okay. She would have to let him see with his own eyes that she was okay.

John automatically started to drive towards Evangeline's old apartment building, and she had to correct him. "You're headed the wrong way. I moved, remember?"

"Oh? I just assumed you got a bigger place in the same building." John looked over at her as he waited for her to fill him in.

"Yeah, I live out towards the edge of the city limits now. I bought a house out there." Evangeline stared out the window. She wasn't prepared to have John over just yet. There were still some needed repairs and the yard was a complete mess. Evangeline punched the address into his GPS so that he wouldn't be distracted while driving. In rush hour traffic they were looking at a thirty-minute travel time.

"Bought a house? Congrats." John smiled that she had of course done the responsible thing. For now, John's place at the Angel's Square Motel would be fine, but he'd need a bigger place as the baby grew older. "Never been a fan of the suburbs myself. These long commutes make me kind of restless."

"Figures." Evangeline had done a lot of careful research before buying. She could have bought a house closer to central Llanview, but the price wasn't worth it in her opinion. Outside of rush hour traffic, she was fifteen minutes away from her office. That was good enough for her.

John changed the topic because Evangeline sounded annoyed. He wasn't exactly changing it to a safe topic though. "So, do you have nightmares often? I mean, you were completely spooked before you came out of it."

"Very rarely these days. I think I just got too hot." Evangeline got chills just thinking about it. It was always the same nightmare. Her being tied to the stake and John rescuing Natalie first. Except in her dreams, John didn't rescue her at all. He'd watch her burn as he held Natalie in his arms.

"Guess things change. You used to keep it hot enough in your apartment." John tried to lighten the mood. He glanced over at her and she looked sad. He'd missed something.

"Almost being burned alive. That's not something that you forget about easily." Evangeline chose not to dwell on it. The last thing she wanted was to throw a pity party for herself.

John swallowed hard and nodded. He felt stupid that she had to spell it out for him. Natalie too had nightmares about that incident. That he convinced himself that Evangeline would overcome that tragedy on her own was evidence of his refusal to recognize her needs. There was no use in apologizing now. "Anything I can do to help?" John had to make the offer even if he knew she would refuse it.

Evangeline mustered a smile. "I'm okay. Probably all the stress of today took more of a toll than I expected." She appreciated John's offer even if she didn't think it was sincere.

John smiled inwardly hoping that they'd made a little progress. "So, I've been thinking." Evangeline looked over at him when his tone changed. "Think about baby names and all. Probably would be a little easier if I knew whether we are having a boy or a girl." John couldn't hide his smile this time.

"Oh, I sent that paperwork over to your lawyer. It's the first sonogram and the results of my amnio. I figured Michael could help you figure it out." Evangeline smiled too. Layla had insisted that the baby was a girl. Her mother insisted it was a boy. "If you do find out, please keep it to yourself. I want to be surprised."

"I wouldn't have guessed that. I guess I'll be surprised too. If I tell Mike or mom, it will make it's way back to you soon enough." John was happy to see Evangeline smile again. He knew it would take more effort than just this before they were on better terms, but this was a good start. After he was finished with Evangeline, he committed himself to addressing a couple of issues tonight.

* * *

John walked up the stairs of Llanfair and had to suppress a smile. He'd spent a few pleasant hours with Evangeline. She missed a delivery and assembly appointment, and instead of them taking the merchandise back to the warehouse it was left on her front porch. Evangeline had a dolly, so John was able to get it inside and up the stairs on his own. Then they spent a couple of hours assembling it. Them working together just felt right. If there was any change of maintaining that peace, John needed to be here to set Natalie straight.

He rang the doorbell and was greeted by one of the many maids who was employed as staff. She offered John refreshments than he declined. Then she was off to retrieve Natalie. He walked around the sitting room and gathered his thoughts.

"John, you're here." Natalie tried not to appear too excited. All of her efforts had really paid off.

John turned and looked at her. It had only been a couple of days since he'd seen her last, but she looked completely different to him. The rose-tinted glasses had finally been removed and he could see her for what she really was. "Yeah. We need to talk."

"I agree. I know you're probably pissed at me, but I thought I was doing you a favor. I thought Evangeline was going to keep the baby from you. I knew that would kill you, so I did what I thought would help you." Natalie reasoned it all out so it sounded logical. It was much better than telling John what her true motives were.

"You being there didn't change anything. Evangeline never wanted to keep the baby from me. Whatever anyone told you or you thought you heard was wrong." John's hands were in his pockets as he continued to observe her.

"Well, I'm sorry John. I still care about you and it's instinct for me to try and help you out." Natalie huffed when John didn't immediately accept her first excuse.

"Were you trying to help me when you attacked Evangeline at the station?" John stared at her angrily.

"Yes! I mean, Evangeline got me all worked up on purpose. I lost my temper, but I didn't do anything to hurt her." Natalie rolled her eyes and looked away. Even this was a trick to draw John in.

"You had to be restrained. What would you have done to her if someone hadn't been there to stop you?" John shouted at her, but still kept his distance. He wanted to shake some sense into her, but any physical contact was off limits.

Natalie mustered a few tears. "I'm sorry if you don't believe me, but I wouldn't have hurt her. I was just upset. She told me that I'm not allowed anywhere near your baby. That's what the custody thing was about. She claims it wasn't even her idea."

John was impressed at Evangeline's clever denial. Natalie's exclusion from their child's life hadn't been her idea, but it had been her lawyer's. If John told Natalie the truth, that would weaken Evangeline's previous statement. It would probably endear Natalie to him further. "Our custody arrangement wasn't about you, but you're right. There is a clause that you are not to have any contact with our child." John wanted to look away, but he maintained eye contact with her.

"That's a low blow John. I would never hurt your baby. She's just doing this to control you." Natalie actually believed her words.

John didn't think she'd ever intentionally hurt the baby, but he had to recognize that Natalie was dangerous. She could be careless and that could lead to the child getting hurt. Regardless of intentions, John wasn't willing to risk it and neither was Evangeline. "Evangeline's not trying to control me. The clause that you're talking about, you not being able to see the baby? She wasn't lying. It wasn't her idea or her suggestion."

With those simple words Natalie felt her heart breaking. If it hadn't been Evangeline's idea, it had to have been John's. Now her tears were sincere. She looked at John as if she'd never known him at all. "Okay, stupid me. I get it, John. I'll stay away from your baby and I'll stay away from you!"

John nodded knowing that he'd finally gotten his point across. He could have done it in a kinder way, but that hadn't worked in the past. This time for sure she'd gotten the message. Now John was one step closer to mending his friendship with Evangeline.


	14. Baby Shower

A/N: I hate adding my own made up characters, but OLTL never gave Evangeline the family connections to support her character. As for Eve McBain, I didn't want the show when she was on, so I chose to gloss over her for now. Fun fact: John is older than Michael and Michael was supposed to be 11 when their father died in the line of duty. This means John was originally supposed to have been high school or college aged when his father died. Not sure why the writers changed it in the end, but the rewrite never made much sense because John has got to be like 10 years older than Michael, so Michael should have been a baby when their father died. None of that matters other than to point out some terrible writing. It was just something interesting I found out when digging up some character info.

* * *

"John, this is a little morbid even for you, don't you think?" Michael complained as he thumbed through the documents John gave him. "I hope you're not planning on dying anytime soon." John had called him over to review documents related to his will in the even of something unfortunate.

"I'm not planning on it, no. But, better men than me have left before their time unexpectedly. I just want to be prepared for that." John had again seen a lawyer to make sure his final wishes would be honored. Michael was a possible beneficiary in his will, so he wanted to discuss the details with him to prevent any confusion in the future.

Michael grimaced. He didn't have to imagine that John was talking about their father. "Guess all this impeding fatherhood stuff is really starting to sink in?"

"It's not just that, Mike. My line of work, I should have already had this stuff in place." John previously had his mother as the sole inheritor of his estate. After he was gone, he wouldn't care about how she handled his estate.

"You, uh, wanna talk?" Michael laughed knowing that John wasn't big on talking. They had their moments, which had been more frequent as of late, but John was very much like his mother. Their pain was their own, and they wouldn't share it with others.

"There's not a lot to say about it." John looked over at his brother and shrugged. They were spending more time together and John actually liked it. John had went back to Dr. Crosby to go through with his original plan. Surprisingly, it had been pretty painless. The doctor was really focused on getting John talking, and not just about tragedy. He stressed to John how important it was to open up about to others about anything, even if it was just small details about his day. If John could master that, he would be ready to dig deeper and start dealing with the root of his issues.

"Evangeline told me that when her dad passed he had a life insurance policy that paid off their house. Evangeline was out of college and so was Layla, but it was still one less thing her mom had to worry about." John recalled a memory that Evangeline shared with him long ago.

"I thought her parents were divorced?" Michael kicked his feet up on the table and sighed. Today was his first off day in over a week and his body was still feeling the effects of the long hours he worked.

"They were, and they had been for years. Still, her dad made sure that policy was paid for whenever he did pass. Just makes me think about our parents. Think about the old man." John too kicked his feet up on the table and sighed. He had a long day ahead of him and talking to Mike was a bit of a stress reliever.

"If dad had that, mom wouldn't have struggled so much." Michael knew his family struggled with money, but it hadn't affected him like John and his mother. He was a kid and they both worked hard to make sure he never went without. This allowed him to think only about himself and his needs.

"Yep. It was probably a lot of money to them, but it would have been like an extra $50 a month to get a policy that would have taken care of the house and given mom some money for a rainy day. Dad's no different from most guys. He was working hard and expecting his pension would take care of him after he put in his time. Never really considered that he'd never live to see it or that it wouldn't be enough to provide for his family in his absence since it hadn't fully matured." John remembered being very young and having to sit with his mother to figure out which bills needed to be paid immediately and which bills could wait the longest to be paid. That stress of knowing his family's precarious financial state contributed to John's frugal tendencies. He lived in a crap apartment and saved most of what he earned. Until now, he didn't have anyone who he needed to benefit from that money.

"Yeah, well, no one wants to think about dying. Even me, and I deal with death all the time." Michael was with Marcie for now, but they weren't married. If they did marry, he too would have to think about providing for his family should he meet an unfortunate end.

"Evangeline's stable and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I just don't want to leave it all on her, just in case. Best case scenario, she never needs it and our kid gets the money to fund their college education or buy a house. Worst case scenario, she's able to raise our kid on a middle-class income." Completing this paperwork was the second of two tasks that he'd given himself the night after he saw Natalie. Now his finances were in order. The other was seeing Dr. Crosby, which he'd also done. John was working hard to get his life in order. He would be a man that his child would be proud of someday.

"So, are you going to go over all this stuff with mom before the baby shower or after?" Michael gave John some food for thought in case he hadn't considered the consequences.

"After." John looked at his watch and noted the time. John still had a couple of hours before he had to get ready. Lisa was putting on the shower. Evangeline and her family and friends would be there, and so would John and a few of his female family members. His mom forced him to make the calls that he was reluctant to make. For many years, he'd been distant with family, so none of the phone calls had been quick. All in all, six of his family members would be coming including him and his mother.

"Smart move. Don't want to put a damper on today." Michael patted his shoulder roughly. "So, how nervous are you for today."

"Beer at ten o'clock. What do you think?" John had been nervous not just about seeing Evangeline's family again, but also about his family members whose mouths he would not be able to control. Shannon and Becca were his younger cousins, but they would be quick to talk about his teenage girlfriends. It was his mother and aunts, Sara and Gail, that he was worried the most about embarrassing him.

"How did you even get roped into this? I was confused when Marcie said you'd be there and offended that I wasn't invited." Michael was serious until he found out John would be the only male attending. These were mostly for women anyway. He just didn't want to be excluded.

John just groaned. Evangeline, at her mother's request, had asked him nicely to attend. He was still trying to get back into her good graces, so he agreed. Now, he was regretting it.

"Yeah, well, I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to catch nap. We still on for dinner with the family tonight?" Michael yawned and stretched as he started to head for the door. He saw John nod his head and that was confirmation enough.

"Oh boy," John spoke out loud even though he was by himself. He'd expected Michael to stick around longer. As part of his therapy, John was supposed to stop spending so much time alone, but he was finding it hard. This was the consequence of him keeping his distance from others. As of late, he had few friends that he could talk to casually. He could talk to the guys at the station, but he knew they were nervous around him.

Dr. Crosby explained this was a big contributor to him not being able to bury his demons from the past. Though he didn't blame her, John had only mimicked his mother. After his father's death, she pushed people away because she didn't want them to see her struggling to make ends meet or falling to pieces over her husband's death. She suffered needlessly in silence as there was a wealth of family that she could rely on. This isolation had hurt her and the boys, but probably John the most. He never learned how to deal with pain, so he just stuffed it deep down inside.

Now that he was older and going through the healing process, John wondered why his mother had intentionally chosen to suffer. She refused government benefits that they qualified for and instead lived on his father's small pension and the odd jobs that she could find. Money was always tight. After a couple of sessions of therapy, John on his own did the research and figured out how much his mother should have been receiving in his father's absence with government assistance. It wasn't breaking the bank, but it would have meant that she only needed to work part-time, and the bills would have been paid on time. Her pride and refusal of "handouts" ended up putting adult responsibilities on a ten-year-old boy. John had survived it but wondered how things would have turned out if he was allowed to be a normal kid who was just dealing with his father's death, and not a kid who was dealing with his father's death and helping to keep his family above water.

John hated this part of therapy. His mother hadn't acted maliciously. She did what she thought was right after a punk with a gun changed her world. Therapy revealed that John did hold some resentment towards his mother for how things turned out. He was able to accept that anger, and Dr. Crosby urged him to talk to his mother about it. John knew he wasn't ready for that yet. He was glad to acknowledge the pain, understand it, and accept it. His mother wasn't perfect, but he loved her. He wouldn't burden her with his pain, because he was sure she was already aware of it. In her own way, she tried to atone for what she put John through.

* * *

Evangeline smiled patiently but rolled her eyes behind her mother's back. She was already counting down the hours before the shower was over with. In less than an hour, she would be welcoming a house full of guests, and now, of all times, her mother wanted to lecture her.

"I'm sorry, Cookie, I just don't agree." Lisa fiddled with the decorations wanting to make sure everything was just right. "Why in the world does that man have to live in this house with you?"

"Mom, we have already been over this…several times. This is the easiest way for the baby to be in one location and for John and his family to have the same access to the baby that I along with my family will have. The agreement has already been signed and there is not time to renegotiate." Evangeline kept hoping that some guest would show up early to distract her mother. She could never get that lucky.

"This just seems nefarious to me. He's got to be plotting something, some kind of way for you two to get back together. During this emotionally sensitive time, I think he's just trying to take advantage of you." Lisa's fidgeting was the easiest way to deal with her stress.

"Mom, I don't even have to see John. The basement apartment has its own entrance. He's got a kitchen down there, a bathroom," Evangeline stopped remembering that she'd already given her mother the tour. "John and I are trying to be civil. This is only for six weeks. Besides, I thought you were pushing for me to forgive John and give him a chance to bond with the baby."

"Well, I didn't mean in your house and under your roof." Lisa turned and looked at Evangeline. She knew Evangeline was annoyed, but it was her right, as a mother, to tell Evangeline that she was making a huge mistake. "You are finally free of that man. I don't want him finding a way back into your bed," Lisa spoke bluntly.

"This baby means I'll never be free of John. Him living here and us being together are two separate things that aren't even remotely related." Evangeline wasn't surprised that her mother still held on to her dislike of John.

"Didn't you say he's been doing work around here?" Lisa had been around the block long enough and she knew what John wanted. She would make sure Evangeline didn't make the same mistake twice.

"Yes, mom. He supervised a bunch of teenaged boys to redo my lawn and some other things around here. Saved me thousands of dollars from having to hire a contractor." John and a team of three neighborhood boys had completely redone her landscaping and it had only taken two weeks. Evangeline gave John a vision and he drew up plans that he boys worked on after school. On the weekends, John was there to help out and things looked beautiful.

"Can we please stop talking about this already?" Evangeline was already tired, and not just of this conversation. If her mother was getting to her, she had no hopes of successfully dealing with her jealous cousins.

"No, because you're not hearing me. That man is going nowhere, and I don't want him dragging you down. You've got a lot on your plate now with the baby and managing your career. If you need a man, he needs to be strong enough to support you and your ambitions. I'm talking emotionally, physically, and financially. I'm sure John is a fine man and he will be a fine father. That does not mean he deserves you. He is not the man who is going to take you where you need to be." Lisa knew that Evangeline was still destined for greatness. She would not let John derail her from the path of success any further.

"Mom, I can't do this. Not today. I can't deal with all those snarky comments from those people that you insisted on invited and know that I don't have your support." Evangeline walked over to her new favorite spot on the sofa. The curtains were open, and she could see out the large bay window into the back yard. John had really outdone himself with the landscaping.

"What do you mean those people? This is your family, Cookie. You don't need to hide from them. People are going to talk. You already know how we are, but you can handle them. You don't need me in your corner to fight your battles. If you don't like what they're saying, show them how you will succeed without a man. Just be yourself, baby." Lisa looked over at her daughter lovingly. She'd never babied Evangeline and she wasn't about to start now. Instead of leaving her jealous cousins off the invitation list, Lisa encouraged them to come to light a fire under Evangeline.

Evangeline chose to remain silent. Any further conversation would only escalate the issue. For now, Evangeline would focus on relaxing. Sure, there would be family there that she wasn't particularly fond of, plus John's family that she'd never met, but she would also have her friends to rely on. It was only for a few hours, so she convinced herself she could tolerate them for that long.

Evangeline was relieved that her friends, Lily, Nora, Marcie, and Layla arrived ahead of the crowd. Instead of focusing on John and the impending move in and custody drama, they were there to celebrate the baby. That alone gave Evangeline the strength that she needed. Finally, she started to get in the spirit herself.

John hadn't coordinated his family's arrival, so everyone but Eve arrived slightly ahead of time. Marcie made the introductions in John's place. Evangeline remembered Shannon, so at least she was a familiar face. The others that she didn't know were friendly enough and easily mingled with her mother and the other guests that had arrived.

"I'll get it. That's probably John." He texted her that he was running behind and that he would be there soon. She asked that he not use the key that she had given him. He was surely smart enough to pick up on why. Today was about the baby, and neither one of them wanted to shift the focus onto the status of their failed relationship.

Evangeline swung the door open expecting John, but she was greeted by an older woman with red hair. "Hello," Evangeline spoke with a big smile on her face, "you must be Eve."

"I am, dear. Evangeline it's so nice to finally meet you," Eve pulled her into a hug being mindful of her abdomen, "and I am so excited to meet this little one. With those two boys of mine, I wasn't sure I was ever going to get any grandchildren." Eve smiled remembering Michael's description of Evangeline. She was just as beautiful as he said she was.

Evangeline laughed in response as she ushered her inside. She listened to Eve as she directed her to the den where the festivities would be taking place. Marcie was up in an instant and greeting Eve, whom she already knew. Evangeline thought for a moment about the McBain men and their red headed women. She didn't know about Michael's exes, but Natalie was a red head and so was Caitlyn. She couldn't help but wonder if the boys had some kind of Oedipus complex.

"Mom, this is John's mother, Eve McBain." Evangeline made this introduction and decided that everyone else could introduce themselves on their own. She got nametags as a way to streamline the process.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Lisa Williamson." Eve and Lisa shared a polite handshake. "So, is John with you?" Lisa looked past her to see if he was lingering somewhere.

"No, I think he said he needed to drop some paperwork off, but he shouldn't be too far behind." Eve glanced between Lisa and Evangeline. "He's probably trying to find some way to avoid coming. If he does make an appearance, I don't imagine he'll stay too long if there won't be any other gentlemen to keep him company."

"Well, I can't blame him for that." Lisa thought back on Clay's outright refusal to even consider coming. He was willing to support Evangeline, but he said he didn't want to sit around the hen house.

The doorbell rang out again. There would be a steady stream of guests for the next little while. "You two get comfortable. I'll be right back." Evangeline rushed off as quickly as she could before anyone could object. She was expecting it to be either John or her other family members. She was hoping for John.

"Oh my gosh, you are so pregnant and still so beautiful. My Cookie is all grown up now." The woman was shouting and hugging Evangeline before she had the door fully open.

"Claire! Mom didn't tell me you were coming. This is the best surprise." Evangeline hugged her back excitedly. Claire was her mother's much younger first cousin, so she spent a lot of time baby sitting Evangeline and Layla. She was hands down Evangeline's favorite cousin, but she didn't come around too often. She was happy with her life and didn't want or need approval from the Gray/Williamson crowd.

"Probably because she didn't invite me." Claire released Evangeline from her hug and winked at her. "Layla sent me a message last minute. Tiff wanted to come too, but she couldn't get away."

"Well, I'm glad you're here." Evangeline hugged her again. Claire was as successful, if not more successful, as Evangeline. She studied medicine instead of law and was highly respected in her field. Her sexual orientation was why her family didn't boast about her. She knew she'd broken her parents' hearts when she came out of the closet, but she refused to live a lie. She was happier now and had no regrets.

"Let me give you the granny tour." The inside joke was about visiting the grandparents house and them always trying to feed you or fatten you up. Evangeline wanted to get her to the kitchen for a few minutes alone before the other party goers arrived.

"I never would have thought of you as a country girl. It's city enough, but you've got a lot of woods around you. I'd be afraid of wolves and coyotes out here." Claire followed behind Evangeline to the kitchen.

"Please don't say that. I live alone and I'm just now starting to get comfortable here." Evangeline sat down on the bench in the breakfast nook. "So, how's everything been for you? How is Tiff?" The doorbell rang out again, but this time Evangeline would let her mother or Layla answer it.

"Oh, you know it's just as exciting as ever. Work keeps me busy all the time, and so do the students. I'm really happy and so is Tiff. She's a principal now, and she's thinking about moving up a bit. We're working on her confidence if she takes that next step. She's not afraid she can survive all the negativity." Claire was a teacher and researcher at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. She met her wife, Tiff, when she was a student there decades ago.

"I know what she means. The world has changed, but not that much. She's got you and her family, so I'm sure she'll be just fine." Evangeline had to remember to call Claire more. They'd grown apart since they were now busy professionals, but if anyone understood Evangeline it was Claire. She'd been Evangeline's confidant when things got too stressful.

"Well tell me about you and what's been going on. I had to hear it through the grapevine that you split from Dennis and by the time I heard that you'd already been here in Pennsylvania for a year." Claire cupped Evangeline's hands in her own.

"Yeah, we just didn't work out. I was looking for a change of scenery and I got an offer for a high-profile case. I won, so I decided to stick around. You wouldn't believe the drama that happens in this small town. It keeps me busy." Evangeline smiled brightly. She enjoyed having this girl talk again with someone who really knew her.

"Well, not too busy." Claire patted her belly.

"Hm, I guess not." Evangeline put her hand over Claire's on her abdomen.

"Want to talk about it?" Claire could read Evangeline like a book. This may have been a celebration, but she was anything but happy.

"Today, no. I'm just looking to survive this afternoon and then I'll be in a much better place." Evangeline chose honesty. "John and I are working on building a friendship. It's been hard, but we want to stay cordial." The doorbell rang out again and Evangeline knew at this point some of her least favorite family members had arrived.

"Surviving today? Who did Lisa invite that's getting under your skin? This is your special day. You will never have another moment like this again. You may have other kids, but this baby will be your first. If we need to bounce some bitches, you let me know."

John had been standing in the hallway within earshot, but out of eye sight. He wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but he hadn't found the right moment to interrupt their conversation. Claire's words had put a smile on his face. He'd encountered the judgmental side of Evangeline's family. Maybe it would be nice if some of them were more down to Earth like Layla and Evangeline.

"Oh, you know I wish I could. Mom wants me to show them that I'm not going to let this baby hold me back. I can't just say I'm going to conquer the world. I've got to have the whole Gray and Williamson clan there while I do it to make her proud." Evangeline told herself that she wouldn't cry, but she started to tear up.

"I love your mom, but I love you more. You don't have anything to prove to her or them. Live your life how you want to. The only thing that matters is your happiness and your child's. Forget all the rest." Claire pulled Evangeline into a hug hoping that would keep her from crying.

John frowned when he heard Evangeline sniffling. Again, she was hurting and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He had to question Lisa's wisdom in putting Evangeline through this. Was she really that concerned about Evangeline's ambitions that she would over look her happiness? John sighed knowing he wouldn't get an answer to that question anytime soon. For now, he'd leave Evangeline in Claire's hands. He would talk to Evangeline when the party was over.

* * *

The party was in full swing, but still there was another hour before the event's conclusion. All of John's family other than his mother had already headed back to AC, but John had to stick around since he was having dinner with Michael and his mother later on.

John had suffered at his mother and family telling some stories about little boy John McBain. No one said anything too revealing or embarrassing, but John hated being the center of attention. It had partially been worth it since Evangeline's family gave her the same treatment.

While the women were inside playing strange party games, John excused himself. He stood out on the deck wishing that he had a beer. He had to marvel at his own handywork in transforming Evangeline's landscaping. He was envious of her relative seclusion and great scenic view.

"Oh man I know that face." Claire stepped outside to see John. She had been speaking with her wife on the phone and wanted to get some fresh air before heading back to the party.

John looked over at her inquisitively. "Pardon?"

"That is the thousand-yard stare of a man that is just about at his limit. About now you're wishing for a beer and some kind of sporting event to watch. Really doesn't matter what's on, but you don't want to remember what it's like to be a man again. Then again, you've been a very good boy today. Maybe you'll skip the beer and go straight to the hard stuff. Whiskey or gin?" Claire stared over at John as she walked over to him. She introduced herself earlier, but they really hadn't had a chance to talk.

John smiled. "Definitely whiskey."

"Don't worry, copper. You'll be out of here soon enough. Our girl is about at her limit too. She is already wanting people out the door." Claire leaned against the railing and stretched.

"Hm, well, I don't think that was in Lisa's plans." John remembered how she was trying to keep them on a tight schedule. He no longer wondered where Evangeline got her bossy nature from.

"Don't count Cookie out. She never has been one to go with the flow. That woman always has a plan and a backup plan and a backup plan for the backup plan. Even when she was a little girl she was bossy." Claire's eyes met John's. His warm smile pleased her. She hadn't heard much about John except what Layla told her, but she couldn't rely on Layla for an accurate account of the facts.

"That's not a family trait? Maybe it skipped Layla, but the Williamsons seem like bunch who love to make plans plan." John had heard more than enough of Evangeline's cousins trying to one up her and each other. "No offense, but there's more to life than being better than everyone else."

"Ouch. None taken. It's not just the Williamsons. It's the Grays too; that's Lisa's family name. We are a proud people who will accomplish the goals that we set for ourselves. 'If you don't do it for your own sake, do it for the pride of your family.' That was like our family motto." Claire had been tasked with becoming the first African American female surgeon general, but Jocelyn Elders beat her to it. When she told her family, she would be the first openly gay African American female surgeon general, she realized that her definition of pride and her family's were two different things.

"That sounds a little tough." John would remember that. He admired Evangeline's determination, but maybe he wouldn't want their child to be as serious as she was.

"You have no idea. Evangeline shouldered that burden more than anyone because she's brilliant. Her parents sacrificed everything for her success. Can you imagine letting them down?"

"Be the president or marry the president. That's, uh, that's pretty for anyone." John knew that Evangeline had traveled in the circle of people who were probably future presidential candidates, but that had been before she was in Llanview. She still rubbed elbows with some very powerful people, so it wasn't like she couldn't achieve that dream later.

"Yep, but that was her mommy and daddy's plan for her, and she has never been one to disappoint. So, do you know what her plan is?" Claire looked over at John who looked uncomfortable.

John shrugged his shoulders. He'd already gotten the speech from Clay about Evangeline's ambitions. He didn't need anyone else to remind him that he was way out of her league. "Can't say that I do?"

"You never asked?" Claire pushed further. She knew Evangeline's dream and wondered how this man had gotten so close to her without finding out. "Let me guess, you were too afraid to ask because you thought they wouldn't include you?"

John shoved his hands down into his pockets and clenched his teeth. That she guessed what he needed therapy to acknowledge annoyed him. "I think we best get back inside." John didn't owe her an answer. He wouldn't keep playing these games with Evangeline's family members. If they didn't think he was good enough for her, that was their opinion. That they were still making sure he knew that after their breakup was beyond cruel.


	15. Pre-engaged

"Well, I have to say that was a long ass weekend." John greeted Evangeline from the front steps of her porch.

"John? What are you doing here?" Evangeline was finally alone and hadn't been expecting company. Layla had graciously taken Lisa to dinner to give Evangeline a break. After the shower ended, Lisa went right back in on her list of why John shouldn't be living with Evangeline. Even after she agreed, her mother still persisted. Layla had been there as a buffer, but Lisa was in rare form and was all fired up. The thought of Evangeline getting back with John was too much for her to bear.

"I spent my whole Saturday putting up with your family and mine. Today was supposed to be my day off, but I got called in on a robbery gone wrong. Robber walks in on a murder-suicide. Wife was still alive when he got there, but instead of calling for help he makes off with her jewelry and some other electronics. She probably would have lived if he called it in. He's in custody, so it's on the DA now. And, I have exactly twelve hours before I'm on shift again. I've got beer and I've got dinner. You want to join me." John held up the Chinese takeout bag as he stepped inside. He'd stunned Evangeline with all the information he'd just spurted out.

"I can't eat that. I'm trying to watch my diet, and we both know beer isn't on the menu either." Evangeline had to call after him because he'd walked right past her and toward the kitchen. It wasn't like John to be forceful, but it appeared that he planned on staying before she said it was okay.

"I've talked to your doctor. You can cheat tonight. Probably won't make a difference in the long run." John started to pull out the takeout containers and open them to see which one which was. He got a couple of healthy things, but for the most part he got all the fried stuff that was covered in fattening sauce. "I remember you're picky and pregnant, so I got a variety of stuff here. Surely, there's something you'll like."

Evangeline smiled despite herself. She was planning on having a salad, but the smell of the takeout food was getting to her. She'd eaten extremely healthy throughout her pregnancy, but that had been an extreme shift from her normal diet. Any other night she would probably be able to resist, but John was here with some of her favorite foods during after a stressful weekend. "Tell me you at least got some vegetables."

John smiled knowing that he'd won. "As a matter of fact, I didn't, but I'm sure there's vegetables in here. Look, this has got broccoli in it. This one has peas and carrots." John pointed to a couple of things and wasn't quite sure what they were. He ordered by number without asking about specific dishes.

"Close enough." Evangeline sat with him in comfortable silence as they each fixed their plates. They hadn't done anything like this since before the breakup, and, despite that, it wasn't a painful reminder of how things used to be. Right now, they were just two friends sharing dinner.

"So, your blood pressure still okay. Four hours with your family about had my blood boiling." John spoke in between bites. In the end, he had to work hard to keep his mouth shut to keep the peace around Evangeline's family. Speaking your mind was one thing, but they were being down right rude at times. Layla, Nora, Lily, and Evangeline's cousin, Claire, had quickly come to her defense whenever anyone said anything that sounded too mean spirited. John was glad that she had good friends and family like that.

"McBain, you are just speaking your mind tonight. Guess some of that rubbed off on you." Evangeline had to laugh at his honesty. They were trying to bait him and her into an argument, but neither would stoop to their level. She was sure that it was their intent to embarrass and shame her for getting pregnant out of wedlock, and with a white cop no less, but they were the ones who looked foolish.

"Maybe. I just wonder what the point of showing up was if all they wanted to do was try and trash you." John was still angry thinking about it. None of them had the right to comment on her life when hadn't been there to support her.

"That's nothing new to me, John. A lot of my cousins are jealous and are always looking to find fault in me. This was their chance to gloat at my perceived misfortune. What they were saying wasn't getting to me." Evangeline had grown used to that by now. "My mother said it's great practice for the future. If I can put up with my family's criticisms, I could deal with the tabloids when I'm ready to run for office."

"Hell of a way to prepare yourself." John took a long sip of beer and leaned back in his chair. He wasn't so much hungry as he was in need of company.

"I should be asking if you're okay. Claire asked me to apologize to you. She said you were talking, and she thought she might have said something out of line. She thought she might have hurt your feelings. Her words." Evangeline had almost forgotten that Claire pulled her aside. "She was really sorry. Claire is a little clueless sometimes. She connects easy with others and tends to get too casual too quickly. Whatever she said, I'm sure it wasn't said with malice."

John nodded and again sipped his beer. He would like to have forgotten about that, but her words resonated in him. "No worries. She's nice. I like how she sticks up for you. She's like Layla 2.0."

"No, Layla is like her. Claire has always been like my big sister. I remember being a kid and I was always trying to catch up to her. She fell out of favor with the family, and we lost touch. All this time, I feel like I'm still trying to out do her." Evangeline pushed her plate away. She wasn't nearly as hungry as she thought she was. That, or this conversation was ruining her appetite.

"Is it because," John stopped short without asking the question.

"I remember my mom talking to me when Claire first came out. It was right before she started medical school. My mom and others were upset that she was 'making things harder on herself.' She was in love, though, and no one could change her mind. Claire and her wife, Tiff came out together. They've been together for more than twenty years now. We still have family members who try to convince her to find a man to marry, so that she can realize her true potential in life." Evangeline felt sad knowing that was why Claire had distanced herself from the family. If they couldn't accept her life, she wouldn't accept them. Sadly, that included Evangeline who was still struggling with her own demons.

"Twenty years is a long time. Sounds like a ringing endorsement for marriage." John tried to steer the conversation to something lighter.

"They were legally married in San Francisco, but the law is undecided on that area. You know, it's not the paper that's kept them together all these years. They really love each other, and they've worked hard at it. Knowing that these two people are the personification of what marriage really is and they aren't even allowed to marry is crazy. Thinking of their plight has always given me reservations about marriage. Makes me wonder if I will ever find love like they have." Evangeline's fear of marriage hadn't stemmed entirely from her parents divorced.

"Sounds like you already found that guy if you ask some of your family members." John again changed the topic. He was intending on keeping the mood light, but whatever he said seemed to bring Evangeline down.

"They are never going to let me forget about Dennis." Evangeline laughed and rolled her eyes. Years later her family was still holding out hopes for a rekindling of their romance. It didn't help that Dennis still attended family functions and had actively tried to pursue her after the breakup. "That ship has sailed. I am never getting back together with Dennis."

"Must have been really serious, though. He was at that funeral we went to. He seemed to mix really well with everyone." John had been jealous that Dennis was on such friendly terms with Evangeline's family. He wondered if Dennis had gotten the same treatment that he did, or if they'd made a special exception of John.

"For a while we were very serious. We were pre-engaged." Evangeline frowned when she said the words out loud. She hated the term, but she and Dennis hadn't thought of a better term for their arrangement.

"Pre-engaged." John laughed heartily. "Sounds so romantic."

Evangeline's mood instantly soured. She was sharing with John and he was mocking her. "Yeah, not all of us have those whirlwind romances where we just know we're going to live happily ever after. I know it's just some joke to you compared to what you and Caitlyn had, but for Dennis and I we were in love and committed to each other."

The tone of her voice clued John in on his error. Seemed like no matter what he said he was going to ruin the mood tonight. Actually, it had been this way whenever they talked seriously about relationship stuff. That had always been John's clue to back off, but tonight he would try something different.

"I didn't mean to laugh. I'm sorry." John put his beer down and leaned toward her. "Caitlyn and I didn't have a whirlwind romance either. I…I, uh," John fumbled his words. He'd never said these words before, though few people knew the truth outside him and Caitlyn.

"Forget it, John. This isn't important." Evangeline wouldn't wait for him like she had before. He was always on the edge of saying what he was feeling, but something deep inside always held him back. They weren't together, so she wouldn't try to drag it out of him.

"It is important. It's important to me." John slid over into a chair so that he was sitting right next to her. "Friends share stuff, right? I want us to be friends again." John looked at her pleadingly. "It's just hard for me to get the words out."

"John, it always is." Evangeline stared into his eyes and could tell that he was being sincere.

John sighed. She wasn't going to give him a pass, and he wasn't expecting one. "I thought she was pregnant." John forced himself to blurt it out. "She thought she was pregnant, but she wasn't. Her parents found out and were insistent that I do the right thing by their daughter."

"John," Evangeline saw sadness in his eyes. He always had the same tortured look on his face when he spoke of Caitlyn. Evangeline knew he loved her, and that he would still be with her if fate hadn't intervened. The painful way that she was taken from him had always given Evangeline a reason to hide from his pain.

"We weren't real young, but we were both scared. A baby changes everything. Marriage changes everything." John was silent for a moment after his admission. There was more to the story, but he would save that for another night. It had been hard enough getting that much out. If he said anymore, he wouldn't be able to deal with the heartache afterwards.

"Fear is normal. That's nothing to be embarrassed about." Evangeline touched the side of his face tenderly. "But you got over that fear, and you and Caitlyn decided to make a life together. Maybe not a fairytale, but it was right for you."

"Definitely wasn't a fairytale. I still expected to build a life with her. I planned for forever." John was disappointed when Evangeline pulled her hand away.

"Dee and I were to the point where the next step was marriage or going our separate ways. That was kind of the purpose of the pre-engagement. It was a way for us to say this is who I want in a life partner and can you be that person. We weren't going to get engaged unless we absolutely knew that we were going to spend our lives together." Evangeline tapped lightly on the table. She didn't like to think of her almost engagement with Dennis. They were in love and exactly the couple you would expect to marry. It was Evangeline who broke things off.

"So, we're talking about a trial run." John smoothed Evangeline's hair back away from her face. He was surprise that she allowed the intimate contact.

"More or less. We talked in depth about our current and future financial outlooks, our future career plans, our goals and how to achieve them. We were fine until we started talking about having a family. Dennis wanted exactly two kids. One boy. One girl. No pets. A big house in the suburbs. American dream type stuff." Evangeline remembered the long list of things that Dennis wanted.

"Sound pretty tame. Wasn't for you?" John continued to stoke her. He missed moments like these with her.

"The dream wasn't the problem." Evangeline put her hand over John's. She was enjoying the physical contact far more than she should have. "Dennis had this female friend who was gearing up for a congressional run. She was married with kids and a very successful husband. She was the ideal woman to Dennis. There wasn't any romantic attraction, but he wanted his children to be raised in the same way she was raising hers. To that end, I spent some time with her and her family to better understand their family dynamic."

"Oh boy," John didn't have to guess that this was a bad idea. He assumed Dennis to be a smart man, but to tell the woman you want to marry that you want her to be like another woman was not the smartest move.

"She was great, John. Ambitious. A leader. Smart. Funny." Evangeline arranged their hands so they were resting on her knee.

"Sounds like but is coming." John held his hands still not wanting for her to pull away.

"But she wasn't a good mother. She loved her kids, but they were just accessories for her life. Both kids had their own nanny to take care of their needs. She wasn't the one who loved them and coddled them. She was the one who dictated their routine and kept them on a tight schedule. For example, I was having dinner with their family when the little girl, who was four, declared that she wanted to be a zookeeper when she grew up. You would have thought that she said she wanted to be an exotic dancer. Her mother was embarrassed and really pushed the girl until she agreed that being a zookeeper was a silly idea." Evangeline pulled her hands away from John's when she stood up. She'd been sitting for too long.

"It was just silly kid stuff, but the mother just really kept pushing the point home that mediocrity was never acceptable. Their boy who was older was used to the system and declared that he knew being a zookeeper was silly that's why he'd be the first African American male president. Sound like anyone you know?" Evangeline looked over her shoulder as she paced. "I asked her about it later, and she was really convinced that you can't entertain such silly things even for a child. I mean, can you believe that? We're talking about a little kid. They eat ice cream and they want to drive an ice cream truck. They visit a fire station and they want to be a fire fighter."

John stood and walked over to her. When she turned to him, he put his hand on her abdomen tenderly. "I won't let our kid settle for anything less than conquering Earth." John joked and Evangeline smiled.

"I told Dennis that I didn't want that. I wanted our kids to be happy, be what they wanted. When he brought up Layla and her struggles it really opened up my eyes. My parents weren't as intense, but they wanted us to dream big. They encouraged it. Layla was never that kid. She didn't dream about the future. She lived in the moment. Took a while, but I finally understood my sister. She was living her own dream, and not someone else's." With John's hand on her abdomen, Evangeline was frozen in place. "So, I ended it with Dennis. He tried to reason with me. After all, we'd been together for so long. People were expecting us to be the next power couple. We owed it to our families to work it out."

"Guy sounds like a real charmer." John carefully pulled her into a hug to stop her from pacing.

"Dennis is a great guy. Don't get me wrong. He's just…just not the guy I want." Evangeline's voice trailed off. This was the closest she and John had gotten in months. As much as she enjoyed their closeness, she couldn't allow it to continue. Nothing had really changed between them. John was starting to open up a little, but it wasn't enough. She started to pull away, but John held her in place.

"Wait, wait. Is that what I think it is?" He moved his hand around her stomach slowly searching for what he'd felt before.

Evangeline caught on and moved his hand to the right place. "That's our baby. The baby is very active especially at night time or first thing in the morning." Evangeline would have let him hold her longer, but she heard the sound of the front door closing followed by the voices of Layla and her mother. She pulled away from John. She didn't want to give her mother anything else to complain about.

"John, what are you doing here?" Lisa stared between the two. She didn't like the idea of John being alone with her daughter

"We're sort of working on a case together. John brought by some files I needed and picked up dinner on the way," Evangeline lied effortlessly. "He was just leaving." The spell between her had John was broken, and she snapped back to reality. She would not let him break her heart again.

John was crushed by her dismissal. "You guys don't keep her up too late." John dropped his head as he made his way to the front door. This had been why he'd kept his distance. Every time they got close, she put up a wall. He was trying to open up to her, but, as usual, the timing wasn't right.


	16. The Truth About Caitlyn

Evangeline sighed and tried not to give her evening companion the satisfaction of knowing that he'd gotten to her. Her date for this evening was Llanview's resident bad boy, Todd Manning. He'd been on the wrong side of the law more times that she could count, but as of late he'd been on relatively good behavior. Likely, it had something to do with is on again off again wife, Blair Cramer. Though he had a tough exterior, Evangeline connected with the kind and loving side of Todd that he rarely showed to others. Because of this, they'd become friends outside of their business relationship. Todd loved her because she was honest and kept him out of jail. Evangeline loved him because he was honest.

"Come on, you know I'm right," Todd smiled playfully knowing that he'd made Evangeline uncomfortable. He hadn't seen her too often lately, but he'd been trying to spend more time with her after he learned about her secret pregnancy. As long as Todd didn't screw something up, he knew Evangeline would always be a good friend to him. For that reason, he was protective of her like he was with Blair.

"No, Todd. You're wrong." Evangeline sipped her club soda and cut her eyes to the other patrons in the bar. Todd insisted that she meet him at Capricorn now that RJ had lost control of it. He also wanted to get her out of the house. She was naturally a homebody, and Todd thought it was a waste for such a beautiful woman to be spending her Saturday evenings home alone.

"Okay, if you don't give me a scoop, I'll just fill in the details on my own." Todd was pressing her about a client and an article he was writing about that situation. Evangeline was ever the professional and never gave him even a hint of information. "Barkeep, another!" Todd shouted without looking over his shoulder. The staff was used to him, and if he wasn't loaded he would have been asked to leave long ago.

Evangeline smiled politely as the waitress quickly brought him another drink. She recognized the face, but the name wasn't immediately coming to her. She was someone that Layla had invited to dinner once. "So, what's going on in your world? How are Blair and the kids?"

"Nah uh, don't try that on me. We're talking about you tonight. How are things with you and mopey?" Todd sipped his drink while checking his phone. He and Blair were having problems, but he didn't want to think about that tonight. Tonight, he would give Evangeline his undivided attention about her life and her needs.

"Todd, we're not together. There's nothing to talk about," Evangeline spoke slowly, as if he was having a hard time understanding her. Things with John were better. After the baby shower, they shared an intimate moment, but he'd kept his distance since then. He'd opened up a little, but he was still holding back something that she knew was important. That was still besides the point. She loved him, but she couldn't be with him.

"Then let's talk about how you find your way back to him." Todd looked at her seriously. Evangeline was great. In another life, he could see himself falling madly in love with her. Since that wasn't even a remote possibility, he wanted to find the right man for her. "You know I'm not a fan of John's, but you were happy when you were with him. Really happy."

"Yeah, I remember that. John has," Evangeline thought for a moment looking to find the right words. "John has issues."

"You knew that from day one. Guy's not going to change. That's not how men work." Todd quickly interrupted.

Evangeline raised his eyebrow to say that she didn't believe him. Todd had been reformed and it was largely from Blair's efforts. She'd turned the town pariah into a more respected member of the community. He had his moments still, but he was far from the man that he used to be. "I'm not asking John to change. I know that's not fair."

"Then what's the problem. He's single." Todd leaned forward with his elbows on the table top. "I love my niece, but she's not with John. You should go for him. Everyone else's feelings be damned." Natalie was not his favorite niece, but he cared for her because Viki did.

"You are the second person that's told me that. Are you conspiring with Rex Balsom?" Evangeline remembered running into him a few weeks ago. He wanted to push Evangeline and John together to "keep Natalie safe." Evangeline chose to ignore him altogether. He was one of Natalie's many family members that had pushed her to go after John while he was still with Evangeline. Whatever game they were playing, she wanted no part of it.

"As if," Todd was actually offended that she even suggested such a thing. "I'm speaking from a realistic point of view. I'm saying this as your friend. John made you happy. You made him less grumpy. Why not try to find a way to get past everything and be together?"

"Because maybe I can't forgive and forget everything that's happened. Maybe I'm still pissed about him and Natalie or him and Cristian. John is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. At least not the kind that I want. I can't focus on us when our focus needs to be on the baby. I don't care if he never loves me as long as he loves our child." Evangeline's hands instinctively went to her abdomen. Sure, she'd dreamed of a reunion with John, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Don't you get tired of this whole being selfless thing? It's really overrated, you know." Todd tapped on the table to bring Evangeline's attention back to him. He hadn't planned on bringing out the big guns, but he decided that the situation needed it. "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're not so much selfless as you are scared."

Evangeline's brow wrinkled into a scowl. "Careful Todd. You're playing with fire." Evangeline's eyes searched for Layla. Any other time she was meeting someone at Capricorn, Layla would show up to interrupt. Of course, she wouldn't be available right now.

"You love me because I'm honest, so I'm not going to hold back this time." Todd leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Evangeline would never stoop so low, but he wanted to put himself out of slapping range. "You keep getting involved with guys that you know it's never going to work with."

"Bad character judgment," Evangeline looked away from him.

"Bull, and you know it. You are excellent at reading people. Hell, it's your job. That's why you're so successful. Why you chose a control freak like RJ or an emotional cripple like John is beyond me. I know you like a good challenge, most women do, but these are fatal flaws that you knew you wouldn't be able to overcome. Why'd you let yourself fall for them?"

Evangeline refused to let her tears fall. Todd was a lot of things, a lot of bad, but he was highly perceptive. He too knew how to read people, and, apparently, he'd read Evangeline like a book. "Maybe you should represent yourself the next time you get in a jam, counselor." Evangeline had to evade the question because she wasn't ready to answer. She could admit that she wasn't in love with RJ and never had been, but there was something symptomatic about their relationship from the start. That same symptom appeared in her relationship with John, but she'd been careless and fell in love.

Todd could tell that he'd done enough for tonight. Evangeline had some food for thought and what she did with that information would determine how things would turn out. "I want for you to be happy. Doesn't have to be with McBain. I'd rather it not be, actually. You have got to stop shopping at the loser lot or you going to get your heart broken again. I'm sure I don't' have to remind you, but now you'll have a kid in the mix too. Be careful or you'll end up like Nora." Todd stood up and kissed Evangeline gently on the cheek. She was going to cry, and he wanted to let her do it in peace. "I'll see you later."

Evangeline took several long moments to collect herself. She refused to walk out of here with mascara running down her cheeks. Her conversation with Todd had been so engaging that she hadn't noticed John who arrived several minutes earlier.

"Never going to understand your friendship with that guy." John smiled down at her. He didn't know what they were talking about, but he could tell when Evangeline was upset. Layla or Nora would have been a better choice to comfort her, but John was the only familiar face around.

"Like I couldn't understand your 'friendship' with Natalie," Evangeline spoke cruelly when she realized that John had approached her. He was trying to lighten the mood, but she was angry now.

"Probably not the exact same, but maybe similar enough." John didn't ask before he sat down in the chair that had been occupied by Todd. He knew Evangeline wouldn't like it, but he didn't care.

"Yeah, except, I don't sleep with my friends." Evangeline leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. She was giving John a warning. 'Go now or you might get hurt.'

John could only shrug in response. "Guess you got me there." John took a big swig of his beer before setting it down on the table. He hadn't seen Evangeline like this before. He was scared and intrigued. "I know they're supposed to be family, but Natalie and Todd couldn't be more different."

"Selfish. Conniving. Reckless. Sounds like it runs in the family." Evangeline wasn't trying to bash Todd, but she knew that he wasn't perfect. Their friendship had been maintained because he'd never been an obstacle to her. She hoped that fate would not test their relationship. Todd was one of the few people she could count on.

"Okay. Guess you got me there too." John was starting to regret his decision. He hadn't anticipated this level of anger from Evangeline. He figured it was her hormones, but he wouldn't dare say that out loud.

John's head turned when he saw a uniformed officer out of the corner of his eye. He motioned for the officer to come over. "Brady, you forget you're on the clock."

"No, sir." Brady stood at attention. He was a new hire who'd recently left the army. John was trying to break him of some of his old army habits. "Responding to a vandalism call. Perps were slashing tires out in the parking lot. Got six cars before the security guard chased them away. Security is already pulling tapes to see if they got eyes on the perp."

John finished off his beer. He was beyond handling petty crime like this. Since he didn't have anything better to do, he was ready to volunteer for grunt work. It would be a good excuse to distance himself from Evangeline.

"We called some tow trucks, so the cars aren't left out overnight. Sorry to say, but they got your car, Ms. Williamson." The man still stood at attention as he continued to speak. "If you've got a spare maybe someone can put it on. Otherwise, we'll tow it with the rest."

"This is just not my night." Evangeline started to dig down in her purse for her phone. She had a spare, but she didn't want to drive on it with the roads being wet from a storm.

"Brady, I'll follow up with you in the morning." John changed his plan and dismissed him. "I'll drive you home."

Evangeline would refuse, but she didn't want to put Layla out. Todd was long gone and calling a cab was out of the question. Now she was wishing she hadn't been so snippy before. "Lead the way."

* * *

John was polite and played the radio the whole way. He wouldn't force her into any awkward conversation on the way there. He'd said enough at Capricorn. He pulled in to her driveway and shook his head. Her motion sensor lighting hadn't activated like it should have. Whether she wanted him to or not, he was going to change that bulb tonight. Her living alone was worrisome enough. She lived in a nice neighborhood, but that alone was not enough of a criminal deterrent.

"Let me walk you in. I'll go ahead and change that light too." John looked over at her. His eyes told her that he wasn't asking a question. He grabbed his large flashlight from the driver's side door panel and stuffed it in his back pocket as he exited the vehicle.

The motion sensor lights in the front worked and were illuminated when Evangeline opened the side gate. She didn't wait for John since he had a key and knew his way around her tools. Instead, she chose to go make herself a cup of tea and to get out of her evening clothes. She would take her makeup off and wait to shower, so that she could see John off. After fifteen minutes of waiting, she settled into the den. She saw John walking around the yard and wondered what he was doing, but she wouldn't go out to ask. The TV kept her company until he was finished.

"Those other lights need to be changed in the next three months. Just make sure you stagger it, so all the bulbs don't blow out at the same time." John spoke from behind her. He was telling her what to do, but he'd probably be the one to do the work. If he mentioned it now, she wouldn't question him about it later.

"Thank you, John." Evangeline had enough time to let go of her anger. She knew John was just trying to lift her spirits, but she'd been down right rude. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. What I said was uncalled for." Her good manners finally kicked in. Lisa would have been disappointed that it took so long for her to come to her senses.

"Don't worry about it." John walked around the sofa and sat on the coffee table near her. He caught the look on her face and instead sat in the chair near the sofa. "I should be the one apologizing and not just about tonight. I ended up with Natalie and we never really talked about it."

Evangeline watched him curiously. Why of all things would he bring this up now? "It's okay. We weren't together." In Evangeline's mind, it wasn't okay. 'We're just friends' was abandoned almost immediately after their breakup. There had only been months in between their breakup and him getting with Natalie since Natalie was missing. Besides that, John was still trying to reconcile with Evangeline when Natalie was missing. Though he claimed to love solitude, he bounced between Natalie and Evangeline. He never fully committed to either woman, but kept them engaged enough that they couldn't resist him.

"It happened and I can't change that." John studied her face and considered his options. He'd been directed by Dr. Crosby to find ways to open up with people and to start being honest with his feelings. Talking to Evangeline seemed the most appropriate since he'd hurt her the most. If anyone deserved the truth, she did. "It was just easy with Natalie 'cause she reminded me so much of Caitlyn." Caitlyn had been to Natalie what Natalie had been to Evangeline, an ever-present force that kept John preoccupied.

Evangeline let out an audible sigh. That was a kick in the teeth that she just wasn't ready for. Caitlyn was the love of John's life, and, but for a deranged serial killer, he'd be living his happily ever after with her. To hear that Natalie was that woman's equal was a hard pill to swallow.

Evangeline had to wonder why he was telling her this now. She could only guess that he was looking to reconcile with Natalie. That pesky clause that he willingly agreed to in the custody arrangement had quickly come back to bite him. The baby wasn't even born yet and the agreement wasn't to be modified for a year after that. This was a test that Evangeline wasn't ready for. She'd taken the highroad once and done everything in her power to give them a change. Even if John was being honest, Evangeline wasn't sure she was ready to do it again.

"I know we never really talked about Caitlyn, except the baby scare thing." John decided to push through before he lost his nerve. If he didn't finish now, he'd break Evangeline's heart all over again.

"We don't have to, John." Evangeline had been able to hold back her tears all night long. This might have been her limit.

"I'd like to tell you about her. If you'd let me." Asking her permission was more appropriate than just forcing her to listen. After everything that happened, she didn't owe him anything.

Left with a difficult choice, Evangeline decided that she should encourage John. This wasn't the first time he'd chosen to open up to her. For the sake of their child, it seemed like he was trying to heal some old wounds. She couldn't deny him. "Tell me about her, John."

"First time I met her she was a freshman in college, and I was waiting on my background check to go through for the bureau. She'd gotten herself into some trouble." John watched Evangeline's expression. He made a mental note not to push her. She said her blood pressure had been under control, so he didn't want to upset her. "She had a relationship with her professor. When she got pregnant, he talked her into having an abortion."

That grabbed Evangeline's attention. As far as she knew, Caitlyn had been like a saint. Selflessly working to care for special needs children and loving John were all she really knew about her. This revelation was an affront to that.

"Her family was really Catholic, so she hid it from them. She broke it off with him and he didn't take to kindly to that. He started stalking her. I was hanging around a coffee shop. She comes over and asks me to play along. I had no idea what was going on, but I caught on pretty quick. It worked pretty well though. Guy got the hint that she was moving on."

John shifted in his chair. He didn't like being under the watchful eye of Evangeline, but it was to be expected. He wouldn't be able to simply tell this story without her reacting at all.

"I had the time, so I'd show up and walk her to class sometimes or she'd meet me at the coffee shop. We became friends. She started opening up to me. You know the story, though. Guy promises he'll leave his family, but never does. Caitlyn felt stupid for falling for it. She wanted to tell the guy's wife. She wanted to ruin his life. I talked her down. Told her it wasn't worth it."

"His wife had a right to know." Evangeline could understand Caitlyn's perspective. "I'm guessing she told her anyway."

John wasn't surprised that she was that perceptive. He'd only wished he was back then. "Yeah. It was after I'd left for Quantico, and I wasn't there to be the voice of reason. The guy and his wife get into a huge fight that day. Turns out they had a kid with some kind of sensory issues, so the yelling really messed him up. Kid runs off during the argument and gets hit by a car."

She could tell from John's eyes already. "He didn't make it." She watched as John shook his head. "That's so terrible. That's awful."

"It wasn't her fault, but Caitlyn took it hard. She finished that semester and moved back home. To atone for what she'd done, she changed majors. Decided to dedicate herself to children with special needs in the kid's honor." Though he wasn't related to the involved parties, this too had been a defining moment in John's life. He couldn't help but wonder how his life would be different if he was able to talk Caitlyn down successfully.

"It was years later before I met her again. This time I was in the bureau. Katherine and I were partnered up at this point. I didn't even know they were sisters. I run into Caitlyn out of the blue and we catch up. She asks me for a favor. The family is having a get together and she didn't want to show up without a date. I can't help but think of what half-baked backup plan she has, so I agree."

"Did she not know that you were Katherine's partner?" Evangeline had done well to have lasted this long without asking a question.

"She didn't. Imagine my surprise when I show up to dinner. I'd been very flirty with Katherine. I liked her. Then I show up as her sister's boyfriend. Anything I had hoped for wasn't ever going to happen. No good deed, right?" John hadn't ever admitted to anyone other than Caitlyn that he was interested in Katherine. She'd felt bad for ruining his chances and that had only complicated things further. "Dinner went off fine. Her family loved me. Said we were perfect together."

Evangeline had to wonder about the John McBain that met Fitzgerald family. He'd been very patient with her family, but no one was declaring them a match made in heaven. "Fate is funny that way. You never know how or when you'll meet your soulmate."

"Yeah well. All I knew was that I screwed up one relationship to fake another. I couldn't tell Catherine I lied. Caitlyn had been more fragile since she'd come back from school and the whole family had been worried about her. Katherine chocked my flirting off as innocent. Watching us together, Caitlyn guessed that I had a thing for Katherine. She felt pretty bad about that."

"But eventually you got over it, right?"

"My feelings for Catherine? Yeah, but by that time Caitlyn and I were sort of…we were casual." John hated to admit that on more than one occasion he was comfortable having a purely sexual relationship with someone. He could read the surprise on Evangeline's face. "Friends with benefits is really not as great as people make it seem." John paused for a moment forgetting that his relationship with Evangeline started casually. "I've told you some of it before."

Evangeline was surprised that John was being so candid, but it wasn't making her feel better. Though he said Natalie reminded him of Caitlyn, it was Evangeline that had a more similar relationship with John. They started out casually, she and Caitlyn fell in love, and then there was a baby situation for both of them.

"One day I came home, Caitlyn was crying. I figured something happened with one of the kids at school. She told me she was pregnant." John was glad that he'd almost gotten the whole story out. Telling it hadn't been devastating like he'd anticipated. "I didn't say anything for five good minutes. Then I got a call from work and I told her we'd talk later. I was glad for the interruption."

"Did you want the baby?" Evangeline wanted an honest answer since her situation was so similar to Caitlyn's. If he didn't want her baby, why would he want Evangeline's?

"Honestly, no. Didn't matter though. Caitlyn must have known. She'd already been through it once and it almost destroyed her. She told her folks and then it was set in stone. Next time I got home, her dad was there. God knows how long he was waiting there for me. He took me for a walk and told me how it was going to be. I didn't have it in me to talk back." John saw the tears in Evangeline's eyes, and he didn't understand. He wanted to hold her but thought better of it. "That same day I bought a ring and told him I'd take care of his girl."

Evangeline was confused, hurt, and angry. Caitlyn was supposed to be his soulmate. Now it sounded like this was just a shotgun wedding. If he was being honest now, that meant that he'd intentionally misled her before.

"Couple of days later I had everything planned out. Nice dinner at her favorite restaurant and then a walk in her favorite park. She kept trying to tell me something, but I told her everything else could wait until tomorrow. Then it was my big moment. I remember getting down on one knee and she was crying. Not like tears of joy though." John's eyes were sad now. He'd sworn that he would take this secret to the grave for her sake. Now he was revealing it for his own personal gain. He hated his selfish motivation.

"I don't understand."

"She wasn't pregnant. It was a false positive. Then all of a sudden, I'm relieved. This was my chance to make things right." John leaned back in the chair and stared blankly away from Evangeline. "Cate tells me that she understands if I was only asking because the baby. She said didn't want to force me into it."

Evangeline couldn't hold back anymore. She grabbed John's arm and brought his attention back to her. "Didn't you love her, John?"

"No," John said simply. He expected the tortured look on Evangeline's face. He'd never told anyone he loved Caitlyn. People knew about their relationship and drew their own conclusions. He just didn't bother to correct anyone. Caitlyn died for his sake, so he wouldn't do now what he couldn't do then. "Only, I didn't have it in me to tell her. You thought I was closed off before. I was maybe ten times worse back then. So, what's a guy to do? Admit his feelings for his own sake or keep living a lie for someone else's? Cate was beautiful, loving, supportive. In a way, I was like one of her kids that she worked so hard with. She was trying so hard to break that shell, but she never did get in."

Evangeline was trying to focus on him, but her mind was everywhere else. If he didn't love Caitlyn, who was the love of his life, or, rather, had he ever been in love before. Was his comparing Natalie to Caitlyn an admission that he never loved her? That couldn't be true because he'd said those words to her.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her the truth, so I slipped the ring on her finger. That was it for me. That was my life. I knew we'd be okay together. I'd keep her safe and she'd keep me grounded." John focused on Evangeline's arm that was still resting on his.

Despite having questions, Evangeline held back. "Thank you for sharing with me." Evangeline wiped away the tears that formed at the corner of her eye.

"Ain't always easy for me, but I am trying." John couldn't help but think about how their relationship would have turned out if he'd told Evangeline this before the breakup. Maybe she'd understand his reasons for want to save Natalie from herself. Even if she understood, she wouldn't have put up with it even if she knew the truth. "Part of me kept thinking that keeping Natalie safe was my way of making up for what happened to Caitlyn. I know it's screwed up."

"No, I understand." That she understood only broke her heart more. His admission meant that he would take care of this baby because he didn't want the child he created with Caitlyn. She always pushed him for honesty, but she couldn't have imagined the consequences. His candor only made him more of an enigma. "I know I didn't do you any favors, hiding the pregnancy. It took away your right to tell me how you really felt before it was too late for anything to be done."

"No, no, no. I don't have any regrets about our child. I want this baby. I'm happy about this baby." John was quick to reassure Evangeline, but he could tell she was skeptical. "This doesn't have anything to do with redemption. I'm scared now and I was scared then, only for different reasons. As much as I can be, I'm ready to meet our baby. Even if I could, I wouldn't undo this. I know I'm not the guy you dreamed of sharing this moment with, but we're stuck now. You and me forever."

Evangeline smiled weakly. John wanted her to believe he was happy, but she still wasn't convinced. He probably hadn't intended it like it sounded, but he used the word stuck. Maybe he thought she trapped him on purpose, and he was just making the best out of a bad situation. Not that it mattered. The baby was due in less than a month. If John couldn't love their baby, she would be devastated, but at least now she'd understand.


	17. Happy Birthday

John slid on his boots as he started to prepare for his day. Today was his birthday, so he wasn't going in to work. Yet, he was still up and ready to start his day at 7am. Old habits and nightmares kept him from sleeping in like he planned to. Now, he was all dressed up with no where to go. He was spending the day with his mother, who made a special trip to see him, and Michael, who wouldn't miss a chance to torment John on his birthday.

To John, it would be all just the same if this day passed like any other. That's how he preferred to spend his birthdays anyway. Last year had been the exception. Natalie was nosing around in his personnel file and that led to Evangeline finding out in an embarrassing way. Since she didn't have an opportunity to get him a gift, she promised to go all out this year.

"No chance on that now," John spoke to himself. He and Evangeline were barely friends and he doubted that she even remembered today was his birthday. That had been a source for his nightmares. In a rare moment, John let his guard down and almost said the words she was waiting to hear from him. Unfortunately, she'd fallen asleep and anger and frustration caused John to push the words deep down inside himself. Now, he could only imagine what would have happened if he had opened up to her.

"Landshark," Michael's loud voice from beyond the closed door echoed in John's room.

John walked over to the door and swung it open wide. He wasn't in the mood for a repeat of last year, so he didn't want his big mouth brother bringing it to Roxy's attention. "It's too early, Mike."

"Do you always have to be this grump?" Michael kicked the door shut because his hands were full. "It's your birthday. Time to celebrate." Michael held out the peace offering which was cup of coffee.

John nodded in appreciation before taking the cup. "Oh, I think I got enough of that last year." Some Natalie and Roxy scheme resulted in John having a very lively birthday party at The Palace. The party hadn't been too terrible, and in the end he got to spend the night with Evangeline. He had to admit that he had a pretty good time, all things considered.

"Okay, so maybe this year you don't wake up with a hot naked woman draped over you from the previous night, and maybe you don't get another awesome party at The Palace, and maybe you don't get to end the night with the same hot chick who you woke up with in the morning," Mike started to taunt.

"The hell is the matter with you, doc. You pissed at me for something?" John didn't find the humor in Michael's joke. Not being with Evangeline was painful enough. He didn't need Michael to rub salt in that wound.

"Lighten up, bro. It's just a joke." Michael stopped teasing when he realized he hit a nerve.

"What are you doing here so early anyway?" John sat down with a sigh and motioned for Michael to do the same. John chose not to let Michael's teasing put him in a mood. Today he would get the rare opportunity to spend time with his closest family and he would enjoy it.

"Nothing better to do. My sleep schedule is all messed up from the crazy shifts I've been working. Just though I'd pop in and check on you. If you're really not feeling it, Marcie and I can probably distract mom. She'd settle for dinner with her boys and be happy with that." The opportunity for peace and quiet would be the gift he'd give his brother this year. "Besides, Evangeline is due in two weeks. You are not going to have a lot of these free moments to yourself anymore. Might as well enjoy it how you want to."

John sipped his coffee and thought about Mike's offer. "Sounds tempting." John could duck out now, but his mother would be disappointed. She wouldn't say as much for John's sake, but that was because she was just as guarded as John, if not more so. A knock on the door interrupted John's thoughts. John looked over at Michael warily.

"Don't look at me. The barbershop quartet is not supposed to show up until dinnertime." Michael couldn't help but to tease.

John answered the door and was surprised to see his mother. She was hugging and kissing him before he could even get the door all the way open.

"Happy birthday, John." She kissed him again on the cheek and made sure the wipe away the lipstick smear.

"Thanks, mom." John closed the door after she stepped inside.

"Michael, dear, I wasn't expecting you to be up so early." Eve was glad that she had the attention of both of her sons. She knew them well enough to know they would be plotting to disrupt her planned family outing. Michael chose to hug her without giving a reply. He knew she was onto them. "You two plotting like this brings back memories." Eve pinched him on the cheek roughly.

"Plotting? Mike, you got something going on?" John, who was ever the protector, had always been willing to rat his brother out to his parents at the first sign of trouble.

"Me? No. I got nothing. I just dropped in to give John a caffeine boost. Gotta make sure he's got enough energy for today." That was Mike's way of letting John know he'd withdrawn his offer to distract their mother. Michael was younger, but he learned fast with John as his older brother.

"Well, if you're both up and ready, I say we get our day started already. I've got enough stuff planned to keep us busy for two lifetimes." Eve smiled over her shoulder at John. Every other year, he was resistant to her birthday plans, but this year he said he would go along with it. She tried her best to plan things that he might enjoy with the hopes that he'd allow her to visit again on his birthday.

"Sounds fine," John started before his phone rang out. "Just give me a sec." John went to his nightstand to retrieve his phone. He was half expecting it to be the station. "McBain." He didn't bother checking his caller ID as he started to walk back to the living room. "What?..I mean are you sure…right now?" Michael and Eve observed him as his tone changed. While continuing his conversation he pocketed his keys and motioned for them to leave. "I'm on my way."

"John, is everything okay?" Eve stopped him as he was putting on his jacket.

John wore a simple nervous smile. "That was Evangeline. She's in labor."

* * *

Evangeline hung up the phone and fell back against her pillows. She'd waited as long as she could to call John, but now her contractions were much closer together and much stronger. She called Layla as well, but her phone went straight to voicemail. The doctor on duty, who was not her OB, said they would be moving her to a delivery room in very short order. Now, she was rethinking her decision to have a natural birth without an epidural.

"There's my girl," Clay entered Evangeline's room with Lisa not far behind him.

"Uncle Clay, mom." Evangeline had gone into labor around 1am. The doctor said it would be hours before she was fully dilated and ready to deliver, so that's why she hadn't called John first thing. She'd let him sleep through the night. She called her mother since she was several hours away so she would hopefully be there before the baby was born.

"Cookie, how are you?" Lisa pushed past Clay and went to Evangeline's side. She hugged her tightly knowing that her daughter would soon be experiencing the most wonderful kind of pain. "Has your doctor been in to see you? How far along are you.?"

"Mom, I'm okay." Evangeline hugged her back. She wasn't planning on delivering alone, but the hours she spent in the hospital waiting for her mother's arrival seemed to creep by. The pain of her contractions had only seemed to slow time down. "I've seen the doctor on call, but my obstetrician should be here soon. The doctor on call says I'm about 8cm dilated. I guess we're just about ready." Evangeline tried to sound hopeful, but she was nervous. No amount of reading or even her Lamaze classes could prepare her for what she was actually experiencing.

"Then where the hell is John?" Clay noted quickly that John wasn't there. "This is his responsibility. You think he'd at least have the decency to show up or is he with that other woman." Clay couldn't hide is disgust at what he perceived to be Evangeline's poor choice.

"John is on his way. He'll probably be here with lights and sirens on. I knew I was in for a long wait, and I didn't want him to have to wait it out with me." Evangeline spoke softly in her defense of John. She suffered alone throughout the night with nurses popping in occasionally to check on her. It might have been nice to have had him there the entire time, but he would have stressed her out more worrying over every contraction.

"Why the hell not? It absolutely astonishes me that you are choosing to do all of this alone. Let that man take some responsibility for his actions." Clay and Lisa had promised each other that they wouldn't fuss, but that promise was soon broken.

"Your uncle just means that it's okay for you to let John stress about this stuff too. You don't have to suffer in silence on his account." Lisa gave Clay a sharp look as she kissed the top of Evangeline's head.

"I'm going to go call the rest of the family. Lisa, maybe you can talk some sense into her." Evangeline rolled her eyes. No matter what she did, she knew someone in her family would be disappointed. Clay wouldn't argue any further. Despite his promise, Clay let his brother down. Evangeline was about to be another single black mother. This joyous day was just another reminder of how he'd failed.

"Don't mind him, honey. He's just got a lot on his mind. He's been thinking a lot of your father lately." Lisa and Clay had a long talk on the drive in to town. They both had ideas about getting Evangeline's life back on track. Neither one of them had mastered the right approach just yet.

"You're right, mom. I'm sure the whole family is suffering from my shameful decision." Evangeline had something in mind to put her uncle in check, but it wouldn't be the nicest thing to do. "I'm excited. I've waited nine months to meet my child and I'm not going to let anyone ruin that for me. That includes Uncle Clay. I love him, but he's way out of line."

Lisa hugged her again. There wasn't going to be an easy way to diffuse this situation. "I'll talk to him. In the meantime, are you sure you don't want me in the delivery room with you? I would love to be there to greet my first grandchild."

Evangeline shook her head quickly. "Not necessary, mom. John will be there along with a whole team of medical staff. I want the fewest number of people there to get the job done." In Lamaze class, Evangeline had seen several birth videos. The miracle of life was beautiful, but Evangeline didn't want all of her private parts on public display. She wouldn't let her mother in because John would also have a case for his mother as well.

"But, baby." Lisa had hoped to change Evangeline's mind, but she'd be persistently stubborn. Evangeline wasn't even planning on letting anyone be there to video record the birth.

"No buts. You will meet your grandchild at the same time as everyone else." Evangeline was trying to stay tough, but she was absolutely worn out. The contractions had kept her from sleeping and now she'd be dealing with everyone else on top of that.

Evangeline and Lisa were interrupted by her room door swinging open. At first, Evangeline thought it was nurse, but Michael entered first followed by a wide-eyed John and their mother, Eve. John pushed past Michael and went straight to Evangeline's side. Before he could speak, Evangeline double over in pain as another contraction took her breath away. John took her hand and stroked her hair.

"It's rough I know, but you have to remember to breathe. In and out slowly." John didn't mind her fingernails digging into his skin, but he was sure it would leave a mark. "Slow and steady. In and out. Not pushing. Just breathing." John looked over his shoulder. "Mike can you get us some ice?"

Mike would have complained about being the errand boy, but he didn't want to get on anyone's nerves right now. He quickly excused himself knowing exactly where to go and who to talk to.

Evangeline couldn't even speak. She was reduced to series of tears and grunts. Lisa held one hand and John held the other. The pain was more intense than it had been earlier, but their presence made things a little more bearable.

"Sixty seconds," John looked at his watch, "you're almost through it now. Just keep on breathing." John was surprisingly calm, but that was because of his training for work. Any nervousness that he may have been feeling was pushed out of his mind as he focused on Evangeline.

"Okay," Evangeline spoke breathlessly. "Okay, I'm okay." Evangeline sighed and wondered how much more of this she could take.

"You did really well." John released her hand and smiled. She looked beautiful, but completely worn out. That's when he noted Lisa's presence. "Ms. Williamson, it's good to see you again."

Michael entered behind Clay with a pitcher of water and a pitcher of ice. "The nurse gave me water and ice. One of these will surely do the trick." Michael handed them off to John who put them on a bedside table.

"About how often are you having contractions?" Eve asked from behind Michael. A lot of the time she was a wallflower, but this was a special occasion. After all was said and done, she would be Grandma Eve.

"They're coming a lot quicker now. Probably five minutes or so and coming more frequently." Evangeline smiled over at her. She was glad to see that her baby would have such a vast and loving family.

"Well you just remember your breathing and in a few short hours it will all be over." Eve smiled back at her encouragingly. "I know it sounds crazy but staying relaxed is the key to a smooth birth."

"She's absolutely right, Cookie." Lisa patted her hand lovingly. "This is a natural process that millions of women have gone through. It's not going to be easy. You'll just have to keep your wits about you."

"Oh wow, looks like we've got the full house now. This is what you needed Ms. Evangeline." Evangeline's nurse popped into the room. Her shift was almost over, so she would oversee her transport to delivery and introduce her to her new nurse there. "I'm surprised you made it those six hours without the cavalry here to support you."

The nurse kept talking but John had already tuned her out. He tried not to let the frustration on his face show. Evangeline hadn't called him right when she'd went into labor. That hadn't been their plan, but he assumed she would call him when she got to the hospital. The disconnect further highlighted the distance between them.

"Why didn't you call me?" John spoke softly, but Evangeline felt the pain of the betrayal in his voice. "I would have come for you. For the baby."

"Sorry." She'd reasoned it all out in her head, but Evangeline didn't want to get into; especially since their families were there. She hadn't meant to hurt him, but she knew that she had.

John nodded mutely. They shared a few close moments, but every time he revealed something personal she became more distant. He couldn't think of what more he could do to regain Evangeline's friendship.

* * *

Evangeline was moved to a delivery room for the birth, so the family was forced to stay behind. Layla and Marcie had arrived just long enough to see John and Evangeline off. Knowing the baby wouldn't be born for a couple more hours, everyone still chose to stick around.

With no other family available, Evangeline had to rely on John to help her through her contractions and the birth. That hadn't been terrible. John was more than attentive. He was her Lamaze class partner, so he knew about keeping her calm and what breathing techniques to try. He was able to quickly pick up on Evangeline's mood. She didn't have to tell him when she didn't want to be touched. He sensed it and gave her encouragement in other ways. The calming effect he had on her made her wish she'd called him in early in the morning.

When her OB finally came in and told her it was time to start pushing, Evangeline lost her nerve. The pain was unbearable, and an epidural was no longer an option. She wailed and thrashed about, and, despite his best efforts, John couldn't calm her.

The doctor kept telling John to keep her focused so that she was ready to push with each contraction. He tried everything he'd learned in the Lamaze classes, but nothing was working. When he felt like he was completely out of his element, a wave a calm washed over him. He'd tried everything conventional, so now he'd try something unconventional. The nurses started to object when he climbed in bed with Evangeline, but whatever he was doing was calming her down.

He settled in behind her so that his back was against the mattress and her back was against her chest. This kept her in a seated position and was more conducive to pushing. He held her close and whispered encouraging words in her ear. It was his efforts that helped to stabilize her breathing and allowed her to focus on pushing.

For Evangeline, this feeling was familiar. The same protective way he was holding her was the same way he'd held her each night that she stayed with him after a stranger attacked her at the train station. She felt safe in his arms then, and she felt safe in his arms now.

Then the rest seemed relatively easy. Pushing out the head was rough, but she knew that it was almost time to meet her baby. Her heart was racing with anticipation and she could feel that John's was too.

"Just one more big push and that's it." John was stroking her face tenderly as she tried to catch her breath again.

"Just one more. Just one more." Evangeline chanted over and over to herself. Then when it was time to push again, Evangeline did. Hard until she felt relief. Her head fell back against John's shoulder and she cried. This time it wasn't because the pain.

"Oh wow. This is a good one. Beautiful baby. Ten fingers, ten toes." The doctor handed the baby off to a nurse who was working to wipe it down as its cries filled the room. "Good job, Evangeline."

John couldn't hold back his own tears. Hearing his baby's cries made him realize that everything would be different from now on. His life was changing, and he was beyond ecstatic. He felt some much love swelling in his chest that he felt overwhelmed. Then, he looked down at Evangeline and knew the truth. He felt it deep down inside of him. This time he wouldn't overthink it. He would just feel it. "You did great, mom." John stroked her face to grab her attention.

It probably wasn't comfortable, but Evangeline turned her face to meet his. "Thanks, dad." She expected him to touch his forehead to hers. Instead he kissed her forehead softly. He brought her chin up so that she was looking him in the eyes. She didn't have to wonder if he felt the same love for their child that she did. She could see it in his eyes. "Happy birthday, John."

With all the chaos, John had actually forgotten, but she hadn't. She promised to go all out for this year's birthday, but she'd completely outdone herself. The man had a hard time with words didn't miss this opportunity. "I couldn't have asked for a better present." The tears that were glistening in his eyes were running down his cheeks. "I love you." It wasn't John's intention to overshadow the birth of their child. He truly loved Evangeline and he needed her to hear that now. He was a year late, but he knew it was better late than never.

"I love you too." Evangeline accepted his declaration with no analysis or inquisition.

"Okay mom and dad. Are you ready?" The nurse was approaching with their crying child swaddled in a standard white hospital blanket. "Your baby is ready to meet you."

John was still seated on the bed behind Evangeline, so when she extended her arms to receive the baby, his arms were right underneath hers. Carefully, they both held onto their child and stared in awe.

"Congratulations on baby boy McBain." The nurse smiled at their excitement.

"He's so beautiful," Evangeline gushed at the sight of her newest love. "Hey sweetie, I'm your mom. I have been waiting so long to meet you." Evangeline sniffled trying to hold back her tears.

John could feel his face curled up into a grin, but he couldn't think of anything to say. "This is what our love made. He's perfect." John stroked his son's tiny hand with a single finger. "Happy birthday, little guy."

* * *

Author's note: Sorry for the long delay. I was pretending to be busy. Please forgive anything that sounds ridiculous. I've never had a baby, so I'm out of my element. I'll try to have updates on Friday, Saturday, and Easter Sunday. Thanks for reading!


	18. Surprise Visitor

John was excused from the delivery room while Evangeline delivered the afterbirth. The baby was whisked away for testing and observation, but not before John made sure that he had his identification bracelet fastened in place. The panic that John felt with him being away from him and Evangeline was startling. Instead of going down to see his family and give them the good news, he asked the nurse to do it. She informed him that the baby would be in the nursery for a short while, so the family would be able to see him there.

John took that opportunity to decompress. He headed straight for the chapel to pray. He'd never been religious, but he felt that he needed to offer thanks for the miracle that just occurred in his life. Then he sat silently on a pew in the back of the church waiting for a ghost that never appeared. John had always been able to consult his father's ghost for counsel in times of stress, but this time he wouldn't come. This was likely an effect of the therapy.

So, John was forced to sit alone to sort through his emotions. The overwhelming joy of fatherhood was hard enough to deal with. On top of that, John was trying to reconcile his feelings for Evangeline. Without thinking, he'd told her what he really felt. It had been a weight off his shoulder, but it didn't give him the relief he was expecting. He'd intentionally held those words back from Evangeline and made an issue of it. Now that he'd said the words, she wouldn't just accept them at face value. Probably not today, but she would eventually question him about the rest. If he didn't come clean, they'd be right back where they started.

John felt a presence behind him and looked over his shoulder. "Mom, hey." John faked a smile and scooted over so that she could sit down beside him.

"Hey yourself, daddy." Eve kissed him on the cheek and hugged him. "You guys did a great job. He is so beautiful."

John shook his head. He wouldn't take the credit for this. "It was all Evangeline. She did a hell of a job."

Eve pulled him into a hug. John's head rested on her shoulder. Despite the joyous occasion, she could tell by the look on his face that John was conflicted. She knew that something was troubling him, but she didn't know how to address the issue. She never did. For her, it was easier to ignore the pain. Pretend like you're happy and no one asks questions.

John sat silently enjoying his mother's company. He wanted to talk about his fears and troubles like had with his father, but he didn't know where to start. He needed Eve to ask the hard questions. Push him to answer. Instead she sang to him. The song comforted him, but it wouldn't give him what he needed. He had to figure out what to do about his feelings for Evangeline for everyone involved.

"I'd better get back to Evangeline." John pulled out of her embrace regrettably. He felt the same now as he did when Caitlyn died. He hoped that his mom would talk to him about what she felt when his dad died, but instead she chose to skirt the issue. Rather than make John deal with Caitlyn's death, she pushed him to throw himself into his work. She wanted to give him purpose, but she didn't understand how she was failing her son. John was ready to talk, but he couldn't make the first move.

Eve wasn't able to make the first move either. Confronting John's pain meant confronting her own. "Don't get caught up dwelling in the past, John. You have a brand-new baby and a whole new world will be opened to you. Don't ever look back."

John nodded solemnly. He'd done that his whole life and it wasn't working anymore. If he was going to move past the trauma of his childhood, he'd have to do it alone. He loved Evangeline, but he couldn't ask her to go through that with him; not that she would anyway. He also couldn't ask her to wait for him. She'd given him every opportunity to ask for help and he'd outright refused. The truth of the situation had him holding back tears. He loved her, but, for now, he needed to let her go.

* * *

"Mom, hey," wearily, Evangeline greeted her mother. "They said they were taking the baby down to the nursery for a bit. Did you get to see him?" Despite being extremely exhausted, Evangeline couldn't hide her proud mother smile. "He's so little. I thought he would be so much bigger."

"He is absolutely beautiful, Evangeline. They were taking him to get another test or shot, so I figured I'd come by to check on my baby." Lisa was also wearing her proud mother smile. She sat down on the stool beside Evangeline's bed. "You look good. How do you feel?"

"I'm so tired, mom, and there's still so much to do. We've got to pick a name out and I've got another consultation with the lactation expert. Okay, maybe it's not so much, but I'd kill for a nap." Evangeline laughed. Today was just the beginning of her new life. Sleepless nights would be the norm, and she'd have to find a way to remain a functioning adult until her baby could sleep through the night. For the next several months, she knew she'd be fighting continued exhaustion.

"Your body adjusts quickly. You will have those six weeks to get acclimated. Besides, you make good enough money. You can afford to pay someone to give you a break when needed. Plus, Layla is going to be around to help you." Lisa wished she could be around more, but the school term wouldn't be over for a few more months. By that time, Evangeline would likely have a solid routine down.

"I know, and I'll be doing a lot of working from home. I don't want a stranger to raise my baby, and it's bad enough that I'll be working full-time. I'm going to keep my workload light for a while." Light for Evangeline meant 40-hour weeks. "I'll also have John around, so I know it will be okay. Stressful, but okay."

The mention of John's name rubbed Lisa the wrong way. She wanted Evangeline to forgive him and keep him in her grandson's life. She was the first one to get onto Evangeline for keeping the pregnancy a secret. Somehow, she'd expected things to turn out differently. She expected Evangeline to forgive John and encourage him to be the father that their child needed. She hadn't expected John to rise to the occasion. She wanted Evangeline to move on with her child and a new man who was worthy of her. To Lisa, John had Evangeline in his web, and he would continue to hold her back. She wanted to get Evangeline out of Llanview, but she couldn't do that if John was still a romantic interest for her daughter.

"Well, have you thought of any names for the baby? Your father would be honored if his grandson had his name." Lisa would avoid the topic of John and the topic of Evangeline remaining in Llanview for now.

"We've already agreed not to name him after anyone. We want him to make a name for himself." Lisa had already suggested her father's name once or someone notable for the family. Evangeline, having been named for her aunt, was not in favor of the idea.

A nurse came in to check Evangeline's vitals, so Lisa got out of the way. While Evangeline was distracted, Lisa notice a folder labeled birth photos and decided to snoop. It hadn't been what she'd expected. There were photos of the baby and some pictures of Evangeline in labor. The ones that were disturbing were the ones of John and Evangeline together. The photos looked as beautiful as the stock ones that were sold in picture frames. The love that John and Evangeline had for each other was plainly obvious in the photos. The addition of their son made for the perfect family photo. She closed the folder and put it back where she found it not wanting to see anymore.

"You okay, mom? You look a little ill." Evangeline looked past the nurse. Her mother must have been exhausted from the long drive and the anxious waiting. "Why don't you guys go grab some lunch? It's probably going to be another hour or more before you get to officially meet your grandson." Evangeline smiled not knowing what had her mother so disturbed.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll see you soon, honey." Lisa excused herself and started to plan for her daughter's future.

* * *

John stretched his arms and yawned. He hadn't had much to do after the nurses gave him and Evangeline a refresher on what to expect in the first few days after taking the baby home. He didn't mind because he wanted to make sure he wouldn't do anything to hurt his son. It was Evangeline's consultation with the lactation expert that left him bored. He was amazed at how little the baby would eat starting out. Just a couple of drops of not quite breastmilk would sustain him for the first few days. When Evangeline was in labor earlier, they had her do some pumping in between contractions. It wouldn't be much, but eventually he'd get to feed his son.

"Okay, well it looks like everything is going well here. You probably want to give him about five more minutes. Right now, you're just setting up a routine." The nurse gave Evangeline a few more tips for success before she excused herself.

"Well, I can see this is definitely going to be an adventure." Evangeline looked down at her son and stroked his cheek. He hadn't gained his pigment, so he was just a small, pink little guy. His head was covered with dark curls that were the same color of his long dark eyelashes. Every now and then he'd open one eye to observe his surroundings. His eyes were the same dark brown as Evangeline's.

"You'll get the hang of it in no time." John walked over and took him from Evangeline's arms. The family would be there soon, and he wanted to hold him before everyone came to pass him around. "Alright Jimmy, it's time for you to meet your family."

"What did you just say?" Evangeline sat forward with a wide smile on her face. John had surprised her at how easily he was adjusting to fatherhood. He held their son lovingly and patiently listened to the nurses' and doctors' instructions. She could tell that he was just as worried about getting things right as she was.

John looked at her confused. "Time to meet the family?" John looked down at his son as if he knew what Evangeline was talking about. He rocked him slightly to soothe him.

"No, no. You called him something. You called him Jimmy." They hadn't decided on a name yet, but Evangeline was touched at John's slip of the tongue. They were supposed to agree on a name together, but nothing that she thought of seemed right.

"I don't think…I mean, if I did, it wasn't intentional." John rocked his son slightly and stared down at him. Jimmy was a good name. He didn't know why it popped into his head, but it seemed right.

"Sounds like he's got a name now." Evangeline continued to smile as John walked back over to him with their son. He tilted his arms so that she could see their son's face. "James. James Edward McBain. I like it." Evangeline stroked his foot through the blanket.

John smiled too. James was formal enough for a professional job and Jimmy was a fun and playful nickname. "Edward's a good name too. It's perfect." John walked back over to the hard sleeper sofa that was in the room and sat down. "Now, unfortunately, you won't get to meet your grandfathers. They're both in a better place. You will get to meet your grandmothers. My mom; who is you Nana Eve. Then there's Grandma Lisa. She's you're mommy's mom. I've got a brother named Michael, and your mom has a sister named Layla. They're going to be your uncle and aunt. They'll probably both try and spoil you rotten, but your mom and I won't allow too much of that." John kissed his forehead gently and continued talking to him as if he fully understood what John was saying.

Then, almost right on cue, the full party arrived. "Hey, bud. Looks like we've got a regular party going on here." John handed his son off to his mother which probably annoyed Lisa and went to sit on the stool near Evangeline's bed. He sat with her while the family took turns cuddling the baby.

* * *

Hours passed like minutes and soon it was feeding time again. To many complaints, John tactfully dismissed everyone. After feeding and changing the baby, Evangeline rocked him to sleep. No sooner than John returned him to his bassinette, Evangeline to had drifted off. It was only 1pm, but she'd been up for the last twelve hours. Her body had finally given in, so John let her sleep. He sat quietly in the room to make sure no one would disturb her.

Evangeline rubbed her eyes as she started to wake from her nap. She was confused by the darkness that filled the room. She could see shadows of balloons and flowers that were illuminated by a light that was near her bedside. "John," she called out to him softly.

John instinctively looked over to the crib to make sure the baby hadn't woken up. Several hours had passed and he'd just put him back to sleep. "I'm here." He moved closer to her, so that she wouldn't have to shout.

"I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?" The last thing she remembered was singing her son to sleep. The excitement of all the family there had really drained her energy. She even spoke to a few friends and colleagues who were planning on stopping by and was trying to stay alert for their visits.

"It's almost seven." John poured her a cup of water and handed it to her. "I sent everyone away after you fell asleep. The nurse came in showed me how to dropper feed him some of that stuff you pumped earlier. He's been up a couple of times, but he's been mostly quiet. I just wanted to let you get some rest."

"Thank you. Lieutenant, you can stand down now. You look like you could use a cup of coffee or some rest yourself." Evangeline sipped the water. She felt completely refreshed. Six hours was about her average during the work week anyway. John probably slept as little as she did. If she didn't send him away, he'd exhaust himself quickly.

John smiled. She hadn't playfully used his nickname in a longtime. "I'm just going to head downstairs to grab a cup of coffee. You'll probably have a few more visitors soon. Some people stopped by earlier, but I told them to come back around seven. I had planned on waking you up." He surprised her when he gave in so easily. John had enjoyed a few quiet moments alone to reflect and figured she needed the same as well. John stood and stretched. He wasn't fond of hospitals. Two more days and Evangeline would be released, and they'd be in a more comfortable environment. "You need anything?"

"I'm okay. Thanks." Evangeline was glad to finally have a moment alone, even it would be short lived. That she was actually a mother was finally starting to set in. For the next eighteen years, she'd have someone counting on her, and the prospect was a little terrifying. She couldn't help but worry about how she was going to manage her work-life balance now. Nora had given her some great tips, but Nora had years of experience from raising her daughter before Matthew came along.

"James, I promise to always put you first. I'm not perfect, so I may make some mistakes along the way. You will always be safe with me. I will always love you." Evangeline looked over at the bassinette and wished she could hold him. She wasn't supposed to be out of bed unsupervised until tomorrow, so she'd have to wait for John or a nurse to return. A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in." Evangeline was expecting a friend and was caught off-guard by her late-night visitor. Suddenly, she was gripped with fear. "Natalie?"

Natalie appeared with a smile and a giftbag. She strode in confidently as if there was nothing wrong with her being there. "Hey, Evangeline. Congratulations."

"What are you doing here?" Evangeline had already flipped the blankets back. He legs felt wobbly as she started to stand. Any other time she could handle Natalie, but not today. She just wanted to hold her son and keep him away from Natalie.

"I'm here to congratulate you." Natalie spoke slowly as if she'd been misunderstood.

"What the hell is going on?" John spoke louder than he intended. He'd been quick downstairs thinking that Evangeline needed him close by. His instincts were too good. "Get back in bed." John spoke from behind Natalie. He set his cup down on the nearest surface before coating his hands in sanitizer. He moved past Natalie and gently removed James from his crib. The loud noises and sudden motion caused him to cry. "I'm sorry, buddy." When Evangeline was settled, he placed their son in her arms.

"Um, okay." Natalie spoke to bring the attention back to her.

John saw the fear in Evangeline's eyes, and it was the same fear that he felt deep inside. He'd told Natalie to stay away, and here she was. That she didn't get it was a dangerous sign. "I'll be right back." He kissed Evangeline's forehead and left her to settle their son. "Come with me." John grabbed Natalie roughly by the arm and dragged her out of the room. She stumbled to keep up with him.

"John, wait." She tried to pull away from him, but his grip was firm. She expected him to let go of her before they got to the nurses' station, but he didn't. This drama would spread like wildfire through Llanview. She could feel her face growing hot with blush.

John slapped the elevator call button then finally released her. "What the hell were you doing?" John looked over at her angrily. He didn't have one ounce of compassion for her.

"Coming to congratulate you both. Having a baby is usually something people want to celebrate." Natalie tried to laugh it off and turn it back on him.

"And we're happy to celebrate with our family and our friends. Of which, neither category do you fit in. You were warned to stay away from our child and away from Evangeline after that stunt you pulled at the station." John could feel the eyes of the nurses on him. One of them was probably texting Michael in real time. He didn't care, though.

"I'm sorry. I thought I was more than just someone that kept your bed warm after she dumped you." Natalie knew how to push his buttons. Anger was as strong an emotion as love and she knew this. She needed to reignite his passion if she had any hopes of getting back together with him.

"I don't want you anywhere near Evangeline or our son." John refused to get into it with her. She was trying to distract him, and he wouldn't allow it. The elevator dinged announcing its arrival. John made a grand motion directing her to the open door. "I will not tell you again. Stay. Away."

Natalie was fully embarrassed and decided to leave with no further argument. The judgmental and amused faces of the nurses behind John were more than she could take. If that wasn't bad enough, John's intense and angry stare further bruised her ego. She tapped the elevator buttons hoping for the door to shut and take her away from this terrible scene.

Even after the elevator was gone, John stood and waited. She was gone and he didn't expect her to return. At this point, he was more concerned with keeping her away for good. There wasn't a more direct approach that he could think of. He spoke to a nurse who assured him they would be on alert to prevent another surprise visit from Natalie. Satisfied that he'd done all he could, John headed back to Evangeline's room.

He stopped outside her room and took several deep breaths to calm himself. He didn't want to startle Evangeline any further. When he entered her room again, he was relieved. James was sleeping in Evangeline's arms and she was singing to him again.

"John," she stopped singing when she noticed he'd returned. He was pissed and trying to hide it. She knew him all too well. She knew Natalie too. She was playing another one of her games. Whatever dangerous game she was playing, Evangeline hoped that it didn't lure John back in.

"Don't stop on my account," John smiled. Seeing Evangeline with their son in her arms calmed him more. In very short order, he'd decided that the safest place for their son was in her arms. "Everything's okay now." He wouldn't discuss Natalie any further. She would have to trust that he would keep her and their son safe.

A/N: Short update for now.


	19. For the Last Time

It was just after noon, and Evangeline was relaxing and enjoying the company of her closest female friends. Nora, Lily, Layla, and Marcie had planned in advance to have a welcome home party for James to lessen the amount of visitors Evangeline had to welcome at the hospital. Layla and Marcie had both been at the hospital on delivery day, but Marcie left early not wanting to encroach on the tender family moment. Michael had urged her to stay, but they weren't back together just yet, so she was just another close friend who could wait to meet the baby.

Lisa and Eve excused themselves for lunch to allow for the young women to congregate. They were both staying in Llanview for the first week of the baby being home. The extra hands made things easier for John, but Evangeline hadn't been as lucky. She still had to pump on schedule, so, even though she and John were watching the baby in eight our shifts, she found herself exhausted.

"So, how is nursing going? Has James got the hang of it?" Lily was holding the small boy in her arms and felt a pang of jealousy. She wasn't getting any younger. If she wanted to have kids, she needed to be looking to settle down or find a donor.

"Thank God, yes. He is a pro. I thought he'd have a hard time going back and forth between the breast and the bottle, but he's happy as long as he's fed." Evangeline was glad that James was a relatively content baby. His cries could be heard throughout the house when he was upset. Luckily, he didn't usually cry without good reason

"You are so lucky. I had an easier time with Rachel than I did with Matthew, but it was a struggle both times." Nora remembered her own struggles and was glad that those days were behind her. "Just make sure you remember to start weaning when he starts teething."

Evangeline winced at the thought. "Noted."

"So, how is John holding up?" Nora had to wonder if supercop would be able to seamlessly transition into super dad.

"He's good as far as I know. I'm sure it helps that Eve is around. He was great at the hospital, though. He was attentive and willing to jump in and get his hands dirty. James really hasn't been difficult at all, so far." Evangeline looked over at her son in Lily's arms and missed him. The custody split was designed to give them time to decompress, but she wanted to be with her son all the time. John didn't complain when she lingered around during his time with James, and she didn't complain when he lingered either.

"I heard he was more than great at the hospital, especially when Natalie showed up." Marcie had gotten the scoop from Michael, who'd gotten the scoop from the labor and delivery nurses. "Sounds like he finally put her in her place."

Evangeline frowned. She and John hadn't talked about what transpired between the two of them when he escorted her from Evangeline's room. Instead, they had a wordless understanding that it was his responsibility to keep Natalie away. She hadn't even told her family that Natalie showed up.

"Wait a minute. She showed up and you didn't say anything, Vange." Layla had stepped into the kitchen to make a phone call and came in at the worst time.

Marcie frowned that she said something that she shouldn't have. "I'm so sorry. I thought everyone already knew."

Nora and Lily both exchanged knowing looks. They both already knew. Nora heard about it from Bo. Lily heard about it from the hospital nurses as well. They both planned on talking with Evangeline privately, but now was as good a time as any.

"It's not big deal, Layla. Natalie showed up while no one was around. Said she wanted to congratulate me. John was there almost immediately and literally removed her. She hasn't tried to contact me any further, so I think she got the message." Evangeline could smile now, but she was terrified then.

"How can she be so desperate for a man that's just not into her? You know she was there for John, right?" Layla sat down next to Lily so that she could hold the baby next.

"I don't want to know what's going on in her head. As long as she stays away, I'll be happy." Evangeline had spent far too much time trying to understand Natalie. She understood that Natalie was in love with John, and that love made people do crazy things. Beyond that, she refused to give Natalie any further thought.

Nora knew Evangeline best and knew there was more to the story than she was telling. "Oh, while I'm here, did you want me to show you how to adjust that baby monitor?" Nora made up a lie that Evangeline was sure to catch on to. If she wanted to talk, she'd say yes, and they could go talk privately.

Evangeline smiled at her witty friend. "Yeah, I thought I had it figured out, but sometimes it doesn't seem like it's working." Evangeline looked at her son and knew she couldn't take him and Nora and expect the others to stay. "I trust that I'm leaving him in good hands." She looked between Layla, Lily, and Marcie.

They were barely paying her any attention as she slipped out with Nora. Evangeline was still healing, and she regretted buying a house with so many stairs. She closed the room to the nursery and double checked to make sure the baby monitor was turned off.

"Nora, I was so scared." She didn't even give Nora a chance to question her before she started. "I've never thought that Natalie was a danger. I just didn't want my child getting caught up in one of her schemes. When she showed up at the hospital, I was terrified. She has to be insane for showing up like she did." Evangeline unintentionally used a poor choice of words given Natalie's family history.

Nora was surprised at Evangeline's honesty. Evangeline didn't scare easily and wasn't one to admit it when she was actually scared. Nora pulled her into a hug. "I've always thought Natalie's bark was worse than her bite. I know she upset you, but it might have just been your emotions being overloaded from the labor and delivery."

Evangeline shook her head quickly. "I thought that too, but, Nora, this is different. I felt helpless. I don't even have a rational explanation, either. Just something deep inside of me wanted to keep her away from my child."

Nora pulled Evangeline away from her and cupped her face. "Then trust your gut. At worst you're being overprotective. At best you're neutralizing a potential threat. Bo kept telling me he had a bad feeling about Daniel, and I didn't listen. You know how that turned out. As a parent, you will have these instincts that might not make sense, but that doesn't mean you should ignore them. John and Natalie aren't together, and you aren't friends with her. Keeping her away from James is not crazy or unreasonable. You just make sure John does the same."

Evangeline wiped away her tears. She was still an emotional mess, but for the most part she could keep it together. She walked over to the bench that was in the bay window of the nursery and sat down. Nora sat down beside her.

"She wanted to get John's attention, and I'm sure she did. John and I didn't talk about what happened, either." Evangeline wouldn't say it, but John looked just as scared as she was. That only heightened her own fear.

"Well, John never has been a big talker." Nora had heard that from both Evangeline and Bo.

"Actually, he's been a lot better. John was talkative while we were together, he just didn't want to talk about his past or his feelings. As of late, he's opened up to me, without me having to beg, plead, or even ask. We talked about his fiancée Caitlyn, and I know that wasn't easy for him." Evangeline spoke to Michael who was commenting on John being more brotherly since he heard about the baby. When she mentioned John telling her the truth about Caitlyn, she got an unexpected surprise. Michael was under the impression that she was the love of John's life and so was their mother, Eve. For John to have shared his true feelings with her and no one else made her feel special.

"Oh! Do you think this is his way of trying to reconnect with you? Maybe he's ready to reconcile." Nora pushed Evangeline to keep opening up to her.

"I can't tell. Whenever I pushed him before to open up, he used sex to distract me. This was even after we were broken up he'd try to use that to pull me back in. I'm happy that he can talk to me, but I know he's still holding something back." Evangeline intentionally omitted that John had finally said those three words to her. She had too much going on to address that. "I can't be with him if he's the same old John. I'm used to him letting me in just a little, you know. Just enough to make you feel like he's making progress."

"So, you feel like this is like before? Like when you were together." Nora looked quizzically over at Evangeline. Her friend tended to overanalyze things, but in this case she was right to do so. John broke her heart, and she didn't need to take him back if he wasn't going to be a better man than he'd been before.

"I'm not sure. I've been trying to not think about it. For his own sake and our child's, I want him to finally face his demons. I'm not going to chase after John., though I'm happy to lend an ear to a friend. He's got a lot to work out on his own." Evangeline still loved John, but she loved herself more. She deserved more than what he was willing to offer, and she wouldn't keep looking past his issues.

"So, what happens if he opens up? I mean about everything. Do you want to be with John?" Nora saw the conflicted look on Evangeline's face and already knew the answer.

"My rule has always been not to make the same mistake twice. Don't ever get back with an ex. With John, it's different. I still love him. Maybe that has a lot to do with James. I don't know what will happen, but I don't want to hold my breath waiting for him to find himself." Evangeline said one thing and meant another. When John told her he loved her in the delivery room, she was his again. That connection that she was scared they would never have was far stronger than she ever imagined I could be.

Nora nodded in response. She'd pushed Evangeline to open up about John and Natalie and was satisfied with her answers. For now, she'd drop the topic.

* * *

John threw his last dart and frowned as it missed the mark. "You got me." He half-smiled at Michael, who he now owed another beer. "Another one for this guy, Mack." He thought about having another himself but decided against it.

"You're off your game, brother." Michael popped some peanuts into his mouth. "We'll just chalk this one up to exhaustion."

"Whatever." John had been off his game for a reason. He and Michael talked about Natalie's sudden appearance at the hospital. Michael was happy that his brother had taken a stand, but he knew that John was miserable about it. John had been opening up to him quite a bit, but he was still reserved about some things. For once, Michael knew not to push and hoped that John would talk to him when he was ready.

"Oh come on." Michael grabbed his buzzing pager from his side. "It's the hospital. I gotta cut out early."

John nodded that he understood. "No worries. I'll catch you later." John watched his brother head off and wondered how he would occupy the rest of his time. His mom was busy, and he didn't want to spend the afternoon hanging around Evangeline and her lady friends. He still had several hours before he was expected to be available to care for the baby. There was some paperwork that he could catch up on, but he was saving that for later.

He walked over to the pool table and decided to play a game. He looked up just in time to see Antonio entering Rodi's, a favorite local bar. "Hey, how's it going?" Antonio greeted him with a half-hug handshake. Antonio had been an on-again-off-again friend. He and John were both raised by single mothers with a pair of sons. They both grew up quickly and stepped in as a father figure to their younger brothers. John always kept Antonio at arms length because he was such a kindred spirit. He hadn't allowed himself to share that closeness with many people.

"I'm alright. How about you, papi? Congratulations. I've been meaning to stop by." Antonio had been dealing with Jessica, her alter ego, Tess, and Tess's boyfriend Nash. He blamed himself for her fragile mental state. They were a family until Antonio pushed her away and into the arms of his long-lost brother, Tico Santi. By the time Antonio came to his senses, Jessica's mental state had already been compromised.

"Thanks." John pulled out his phone and showed off pictures of James. He was a really proud dad. "Seven pounds. Four ounces."

"That is a really good-looking boy. Doesn't look anything like you." Antonio joked at John's expense. "So, you going to buy me a beer?"

"Shouldn't you be buying for me?" He slid Michael's old beer to him. "Haven't touched it."

"I mean, you should be congratulating me too. Jess is pregnant." Antonio smiled wide. He already had Jamie, but now he would have another child that would complete his family. He and Jess would work things out and everything would be fine.

John's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Wow, yeah. Congrats." John chose not to question it. Jessica, rather Tess, had left Llanview and come back with a boyfriend. Jessica and Antonio reconciled, but Tess had not been integrated. Jessica/Tess bounced between Antonio and Nash, so realistically either one of them could be the father. "So, how is everything going with her?" John politely dance around the topic.

Antonio sipped his beer and shrugged. "It's been hard on everyone. Tess is nothing like Jessica. She's just a physical manifestation of all of her anger and frustration that she buried deep down inside. She pushes me away, but I know I just have to keep working hard to pull her in close. Nash Brennan is just a bump in the road."

Dissociative identity disorder was the same mental illness that her mother Viki suffered from. John remembered that Natalie had been terrified that she too would be plagued with that illness. "I hope it all turns out for the best." John didn't know what else he could say. He too hid is pain and anger, but it never manifested itself as a separate personality.

"I'm hoping for the best for you too, John. I talked to Natalie. She said that you've been just as unstable as Jess has been." Natalie had given Antonio a distorted account of what happened at the hospital. Because she was Jessica's sister and had been his brother Cristian's wife, he had a vested interest in her happiness and wellbeing.

John frowned at the characterization. "She tried to attack Evangeline at the police station. Couple of guys had to restrain her." From the surprise on Antonio's face, John knew she'd left some important details out. "She's supposed to stay away from her, but she showed up unannounced at the hospital. Scared the hell out of Evangeline. I might have been a little forceful, but I told her she needs to stay away."

Antonio nodded. "Not that you need it but let me give you some friendly advice." Antonio paused to let him interject. "Talk to Natalie again. She thinks you're not yourself, and maybe that's just your frustration coming through. If you talk to her like the guy she remembers, she'll have a lot easier time accepting that you're moving on."

John reflected on his words and frowned. Maybe it was just that simple. The last few times he'd spoken to Natalie he was angry and not like his usual self. "Thanks. Maybe I'll give that a try."

Both men exchanged knowing looks. They'd shared their feelings enough. For now, they would play pool and share superficial conversation.

* * *

John found himself standing in the sitting room of Llanfair once again. The advice Antonio had given him was too important to be overlooked. He'd never meant to hurt Natalie. She fell in love because of the events that he set in motion. He needed to make that right. He needed to make her understand.

Natalie arrived in the room and watched John pacing. He looked troubled and unsure of himself. This was the John that she was more accustomed to. She still chose not to speak. The memory of their last interaction was still fresh and painful.

"Natalie?" John turned around and noticed her observing him. She was lost in thought and didn't notice.

"Yes, John. What do you want? What are you doing here?" Natalie chose to greet him with anger. She'd been vulnerable last time and that hadn't worked well.

John stared at her guiltily. He deserved her anger. "I want to talk to you. About what happened a couple of days ago, about us, about everything." John exaggerated slightly. He would open up just enough to drive his point home.

Natalie was pleasantly surprised that he was willing to talk. He was much nicer than he'd been in recent weeks. She smiled inwardly that her plan worked. "Fine, go ahead." She still wouldn't soften toward him just yet.

"I overacted more than just a little bit." John started as he sat down in the chair closest to him. "I know you wouldn't ever hurt anyone, especially my son, but you showing up when you did wasn't good. You scared Evangeline." He paused when Natalie let out a dramatic sigh.

She walked over to him and sat down on the table in front of him. "John, you know me. Evangeline hates me and she's being spiteful to keep us apart."

John looked at her sadly. Evangeline didn't like Natalie, but she'd defended her from a murder charge, kept her safe from the Killing Club Killers, and risked her own mental well being to find clues to bring Natalie home. Evangeline wasn't a spiteful person by nature. John wouldn't get into that, because it would only serve to agitate the situation.

"Natalie, you scared me." John looked her in the eyes to show his sincerity. "It scared me that you didn't recognize that you shouldn't have been there." That was John's gentle way of questioning her mental state.

Natalie frowned. Rex too had told her that it was dumb to show up like she did, but she tried to argue against him. John confirming that she was out of line clued her in on her bad decision. She shook her head. "I just. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight."

"Like when you got into it with Evangeline at the station?" It had been an attack, but John wouldn't characterize it that way. "That's the scary part for me and for her. Now, we've got this new little person to protect. We're not just going to be sort of careful. We're going to be overprotective. That means keeping away people that scare us. People that make us nervous." John watcher her to see if the information was actually sinking in.

"But you wanted me away from the baby before any of that stuff happened. It wasn't just about fear, John. Don't kid yourself." Natalie was quick to remember why she'd gotten upset in the first place.

"It wasn't until you came bursting into our mediation session that it was even considered." John quickly redirected the blame and again placed it where it belonged, on her shoulders. "You didn't show up that day and the issue never comes up."

"I wanted to help." Natalie wanted to cry for her stupid choice. "I should have just kept my mouth shut. But John, you don't understand how I feel about you. You don't know how much I care. I thought she was trying to hurt you. I thought she would keep your son from you."

"I understand. I just don't feel the same way." John grabbed her hands to prevent her escape. "Natalie, I am not in love with you."

"Spare me John. You said you didn't want to see someone else you loved get killed again. Those were your words. You can't just take them back now because you want Evangeline to forgive you." Natalie tired to pull her hands away, but John held her in place.

"This ain't about her. It's about you and me and what I did to you. When I first met you, you were happily in love, and what I did helped to take Cris away from you." John had originally been in town to apprehend a criminal, and Natalie was a tool he was using. To win her over, he flirted and got in between her and Cris. He needed her focused to achieve his goal. In the end, he got what he wanted, but Cris was an unfortunate victim.

"John, I forgive you for that. Carlo Hesser was responsible for Cris, not you."

"I still played my part. I felt like I took Cris from you like someone took Caitlyn from me. I knew that pain and I wanted to make that up to you. All I did was hurt you in the end." John knew she hadn't come to terms with it yet, but Cris and Natalie were never meant to be forever. They were young and impulsive, and that's why they got married. Natalie was already unsure of her feelings for John when she walked down the aisle. After Cris died, she barely gave herself time to mourn before she was in a near relationship with John.

"John, that makes it sound like you never felt anything for me." Natalie looked him in the eyes and was heartbroken. He wasn't lying.

"I felt responsible for you. I just didn't know what the right thing to do was. I ended up ruining your marriage twice." John could now admit he was wrong for keeping Cristian's secret.

Natalie was speechless. Cris had already forgiven John for his relationship with Natalie and urged Natalie to do the same. He knew John hadn't acted deviously or maliciously. "So, this is it then. The truth from you finally comes out. I'm such an idiot." Natalie pulled her hands away and John allowed it.

"You weren't an idiot." John didn't try to go after her as she stood to walk away. He stood, though. He'd said just about all he needed to say. "Natalie, I want you to find someone who makes you happy. A man who loves you and cherishes you."

"You, John. I want you." Natalie hated how pathetic she sounded. She didn't even bother to wipe her tears. "I love you."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm not the guy for you. I am not your soulmate." John had said these words to her before, but they still ended up together. Before he'd been uncertain of himself, but this time he was sure.

"So, this means we're not even friends anymore. I'm just supposed to say goodbye and forget about you?" There were no words she could think of that would save even their friendship. She was naturally jealous because John had tried to hard to rekindle his friendship with Evangeline. He was desperate to maintain that friendship even before he found out she was pregnant. She hated to think that maybe he really loved her.

"We're not ready for that. My son is my life, and I can't let you or anyone stand in the way of me being with him. You understand, right?" John and Natalie had both grown up in the same tough town with no father figure. She had to understand that John wanted to be the father that he never had.

Natalie nodded that she understood, but it still hurt. "I wish the best for you John and your son." Natalie rushed over to him and hugged him and was glad that he allowed it.

John was glad that he'd taken Antonio's advice. He was finally free of Natalie's web.

A/N: We did it team. No more Natalie in this story. Maybe now John and Evangeline can start working toward finding their way back to each other. Maybe they'll find new loves and work toward co-parenting James. I'm going to jump ahead in time a little bit in the next chapter. Stay tuned for more.


	20. My Father's Eyes

Evangeline settled down at her table at The Palace. The meeting with her client at the bar finished early, so she had some time to kill before her next meeting. Her mother, Lisa, was passing through town on a way to a wedding and decided to check in on her oldest. Layla was working and James was with John, so Evangeline was all she could get.

James was now three months old and thriving. Going back to work had been hard for both Evangeline and John, but Evangeline had the advantage of being her own boss. She'd planned on slowly returning to work, but she was a lot busier than she'd intended. She was still able to balance her work life and her home life so that James didn't suffer. She worked quite a bit from home after hours, and this allowed her to be with James instead of him being with a sitter.

John struggled more than she did to find the right balance, but he was getting the hang of things. Evangeline insisted that he keep a key to her house, so that he could visit their son often. Things at the station had been hectic and even with Antonio's return, John's workload didn't lessen. If he was stressed, he didn't let it show. He was handling it all quite well and Evangeline was proud of him.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite defense attorney." Nora smiled down at Evangeline, who was distracted with a case file. "Mind if I join you?"

"Please do." Evangeline shut the file and slid it down into her briefcase. "I'm supposed to be meeting my mom, but I'm more than just a little early." Evangeline checked her watch again.

"Is everything okay or is this just a social visit?" Nora ordered a glass of wine from the waiter who stopped by the table. Evangeline ordered a club soda. Alcohol was still off the menu since she was still breastfeeding.

"Just a social visit. She wanted to see the baby, but he's with John for the afternoon. How about you? What's the new DA doing away from the office in the middle of workday?" Evangeline used her friend's new title on her. She took over for Daniel Colson thinking the position would be temporary. She accepted only because her son, Matthew, would be starting high school in the fall and no longer needed the same amount of supervision.

"Another meeting with the mayor. He's been very happy as of late, and I might have you to thank for that." Nora toasted to Evangeline even though Evangeline didn't know what was going on.

"If I'm a defense attorney and I'm helping the DA keep the mayor happy, my clients might need to start looking elsewhere." Evangeline had only lost a few cases since she'd been in Llanview. She didn't like to complain, but she swore that some judges were taking bribes. She didn't have any evidence and didn't want to piss anyone off while she investigated. She'd keep a lid on it until she exposed any actual corruption.

"As if you have ever gone easy on anyone from my office, myself included." Nora had faced off against Evangeline a number of times and Evangeline usually got the best of her. She loved her friend dearly, but she was ready for her to join the prosecution's side. "I'm talking about John. Bo has been singing his praises since he's been back from paternity leave. Even before then, Bo said he noticed a change in John. He's been a lot more social with the rank and file, and it's having a positive effect on the department as a whole. Fatherhood has really made John a better man."

Evangeline smiled. She noticed a change in John as well. He was still very much like himself, but he wasn't as antisocial as he'd been in the past. She often saw him out and about with Michael or making casual conversation with the beat cops. "I can't take the credit for that. Any changes John has made have been all on his own." Though they lived together for six weeks, they hadn't spent a lot of time together. John was always there as expected for James, but he gave Evangeline her space. He spent a lot of time in quiet reflection or doing yardwork. On occasion, they watched movies or TV together or talked.

"Well, I hope he keeps it up. John seems really happy." Nora had actually seen John not long ago at the station. He was picking up some files and had baby James with him. He was an overprotective dad and really didn't let anyone hold him when he brought him to the station.

Evangeline sighed wistfully. "I think he is."

"Then what's up with the sigh. I thought you'd be happy about that." Nora sipped her wine slowly. She'd already had a glass at lunch and needed to pace herself since she was still expected to return to work today.

"I am happy. I'm just maybe a little frustrated." Evangeline still had unresolved feelings for John. He hadn't made any moves on her or acted like he was interested in reuniting. That left Evangeline frustrated and longing.

Nora looked at her inquisitively. She wasn't sure what question to ask next.

Evangeline leaned in close and whispered. "John told me loved me."

"What!? When was this? Why didn't you lead with that?" Nora spoke loudly forgetting that Evangeline might not want the world to know about his confession.

"In the delivery room." Evangeline thought back to that moment constantly. It didn't help that she had a photo to remind her of that very moment.

Nora's mouth hung open with surprise. "And you've not said anything about that in the last three months. It's no wonder that he's been so happy. How long have you guys been back together?"

Evangeline shook her head. "We are not back together. He told me that he loved me, and he's not said anything about it since then."

"Then why haven't you." Nora slapped her hand gently. "That's a big step for John. A huge step. Isn't that why you two broke up in the first place?"

"Because I told myself that I would not chase after him. Yes, he said the words that I've been waiting so long to hear, but there's more to it than that." Evangeline thumbed the stem of her glass. "I still don't know why he couldn't say those words to me in the first place, and I can't ignore that."

"Sweetie, you are making this hard on yourself. Have you tried talking to him? If not because you want to reconcile, but because you want to clear the air. John might surprise you." Nora noticed the pained look on Evangeline's face. "But you don't want that? What's really going on?"

"What's really going on is that I still love him." Evangeline's forehead wrinkled at her admission. "I've never fallen this hard before and it scares me. We've been through a lot together, some good and some very bad. John has been open and honest when talking about his past relationships, and I've forgiven him for the past."

"That sounds like a good start to something, but it sounds like you don't want that. Have you really forgiven him?" Nora could tell Evangeline was holding something back. There were surely intimate details about her relationship with John that were too personal to share with anyone else.

"I have, but I don't know why. I feel like should still be angry or something, and I'm trying to decide if I'm just as desperate to have him love me as," Evangeline stopped when Nora squeezed her hand.

"Don't even go there, because you know that's not the same thing. What you and John had was built on mutual respect and affection. There were obstacles that got your relationship off track, but you ended it with him. Maybe it's time to revisit that old pain. If you don't, you're not going to be able to move on. I'm talking about with John or anyone else. If John has opened up to you and explained why he acted the way he did in your relationship, he deserves to be forgiven. No one is perfect. If you love him, maybe give him a second chance."

"Ms. Hanen, it's good to see you again." Lisa spoke up from behind Nora.

Nora pursed her lips and looked over her shoulder. "It's good to see you again, Ms. Williamson." She stood and offered Lisa her seat. "I was just keeping Evangeline company, but I guess I need to head back to work."

Evangeline smiled and hoped that her mother hadn't overheard their conversation. "Have a good day Nora, and congratulations again."

Nora excused herself quickly. She knew Lisa wasn't a fan of John's and she didn't want to be there if Lisa had overheard their conversation.

"Congratulations, Cookie?" Lisa reached across the table and patted Evangeline's hand.

"Yeah, Nora is not longer just the acting Llantano County DA. She's been formally appointed to the position." The waiter came over and took their order. Evangeline was starving and pressed for time, so she had to stay on schedule.

"Good for her. Sounds like she is advancing her career. And what about you, Cookie? What are your plans?" Lisa stared directly at her daughter. She'd caught her off guard.

"Me? Well, I own my own firm. I can give myself any promotion I want, though it's meaningless." Evangeline wasn't surprised that her mother started right in.

"Well, you're back to work now, and you're successfully balancing your career and motherhood. Now is the perfect time to start planning long term. You need to start looking ahead, especially if you want to get James into the right private school. Some of those DC waitlists are impossibly long." Lisa had been doing research for Evangeline and knew there were some schools she could already mark off the list. Dennis was her ex, but he had connections that Evangeline could use to get her foot in the door at a big DC firm.

"DC? I'm not planning on moving to DC." Evangeline hated that she had to do it, but her mother needed to hear the truth. She'd been beating around the bush about her long-term career goals and Evangeline had always brushed her off. If she didn't set her straight now, she would only cause more upset later on. "I'm happy here in Llanview.

"You're not planning on making Llanview a permanent home, are you?" Lisa paused for her daughter's response. This news wasn't what she expected.

"At least for the time being, yes. I have house here. My practice is here. Layla is here. John is here. My life is here in Llanview." Evangeline smiled politely at the waiter who delivered their food. This conversation made her lose her appetite.

"I thought your house and your practice were short-term investments. You can sell the house, and let your partners buy you out. Llanview is far too small to satisfy your career ambitions." Lisa pushed her plate away.

"If I wanted to, I'm sure I could do that, but I still can't leave Llanview. I want James to be close to his father. I'm here for a year because of our custody arrangement, and after that I'd have to petition John or the court to allow me to leave with James. I don't see any need for that. There is nothing that I want to accomplish that I can't do here in Llanview." Evangeline also pushed her plate away. Her mother looked annoyed, but that couldn't be helped.

"That just doesn't sound right, Evangeline. I thought you had big dreams like being a Supreme Court Justice or the President. Neither of those things can be accomplished here in Llanview." Lisa was stunned at Evangeline's turn around. This sudden declaration was more reminiscent of Layla than Evangeline.

Evangeline laughed softly. "Those are childhood dreams mom, and they weren't even my own. That's what you and daddy wanted. I just wanted to make you guys proud."

"And we are proud, baby, but you have so much more in you. It would be a waste to spend the rest of your life here in Llanview pining after some local cop who's going nowhere." Lisa let it be known that she heard at least part of Evangeline's conversation with Nora.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "John and I aren't together. We have a son together, and he deserves to get to know him. That means I'm not going to make that hard on anyone by dragging James around the country while I try to fulfill some dream that isn't even mine. I'm happy with my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to stop living my life now to plan for a future that I'm not sure I want." Evangeline could see the anguish on her mother's face.

"Cookie, you have worked too hard for this," Lisa pleaded with her.

"Too hard for what? I'm successful. I'm independent. But, if I'm not planning to rule the free world, I'm not living up to my potential? I'm so glad that you and daddy gave so much so that Layla and I could have the opportunities that we did."

"It was a labor of love. We didn't mind at all, because we knew what you were capable of. When I first held you in my arms, I knew you were destined for greatness. You would be so much more than me or your father ever was." Lisa could feel tears welling up inside of her. She'd pushed too hard and now Evangeline was shutting down.

Evangeline thought for a moment. She was a new mother, but she still had experiences that had given her clarity. "When you looked at me as a baby, you saw greatness?" Evangeline waited for her to nod. "When I look at James, I see potential. I have no idea what his life will hold. What I do know is that I want to love him, support him, and guide him to a life that makes him happy. I don't want to plan his future out for him and then get disappointed when it turns out he had his own plans. For most of my life, I've been chasing your and daddy's dreams. I'm a big girl now, and it's time to start chasing my own dreams. And, maybe I'm not sure what they are just yet, but I know I'll get there someday."

Lisa let a single tear fall. When Evangeline put it that way, it made Lisa sound selfish. "I just can't help but feel that this is because of John and whatever hold he has over you."

Evangeline smiled patiently. "I love John, but this has nothing to do with him. I came to Llanview to start pursuing my own dreams. That I meant John is just a sign that I made the right choice. Mom, I need you to accept that I'm going to live my own life and I'm not looking for your approval. I'm starting on a new journey in life, and you can either come with me or you can watch from afar. I won't let you hold me back anymore."

* * *

John was walking around Evangeline's den and contemplating whether or not to give James a bottle. His scheduled overtime was cancelled, so he decided to drop James of at Evangeline's house to save her a trip. She sounded exhausted on the phone. John could guess that it had something to do with her mother's surprise visit.

"That sounds like your mom. I think she had a long day today, so I'm going to need your cutest face." James looked at him with drool running down his chin. "Yeah, that's pretty good, but maybe we'll clean you up a little." John wiped the drool from his chin and checked to make sure he was still in a clean, dry diaper. "Oh look, there she is." John held him up carefully so that his face was the first that Evangeline's saw when she walked into the room.

"That's my big boy. Come to mommy. I've missed you so much." James wasn't quite old enough to laugh, but he smiled when Evangeline nuzzled his neck. "Did you have a good day today? Did you have fun with daddy?" She shrugged out of her jacket before taking him from John.

"You have no idea. This guy is wild. I had some extra cash, and he wanted to spend it all on hookers and blow. I got him a baseball jersey instead." John smiled at the reaction he got from Evangeline.

"We are going to have to wash daddy's mouth out, huh?" Evangeline continued to nuzzle him which made him smile more. "Did you give him a bottle yet?"

"No, we were waiting on you." John rubbed his back as Evangeline held him. "He should be pretty hungry though. I gave him his last bottle at 3:30."

Evangeline checked her watch. It was just after 6, so she would feed him now and then again at 8:30 before she put him down for bed. "I'm going to go feed him and put him down. Do you want to stick around for bedtime?"

"Sure." John had been reading him poetry at bedtime. It was a nice tradition that Evangeline wanted to encourage. "You go ahead, and I'll order us some dinner."

"I'll be back in a bit. Come on, bug. Let's get you fed first." Evangeline kissed his cheek and left John alone. He'd been to Evangeline's often enough to think of it like a second home.

John wasn't sure what kind of mood she was in, so he ordered something she liked that was also healthy. He resisted the urge to go up and interrupt Evangeline's time with their son. If she had a long day, James was probably all she needed to decompress. Evangeline came back down in casual clothes just as the delivery person was leaving.

"Please don't tell me you got wings." Evangeline frowned at the thought of John's favorite food.

"Damn. I thought they were your favorite. I got you some buffalo wings and fries. For myself, I thought I'd try the lemon pepper shrimp and broccoli pasta." John teased her. He knew what she liked well enough. "They may have even thrown in some low-calorie garlic bread."

"Well, you can eat that for me." Evangeline took her Styrofoam container and sat down in the breakfast nook. Why she had a dining room and dining room table didn't make much sense because she never used them. "I don't see how you can eat junk all the time."

"I had a vegetable yesterday. Besides, I don't see how you can stand to keep such a strict diet. It's not like it's bad for the baby if you binge every now and then." John continued to tease her, but her strict diet was largely responsible for her slim figure. She was probably very close to her pre-baby weight. Her breasts were larger now, but John liked that.

"After seeing my mom, I'm ready to eat a whole tub of ice cream. That woman and her plans are going to be the death of me." Evangeline still couldn't believe her mother's audacity. Lisa said they needed to revisit the topic when both Evangeline and Lisa weren't pressed for time. Evangeline didn't want to argue, so she agreed. Evangeline had already made up her mind. Her mother would just get more of the same when she brought the topic up again.

"Plans like?" John split his attention between her and his dinner. He was glad that she broached the topic. Ever since he'd spoken to her cousin, Claire, he'd wanted to ask her about her long-term plans.

"I am not telling you, John." Evangeline was usually the one to open up first expecting that John would do the same. In the past, he'd let her down, so she didn't want to share now.

John just nodded. They still weren't back where they'd been before. Even after considerable effort on his part, she still kept him at arm's length. "I was never much of a planner myself and neither were my parents. Most planning I ever did was with Caitlyn." John spoke in between bites. "Like did we want to live in the city or the country? How many kids did we want? Would she be a stay at home mom? Stuff like that. After she was gone, I didn't really see the point of planning for a life that may never come."

"I can certainly understand why." Since she knew the truth, John's talking about Caitlyn was no longer painful. It was more insightful.

"Now that we've got James, I can't just act like tomorrow might never come. He's going to be big before I know it, and I'll need a bigger place. Does that mean another room in Angel's Square, or maybe that place is too rough for kid? You have a house and a yard. Do I need one too?" John wiped his fingers on his napkin. It was hard to eat and focus. Instead, he sipped his beer. Evangeline didn't keep alcohol in the house, but John had a stash down in the basement.

"You still have some time to decide on all of that. I'm just focusing on the present except the things I can't ignore for the future. That's mainly just his college fund and whether he'll get a car when he turns 16 or 18. Everything else can wait." Evangeline picked at John's fries. Her shrimp wasn't quite what she was craving. He offered her the rest of them, but she declined.

"But what about your long-term plans. I mean career wise. I'm sure you hadn't planned on staying in Llanview forever." Police work meant John was flexible. He could get a job anywhere, so he wouldn't hold her back.

"Have you been talking to my mother?" Evangeline couldn't imagine the two of them pairing up, but the chances of him bringing up her same questions was too convenient.

"You think?" John popped a piece of her shrimp into his mouth. He immediately frowned, regretting it. "No, I'm just curious. I'm just wondering what's keeping you here. I thought you wanted more in life than this, Madam President." John could tell he'd said something wrong. "Though, it's not like you're not the only one who dreamed of being president."

"Stop it, John." Evangeline didn't like him mocking her.

"I'm serious." John took a big sip of beer. He was surprised that Eve and Lisa hadn't exchanged 'my kid wants to be the president' stories.

"Never would have guessed that." Evangeline searched his eyes. He wasn't kidding. This new talkative John was full of surprises.

"I told my dad that I wanted to be the one to make all the rules that everyone had to follow. He told me I'd have to be the president for that. Maybe I wasn't as determined as you were, but I wanted it for a time. Then after my dad died, I thought the hell with it. What good is it to make the rules if no one follows them? Being a cop, at least then I could make people do what they were supposed to." John finished off his beer. He grabbed his dinner and Evangeline's trash off the table and went to throw it away.

Evangeline followed behind him in deep thought. She sat at the kitchen counter. "Maybe I'm not ready for this." This time it was Evangeline who struggled to find the right words.

"I know we talked about it before. You said being the president was like a childhood dream. When I first met you, you were so driven. I never wanted to be the one holding you back, but I didn't know what you were running toward." John washed his hands in the sink across from her. He wouldn't let her off the hook that easy.

"More like running from." Evangeline looked over at him cautiously. She used an interesting choice of words that John had surely picked up on. "That dream was my parents' dream. They worked so hard to provide for me and Layla. I had to chase that dream, so that they wouldn't feel like it was all wasted effort. Then, at some point, I realized that I wasn't happy, and I wouldn't be happy until I started chasing my own dreams." Evangeline looked past John at the cabinets. He was focused on her and it made her feel unsure of herself.

"So, what does that mean?" John walked around the island an sat on the stool beside her.

"It means I want to live my own life and on my own terms. I want to fall in love with a man who loves me and not some dream. Does that make sense?" John looked confused, so she knew she hadn't been clear enough.

"Not even a little bit." John smiled at her laughter. She had a beautiful smile and he hadn't seen it nearly enough lately.

"One of the biggest things that bugged me about my parent's career ambitions for me was their version of Mr. Right. He had to have the right education, be well-spoken, be God-fearing, be from the right family, and be able to match or exceed my career goals. An average Joe without little or no ambition just wouldn't do." Evangeline recognized the disappointment on John's face. He experienced her family's disdain when he came home with her for a funeral. She tried to reassure him, but that had been one of the final nails in their relationship's coffin.

"Doomed from the start." John knew how much her family meant to her, and their opinion of him broke his confidence. Since that day at the funeral, he'd been counting down the days before she was sick of putting up with him. Sadly, that day had come far too soon.

"To a degree, you remind me of my father. He was one of the finest men I'd ever met. He was a man with old school beliefs. As the man, it was his job to provide for his family. So, when Mama Williamson said she wanted to live in the best neighborhood with the best schools, he worked hard to make that happen. I'm not so convinced that he expected as much of me as my mom did so much as he was just following her lead. He knew their strength was in their unity. Even when they weren't together, he still supported her and her decisions for me and Layla."

"He sounds like a good man." He knew Evangeline loved her father. She wasn't raised as a daddy's girl, but she was still one any way.

"The best," Evangeline started to tear up, "but my family would have put him down if I'd brought him home. That killed me inside." John wiped away her tear, and Evangeline grabbed his hand.

"Parents usually want better for their kids than they had themselves. Nothing wrong with that." The was probably more to it than that. Evangeline's father made one mistake and fell from grace. Her outspoken family had probably said more than a few things out of line that really hurt Evangeline.

"I always wanted to marry a man like my dad. Kind, loving, supportive, honest. I never needed all that other crap. He made one mistake and all of a sudden everyone acted like he was less than nothing. He didn't deserve that." Evangeline put her hands to her face to hide her tears. Turns out John wasn't the only one with daddy issues. Evangeline was just better at hiding hers.

"Come here." John pulled her into a hug and held her close. John understood what she really meant. Some part of her wanted to marry a man like her father to redeem him. He'd sacrificed so much to provide for his family, but no one remembered that after one small mistake. All this time, Evangeline had been carrying the weight of his sins. "You don't have to marry a man like him to redeem him. You honor him with your life and remembering that he was more than just that one mistake. I'm sure he wants you to marry a man that loves and cherishes you the same way you do him. You're right to forget about the rest."

Evangeline cried harder. This time she couldn't just blame it on her hormones. This pain was real, and she'd avoided it for too long. She let John hold her until her tears subsided. "I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous."

"I'm the last person who'd believe that. It's okay to cry sometimes." John wiped away her tears. "Look, I know you've had a long day. Why don't you go ahead and get in bed? I'll take care of James when he's up again, and you'll get a break until about 10:00. I'll lock up when I leave."

"Thank you, John." Evangeline hugged him one final time. It felt good being in his arms again.

As John held her, he knew it was time. He would tell her everything. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" John smiled down at her.

"Resting and relaxing. My Friday nights aren't near as exciting as they used to be." Evangeline pulled away from him and hugged herself. "Why?"

"I'm thinking that you need a night of fun. No thinking about work or planning for your future. Maybe some crappy old movie, popcorn, and pizza. Definitely gotta have pizza." John rubbed her shoulders gently. It looked like she wanted to turn him down. "It'll be fun. Just you and me and James as much as he'll tolerate us."

Evangeline had to weigh his offer versus the hot bath and a good book that she planned for. The thought of being cuddled up next to him for a couple of hours won out. "Okay, but I get to pick the entertainment. I don't want to watch a bloodbath."

"Deal." He stroked her face gently. "Have a good night, Evangeline. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." John couldn't stop smiling. They'd had a major breakthrough tonight, and tomorrow would be more of the same. He felt bad for misleading Evangeline. In the end, he'd leave it up to her. They would only talk about his past if she wanted to.

"See you then, John. Good night." Evangeline kissed him softly on the cheek before exiting. Tonight had been incredible for her. She'd never shared her feelings about her father with anyone. That she shared them with John confirmed what she already knew. She was never going to stop loving him.

A/N: We're so close. Will John be able to share his pain with Evangeline, and if he does will that bring them closer or push them apart? Thanks for reading!


	21. John's Last Smile

Evangeline pulled in the driveway and was surprised that John arrived before she did. Him being off this early meant that he'd went in to work early as well. He'd used that tactic before. She'd pick a movie that he wasn't interested, and he'd fall asleep in the middle. She'd get annoyed, and he'd reminder that he was only tired because he'd went in so early. "That is not going to work today, McBain."

Evangeline had to turn down both Layla and Nora to keep this date with John, so he would have to suffer through her chosen movie. "Wait, this is not a date." Evangeline spoke to herself as she retrieved her briefcase from the back seat. She made it a habit to put it right beside the car seat, so that she would not ever have to worry about leaving James in the back seat.

John was there waiting with James as she entered the front door. John had done something that had him smiling. It made it look like James was excited to see her. She could get used to this. "Hey guys!"

"Welcome home, mommy." John held out their son to her.

John's voice warmed her all over. It was another reminder of long it had been for her. They conceived James around this time last year, and that had been it for her. She had to be careful not to fall in bed with John to scratch an itch, even if she knew it would feel good. "You got here early. What time did you go in to work?"

Evangeline cuddled James in her arms. It was almost five thirty, so she would go ahead and feed him now. Then he'd have plenty of time to digest before she put him down for a nap. She pulled open the curtains in the sitting room before settling into her favorite chair.

"Not too early. I got in around seven." John knew she was on to his old tricks. "Don't worry. I'm good for tonight." He winked at her and watched as she settled in. She had a standard routine for nursing, and it was interesting for John to watch. She followed the instructions from the lactation expert nearly to the letter. James' pediatrician said her efforts were responsible for his stellar weight gain. He was plump with round cheeks and his pediatrician was convinced that Evangeline should give nursing lessons to other new mothers.

"I'm going to hold you to it. There's going to be a quiz at the end." Evangeline winked at him as he frowned. She kicked her purse to let him know the DVD was in there. John's frown grew as he pulled the offending DVD out. "It's a modern take on a classic."

"When I said a crappy movie, I meant cheesy." John tossed it on the table and shook his head.

"I'm just trying to make sure you have plenty of conversation for your Monday night pool game with the boys." Evangeline smiled down at James but tried not to jostle him. "We know all of daddy's little secrets."

"Oh really?" John leaned back into the sofa and tossed his arm over the back. "I'll bet you don't know that I'm undefeated. This keeps up and daddy's going to be able to send you to an Ivy League school."

"I've been meaning to ask. What's with the newfound camaraderie? Did Bo initiate some junior-senior officer bonding time?" Evangeline poked fun at him. John had always kept to himself and chose to avoid the casual interactions with his coworkers.

"Just trying something new." John kicked his shoes off and put one foot up on the table. "You know, it's actually easier to be social than antisocial. A lot more enjoyable too." He volunteered more information that she was expecting.

"I've heard it's having a real positive effect on the department's quality of work. You keep this up and you'll be in line for another commendation." It was during an awards dinner where John was specially recognized for superior effort where they shared their first kiss.

"Well it was my single-handed efforts that got Cerrutti and Halston to start taking home their gym clothes before they started growing fur. I should be asking for a raise." John had to smile. The friendships he made were still new, but they gave him something that he didn't realize he missed. They understood the frustrations of the job and were good to commiserate with. Talking with them was a good way to blow off steam or get fresh perspective on a case. He was a little sad that he'd missed out on these interactions for so long.

"There's the truth. So, you're in it for the money. McBain, you should have stuck with the bureau if you were looking for a big-time payday." Evangeline noticed that James had lost interest in her breast. He'd eaten his fill. "I'm going to change him and then put him down."

"I'll be here waiting." John loaded the DVD into the disc player even though he knew they wouldn't be watching it. He'd give Evangeline a choice, and hopefully she'd be more interested in what he had to offer. He picked up a pizza on the way over, and it was warming in the oven. While she was upstairs, he got the food ready.

Evangeline was working on teaching James to fall asleep independently, so she wasn't gone for long. John noticed the photo album in her hand. She'd taken the bait. "McBain, you have got some explaining to do." Evangeline held the book out for him to see since their plates were on top of the table. She sat down close to him on the sofa. "Is this something your mom sent over?"

Blushing, John smiled. "I asked her too, yeah. I saw the photo book of you up there and figured it'd be nice if James had some photos of his old man too." John signaled that it was okay for her to hold onto the book.

"Really? I can put this up somewhere away from prying eyes. Otherwise, I'm sure you're going to get asked more than just a few questions." Evangeline tapped the photo on the front. John was dressed up like and elf and looked absolutely adorable. She couldn't imagine what his mother and father had done to convince him to dress up. John had described himself as a punk kid.

"We can put it away after tonight, but for tonight, if you have any questions, you can ask away." John looked at her warily. "There is a catch, though."

Evangeline was willing to agree no matter what it was. "Fine, what's the catch?" She'd humor him at the least.

"I will only tell you about that one photo. The rest we can talk about later." John pointed to the photo on the cover. The book was filled with pictures, but none were as important as this one.

"No fair. There's got to be a hundred photos in here. I want to hear about all of it." Evangeline flipped quickly through the book. There were other photos that she was interested in talking about more.

"Everything else is just every day stuff. This one is important, and it's a long story. I doubt we'd have time to talk about all of them. We probably won't even have time to watch the movie." John's elbows rested on his knees and he dropped his head into his palms.

"John, you planned this. That is so dirty." Evangeline wondered if his explanation would be as simplistic as the birthday photo Michael got him last year. The photo wasn't as import as the conversation it inspired. In the end, she'd done most of the talking and then she fell asleep.

"You love to talk. I thought for once you'd like to sit and listen." John pinched her thigh playfully.

Evangeline shook her head. "A new talkative John McBain who has recently become a social butterfly and is willing to open up about his past. What has gotten into you?" Evangeline swatted his hand away.

"Therapy." John leaned back again and ran his hands through his hair.

Evangeline stared at him with wide eyes of disbelief. "You mean with Crosby? I thought he cleared you a long time ago."

"He did. I had one mandatory session. The rest were my choice." John stroked the long hair that rested on her shoulder. She would be too curious not to ask.

"Oh, I'm definitely interested now. For get the movie. I want details. Why would you willingly agree to therapy if Bo wasn't mandating?" Evangeline grabbed her plate from the table. She hoped that keeping her mouthful would allow him to speak freely without her interruptions.

John shrugged his shoulders. He wished he had a beer right now, but he'd wanted to be completely sober for this moment. "I was half-ready to tell Bo and Crosby where they could stick the job and therapy. That was the night I stopped by your place. I was ready to say goodbye then."

"Wow," Evangeline couldn't hold her interjection. Then she remembered that night. It seemed so long ago now, but that was when she told him she was pregnant. "Then you found out about the baby."

John nodded once. "Then all of a sudden I couldn't afford to go burning bridges and leaving town. I knew I had to get my shit together, or you'd hold onto your promise. I was pissed then." John skipped over the angry conversation he'd had with his lawyer. "By the time I saw Crosby, I realized that you weren't trying to keep James from me. Screwed up as it was, you were trying to make sure I'd be there for him."

"I'm sorry about that, John. I should have handled that in a better way. You deserved to know right away." Evangeline touched his arm tenderly.

He took her plate and tossed it on the table. Then he wrapped his hands around hers. "Don't apologize for that. That was just as much my fault as it was yours. If I had been able to express myself like a normal person, I would have found out the same night we brought you back home. Then I let myself get caught up in a bunch of stuff that complicated things for you. It comes back to me making bad decisions because I couldn't say what needed to be said."

Evangeline looked down at her hands in his. It felt good to hear him admitting his own mistakes. "I've already forgiven you for that."

"I knew you would. That's just who you are. No matter what you always do the right thing. You put your own feelings aside for the sake of others. You're amazing. Not like I had some revelation about it, but it got me thinking about myself. I knew you were going to be this super mom that our child would love. Me? Probably not so much."

"You have always been quick to sell yourself short, John." Evangeline pulled on hand from his and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "I thought you might be a little distracted by work and other things, but I never once doubted that you would be a great father."

"You mean if I was around, right?" John pulled her in close and draped his arm around her. "I gotta admit that I would agree with that. First thought that popped into my mind was that I needed to be okay with you falling in love with some other guy and him being there for our kid. Like James would have been better off if I wasn't around."

Evangeline leaned her head against him. "But something changed that."

"It didn't feel like I hit rock bottom, but maybe I had. I wanted to get to know our son. I wanted to be a great dad. Without James, I'm not sure I ever would have wanted it, but I wanted to be better for myself as well." John still felt silly saying it out loud. However, he was happy with the man he was becoming.

"I'm glad, John. You are so worth it." Evangeline was sad that she wasn't able to help him, but he'd gotten there anyway. Cutting some toxic people out of his life was probably painful, but necessary. John had been struggling to find his voice for a long time, and now he'd finally found it. Evangeline handed him the old photobook that she brought down from upstairs. She pulled out the single photo he was willing to talk about and flipped it over. "John's last smile '77" was written on the back.

John looked over at it and chuckled. He looked ridiculous. "I know I mentioned before that I was a tough kid growing up in Atlantic City, but that wasn't until after my dad died. I was actually quite the crybaby. In a way, I was probably a lot like you. A little goody two-shoes who always followed the rules. I was also a snitch, which, if you can imagine, didn't always go over so well. The other kids hated me and never wanted me around. That meant I got picked on a lot."

"Is that why you learned how to box?" Once upon a time, John had taught Evangeline a few things about boxing. She wasn't much interested in the sport because it was so brutal and bloody. He also taught her about football. At least in football, they wore pads and helmets, so it didn't look like they were trying to kill each other.

"Yeah. It was from some advice that one of his buddies had given him. He wanted to toughen me up, so that I could fight my own battles. I think he was embarrassed at how sensitive I was. He blamed my mom for being so soft on me. I'd cry and she'd let me have my way, and I cried all the time." John sighed and shifted to a more comfortable position.

"After one session, I asked my dad if learning how to fight would make the other kids respect me. That was a hard no. Then I asked who people respected the most in the world, because that's who I wanted to be when I grew up. Then everyone would have to be nice to me." His childlike logic had been flawed because he didn't have a firm grasp on the real world. The life of an American president was not a cakewalk.

"And he told you it was the president? Not a bad choice." She admired his father's creativity. He encouraged John to reach for the stars and it wasn't in a forceful way.

"Yep, and he told me the first thing I needed to work on was being shy. The president had to be able to talk to people from different walks of life. Big crowds and small crowds. If I did it right, when I'm talking others will listen. He also told me I needed to learn to listen. That's how I'd find out how to get people to like me. I'm ten, so I have no idea how to work on my public speaking skills. I was an altar boy, but it's not like you get to say anything while you're up there. Just so happens that the school was having auditions for the Christmas play. I wanted to be Santa, but I messed up my lines in the audition." John could still remember what it felt like being up on stage. He was nervous, but it was exciting. All eyes were on him, and when he was speaking everyone had to listen. That confirmed what his father said to be true.

"I was a little less insufferable then. I was excited about the play and I made friends with the other kids after school during practice. I could tell my dad was proud. So, naturally, I wanted him to be front and center during my big performance. We had two performances. One during the day for grandparents and stuff. One in the evening for parents and other family. Dad missed the first one because of work, but he was certain to be at the next show. My grandfather and uncle were bragging on me, and he wanted to see his boy in action. My mom took this picture after that first show."

Evangeline listened intently. She'd met John's cousin Shannon before she left town, but John didn't talk about his extended family. She assumed they were estranged, dead, or didn't exist. Then she met some of his family at her baby shower and was surprised to find out how large the McBain clan was. Eve's family was also from Jersey, so he had lots of family that he just never talked about.

"So, the big day arrives, and I'm all dressed up in my costume. I'm ready to head out. I heard my parents arguing, but it wasn't anything crazy. I didn't think much of it. A little later my dad comes to find me. Someone called off from their shift, and he was going to fill in for them. I threw an absolute fit. It wasn't like it was a Broadway production. It was an hour-long production that he didn't even need to stay the whole time for. I told him my part was in the beginning and begged him to come see me and go to work afterwards. It was probably the worst time to give your kid a speech about duty and honor, but he tried anyway."

The moments of that day replayed in John's mind constantly. His anger. His frustration. His disappointment. They were all still very real. The truth about his father's motives came out later, but that only made John feel worse. "I didn't know at the time, but he took the extra overtime because things had been tight. He loaned money to a friend and he hadn't repaid him. It was the only way he could afford a nice Christmas for me and Mike."

She didn't share it, but her father had a similar experience. Without telling Lisa, he lent money to family and they were slow to pay it back. He ended up having to work on Christmas Eve to make sure she and Layla had one gift they really wanted under the tree.

"He felt terrible and tried to come up with some solutions. He talked to my grandmother and she was going to get the other grandkids together and we would do our own production on Christmas Day. Nothing would satisfy me, though. At some point, he just decided to make it up to me. He promised."

_"I'm sorry, Johnny. I've got to head back to work." Thomas McBain slid his cap back on. He hated to let his son down, but he didn't have any other choice. He'd rather see John upset today than John and Michael both upset on Christmas morning. "I promise I'm going to make this up to you." He started to ruffle the hair on top of John's head._

_Angrily, John slapped his hand away. He'd never been this angry before. "You promised that you were going to come tonight, but that was a lie. You're probably lying right now too."_

_Thomas wearily looked over at his wife. John was a that tender transition age. This meant a lot to him, and maybe he'd made the wrong choice. It was too late now. He couldn't just not show up for his shift, and there was no one else that he could call on such short notice. "I would never lie to you on purpose, son."_

_"That's crap. That's bull crap. You always break your word. All you ever do is work. You don't every spend time with us." John snatched his elf hat of and threw it on the floor. He'd practiced so hard for his father, and he wouldn't even get to see him in action._

_Thomas could understand his frustration. The little boy who understood that his father had to go out and protect the world from bad guys was now a preteen that only understood that his father wasn't there as much as other kids' dads. "We've talked about this before. There's a lot of bad people out there. I do my job to protect people. I do it to protect you and your mom and your brother. I do it so people don't get hurt." Thomas reached out to touch John's shoulder, but he jerked away._

_"Son, I love you. I know you are mad, but we will talk about this in the morning when I get home." He looked down at John, who was getting taller every day. He would have to find a way to spend more time with him. "I'm going to head out, but I've got to hear you say it first." The house rule was never leave without saying 'Goodbye and I love you.' Thomas knew if he could get John to say that much things would be okay._

_"No. I'm not going to say it." John looked up at him with his arms down at his sides. His hands were clenched into tight fists. "I hate you."_

_The words stunned Thomas. For some parents, those words wouldn't have wounded, but not for Thomas. He worked hard to build a loving home for his family. John's words made him feel like a failure._

_"I hate you," John repeated his words seeing the hurt that it caused his father, "and I don't care if you never come back." John ran off to his room before Thomas could respond._

Evangeline was frozen in place, holding her breath. She could feel Thomas's pain. Those were words she never dreamed of saying to her parents. She yelled at Layla and forced her to apologize when Layla blurted out the words during an argument with Lisa. To her, saying those words wasn't fighting fair.

Evangeline had gotten so lost in thought it took her a while to realize that John had stopped talking. He was breathing steadily through his nose, and she could feel his body trembling. He was trying not to cry. She tried to turn and look at him, but he held her in place. "John," she gently urged him. He loosened his hold, and she turned to face him. His face was stained with tears. He wiped them away quickly.

"He never came back. He was shot in the line of duty later that night. I never got to apologize. I never got the chance to say good bye," John barely choked it out before he was full on sobbing.

Evangeline pulled him into her arms and held on to him tightly. The mystery of John McBain had finally been unraveled. Instead of choosing to honor his father's memory by never making the mistake of not telling someone he loved them, he chose to withhold those words the same way he'd done with his father. In his mind it probably made sense, by withholding love from others he pushed them away. He never allowed himself to love and didn't want to be loved either. It was endless torture that he thought he deserved.

This was a time when silence was needed, and Evangeline was respectful of that. She held John, rocking him gently and stroking his hair. He cried for a long while, and even after he was finished he clung to her. It was like he was afraid to let go. Evangeline had lost track of time until she heard James crying through the baby monitor. It was time for his 8:30 feeding. She didn't want to push John away, but he was still holding onto her. The sound of her baby's unanswered cries made her breasts ache. "John, I'll be right back. Let me go feed him and get him settled back in."

John wiped his face and avoided her eyes. "Let me take care of him. I just want to hold him right now."

"Are you sure?" She watched him nod before he headed upstairs. She could finally release the sigh that she'd been holding in. It was no wonder that he was so resistant to opening up in the past. It was very likely that he even blamed himself for Thomas's death by saying that he hoped his father never came back. Evangeline was actually glad that John was able to verbalize the truth from the help of a qualified professional. Who knows what would have happened if she was successful in her forceful efforts.

Evangeline cleaned up the dinner that was barely touched. She put it away in the fridge for later before starting her pumping session. She needed something to keep her mind busy. She knew John always talked to James when he was with him and was dying to know what he was talking about now. Out of respect for his privacy, she held back.

When she was finished pumping, she went ahead and turned off the outside lights and locked all the doors. Then she returned to the den to wait for John. His eyes were still puffy when he returned, and he was sort of smiling.

"And to think that I did all of this to get out of watching some chick flick." John joked to lighten the mood. Breaking down like that was not what he wanted, but he was glad that Evangeline was there to support him.

"To think that you did all this, and I'm still going to make you watch that chick flick later." Evangeline countered his joke. She patted the seat beside her. Instead he sat on the table in front of her. It annoyed her, but she'd let it slide for now. "John, I can understand why you shut down like you did. Saying those words and then having them come true was probably like a nightmare come true. It wasn't your fault though."

John nodded that he understood. "Losing my dad was hell. Then my mom shut down and it was like I lost her too. That just amplified my pain by like a million. She had never worked outside the home and Mike was so young. We had family, but she kept them all away. She did it all on her own 'cause she didn't want anyone to see her pain."

Evangeline scooted forward on the sofa and leaned in so that her forehead was resting against his. From meeting Eve, she could tell that she was as reserved as John was. Michael had only escaped the family curse because he was too young to appreciate his father's death and when he was old he left for boarding school.

"That next Christmas after dad died mom was still in a bad way. The anniversary of his death and the holiday being right there together was too much for her. In the past, we were always with his family or hers for a big family get together. Lots of family. Lots of kids. Lots of fun. Mom had slowly started to distance herself from more and more family, but I was actually excited to see everyone again. It finally felt like I had a reason to smile again." John ran his hands through Evangeline's hair.

"I asked mom about it and she shut me down pretty quick. She said it would be too much for me and Mike to be around all those happy kids with their dads and know that we didn't have ours. She said that it would hurt her too much to see us in that much pain. We were supposed to have our own family fun day, but instead we spent a depressing Christmas in the diner where she worked. It was an all you can eat junk food buffet, but that got old really quick. Only loners and truckers spent their time in diners on Christmas. Even those pathetic souls felt sorry for us. Bad as that Christmas was, I begged my mom to let us go to the family party next year. She agreed, but when the time came she had some reason why we couldn't go. We never went to another family Christmas together."

"I can't imagine the hurt that she was going through. It was probably easier to hide her pain than to deal with it. She probably felt like she didn't have time to fall apart. Grief is a process that you have to work through." Evangeline held back from saying anymore. She didn't want to say anything disparaging against Eve. Losing a husband and being left to raise children alone was a pain that Evangeline couldn't fathom.

"She did the best she could. I don't blame her for how I turned out." John didn't blame her, but he was still a little bitter that Mike was allowed to escape. John was left do deal with his pain, his mother's pain, and the mounting household bills. It was far too much and too soon for a boy his age. "Looking back, I've learned from her mistakes. It just took me a long time to put the pieces together."

"I'm proud of you, John. I'm so proud of you." Evangeline leaned in slowly and kissed him softly on the lips.

John returned her kiss, but kept his hands folded over the edge of the table. He wanted her. He'd always wanted her, but he didn't want to overwhelm her with his desires. It was Evangeline that was the aggressor. She kissed him hungrily and ripped at his shirt as her kisses moved down the side of his face. In an instant, she stole away all of John's resistance.

When he did move, he grabbed her hands to stop her from undressing him. He stood up slowly and pulled her up with him. Then he pulled her in slowly for a kiss. He missed her, but he didn't want to take her like some desperate, horny teenager. Bending just enough to pick her up, he scooped her into his arms. He knew his way around well enough that he didn't have to stop kissing her as he walked her up the stairs to her bedroom. He left the door open to make sure they would hear when James woke up. Then he laid her down gently on the bed and looked at her lovingly.

Evangeline saw the raw desire in his eyes and felt a little nervous. If she knew the evening was going to turn out this way, she would have put on some lingerie. The thought of him seeing her after all this time made her waver.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" John unbuttoned his shirt the rest of the way before letting it fall to the floor. The he pulled his undershirt over his head and tossed it down on the floor.

Evangeline was glad that her blush would not show on her face. All that working outside had tanned John nicely. It improved his physique as well. "You're not so bad yourself, McBain." Evangeline leaned back waiting for him to join. He pulled out a metal mint tin from his pocket and tossed it on the bed. She could guess that there weren't mints in there. "Conniving and confident. I like it."

"Mhm," John stripped down to his underwear and then joined her on the bed. He thumbed the hem of her shirt wondering if she was ready to go through with this. "Do you know that I love you?" John kissed her as he pushed her down into the mattress. "That I'm in love with you?" He kissed her again before she could respond.

Her whole body was on fire and she was ready. Often they got caught up in the moment, and they would start out hard and fast. They would both finish quickly and then later they would take things slowly. This time he started out slow. The tension and anticipation had her nearly at the edge. "I love you, John. I love you."

When she'd spoken the magic words, he was on top of her in an instant. He had her again, and he didn't plan on letting go.

A/N: Oh my. Does this mean a happily ever after is in sight? Thanks for reading.


	22. Abstain

John woke with a loud yawn and a long stretch. "Good morning," John's voice was still hoarse. He looked up at Evangeline who was feeding their son. She looked absolutely beautiful in the early morning light. "How long have you been up?" Sleepily, John sat up and kissed her on the side of her neck.

"Quite a while sleepy head." Evangeline didn't sleep deeply anymore. James wasn't old enough to sleep through the night, so she was used to waking up at every few hours throughout the night to keep him fed. "It's nine now. I've been up since seven, so that we can keep this little guy on his schedule." The schedule was grueling, but her body was now familiar with the routine. She would be glad when he was finally able to sleep for a continuous six to eight hours.

John frowned. He never slept in. He'd exhausted himself last night. His and Evangeline's late-night love session was interrupted at 1am by James. In the time it took Evangeline to feed him and get him back to sleep, John fell asleep. He didn't even remember her getting up in the middle of the night for any of the other scheduled feedings. "Sorry about that." He kissed her again and stroked James's leg. "I didn't think I was that tired."

"Sure, sure. I see how it is now. We make love and you pass out afterwards leaving me to deal with the baby. I see you have fully embraced your role as a father." Evangeline nudged him playfully. He had completely satisfied her last night. She would have passed out too, but her body was on James's schedule.

"Fine, next time we go all night and I'll take care of James in between." John took him from her arms to burp him. "I can't go ruining my reputation." John kissed his baby boy and rested him against his chest.

Evangeline smiled nervously. "So, I guess this means we should talk. About us that is." Evangeline flipped her hair over her shoulder and leaned back against the headboard. She'd taken John back into her bed and now she had to deal with the consequences.

"Pretty simple from me." John patted James's back and looked over at Evangeline. "Last night was all that there was. There's nothing hold me back from being the man you deserve. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too." Evangeline stroked the top of her son's head. "But," she stopped when John let out a frustrated sigh.

"No buts, Evangeline. We love each other. There is no reason that we can't be together. There's nothing else standing in our way." John was forced to keep his voice low. He didn't want to upset James.

"I'm happy that you finally opened up to me. Finally hearing those words from you was like a dream come true. Unfortunately, I don't think it's as simple as saying we're in love. It's not an automatic fix for all the things that went wrong between us." Her timing couldn't have been worse. He wasn't even allowed to bask in the afterglow before she sobered him with her view of their relationship.

"I didn't say that it was." James burped out loud and then smiled. He was fed, and now he wanted to play. His parents, however, were distracted with adult talk. John laid him down carefully on the bed between his legs. "We can be together and work through all the rest of it as we go."

"I agree. I just don't want us to make the same mistakes as we did last time." Evangeline smiled that he was at least on the same page as her. She watched as James wiggled his arms and kicked his legs.

"We won't, okay." John kissed her quickly and turned his attention back to James. He had a report that he had to finish today, so he wouldn't see his boy again until close to bedtime.

"Then, you won't mind if I say that we need to take sex off the table." Evangeline touched his arm to grab his attention. The crestfallen look on his face was almost too much to bear. "Just for the time being while we're tying to work things out and figure out what we both want to get out of this relationship."

John let out a long, slow and steady breath. If this was Evangeline's idea of a joke, he wasn't amused. He studied her face and knew that she was absolutely serious. "You're serious?"

"Of course I am." Evangeline's phone rang out and interrupted them. She reached over to the nightstand and saw a familiar number. "It's Antonio calling from Capricorn. I need to take this." She slipped out of bed and didn't bother with her robe as she exited the room.

"Looks like we're going to have to cut this visit a little short, bud." John grabbed some pillows and arranged them around James. He wanted to make sure he couldn't try to roll away. He walked around the room gathering his clothes, and then dressed quickly. When he was finished, he sat down on the bed and smiled down at James. "I promise to be here to tuck you in tonight. No matter what happens between me and your mom, I'll always be here for you." John tickled him lightly and made him smile.

"False alarm. That was just Layla reminding me of our brunch date." Evangeline noted that he was now fully dressed. She ran her hands through her hair and thought about what she should say to bring him on board. "John, listen," she walked over to the bed and sat down at the foot of the bed.

"I think it's best if you listen first." John kissed his son and stroked his soft curly hair. "This is not a game for me. This time around the stakes are higher. We screw this up and not just us that suffers. It's James too. I thought long and hard about us, and I wouldn't be here if I didn't think we had a shot. But you, you've obviously got some big reservations. What does banning sex do for us? Nothing. It's just another fight waiting to happen."

"Banning sex means that we don't just fall in bed every time we have an argument. We work things out together and we're closer because of it." Evangeline was upset that he characterized it as a game. She'd had her heart broken once, and she wasn't looking for a repeat. "This isn't a game."

"I can't just put my feelings on a shelf and wait until you're ready. I want a house. I want kids. I want a dog. I want a wife. If you don't know what I mean, then it's you who's not ready for a relationship. We can't be together, and this time it's on you." John averted her eyes. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes that was his own. He loved her, but he had to make a stand.

Evangeline was stunned into silence. He was breaking up with her if you could call it that. They weren't technically together. The only thing that was clear was the he rejected her idea and was choosing to walk away.

John waited for her to say anything. Five minutes passed and then ten. They weren't going to get anywhere right now. "I'll be back tonight to tuck James in. I'm willing to listen if you want to talk." John stroked his son's head again before he left. He was supposed to feel empowered, but he felt like crap. His heart wanted to unconditionally accept her offer, but his brain would not allow him to make that mistake. He hoped that she would reconsider.

* * *

Evangeline rubbed at her temples and squeezed her eyes shut. She'd pulled herself together enough to keep her brunch date with Layla, but she wasn't there mentally. Layla was talking a mile a minute. She didn't even need Evangeline to keep the conversation going.

"Hello? Vange? Were you even listening?" Layla snapped her fingers in front of Evangeline's face.

"No, I'm sorry. I spaced out." Evangeline looked over a James in his carrier car seat. At least he was able to sleep through Layla's ranting. "What were you saying?" Evangeline sipped her water. She was trying to focus, but she couldn't get John's words out of her head.

"Well I was talking about me and Cris, but now I'm curious about what's going on with you. You look totally bummed out. Is everything okay?" Layla followed her eyes to James in his car seat. "Didn't get enough sleep last night?" Layla was not envious of her sister. She wasn't watching Jamie anymore since Jessica was back, but she knew it was hard caring for a kid. Jamie was pretty independent for a toddler, but she still required constant supervision. The nonstop care of a baby was something that she didn't have the patience for.

"I slept fine." Better than fine, actually. John had satisfied her completely and it wasn't her body that was weary. "I just kind of had a thing with John. We had a disagreement."

"Oh?" Layla picked at her salad and waited for her sister to explain.

"We actually had a breakthrough. John told me that he loved me, and we talked about why he wasn't able to say it before. He really opened up to me." Evangeline took small bites of her salad. "It was great."

"That sounds completely amazing, so why do you look sad? How did things go wrong?" Layla was always direct with Evangeline. Her sister tried to be evasive, but Layla knew how to deal with most of her tricks.

"Things went great. He spent the night and we made love and then I screwed it all up." Evangeline put her hand to her forehead. John wasn't the only one with issues. It was just that his issues were easier to recognize. "I told him that, if we were going to be together, we should practice abstinence."

Layla thought for a moment to make sure she heard her sister. She couldn't help but to laugh out loud. "Let me get this straight. You and John had an amazing night together. He's opened up to you now and ready to be the man you wanted. To reward him, you slam on the brakes and insist on basically torturing the guy."

"My gosh, Layla, you make is sound like that's all we are to each other. I don't think my request was that out of line." Evangeline frowned as her sister continued to laugh.

"Yes, you do think it's out of line. That's why you're all pouty now. You're only saying that because you want to argue. You need to be honest with yourself." Layla was glad that she was getting the gossip first hand. Unfortunately, this was not something she could share with her mother. One, her mother was rightfully not interested in Evangeline's sex life. Two, her mother hated John. She would not be rooting for a reunion.

"I am being honest," Evangeline leaned in close to Layla. They were in a public place and she didn't want everyone to know her business. "Sex is not what defined my relationship with John."

"If it wasn't before, it is now. Why are you trying to sabotage your relationship with John? You always do this whenever a guy gets too close." Layla had first hand knowledge of Evangeline's destructive tendencies. There hadn't been a lot of guys that she was serious about, but each relationship ended in heartache. Of all the guys, she liked John the most. He was honest and not just trying to impress the family.

Evangeline leaned back in her chair and sighed. Layla was right. "I don't know why, Layla. Something is wrong with me, and maybe I don't know what it is." Evangeline picked at her lunch knowing that she needed to eat it, but she really didn't have an appetite. She wanted to fix things with John, but she wasn't exactly sure how to go about it.

"Bull, you know exactly why. You just don't want to admit it." Layla watched as Evangeline's face soured into a scowl. "You are my sister and I love you. You never lie to me when I come to you for advice, and I'm doing the same with you."

Evangeline hated that her sister was so good at calling her out. She had to remember to stop underestimating her sister's ability to understand her. She really wanted her mother's input, but her mother would not give her fair advice. "Look, I know it's last minute, but could you watch James tonight?"

"Are you going to talk to John or are you just going to be home alone beating yourself up?" Layla looked at her thoughtfully.

"A little bit of both if things don't go well." Evangeline bit down on her bottom lip nervously.

* * *

John sipped his beer and tried to focus on the task at hand. He wasn't one to get distracted often, but his pleasurable night and stressful morning with Evangeline made that difficult. The way he left things had put a damper on his whole day. The truth might have set him free, but it hadn't given him what he wanted; not exactly. Evangeline was willing to be with him, but she was, again, adding unnecessary restrictions on what they were and weren't allowed to feel for each other. In the past, he'd let it go, because he couldn't confront her about her issues and ignore his own. Now, his issues had been resolved, but wishing that was all that stood in their way was just a wish.

"Just a second." John rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone. Beer in hand, he walked to the door and pulled it open. He almost choked at the sight of Evangeline.

"Hey, is this a bad time." She quickly registered the surprise on his face. "I know I should have called first."

"No, no. It's fine." John wasn't getting much work done anyway. At least if she was here, they would finally get things straightened out, and he wouldn't have to keep asking himself what he should have done differently. "Come in." John pulled the door open wide and then shook his head. He had paperwork strewn everywhere.

"Big case?" Evangeline surveyed the mess. She called it a mess, but John had a method to his madness. She averted her eyes in case it was something that might have to do with a case she was working.

"Always." John looked around to see what he could move out of the way. Everything was laid out in a way that made sense to him, and if he started moving things around now it would take longer to finish his report.

"You're busy, right? I can just come back later." Evangeline hated that she was interrupting him. That was her excuse. If they didn't talk now, she still had time to change her mind.

"Uh, you can stick around if you want. You're just going to have to hangout in the bedroom. I've got my system all set up, so it shouldn't take me more than an hour." After this morning, John knew not to try anything funny. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was just trying to reconcile for sex.

"Do you mind if I pump for a bit?" Evangeline held up her oversized bag. She hadn't intended on using it so soon, but she carried always carried it with her. At least this way she'd have something to focus on while he was finishing up work.

"Go right ahead." John dropped his head and watched her as she walked to the bedroom. It had been a very long time since she'd been in his apartment, and even longer since she'd been in his bedroom. It had been the day before their breakup. He'd made love to her the night before and enjoyed holding her in the morning. She urged him to stay with her longer, but he was obsessed with the KCK case. He left her with a quick kiss. In the days, weeks, and months after their breakup, he was haunted by all the missed opportunities he had to spend with her. Now, they were here again, and it didn't want to relive that old heartache.

Knowing that he needed to finish his work, John focused on the task at hand. He was just packing the last of the files back into their box when a knock at the door interrupted the quiet. John checked his watch and knew it was probably Halston. He swung the door open for him and ushered him inside.

"Boss, thanks for helping me out on this one." Halston stuffed his hands down into his pocket and rocked back and forth on his heels. He'd been to John's apartment more than once, but never felt comfortable. Inside John's room was nice, but the hotel wasn't anything fancy. He always wondered why his boss chose to live in a crappy place like this.

"No problem." John held the box out to his junior officer, but he didn't take it. John followed his eyes and saw him looking at Evangeline in the bedroom. She'd fallen asleep not long after she finished pumping. John had almost forgotten she was there. "See something you like?" John pushed the box into his chest.

Halston was now wearing a wide grin. He took the box from John and held it at waist level. "One of these days you're going to tell me your secret." John had been much friendlier these past few months, and Halston was glad for it. Most officers were. John was still intense, but he let his hair down and would even come for drinks and other social events that he used to ignore.

"What secret would that be?" John picked up his open beer and sipped it slowly. He looked over again at Evangeline. He could only hope this night turned out well for him.

"Like you don't know. Come Monday night I want details." Halston wouldn't linger any longer. He knew better than to wear out his welcome.

"You close that serial robbery case this weekend and come Monday I'll show you pictures." John winked at him with a serious grin on his face. Before he could speak, John pushed him out the door and closed it behind him.

Still wearing a boyish grin, he turned to the bedroom to check on Evangeline. His eyes were wide with shock when he saw her standing in the doorway. "Hey..," he didn't have a way to recover from what he'd just suggested.

"Was that Michael?" Evangeline yawned and stretched. She didn't normally nap this late in the day, but it had rejuvenated her. She looked at John carefully. He looked guilty. "Everything okay?"

"Better than okay." John smiled quickly. She hadn't overheard him after all. "That was just Halston picking up some paperwork."

Evangeline nodded and walked over to the sofa. She was still a little tired, but now that she was awake she wouldn't fall back to sleep. She sat down on the middle sofa cushion, so that John would have to sit near her. She looked up at him expectantly. He was completely casual today wearing jeans and a ratty old t-shirt. She hated that she'd gotten them both off to a bad start this morning. "So, I guess I should get right to it."

John sighed and sat down beside her. Evangeline was often direct when she was nervous. Her mood wasn't exactly comforting to him. John crossed one leg over the other and swung one arm behind the sofa. "Yeah. I guess we should get to it." He smiled and tried to ease her nerves.

"Look, I'm sorry about this morning. I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I want to be with you, but this is hard for me." Evangeline's brow wrinkled as she blurted out her words. "I have never loved anyone as much as I've loved you. This is new and scary for me."

John was smiling on the inside. "It's new for me too. Maybe I'm just not afraid this time because I know I'm not going to screw this up. When I said I loved you, I meant it. I'm in love with you. I want us to be together."

"Then please understand that I'm not trying to sabotage us." Evangeline smiled at his words. She leaned in and placed one hand on his knee.

"I'm not so sure about that." John looked down at her hand on his leg. He wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't give her an easy out. He couldn't just forgive and forget what she'd said. She had an issue with wanting to be in control, and they needed to address that before they could move forward. "You always want to be in control, and that's not what love is about. Love is about trust. You know? Having faith that the person you chose to be with isn't going to do anything that's going to hurt you."

Evangeline didn't want to say that she was afraid he would hurt her again. He should understand from what they'd already been through. More than that, she was afraid that he shouldn't trust her. Deep down inside she felt like she was selfish. She'd hurt others, Dennis and RJ, and she didn't want t hurt John too.

"I know that I'm going to have to regain your trust. These past few months I was proving it to myself. Learning that it's okay if I'm not always the hero. Learning that I can't save people from themselves. Now, somehow I've got to show you that I'm here for you. You are my priority. Our family is what matters most to me." With his free hand he stroked the loose hairs that rested on her shoulders.

"It's not just about me trusting you, John. You should be worried about trusting me. Maybe I'm a little better now, but I've done terrible things. I've hurt people who cared about me. Their pain wasn't my responsibility, so I just moved on. I've left some broken hearts along the way." Evangeline wouldn't detail her whole romantic history from start to finish, but she knew there were important things that needed to be said.

"Please don't tell me we're talking about Gannon." John sipped his beer and set it down on the table. Evangeline was still with RJ when they shared their first kiss and the first time they slept together. Monogamy might not have been discussed between them, but later it was apparent that RJ expected it. He'd went as far as having Evangeline stalked, and John was sure he was responsible for two thugs beating him up. RJ was a violent man, and John was glad she was away from him.

"Not exclusively, no. My failed relationship with RJ was just a symptom of a larger problem." Evangeline looked down not wanting to meet his eyes. "I'm the problem, John."

"How do you figure?" Despite himself, John grabbed her by the waist and pulled her on top of him so that she was straddling him and sitting on his knees. Then he put his hand under her chin and tilted her head upward. "RJ was a control freak. How is that on you?"

"John, I lied to him. I betrayed him, and when it didn't work out I blamed him." John wasn't wrong about RJ. He was always jealous of Evangeline spending time with other men. He'd never physically abused her, but his anger at her talking to or spending time with male friends, colleagues and even clients was a telltale sign. If she hadn't gotten out when she did, she knew things would escalate. "I should have ended it with him long before I met you."

John had to think for a few moments about what she was telling him. "Is this a thing for you? Have you ever cheated before?"

Evangeline's face was hot was anger. "No! What happened between us wasn't planned. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

John held her hands in his, so that she wouldn't try to escape. "Ok. So, tell me what this is all about. Why should I be worried about trusting you? Are you planning on hurting me? " The pain of their breakup had been terrible for John, but Evangeline was kidnapped not long after and he had the KCK case to distract him from his pain. As bad as that was, finding out about her secret pregnancy was almost more than he could bear."

"I don't want to, but I'm afraid I will. It's hard for me to talk about. Mostly because I don't want to." Evangeline smiled weakly at him. He'd said similar words to her when he was trying to sort out what exactly it was that he felt for her.

"Growing up, I was never good enough. I definitely wasn't white enough, and a lot of the time I wasn't black enough." Evangeline's parents had sacrificed so much to send her and Layla to the best schools. That meant they had to live in the right district which was predominantly white. The kids were mostly nice, but their families didn't want her around. The interactions she had with black kids her age weren't any better. She "talked white" and did "white people stuff" so kids made fun of her.

John swallowed the lump in his throat. Anyone that thought that Evangeline grew up living this perfect life didn't realize or chose to ignore the struggles of black Americans. In his job, John saw racism in all forms, but it never made much sense to him. Now, he was the father of a child who would grow up as a person of color and knew that someday his son would likely face the same prejudices as his mother. It hurt John's heart that he wouldn't be able to protect his son form the ignorance of others.

"I never felt good enough and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. I just got damn good at pretending. I was always trying to prove something to someone. When I went to college, I found myself, or at least I thought I had. It was less about who you were and more about where you were going. I met a guy and fell in love. He was everything I was supposed to want in a husband. Driven. Successful. All that good stuff. We were both racing to the top to make our parents proud."

"You and Dennis were together that long?" John couldn't imagine that their relationship had lasted for nearly a decade.

"No. Dennis was just Charles Marshall 2.0. Charlie never did anything unless it was going to further his career or put him in contact with people who could help to further his career. Looking back, I'm not sure there was anything genuine about him. We butted heads a lot because I'd want to go party and he was too concerned about who would see us and what they would think. Everything was always done with that thought in mind."

"And this was your dream guy?" John tried to lighten the mood when he saw the sad look on Evangeline's face. He never got the full story about Dennis, and he was never in a position to ask.

"This was my family's dream guy for me. I wanted to make them happy." Evangeline still regretted the years she wasted on him. "Everyone except for my dad. He was polite, but he pulled me aside and told me I needed to find a man that would make me happy. At the time, I had no idea what he was talking about. He probably would have said the same about Dennis too."

John wondered what her father would have thought about him. He didn't have big aspirations or dreams. Until he met Evangeline, he was just living for the next big case. Evangeline made him want more.

"So, senior year rolls around and we're applying to grad school. We were planning a future, so we decided on our top three schools and applied together." Evangeline caught John rolling his eyes. "We were 21 and dumb. What did we know?" Evangeline moved so that both of her legs were across John's and she could lay against his chest.

"Let me guess. He didn't get into your top choice and you did." John rubbed her back. This story was not unique to her and had been the reason for many breakups.

"Actually, we both got in to all three, but, without talking to him, I applied to a fourth and got in. To him, it was a total betrayal. He thought I wanted to leave him. I mean, why else would I apply to a school that I didn't plan on attending. So, we get into this huge fight on the way to his parents' house. I actually felt terrible for doing it behind his back, but I never intended on going to school there." Evangeline played with the hem of John's shirt sleeve.

"Instead of celebrating, we were both quiet and sad. He disappeared with his parents for a while and I didn't mind. I called my mom and dad to tell them my good news. Dad was proud. Mom, not so much. She got onto me about hurting Charles. She was so upset that I was endangering my future just to satisfy my own curiosity. My parents were split up at this time, so my dad didn't hear my mother's scolding. After talking to her, I was ready to apologize."

John was glad Evangeline couldn't see the look on his face. He was sure that Evangeline's mother was a nice person, but she was a crappy parent from his viewpoint. She should have pushed Evangeline to find out why she'd applied elsewhere and encouraged her to follow her dreams. Instead, she'd pushed her to stay with a man to protect her career prospects.

"Charles was ready to talk to, so we took a drive. There was a long quiet because I hadn't quite figured out how I would fix things. I didn't even get the chance. He pulled up to the bus station and told me that I was selfish. He was upset that he'd wasted so much time molding me to be his wife. Apparently, his mother never thought I was good enough, but he promised her he'd get me in line like I needed to be. This last thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back."

John wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. "You were too good for him."

"Tell that to my broken heart. I was crushed and embarrassed. I had never been rejected like that before. On the longest bus ride home, I made peace with his decision, or so I thought. My family was disappointed, but I moved on. I went to Yale Law School and I didn't look back until I met Dennis. Dennis was a version of Charles that I could control. It's why we didn't make it. I loved him, but deep down inside I knew I'd never be happy with him. We could live this fantastic life, but what good would it be if I was miserable. It wasn't fair to him, and it wouldn't have been fair to our children. Eventually, I had to accept that I dated Dennis to prove to myself that I was good enough to be the woman that Charles rejected. I just didn't want to be her."

"Mhm, so instead, you wanted to be a hotshot lawyer in a small town that dates all the deadbeats." John joked.

Evangeline pushed off his chest and looked into his eyes. "I dated RJ for the same reason I defended Mitch Lawrence. I wanted to live my life and not care about what people would say. This was my first big step towards being who I wanted and not what my parents expected. Being with you was not in the plan."

"I figured." John couldn't hide the hurt in his eyes. He knew he wasn't good enough for her.

"You're probably figuring wrong." She kissed him softly on the lips. "From the moment I first met you, I was intrigued. I wanted to know more. I know I didn't show it, but that first kiss sent me into a tailspin. Staying with RJ was how I planned on keeping you at arm's length. That only made my attraction to you grow more. I wanted you more, and once I finally had you I knew that you were dangerous. You made me dream of a life I'd given up on."

John stroked her face and pulled her back to his chest. The hungry look in her eyes left him wanting more. Too bad sex was off the menu.

"That you had issues made me think I could stay in control. I say let's keep it casual, and you agree. Let's ban talk about marriage, and you're on board. I say let's not fall in love, and you cosign it. Every step of the way, I was trying to let my brain and heart sync up. I loved you so deeply that I was afraid I was losing myself. When we were finally over, I tried so hard to get over you and I couldn't. It wasn't just the pregnancy. John, I loved you so much, and it hurt so bad that you weren't the man that I needed."

"But I'm here now." He kissed the top of her head. "You are the one getting in the way. You are the one saying no sex. I have to wonder what's next. I could before, but I can't do that anymore, Evangeline. I can't stop myself from loving you, and I don't want to. Maybe it's not going to be easy. Okay, we fight. We argue. We learn how to understand each other even better. Before, you were always on me about expressing myself and telling you what I feel. Talking about feelings wasn't me, but showing you was something I could do. Sex was just the most enjoyable way for me to do that. I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was just in it for that, because I've never had a relationship that's made me feel more alive. You made me dream about a life I'd given up on too."

Evangeline regretted her earlier words. Denying him sex was really denying herself. They were great in bed, and that was because they were so well matched. She loved him and that's why she couldn't let him go.

"I'd be a pretty crap detective if I couldn't find the pattern here. You start putting up walls when and imposing restrictions when you're uncertain." He wouldn't say scared because he didn't want to upset her. John had noticed this early on, but he couldn't ever call her on it.

"I'm scared of us, John. I want to be with you." Evangeline still struggled with the right words. She wasn't raised to settle into a normal life, but it's all she wanted. "I want us to build a life together…I want to be your wife."

"We both want the same thing. I don't see a problem here, but I'm guessing there's more to it than that."

"I'm afraid we'll settle into this normal life, and I'm afraid I'll get bored. I don't want to resent you or our life. I'm just scared of my own ambitions. It's like I feel like I'll never be content."

"Guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that I want like seven kids." John paused for her reaction.

She looked at him amused until she realized he was serious. "Seven?" Evangeline had a hard enough time adjusting to a schedule with James. Without multiples, she frowned at the thought of being pregnant for a total of 54 more months. "You can't be serious."

John shrugged. "I've always liked the idea of having a big family. Lots of noise. Lots of chaos. Makes me nervous a little with you, though. Bunch of little bookworms studying quietly in their rooms." She slapped his chest playfully. "Our life doesn't have to be boring. Normal does not have to mean boring. Ultimately, it's up to us to keep things interesting. I've known from day one that you were ambitious, and it still doesn't scare me. End of the day, I want a wife that knows that our family comes first. I can handle everything else, so don't stop dreaming big. I will always support you.'

Evangeline sighed. She'd put them through a whole ordeal for nothing. All she had to do was talk to him about her fears, and he would have understood. She wiped away her tears before they could fall. "So, right now you must think I'm a total idiot."

"Right now, I think I'm in love with you. Right now, I want to make love to you, and then I want to go kiss our son goodnight." John bumped his forehead against hers.

"John, I love you so much. I just don't ever want to lose you again." Evangeline wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"I love you too." John knew there was an easier way for them to have dealt with this issue, but he was glad things had been resolved. Her restriction on sex wasn't just about her being afraid. As awkward as it sounded, she was also trying to tell him how important communication was for them.

For tonight, John would hold her and they would talk through their fears and dreams. He would make sure that they would come away with a newfound understanding of each other. Today was the start of their second chance.

* * *

Author's Note: This chapter was hard to write for some reason. I may revise it later, but maybe not. The next chapter will probably be the last. Thanks for your patience


	23. Happy Together

John stood outside blowing into his hands trying to warm them up. The cold November weather was still preferable to being indoors. Evangeline decided that they would be spending Thanksgiving with her family. There were worse things that he could imagine, but there were far better things as well.

Layla and Cristian had driven down separately to join the holiday celebration. They were a full-on couple now. Their new relationship status had allowed Evangeline and John to keep their relationship under wraps.

Once Evangeline and John had dealt with all the major issues, they connected on a much deeper level. As cheesy as it was, they knew they were soulmates. John was pleasantly surprised when Evangeline was open to marriage talk.

Since they'd never gone away for pleasure before, John and James accompanied Evangeline to San Francisco when she had a meeting with a client. She was originally expected to be there for just the day, but they extended the trip through the weekend as a family vacation.

While they were there, John joked about them eloping since marriage certificates were issued same day and there was no waiting period afterward to have a ceremony. Evangeline countered him with a serious offer of her own. They would marry in a private ceremony and tell their families when the moment was right. Just like that they were married on a cool September afternoon.

Two months had now passed, and they were both giddy with excitement and madly in love. This holiday season they planned on telling their families. John and Evangeline told Eve and Michael before they headed off to see Evangeline's family in Maryland. Eve cried tears of joy at her son's happiness. She always knew Michael would be okay, but it was a treat to know that John had found someone wonderful. Michael was just happy that his brother had finally gotten it right. They would spend Christmas with her and Michael this year and celebrate then.

Evangeline's family was a tough crowd, so they would be told in person. That's how they ended up here. Lisa had planned a small family gathering, but, when word got out that the Williamson daughters would both be returning home with boyfriends who weren't black, the small gathering had ballooned into a mini family reunion. People wanted front row seats to what they considered to be a shameful showing from the most envious Williamsons.

John had stay silent for most of the night, but he'd listened as people declared Evangeline's and Layla's choice in men to be punishment for the parents' hubris. He didn't understand why they tolerated such rudeness. Lisa and Robert did what they thought was best for their daughters, and now they were both successful independent women. Jealously was clearly the motivation for all the gossip.

Evangeline had just smiled patiently throughout it all. She told John that this would be the last time she'd subject their family to the envious parts of the family. If she'd known the gathering wasn't going to be small and intimate, they wouldn't have attended at all.

John told her he would hold her to her word, and he meant it. Now that James was in the picture, he wouldn't just sit idly by. He too would speak his mind, consequences be damned. He didn't play their games, and that only added fuel to the rumors. Evangeline and John would wait to share their happy news until after the extended family left.

"Hot enough for you in there?" Clay spoke from behind John. He had been trying to get some alone time with John, but the presence of the extra family made that difficult. When he noticed John step outside, he decided now was his chance to talk to him man to man.

"Something like that." John sipped a glass of unsweetened tea. He wished it was beer instead. He decided to stay sober in case Evangeline changed her mind about staying the night. John looked over at Clay. He was overprotective of Evangeline and Layla in his brother's stead. He acted tough, but it was just puffery to John. Neither woman was inexperienced in life, so they didn't need protection from the heartbreak or any of the other pitfalls of life.

"Anything I can do for you?" John chose to be direct. He was enjoying his alone time and he needed to deal with Clay quickly to get back to the solitude.

"I like that you're a straight shooter," he pulled an unlit cigar from inside his coat pocket and considered lighting it. "If you're going to be a straight shooter than I'll be one too." Clay tucked the unlit cigar back into his pocket. "You are not the man Lisa or my brother intended for Evangeline to end up with. The last time you were here I told you about the expectations that Evangeline had for herself, and you were good enough to remind me that Evangeline didn't need a man to take her anywhere in life. I agreed, but then you had to go and get her pregnant. You stole away some of her opportunities and now she's chained to Llanview for the sake of her child. She might be with you now, but she's not going to put up with anymore drama from you. I won't let that happen." Clay eyed John seriously.

John smirked. He wasn't surprised at Clay's outburst. He heard whispers throughout dinner about his relationship with Evangeline, but no one had been outright rude; at least not while he was around. "I respect you because of your relationship with Evangeline, but you are way out of line," John paused as he interrupted.

"Now you wait a minute. I promised my brother that I would look out for his daughters and that's exactly what I've done. I know the whole story, so let's cut the bull. You strung my niece along with another woman, and damn near left her to die at the hands of some crazy killer. She had to lie and shamefully hide her pregnancy because you didn't have your life together. Evangeline deserves better than you. For the life of me, I can't understand what she sees in you." Clay stepped in close to John. He wasn't shouting, but he didn't want his voice to carry and their conversation to be overheard.

"Evangeline and I have reconciled. Not some forgive and forget. I know that I hurt her, and I'm the one who has to live with, and so does she. Our relationship does not hinge on your approval or anyone else's. That's something that all of you seem to have forgotten. You don't know the whole story, so spare me the dramatics. Evangeline is a big girl, and she doesn't need you screening her romantic partners." The cold wind that flew between them wasn't enough to cool their heads. John had quickly reached his boiling point.

"I'm just looking out for her," Clay pointed an angry finger at John warily. He expected some pushback from John, but not like this. His boldness was irritating.

"That's just a broken record that you want to keep playing. You can't be watching out for her when you don't even know what you're watching out for. Do you even know your niece, or are you still bent on pushing her parents' will onto her?" If John had to hear another story about overly ambitious little Evangeline, he would snap for real. She wasn't just a little girl dreaming about a life she wanted. She was a fully-grown woman who was living the life she wanted. Her family had convinced themselves that she wanted more from life.

"I know my niece as well as I know my own children!" Clay was tired of John's resistance. All of Evangeline's other men had always been polite enough to ingratiate themselves to the family. Even if it was an act, Clay took it as a sign of respect. "She dreamed of being the president or a supreme court justice, not some cop's girlfriend. She dreamed of taking on the world, and, damnit, I'm going to make sure she does it."

"So, you don't know her at all then." John sipped his tea and set the glass down on the porch railing. "Being with me and having our child is not going to stop Evangeline from living her life exactly the way she wants to. Evangeline ended up in Llanview for a reason; one which you're too stubborn to understand. Lucky for me, that brought us together. Life ain't some fairytale, so there were some bumps along the way. We're together now, and that's not going to change no matter what you or anyone else says. Evangeline's dreams are mine and mine are hers. I'm not going to let you or anyone else guilt her into living a life other than the one she chooses."

"You're acting like Evangeline has given up on those dreams, but I see you as a minor detour. It's not too late for her to get back on the right career track. Those dreams that you're so disgusted by are not just her dreams, but also the dreams of her family and friends. She won't give up that life for you. I won't allow it."

John snatched up his glass and finished his tea with one last gulp. He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his coat. He'd entertained Clay for long enough, and he'd mostly been on his better behavior. The time was as good as any. "It's not up to you, and it never was. If you still think I'm wrong, you can ask Mrs. McBain about it." John brushed past him before letting him respond. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he needed to give Evangeline a heads up.

He found Evangeline inside sitting with her mother and Layla in the living room. Lisa was looking through old photo albums and both Evangeline and Layla looked tense. He couldn't imagine that she'd told her mother already, but he didn't understand the strained atmosphere. He listened in for a few moments and understood. Lisa was going on and on about Evangeline at a school function and how she'd won a writing contest about becoming the first female African American president. Her family was really pushing her toward that dream.

"Hey you." Evangeline finally noticed him and walked over to him. She kissed him gently on the cheek. "Where'd you slip off to? I was looking for you." Evangeline wanted to share the news to the family now that the setting was more intimate. She didn't need John for courage, but she wanted him there.

"I'm here now." John slipped his arm around her and pulled her in for a deeper kiss. "Hope I didn't miss anything."

"Nothing at all. Just mom bragging about her favorite daughter and reliving her favorite moments from Van's childhood." Layla was tired of listening to the same stories about her perfect sister year in and year out. She was experiencing her own success, but it wasn't what her family wanted for her. They brushed off her success as just another little bit of whimsy in her life. For the first time, she found a career she could be successful in, and she was actually putting her degree to good use. Without her mother's validation, she had a hard time being content.

"Don't start, Layla." Lisa snapped the book shut and set it on the coffee table. She hoped that she could change Evangeline's mind about staying in Llanview with a recap of her past.

Clay walked in huffing and pointing his finger angrily. It took him a few moments, but John's words had finally sunk in. "You married this clown."

"Um, what? Vange?" Layla looked to her sister for an explanation. They were closer now than they'd ever been before, but Evangeline still wasn't comfortable sharing the more important details of her life with Layla. It was probably because Layla had such a big mouth.

"John!" Exasperated, Evangeline looked over at him.

John simply shrugged and walked over to a chair and sat down. He could feel Lisa's and Clay's outrage and it upset him. The only person that was even slightly excited by the news was Layla. Evangeline had expected her to be upset that she wasn't invited, but she would be happy for her sister.

That they chose to hide their marriage for as long as they did was cause for people to be upset, but this was their happiness and they would share it in the manner they chose. They were in love and there was no reason to be ashamed about the way they chose to express their love for each other.

"Cookie, is this true? You and John are married now?" Lisa started to feel faint. She didn't feel like she really knew her daughter at all anymore.

Evangeline smiled widely and looked over at John. She could slap him for the way he delivered the news, but she knew her uncle had probably said something that pushed John to his limit. "Mom, Uncle Clay, Layla," Evangeline walked over to John and took his hand. "John and I are married. Back in September when we were away in San Francisco, we had a private ceremony. Neither of us was interested in a big, showy ceremony, but we will be having a party to celebrate our nuptials with our loved ones at the first of the year." Evangeline slipped her left hand down into her pocked and looked between her mother and uncle. They weren't pleased.

"I don't see a ring," Clay snapped quickly, but quickly had to back down. Evangeline pulled her hand from her pocket. The unmistakable gleam of precious stones caught Clay's eye. He sighed for having spoken too soon.

"Congratulations, girl." An excited Layla rushed over to her. The new carefree Evangeline was easier for her to relate to compared to the uptight, perfect sister whose shadow she used to live in. "This ring is absolutely gorgeous." She marveled at the ring and was impressed at John's good taste. "Guess it's official now. Welcome to the family, John."

John returned her enthusiasm with a genuine smile. Layla was direct like the rest of the family, but she had a kind heart. She hated John when she first came to town in defense of her sister. After putting that aside, she actually got to know him, and they were friendly now. She didn't try to dissect their relationship to make sure he was good enough for her sister, since she knew that wasn't her place.

"Excuse me," Lisa covered her mouth and rushed out of the room.

"I never expected this from you, Evangeline." Clay shook his head as he headed off to find Lisa.

"And Vange, welcome to my world." Layla kissed her on the cheek and pulled her into a hug. "I'm going to go find Cris and tell him the good news."

When Layla was out of sight, Evangeline sat down in Johns lap and rested her head against this chest.

"Hey," John stroked the top of her head to get her attention.

"What!" Evangeline didn't lift her head and spoke into his chest.

"I'm sorry, okay. I know you wanted your mom to hear it from you." He kissed her head and rubbed her back.

"No, it's on me. I should have told mom sooner. We shouldn't have waited." Evangeline felt a headache building as she thought about having to talk to her mother later. They'd only waited because Evangeline wanted to bask in wedding bliss without the negativity of her family. She hated that, again, her joyous occasion was a source of shame for her family. Her mother had at least been fiercely protective of her during the pregnancy. A secret marriage was just too much for her.

"Don't worry about it too much, you know. Maybe it takes some people a little time to warm up to the idea, but that's their problem and not ours. Don't you go apologizing for us choosing to do things in our own way. We've got a lot to celebrate, remember?" John snaked his arm around her side and rubbed her abdomen lovingly. "This time around we'll do it right. You'll have my full support and that of your closest friends and family. That's all we need."

Evangeline smile and put her hands over his. She knew she was more than just lucky. She was blessed. Evangeline sat up in his lap and touched her forehead to his. "This time around, I'm hoping for a little girl."

"Even if this isn't a girl, we've got five more tries right." John winked at her and hugged her to his chest. This new baby was a souvenir from the honeymoon, and both John and Evangeline had been excited.

"Yeah, we'll see." Evangeline wasn't opposed to having a lot of children, but she wouldn't decided on a set number. For now, they would get through this pregnancy before worry about the next. "I'm just going to let mom sleep on our good news. Let's go up to bed. I want to see my baby."

John allowed Evangeline to lead him up to her childhood bedroom. They put James to sleep earlier than normal. All the attention from the family had worn him out. That meant he'd be up extra early as well, but they were okay with that.

"He just keeps getting so big, John." Evangeline stroked his head gently. He was now sleeping through the night, so she didn't want to disturb him.

"I know. He's pretty amazing." John smiled at the sight of his firstborn. James was a talking and crawling machine. Dada was his first word and it was to Evangeline's chagrin. John just beamed like a proud father. It took a few weeks, but he said mama as his next word. Just last week, he started pulling himself up and standing on his own. He was so active, and it made John nervous. He was constantly checking to make sure the baby safeguards were in place.

"It won't be too long before we're starting again." Evangeline knew she was in for a challenge because she'd have two babies under two to raise. She was more excited than she was afraid. Every moment of motherhood had been a joy. She loved John and wanted as many children with him as her body could handle.

"We've just to got make sure we savor every minute then." John hugged her from behind. "Come on. Let's get you in to bed. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

* * *

Evangeline had expected to find her mother up and in the kitchen making breakfast when she came down with James. Instead, she came downstairs to an empty kitchen and her mother's car was gone. She fed James a bottle and some cereal before John took him for a walk around the neighborhood. She expected her mother to be back by the time they got back, and they could all to go breakfast as a family before she and John had to head back to Llanview.

After years of making fun of her mother for drinking decaffeinated coffee, Evangeline finally found an appreciation for the stuff. She missed caffeine and alcohol, so anything that was slightly like the real thing was a treat for her. Evangeline sat at the breakfast table catching up on the local news and didn't notice her mother's arrival.

"Cookie, I forgot to pick up your favorite blend. I wasn't sure if you were drinking coffee since you're still nursing." Lisa walked in carrying a couple of grocery bags.

"No, mom, this is fine." Evangeline hopped up to help her. She wondered how her mother would take the news of her second pregnancy if she reacted so poorly to her marriage announcement.

"I hated to get out in that crowd, but I had an errand to run." She'd actually been down at the church praying. In times of turmoil, she always found peace and guidance there.

"Were the crowds really bad? We were thinking of going out to get breakfast." Evangeline started to put away the few things her mother purchased. Evangeline knew she was out clearing her head. They still had tons of leftovers, so there hadn't been any reason for her to go out grocery shopping.

"If we wait a little while, I think people will be heading back home to enjoy the dinner they missed out on yesterday." Lisa started to fix herself a cup of coffee and wondered where the rest of the crowd was. "Where is everyone?"

"I think Layla and Cris are still in bed. John went for a walk and took James with him." Evangeline pulled out the creamer and milk for her mother.

"He should not have that baby out in the cold for no reason. Poor thing is going to catch a cold." Lisa sat down at the table and Evangeline joined her.

"It's part of their routine. John never keeps him out too long." Evangeline was encouraged by her mother's positive attitude. "Mom, we need to talk."

Lisa mustered a patient smile. She knew she needed to change her attitude, or she would push Evangeline away. "You are right about that. You've started living this secret life, and I don't know what or how I'm supposed to feel about it. I know that man hurt you, but now you have a child together. I wanted you to forgive him for James's sake, but I didn't think you would take him back into your bed. I didn't expect you to just give up on everything you've worked for."

"Mom, I appreciate the advice you gave me about John. You helped me to forgive him and move past my anger. You gave me clarity about what I really wanted and what I was really feeling." Evangeline hoped that her admission didn't disappoint her mother. She played a big role in their reconciliation, and she didn't even know it.

"What do you really want, Cookie, because I just don't know anymore. I keep pushing because that's what I thought you needed. I thought I was helping you, baby."

"That's my fault too." Evangeline reached out and touched Lisa's hand. "You and daddy sacrificed so much to give me and Layla this amazing life. For the longest time, I just wanted to make you guys happy, so that you wouldn't feel like it was all for nothing. I never really had my own dreams, so I was happy chasing yours. Being with Dennis and knowing that all of those dreams could really come true was a real eye opener for me. I didn't want that life, and I wanted to pursue my own dreams."

"Why didn't you tell me? When you ended things with Dennis, I knew something was going on, but you didn't want to talk about it. I didn't know you were so unhappy." Lisa scolded her for choosing to suffer in silence.

"Because, I didn't know what I wanted. I just knew what I didn't want. When I met John, it all started to become clear, but I was afraid and neither one of us was ready. I was just as responsible for the breakup as he was. When I found out I was pregnant, I really knew what I wanted. I wanted to be with John, but he had issues that I couldn't resolve for him. I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't going to wait around for him to have a moment of clarity. I was ready to move on with my life."

"Well something has obviously changed. You're not just together now. You're married." Lisa pushed Evangeline to tell her more. Before, John couldn't say words as simple as 'I love you.' Lisa needed to know that her daughter hadn't settled for a man who was emotionally crippled.

"John changed. On his own." Evangeline couldn't help but smile. She was proud of him facing his demons. "He wanted what I wanted, but he knew he had to fix himself first. We dealt with all the old issues. The other woman. Not being able to say love. His dead fiancée. There was a lot, but he didn't do it for me. He did it for himself."

"But why not tell your family that your relationship had improved? Why not tell us you were married until after the fact?" Lisa was more upset that she was continually left out of the loop.

"I love you guys, mom, but this had nothing to do with you. Any of you." That was partially the truth. If not for the family drama, they might have had a small ceremony for family only. "I'm happy to share the good news about my life, but I'm really not that close enough with most of the family to feel like it was necessary."

"Then why not tell me, your uncle, or your sister. Do you not consider yourself close with us either?" The pain that Lisa felt was real. She had a strained relationship with Layla that she was steadily improving. She didn't want to gain progress with one daughter and lose it with another.

"We didn't tell anyone until yesterday. I know you feel like it's personal, but it's not. We had a bad breakup, and it was easier for us to be together without everyone else adding their opinions. We made it work because we love each other. That was something we needed to do on our own"

"So, this is what you want then? You're completely happy with your life the way it is, so I shouldn't keep pushing you towards those old dreams." Lisa wasn't happy, but she understood. She would help Clay understand too. The rest of the family wasn't important.

"Mom, I've got so much on my plate right now. Yes, I'm happy, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop dreaming big. For now, I'm adjusting to my new life. John and I both are going to have to work hard to make sure we're still satisfied at work and that our children won't suffer. We love our careers, but our family comes first." Evangeline had intentionally dropped a clue about the second baby.

"You've got some plans in the works, though. You did say children." Lisa had been a mother for far too long to miss such an important detail.

"More children are definitely in our future, but it's also our reality." Evangeline was smiling again. She still had another seven months, but she was excited to meet her new baby. Watching her children learn and grow was one of the things that she was looking forward to the most. "We're having another baby."

"Honey, please tell me this is not why you married so quickly and secretly." The joy that Lisa was feeling was eclipsed by what she thought was carelessness.

"No, mom." Evangeline sighed. Her mother had come a long way, but there was still more work to be done. "We did it 'right' this time. Marriage and then baby. I'm due in June."

Lisa knew the family would definitely be gossiping over this latest news. Then she looked at Evangeline and saw something that she hadn't seen in a very long time. She was happy, and not just putting on smile for the crowd. Maybe it wasn't what she and Robert planned, but Evangeline was successful. She'd done it on her own terms, and that was the most important thing. "I know I overreacted before, but I'm happy for you, Evangeline. I'm glad that John is the man that you want him to be. He's a great father. I know you two will have a wonderful life together. Just please don't forget that I want to be a part of that life too."

"I won't forget, mommy. I promise." Evangeline reached across the table as much as she could and pulled her mother into a hug. "Thank you for all your love and support."

"Mama," James called out to Evangeline as soon as she was in eyesight.

Evangeline turned to see John and her son waiting in the doorway. John was holding him as best as he could, but James was struggling to get to Evangeline. "There's my big boy." Evangeline wiped away the tears that threatened to fall and walked over to them.

"We would have stayed out longer, but he was missing you." John passed him off to Evangeline but pulled her into a hug so he was holding them both close. "I was missing you too. Everything okay?" He kissed her forehead and glanced over at Lisa. They were in a loving embrace when he interrupted, but that didn't mean things were okay.

"Better than okay. I was just telling mom about her new grandchild. And, I was telling her about our happily ever after." She kissed her son and then John.

"Happily ever after? I like the sound of that." John saw Lisa smiling like proud mother over Evangeline's shoulder. Things really were going to be okay.


End file.
